Ascension Journals: Highs

The last few days were terrible. I felt like a trash. I allowed the hours to pass by surfing the web or talk to friends over the internet. I saw disappointed faces when I decline favors or break some orders the real people in power never dare to change. I was being paid to slack off. A few workstations away from me, colleagues toil to make ends meet. They fought for every scraps of workload to increase their output. They work to make a living, while I, made a living by appearing to be paying close attention to their performance.

And yet, despite my own evaluation, the picture being seen by others appear to be somewhat different from what I see. For the first time in ages, the team leaders from the morning shift never have to stay late for I always set-up my agents long before the morning officers hand over the accounts. The heated arguments ignited by an agent directly calling the attention of an erring agent disappeared after teaching everyone how to grab a screen shot of a conversation they question. They now all address their inquiries to me. Finally, despite spending hours browsing other websites instead of looking after our accounts, I haven't heard anything yet from the bosses. Even Mami Athena, who had probably recommended me for the job seemed satisfied with my work.

---

I have less than a month left to perform my duties before the real assistant team leader returns. After the turnover, I will go back to being one of the senior agents on the floor. The thrill of giving up the responsibilities overwhelm me. I'm once again on my own. But these very responsibilities entrusted to me are the same reasons why I am beginning to see my job and my workplace in a different light.

Before, I never bothered to reach out with my other colleagues. I had my own world apart from everyone. Now it seems that I have to be involved in their personal affairs to understand their well-being at work. Those who have kids are the most hardworking of them all. They know no rest and they never let any moneymaking opportunity slip from their fingers. One is a skinny lady in her forties. She has a kid studying in a university and another one in high school. Another is a single mother who has a two year old son. She would ask me to come with her during smoking breaks only to complain how hard life is nowadays. Another is a relative who has a son and a daughter studying in one of the most expensive schools in the city. He would be the first to complain as to why no one bothers to grant him additional accounts, but is among the highest earners from my team.

This assignment has given me generous opportunities to study different lives in a microscope. Everyone is different and their personal stories - their struggles and victories I discover everyday are enough to keep my habit of declaring a holiday on hold. It's like having your own Sims game only that instead of houses, their homes are their workstations. They have their own freewill to do what they want, but if their activities collide with the interests of the company, you, being the omniscient one assigns them things to do.

---

Today marks the end of the month. Much as I would like to receive a performance evaluation sheet - to really find out my strengths and failures; of the areas I need to improve; or how others really see my leadership, I'm afraid I will get none. But as a complement - that would perhaps crystallize the relationship I have with those in power - I was tapped yet again for another assignment which I have been doing since the beginning of time.

A frontman for the new accounts.

The shift ended with the boss highly grateful for the reliance I showed this evening. Not only was I able to generate a substantial earning (free of charge) for a very short period of time, the observations I have reported about the recently acquired service would serve as the framework that the other agents will follow until the client send their feedback to our center.

This account, if managed effectively might become our third largest sources of earnings in the months and years to come.

And I am glad I was the first to try it out as a Team Leader, Pioneer and as a Superoperator of the company.

The Boss says:


Galen you are mr reliable my friend


Galen says:


thanks boss


The Boss says:


i think kaya pa ng isa so keep it going muna at least for today


Galen says:


mukhang malaking service to boss
tuloy tuloy ang message eh.


The Boss says:


yes they are actually controlling it pa.
but in time it will be ours.

Between Ex Lovers

"Alam mu ang sinasbi ko sa sarili ko parati nun if I find sum1 who wont take advantage of my capacity to love bka un na ang true love ko. Ngayon naisip ko ok na rn sa akin if i dont get married i mean i want to be hapi with or without marriage. altho now i c myself not d marying type"

- text message, the ex-girlfriend

---

"Its still too early. One thing is for sure, when we grow old, im one of those who would be at your side."

- souljacker, a reply to the ex-girlfriend's text message.

Moonwalker

Arguably the most memorable feature, Sega takes the concept of the "smart bomb" or "screen zapper" and changes it to the form of dancing, in a special attack termed "Dance Magic". Once activated, a heavenly spotlight shines on the player, and the player starts to dance several of the high-energy moves that have become Jackson's hallmarks. All of the standard enemies - henchmen, gangsters, guards, robots - start dancing with the player and are destroyed at the end of the dance routine (ostensibly because they cannot keep up with Jackson's dance moves). However, bosses do not dance, but do take a significant amount of damage. Any captive children on-screen at the time Dance Magic is activated are not harmed.

- Wikipedia

---

Back in the days of console games, I used to spend the weekend in my aunt's place somewhere down south. There, my cousin and I would indulge ourselves with video games we could play on his Sega Console. Sonic the Hedgehog and Golden Axe were our favorites and as the early evening turns to late night, the only breaks we had were dinners (which were served at past seven) and the mandatory bedtime for my cousin which fell at nine.

Occasionally, boredom kept us from playing the same game over and over again. Even when my cousin had around thirty cartridges which his surgeon mom brought for him over the years, it wasn't enough to keep us busy. Resolving this monotony required that we swap games which the other kids in the neighborhood had. My cousin lives in a posh subdivision so finding someone who owned the same console he had was never a problem.

One video game that we found highly entertaining was Michael Jackson's Moonwalker. It was a kind of game where the goal was to beat up as many thugs as possible. Giving justifications to MJ's signature kicks and magical "stars" being thrown at the enemy was to rescue the children from the big boss. Every level also plays an instrumental version of MJ's popular songs from his Bad and Thriller albums.

The game wasn't really one of ours, but something we had acquired from a video game swap from one of my cousin's neighbors. We were able to finish all levels and even witness the Moonwalker transforming into a spaceship (or robot) to face the final boss. It maybe hard to recall the video game without the aid of Wikipedia now, but I still remember how my cousin and I laughed at MJ whenever he shouts "Woo" while performing an attack move against an enemy.

---

I woke up this morning having five text messages waiting to be read on my phone inbox. The first message was from a friend asking if the rumor about Michael Jackson was true. Apparently, someone from the internet started spreading news about him collapsing from a Heart Attack. The second, which was sent a few hours later was from another friend announcing MJ's death. The third, fourth and last merely echoed what the second text message wrote.

Reaching for the remote control lying on the floor, I turned on the television which is placed across my bed. Tuning to CNN revealed a developing story. On the Breaking News tab below the screen wrote the King of Pop is dead. The screen splashed images of people singing Michael Jackson's songs as the news anchor read reactions from other celebrities about the pop icon's sudden passing.

It's now seven in the evening. As Michael Jackson's death slowly sinks in the consciousness of everyone, his songs found their way into the sounds speakers on the floor. Such phenomenon, which I believe doesn't just happen in my office but on other workplaces as well must be the collective expression of sadness of a generation who basked at his stardom.

This must be their way of honoring a legend.

And like how I recall a nearly obscure Sega Genesis video game from my childhood, this is my way of mourning.

The King is dead. Long Live the King.

---

LONDON, England (CNN) -- Reclusive pop icon Michael Jackson will perform 10 concerts in London in July in what he described Thursday as a "final curtain call."

The summer shows, Jackson's first major live performances in 12 years, will take place at the 20,000-capacity O2 Arena from July 8.

Jackson, 50, appeared in front of fans and media at the venue Thursday to announce the "This Is It" shows.

"These will be my final shows performing in London. "This Is It" really means this is it," said Jackson, wearing a trademark black military-style jacket with sparkling embroidery and black sunglasses. Jackson blew kisses and saluted his fans as they chanted "Michael! Michael!"

"I'll be performing the songs my fans want to hear. I'll see you in July and I love you so much."


- cnn.com, Michael Jackson announces "curtain call" concerts
March 6, 2009

Games Some Men Play: Carrot and Stick

Single siya now. Last gf niya last july pa daw. He has a son pero wiz nga kasama. I dont know kasi kung what's on his mind. He texts everyday asking me kung okay ako, ganun.

We eat out after work out. Yesterday he gave me na his house number (I didn't ask), this saturday, samahan ko daw fencing class niya.

Ewan ko ba, I did that. I don't text him, he text me. Pag sinasabi ko feelings ko, all I get is "sus" or "umaarte na naman ako." Why can't he just say "no pare, di ako bading" divah?

---

A friend once said that "Men want it cold when it's hot, and hot when it's cold." The aphorism surfaced back in college at the height of my chick-hunting days. I cannot recall the reason for him to say those lines, but such fine words had a deep impact on me. It stuck, like a gum to a hair and every waking moment I gamble with my heart to win someone nowadays, the same words echo in my ear instinctively telling me how some men play their game.

One classic example was this guy I fell infatuated with many years back. He caught my attention after a fateful flirt conversation over Yahoo before I went to a birthday party. The next thing I knew, we were talking for hours over the phone. I even made several blog entries referred to him. We were on the verge of falling romantically with each other until he found my old photo on some gay social networking site. This discovery lead to a sudden fall out. The sweet conversations completely ceased and in its place were the sleazy text exchanges which lead to frequent verbal trippings on the phone.

I told a friend about my situation. I asked him why the crush kept me as a boytoy when he could have abandoned me at the time of our fall out. My friend explained that the crush is aware of my infatuation. I fed his ego by being his "yes man" without expecting anything in return. He added that as a consolation, he allowed me to become his lust reliever - someone he could fool around with without being emotionally attached to me. My friend's suggestion made me realize one aspect of manhood which I have nearly forgotten had it not for a crush applying the full force of its essence on me.

So Caladryl lang pala niya ako.

Learning was easy and in no time, I was already riding his trip. I responded as eagerly as I could whenever he tapped me for his needs. I was his kept man, and if not for the lack of place where we could do the deed, he could have filled my calls of the flesh as well. He could have been a fuck buddy and when our goal was finally sealed (we did it in a very public place) a sense of disengagement was at hand. He ceased his methods of harassment and as a response, I didn't include his number when I decided to switch sim cards.

The last time we saw each other, our eyes spoke of nothing about our past.

I suspect that my friend's dilemma (which he explained in detail this morning) stems from a fact that the apparent straight guy enjoys his presence. He cannot let go of my friend knowing that no one would rub his ego the way he does. I don't know if such friendly engagement (with overtly romantic tone) would lead to a score but if it does, separation and distance would be their sad conclusion.

In the game of International Politics, the carrot and stick technique is applied to get one thing from a nation in exchange for a little trade-off. In man to man affairs, carrot and stick governs the dominant from the submissive. When the submissive starts resisting the dominant, the dominant reacts by giving freebies to satisfy the usurper and put him back in place.

The cycle only ends when the submissive breaks off from the domination.

Knowing well the very power wielded by the stick, I ignore one's carrot when the cycle begins to overwhelm me.

Or when somebody else freely shows off his appetizing parsnip.

Hingahan

Kamusta ka na tol?

Ako heto buhay pa. Kababalik lang sa trabaho kaya't ngayon lang nakapagonline ulit. Pinutol kasi ang extension ng telepono sa bahay kaya pati internet ko ay damay. Binalak ko sana mag-pa install ng DSL kahapon kaso sabi ng Sky Cable, matatagalan pa bago magkaroon ng linya sa aming lugar.

Ayos naman ang ako. Medyo magulo, medyo senti. Pero sa bilis ng takbo ng oras, wala akong matandaan sa mga naging highlights ng buhay. Kagagaling ko lang pala sa sakit at masasabi kong hindi pa ako lubos na magaling. Paano kasi ay nagparamdam si Throatie at dahil nadala ako sa nangyari noong isang taon, ginawa ko ang lahat huwag lang lumala ang aking kondisyon. Natulog ako hanggang kaya antukin noong rest day. Tumungga ako ng tubig hanggang meron sa garapon. Umiwas ako sa mga balitang pampadurog-loob kasi alam kong may tama ito sa akin. Subalit ganun yata talaga. Hinahabol ako ng mga bagay na pilit ko iniiwasan.

Mahigit dalawang buwan na rin mula noong nagkaroon kami ng confrontation ng utol ko. Paano kasi ay ako na ang nagrerefer sa kanya ng trabaho, siya itong ayaw mag-apply. Kesyo hindi daw niya alam ang mga gawain o kaya naman ang daming shit na dahilan. Puta, parang kala mo lumalangoy kami sa pera. Kung sino pa ang mas maraming honors noong nag-aaral pa kami, siya itong pabaya ngayon. Ano ba ang makukuha niya sa pagiging aktibista? Hindi ba siya nahihiya na andami-daming desperadong makahanap ng trabaho na kasing edad niya? Wala naman magawa ang nanay namin. Siguro dahil guilty rin siya sa naging takbo ng buhay niya noon. Alam niyang kahit anong santong paspasan ang gawin sa utol ko, magrerebelde lang lalo ito pag kinalaban. Ako naman itong hingahan niya ng problema pag nagkukulang ng pera sa bahay. Isang buwan na rin kasing hindi dumarating ang kita namin sa family business. Nahihiya naman siyang humingi sa akin kaya pati yung mga maintenance niyang gamot, kelangan ko pang kulitin bago ipaalam sa akin ang kailangan.

Dude ang hirap ng ganito. Hindi ako makapagtake ng risk dahil kalkulado dapat lahat ng galaw ko. Gusto kong humanap ng extra income kaso hawak naman ako sa leeg ng trabaho. Sa trabaho naman, pakiramdam ko para akong basura. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang feedback ng mga boss sa pamamalakad ko. Mabuti pa noong rank and file lang ako, at least may gumagabay sa akin. Ngayong ako na ang gumagabay sa iba, pati sarili kong diskarte, kinukuwestyon ko. Ganun ba talaga maging isang leader? Nakalimutan ko na kasi eh. Di bale, isang buwan na lang at tapos na ang duty ko. Pinag-iisipan ko na nga kung paano ko gagamitin ang mga leaves ko eh. Paano kasi ay hindi na ako makapag-holiday ngayon.

Anim na araw na lang pala at tapos na ang buwan. Ambilis talaga. Ang nakakalungkot doon, parang walang nangyari sa akin. Tumigil ako sa pag-aaral dahil nawalan na rin ako ng gana magsulat. Tumigil ako sa pagseseryoso sa pag-ibig dahil libog lang naman ang kaya ibigay sa akin. Pati mindset ko sa pagkakaibigan, hindi ko alam kung ganun pa rin. Hindi ko makakailang may mga nagbago at ang mga pagbabagong ito ang siyang nagpapawalang-gana sa akin. Makulimlim ang buwan na paparating, pero sana naman, anuman ang ibato sa akin, ang mga karanasan at aral na natutunan ko sa mahabang panahon ang siyang maging gabay para makawala ako sa mga trouble na papasok,

Na hindi masyadong nagbabago ang tingin sa buhay.

Pasensya na parekoy sa pagiging emo. Ito talaga ang silbi ng blog ko.

Neda

A single death is a tragedy; a million death is statistics.

- Joseph Stalin

At 19:05 June 20th Place: Karegar Ave., at the corner crossing Khosravi St. and Salehi st. A young woman who was standing aside with her father watching the protests was shot by a basij member hiding on the rooftop of a civilian house. He had clear shot at the girl and could not miss her. However, he aimed straight her heart. I am a doctor, so I rushed to try to save her. But the impact of the gunshot was so fierce that the bullet had blasted inside the victim’s chest, and she died in less than 2 minutes. The protests were going on about 1 kilometers away in the main street and some of the protesting crowd were running from tear gass used among them, towards Salehi St. The film is shot by my friend who was standing beside me. Please let the world know

The world knows, and our voices are one.

Brotherhood: Encantos

Magpapatuloy pa sana ang kanyang pagpapaliwanag nang bigla itong tumingin sa direksyon ng kinahihigaan ni Bloiggster. Mukha yatang naalimpungatan ang aming El Tumbador. Dahil dito ay tuluyang naputol ang aming kuwentuhan.

"Patay na!" Bulong ko sa aking sarili.

Iyon ay dahil nasa kanyang mukha ang ebidensya ng aming kapraningnang ginawa habang siya ay natutulog. Ang kanyang pisngi ay may linya ng uling habang sa kanyang dibdib naman ay naroon pa rin ang bulaklak na aking inalay habang lahat kami ay kinukunan siya ng litrato.

Ang mga natirang gising ay yumuko at napatahimik. Guilty ang mga tiga Encantadia. Subalit ang Tsupaeng na siyang aming bangkero ay tahimik na tumayo, pumunta kung saan naroon ang kanyang bag upang kumuha ng pamunas at niyakap ang Bloiggster na buong akala namin ay umiiyak matapos madiskubre ang pang-aalipusta sa kanyang pagkatao. Dahan-dahang dinampi ni Tasya Pantasya ang isang malinis na T-shirt sa mukha ng bagong gising at pinakalma ito sa pamamagitan ng pakikipagusap dito. Matapos ang ilang minuto ay muling nahiga ang Bloiggster, marahil ay walang alam sa mga pangyayari ng madaling araw na iyon.

- Encantadia (Final Act), February 24, 2009

Had you known that it was me who put that stalk of flower on your chest, and had this devious idea of setting up a mini-funeral to grieve for being the first casualty - the El Tumbador - of that outing, the Encantos would have seen your kickboxing techniques - being used on me. You may also have frowned, had you known that I was the greatest proponent of the Bloiggster-Jaycee fans club - if such budding attachment had prospered. Instead, it became a disaster which could have torn the group apart. We may have known each other from the first Walang Mukha thread, but it was only early this year that we're able to finally meet and get acquainted.

And now that you're leaving again, I can't help but feel sorry that another chance to get close will be lost.

I will miss how you claim everyone to be your student. (You even told me that I could have been your "pupil" if I was fortunate enought to enroll at the prestigious schools you became affliated with) I will miss how you spoke about history like it was your life. (Makikipagdebate pa ako sa iyo sa World History, madaya ka!) We could have been gym buddies if I had access to your gym. It was your determination to work-out religiously that inspired me to go on - even when I already achieved my goals.

I will miss the general messages you send every morning and before you sleep, and for keeping us connected in ways that I only get to realize now.

Take care and may your happiness meet you there. Don't allow the kinky Indonesians to turn you into a butterfly.

We will always be here dude.

You will be our one and only sisthurette.

Brotherhood: Alliance

Matapos samahan ang aking nanay sa kanyang lakad sa Laguna, dali-dali akong lumuwas ng bahay upang magpakita sa isang birthday dinner kagabi. Naging taunan na rin ang pagkikitang ito simula nang buksan ng host ang pintuan ng kanyang apartment sa mga kaibigan sa blogspace.

---

Tatlong taon na rin ang nakaraan nang una kaming magtagpo sa G4M.

Headless picture na rin ang kanyang gamit na avatar noon. Palibhasa ay maganda ang katawan kaya naman kahit ako ay napahanga at naintimidate dito. Binasa ko ang kanyang profile. Ang nilalaman nito ay nagpatunay na may sense kausap ang may-ari ng account. Maangas man ang kanyang dating ngunit ramdam mong wala siyang hangin - sadyang confident lang siya't kaya niyang panindigan ito.

Dahil dito ay hinangad ko siyang maging kaibigan. Gusto kong matuto sa kanya.

Dinaan ko sa work-out at fitness ang pick-up lines upang makausap ang ginoo. Ito ay kung tama ang aking natatandaan. Maari rin kasing nag-usap kami tungkol sa kanyang kabubukas na blog na tungkol sa kanyang mga sex trippings. Nagkataon naman na may isang reader ng aking blog na trippings rin ang tema ng kanyang mga sinusulat. Akala ko pa nga ay iisang tao lang ang dalawa. Subalit nang malinawan akong iba ang gimik at writing styles nila, unti-unti kong inintroduce ang ginoo sa aking mundo sa blogspot.

Doon ay nakilala niya si Macoy.

Ang kanilang pagdating ay simula ng pagbabago ng pag-ikot ng mundo ng mga bloggers. Kung dati rati ay uso ang gay linggo sa pagsusulat ng mga entries at may reference sa Queer as Folk at Queer Eye for a Straight Guy ang tema ng mga blogs, ang mga tulad nila Macoy ang unang bumitaw sa stereotype. Ang pag-iintroduce rin ng aking kaibigan kay Macoy at ang sabayan nilang pagsusulat ng mga adventures ang nagbigay ng lakas ng loob sa ibang bloggers upang isulat ang kanilang trippings.

Dahil ako ang pinaka-maPR sa hanay nila, ako rin ang masipag makipag-eyeball upang itaas ang level ng aming samahan mula sa pagiging online barkada tungo sa mas higit na personal na pagkakaibigan. Una kong na meet si Hugh (paleground) at kasama si Hugh, kinita namin si Macoy. (darkbrokenredjars) Matapos ang matagumpay na eyeball, nagpasya kaming kitain ang taong bumuo ng grupo.

Observing their habits individually, there is indeed much more to M's mysterious appeal to H's boyish charms. T's wisdom, warmth and compassion can be compared to those of a sage. They may never reveal these traits, especially in their respective blog pages, but for a moment there, I felt a sense of brotherhood among the four of us.

- Faith, Hope Love (Act Three) April 6, 2007

Buwan ng Agosto nang una akong magpadala ng private message kay Kuya Trip. Dala ng pagiging pormal sa aking pakikitungo sa kanya, hinayaan kong tumagal ang aming ugnayang blogger hangga't hindi ko nakikita ang iba naming mga kasama. Marami na ang nagbago at dumami pa ang mga taong tumitingala sa kanyang kontribusyon sa blogspace.

At silang lahat ay dumating, naki-party at nagbigay pugay sa kanyang kaarawan kagabi.

---

Souljacker: Weeh! Tagal naman ni Macoy. May despedida pa kaming pupuntahan ni Smoke Dancer eh.

The Tripper: Nandiyan na daw siya, naliligaw lang. Nakalimutan ulit yung kalye namin.

Souljacker: Saan ba nanggaling yun. May dinate ba muna bago magpunta rito?

---

Mainit sa unit ni Tripper kaya't sa Deck Access namin napagpasyahang tumambay at magkuwentuhan. Matapos pa ang ilang minutong pag-iintay, nakita namin si Macoy na papaakyat na ng hagdan.

Souljacker: Naks ang hunk naman!! Ba't ang tagal mo?

Macoy: Galing pa akong Glorietta, ah Greenbelt pala. May kinita lang.

Souljacker: Wushoo!! May date ka lang eh.

Todo denial ang Macoy. Kaibigan lang daw yung mineet niya.

Nag-abot ng San Mig Light si Trip sa bagong dating, habang ako naman ay panay ang amoy ng t-shirt na suot ko pa kinaumagahan.

Souljacker: Kuya Trip ang baho ko na, pahiram naman ng damit.

Sa loob-loob ko, himala na lang kung magkasya sa akin ang damit ng aking pinaghihiraman.

Dumiretso ako ng banyo upang maghilamos ng mukha. Hawak ang itim na t-shirt na inabot sa akin pagkadating sa unit, pilit ko itong sinuot gaano man ito kaliit sa akin. Yun na daw ang pinakamalaki niyang small shirt, paalala niya sa akin.

"Swerte na lang kung hindi ako magmukhang suman dito." Matapos unatin pababa ang damit. Nagkasya ito sa akin.

Lumabas ako ng banyo na may ngiti sa mukha.



"Nagkasya ba?"

"Oo! At may blog entry na ako bukas!"

Nagpaalam kami ni Smoke Dancer na may dalang maliit na plastic bag sa aking kamay. Ang balikbayang si Macoy ay nag-abala pa pala ng isang Cadbury at Banana Republic na pabango upang ipasalubong sa akin.

The Market Crash Of June '07

"Tol nasaan ka na?" My phone was vibrating and this was the message sent to me by my contact.

"Nasa jeep na bro. Malapit na ako sa inyo." I sent back, in defiance of potential snatchers who might be in the jeep I was riding.

The clouds heaved with raindrops when I arrived at his place a few minutes later. It was past four o'clock in the afternoon and was weary from having to spend the previous hour searching for hook-ups in the chat room. Before me and my contact sealed our engagement, I was suppose to have an eyeball with someone, who for some reasons canceled our meeting at the last minute. Because of his sudden absence, I was left looking for ways to spend the time I set aside for our meeting.

My contact showed up at our agreed location after waiting for several minutes. He was sporting a red cap that made him look hotter than the headless body he revealed in cam earlier. He told me to follow him to his place a few apartments from where the jeep dropped me. When I arrived, our third wheel was already waiting.

We agreed during the chat conversation that it will be a free-for-all sex. It means anything could happen. Bearing the gains from my first Bath house experience, I was confident that I will not be rejected by my host. In fact, I even looked down on our third wheel for being too feminine. I saw him chatting on the computer to look for another guy to join our trip.

I dropped my bag under the dining table while my host returned to the smaller room to continue watching the Buzz. Meanwhile, I tried to reach out to our lanky third wheel but he seemed too preoccupied with his meat-hunting to even acknowledge my presence. As for me, it doesn't matter if the kid wasn't interested, the feeling was mutual and what I aimed for was to get the attention of our host.

As a token accommodation, I lighted a stick of Marlboro Lights offered to me by our third wheel. In between breaks from his chatting, he had hushed conversations with our host who was inside his ajared room. It appeared to me that they were already acquaintance before I came to the scene. I really wanted to mingle with them but since I came there for a hook-up, I decided to amuse myself by guessing what their next move would be.

They continued talking. The more the sound of their voices become softer, the more I felt the bond forming between them. I tried to take a peek at what they were doing, but their entwined bodies blocked my view. Their awkward head position made me more curious. Were they're starting the trip without me? I don't know. To satisfy my curiosity, I stood up from my chair and entered our host's room.

They were just talking.

"Ok ka lang diyan ha?" The host asked.

"Yup, ok lang ako..." Even if beads of sweat rolled over my face.

"Padating na yung isa pa nating kasama. Naliligo lang." He assured me, coldly.

I tried to keep my cool despite the overwhelming boredom. I could have told them that I'm backing out but the thrill of having multiple sex partners was too hard to resist. Those were my wild days and with my all-powering lust distracting me to think clearly, I was bent on finding a satisfying end to my business. However, the longer I waited for the action to begin, the more anxiety sets in. As for the host and the third wheel, they took advantage of the lull to get comfortable with one another.

How unfortunate that while I was waiting for them to get going, they were actually plotting my downfall.

After two hours of staring into nothingness, the fourth wheel arrived. In fairness, a toned, dark-skinned masculine kid was worth the wait. We were introduced, but I felt he wasn't interested. Meanwhile, the host asked us what do next. It was followed by the customary silence that often happens when three or more people engage in a sexual activity.

To those who are unfamiliar with threesomes and orgies, this is what you call the "testing the waters" phase. Everyone braces for the first person who will call the shots. In our case, the three of them seemed to get along well, while I, who waited hours was slowly being left out of the trio.

The lights were turned off and the dark-skinned guy began fondling the lanky kid. I set my attention to the host, who was a year older than me. He took off his shirt and I began playing with his nipples. He wasn't responding favorably to my advances, but instead was enviously looking at the two kids who made out like rabbits across the room.

When I was about to touch his cock he sighed and pushed me away. He then walked out from the scene. The two others ceased what they're doing and lights were turned on.

"Is there a problem?" I asked the host.

"Wait lang dude ha, kausapin ko lang yung isang friend ko." He answered without looking into my eyes.

There were soft murmurs after our brief pause, then after getting the opinion of the host, the lanky guy showed a text message to the the dark-skinned kid who was at that moment putting back his underwear.

Then there was silence...

...which served as the queue to execute a decision they already made when the host and the lanky kid were talking inside the other room earlier.

"Nood na lang ako sa inyong tatlo." The host announced.

"Ganun, bakit naman?" The moreno kid complained.

And then there was a long pause among the three of them. The host then looked at our third wheel's eyes, who at that time nodded to express his approval on what the host was about to say.

"Hindi ka namin bet tatlo." He told me straight.

"Sorry ha."

In one gulp, I swallowed everything that he said. I saw it coming with the way they were trying to alienate me while waiting for the moreno guy to arrive. Stubborn as it may seem, I insisted on getting a share of the fun. So I waited. In the end, I got nothing. Their decision was extremely harsh, but had I been in their shoes, I would have showed my hesitation towards a partner I don't trip. My only complain was they should at least have the balls to tell me their reservations before the grueling wait.

Defeated, I put on my undies, shorts and shirt without looking at the host and then quietly left his place bringing with me what remained of my pride. After he closed the door, I heard the two kids behind him giggling as the light in their room was switched off again.

It wasn't the end of my misery that day. For in my pathetic attempt to reclaim my confidence, I was also one way-ed by my next contact I met in the same chat room.

---

"Move on ka na..." bulong ko sa sarili habang pinag-iisipan kung ipopost ang entry na ito o hahayaang mabulok sa aking isipan. Dalawang taon na rin ang nakakaraan subalit tandang tanda ko pa ang mga pangyayari. Mapait, mapagpalaya, at higit sa lahat, naging susi ang encounter na ito upang baguhin ang pagtingin sa sarili. Natanggap ko ang aking mga limitasyon at natagpuan ang aking mga kahinaan. Kung may dahilan man kung bakit wala pa rin akong kumpyansa sa sarili sa kabila ng mga rejection na ginagawa ko sa iba, ito ang isa sa mga ugat noon.

Marami na rin ang mga nagbago matapos ang Market Crash. Higit na bumaba ang tingin ko sa mga chatroom habang tumaas ang kumpyansa na nakukuha ko sa pagbisi-bisita sa mga bathouse. Nabawasan man ang dalawang gawaing ito, subalit dala ko pa rin ang pangamba na maaring maulit muli ang nakaraan.

Kung noong isang taon ay tinatanong ko pa ang dahilan kung bakit ako nalaglag, ngayon ay malinaw na sa akin ang lahat. Plain and simple, hindi nila ako trip. Kung ako man, nawalan rin siguro ako ng gana kung makatapat ko ang taong hindi ko trip ikama.

Dalawang taon na ang nakalipas. Sa tagal ng panahong nagdaan ay hindi ko na rin matandaan ang mukha ng mga kasama ko. Maaring sila ay nakatambay sa chatroom sa mga oras na ito, o kaya naman ay nasa galaan at naghahanap ng booking. Hindi ko rin alam. Tiyak na hindi rin namin makikilala ang isa't isa, at kung sakaling matatandaan man nila ako, ako yung dugyutin na obese guy na inevict ni kuya sa isang threesome.

Siguro ay ito na ang huling beses na magbabanggit ako tungkol sa pangyayaring ito. Subalit, dumating man ang panahon na ako naman ang madulas at diretsahang magsabing "hindi kita trip" at maikuwento ko sa blog,

Alam niyo na dumaan rin ako sa ganitong humiliation at higit akong tumibay dahil dito.


Indeed, what goes around, will eventually, come around.

in the future, after it all happened.

The Space Man

The weightlessness did not make him bulge. Tethered to a cord made of space-age fabric, he carefully wades his way towards the aging machine. A tiny puncture from a runaway debris would leave him gasping for air. His blood will boil as life seeps out from his bulky suit.

Approaching the ancient object drifting above the earth, he needs to work in a clockwork fashion. Prolonged exposure to radiation will cease his vital organs to function. Unseen rays venting from the nearby sun will fry his body in milliseconds. The lonely satellite, hurled in orbit by dreamy men serve as their eye to the stars. Its prismatic lenses send images of gaseous bodies more enchanting that what the earth-bounds fancy in their lifetime.

Tranquility beckons,

After eight hours of meticulous hand movements to bring back a dying machine to life.

Overhead, the mute heavens scream of a billion sunsets. While down below, where the blue waters of Oceanus embrace the edges of Terra Firma; where whirly storm clouds gather to assault a reclusive island; where the planet's night side glows from the patchwork of lattices scattered across a continent; and where a single human person, in his moment of hopefulness looks up to the sky and see a glint of starlight reflected from hundred feet long solar panels of the International Space Station, one would understand the reason for coming back,





Floating halfway between heaven and earth is the real meaning of life.



Entry inspired by this news article:
Hubble astronaut sends first ever Twitter message from space to say he is 'enjoying the view'

Addiction

Because we are living in a simulation. Real life is on Sims 3

- Windows Live Messenger Shoutout



"Hello Von! Moogiebear says hi. Did you sleep well last night?"

"Yeah!"

"Great"

"So what's the first thing Von should do after getting out of bed?"

"Brush my teeth Moogiebear."

"Shhhhh.... Can you play outside the bedroom room. (Elric sleeping on the bed) I'm still sleeping for Sim's sake!


Von's Dad, Elric Finnell


Acapella at the sundeck

---

If my online presence significantly decreases in the coming days, blame it to Clyde Harper.

Ascension Journals: Caretaker Government

The Fourth Hour:

You walk across the isle to make your surprise rounds. As the Team Leader, your job is to ensure that everybody is attending to their respective accounts. It is not the case in your floor however. You catch some of your subordinates playing games online, while others preoccupy themselves updating their social networking sites or reading articles of interests instead of talking to their users. Instead of giving reprimands to their upfront slacking, you ignore their activities as you walk pass their cubicles. It's been a slow hour and the real supervisors don't usually make this unannounced rounds. As a temporary replacement, you are bound to follow the pattern of your superiors. Had you been in your subordinate's shoes, you would slack off the way they do.

It's been two weeks since this responsibility was entrusted to you. Diligence isn't your middle name, but so far, you have done what the bosses have asked. You are not really the leader they have expected, but hints point to a surge of trust they are beginning to reveal. Just the other week, your superior was forced to take a half-day's worth of work because of a worsening flu. For the rest of the shift, it was you manning the floor without anyone to consult your decisions.

Despite carrying your duties without much incidents, you are far from the ideal leader you envision yourself to be. Marred by old habits that are hard to kill, you spend most of the time surfing the internet instead of watching the volume of messages transferred to your center. You speak more to outsiders than to subordinates who sometimes end the shift without reaching their quotas. You seldom look after your colleague's performance, which, the person you had replaced would monitor all day.

If not for your knowledge and work experience in the accounts, sometimes I still wonder why did they pick you for this job.

Time is running out and there are so many things to prove. In less than month, the real assistant supervisor will return from her absence. You will be transferred back to your old post - the one your subordinates are assigned right now. And your leadership, would just be a blip in everyone's memory. This is how it feels when power is bounded by time. Much as you would like to change and leave an impression that nobody would ever forget, your presence is just a mere interlude,

Bound to end and be forgotten when your time of duty ends.

---

Ito yata ang first time na naging concerned ako sa output ng mga tao ko... I'm finally learning how to really lead.

- Twitter, 6:15 pm


Today marks my fourth year at work.

Command and Conquer

"Saan dito ang place mo?"

"Diyan lang, malapit lang..." My friend and I were walking double-paced towards the direction of Robinson's Manila.

"Ano ba kaya mo gawin?" He asked.

"Ikaw, ano ang trip mo?"

"Top ka ba o bottom?" He inquired without answering my question.

"Versa..." I replied after measuring my words carefully. Last night's conquest was different. I wanted to impale someone for a change.

"Ayos. Top ako pero trip ko subukan magpatira sa mas matigas sa akin." He was tapping his index finger on my shoulder to emphasize his point.

I met the guy at the bar earlier. He was with someone who had the built of a bouncer but acted more of a fairy princess. Looks wise, my prospect was average. He showed signs of lady-like behavior but in a bar packed with twinks and loud men, it was easy to ignore his soft movements. What turned me on aside from his constant ass brushing against my crotch was his high-bridged nose, fair flawed skin and broad shoulders that I kept biting when the two of us became dance partners on the ledge.

He would have been a good lay. Having companions on this night out did not keep me from reverting to my playful side. He was able to sneak behind my defenses and seduce me in such a manner that I won't be able to resist. His hand openly squeezed my crotch the whole time and it made my cock stiff. He made me so horny that when my companions were not looking, I decided to accept his invitation and finish what he started.

We arrived at his apartment which is a good two blocks away from the bar. While he was inserting the key to the door, my phone vibrated. It was one of my companions I left at the dance floor. He went out to look for me.

"Nasaan ka?"

"Nandito lang sa may Library may kausap na acquaintance." It was one hell of a lie. I could not bring myself to tell my companion that I'm about to make a score. Had he called a little later, it would be a challenge to pick up his call and make an excuse.

"Puntahan kita diyan." I was deadlocked for answers. If I told him to return to the dance floor, my cover would be exposed.

"Ako na lang punta sa iyo."

Abandoning my "new friend" would be rude and inappropriate. Though it was he who teased me at the bar and offered his place, I snapped at his bait and allowed him to toy with the idea that I'm game. I did respond to his advances by squeezing his butt cheeks and grinding my front against his behind. We were doing a frottage under the cover of other dancers on the ledge. Unfortunately for him, having this penchant for suddenly chickening out of a bed fight after seducing my adversary and giving all the impression of being a naughty partner remain a cruel pattern that needs to be changed.

The Maria Clara maneuver might have stemmed from past invitations that I declined out of petty reasons. It might have been a noble move for those advocating chastity, but had the sudden back-out been done to me, it must surely be a disappointment.

The presence of companions also had their part on weighing down my actions. We went to Malate to go clubbing and have fun. To fuck around wasn't really the ending we sought. Being the seasoned party boy among my new recruits, I was aware that I should set an example; that I could not revert back to the untamed Galen who never care a damn if he made out in public with his dance partner.

Had I went clubbing alone, things would have ended very differently.

I was already walking towards the bar when I realized that I haven't told my friend of my hasty retreat. Turning my head towards his direction, I saw him standing at the middle of the road. Perhaps wondering why I had to leave.

"Dude balik ako sa bar, my companion is waiting. Pasensya na." I went back to explain my situation.

"Sandali lang to, kahit wala na penetration." He insisted that we settle our score. Nobody likes getting suspended in mid-air, especially in things relating to releasing the urge.

"Dude ayoko ng quickie. Kapag nakipagsex ako sa iyo, asahan mong uumagahin tayo."

"Bakit matagal ka ba labasan?"

"Hindi. Pero sisiguraduhin ko na pagsasawaan muna kita." At the back of my head, all I could think of is that someone more deserving than this one night stand.

For him to allow me to leave, I gave my number in case I change my mind. After all, I still have a shot at getting laid when my companions decide to call it a night.

"Intay mu txt ko. Ako nagdala sa kanila eh. Kung ako lang magisa kanina pa kita kinantot" It was the teaser in me texting.

For some reasons, my companions figured out the conflict I was going through when I told them what had almost happened. Instead of prodding me to go back and get the deed done, one of them complained that he was starving. We ended our stay in Malate by eating Pares, Siomai and Lomi for breakfast below the LRT Station in Pedro Gil.

---

The sun was already peeking between the curtains. My companions have all arrived home after getting exhausted in the bar and this story have finally found its end.

The text messages sent tell that he is still waiting. He never paid attention to my suggestion to look for another lay before boarding the cab going home.

"Hanap ka na lang ibang ka-trip dude. Tumba yung tropa ko"

The one night stand I drilled into his head will never happen. Wasteful as it may seem, his lost is my gain. Having lived the cycle over and over again - of responding to someone's advances, of seducing that person until he gets the drift that I wanted it to be consummated elsewhere and then ending the deed with a bang only to lose the person after the steamy orgasm has become all too familiar to me.

Let others have my slice of cake,

for I already had my fill.

State

This is how we summarize the last thirteen days of the month.

When Last Song Syndrome Hits

Kasalanan ito ng mga boys sa morning shift. Palibhasa hati ang population ng straight at bading kaya anthem nila ito bago magsialisan sa floor.

Saint Rapper
PATAMBAY

Mga tambay lang kame sawa sa babae
Mga babaeng manloloko peneperahan lang kame
Kaya ngayon bakla na lang ang aming iibigin
Masarap magmahal ang bakla o kaysarap

[V1]

Sinasambul ang puso ko ay lagi ng sugatin
Sineseryoso ko baket ako iniiwanan
Kaya ngayon nagising na ko sa katotohanan
Na lolokohin lang kame ng mga kababaihan
Kaya ngayon napagpasyahan na bakla aking iibigin
At ipapadama ko ang himig ng aking dadamin
Sa kanya oo nga nga at hindi sa isang babae
Dahil ang puso ko ay kanilang sinabutahe
Para bang akoy isang laruan na kanilang tinatapakan
Pag katapos pagsawaan kanilang tatalikuran
It's so unfare kaya bakla na lang ang iibigin
Kaya ngayon pakinggan nyu para sa inyo itong awitin

Mga tambay lang kame sawa sa babae
Mga babaeng manloloko peneperahan lang kame
Kaya ngayon bakla na lang ang aming iibigin
Masarap magmahal ang bakla o kaysarap

[V2]

Hinanakit sa babae ang dahilan kung bakit
Nagmahal ako ng tulad nya kahit sya ay pangit
At di na pinagkait at sa akin hindi lumapit
Kaya hanggang ngayon virgin pa ang aking pwet
At alam ko namang wala akong kahati
Di ko sya mabubuntis pagkat pareho kami ng are
Grabe buong buhay nya ay sa akin binigay
Lahat lahat kanyang inalay basta wag akong mawalay
Di na kita iiwan kahit na ikay bakla
Bastat tiwala mo sa akin singkil lang ng tala
At totoong relasyon natin ay parang ginto mahal kita
Wag lang sana kong magkatulo

Mga tambay lang kame sawa sa babae
Mga babaeng manloloko peneperahan lang kame
Kaya ngayon bakla na lang ang aming iibigin
Masarap magmahal ang bakla o kaysarap

[V3]

Nasulat ko ang kantang to dahil sa galit
Pagkat sa tuwing nagmamahal puso koy napupunit
Ginawa ko naman ang lahat sa kanya lang inilaan
Binigay ang nais na luho patiya ay katawan
Pero kapalit nito isa pa lang kataksilan
At nagawa pa niya na ko pagtawanan
Kaya ngayon si lhenjack labis ang pagiyak
Puso koy parang nasagasaan ng limang milyong truck
Sa isip ko tumatak ang sakit na natamo
Kaya nag disisyon tuloy ang puso na laging bigo
Na bakla na lang ang iibigin ko
Di na ko masasaktan nagka pera pa ako

Mga tambay lang kame sawa sa babae
Mga babaeng manloloko peneperahan lang kame
Kaya ngayon bakla na lang ang aming iibigin
Masarap magmahal ang bakla o kaysarap

[V4]

Isang bakla ang iibigin habang buhay
Sa kanya ko lang inalay ang puso kong makulay
Sya ang nagbigay ng tawa at saya
Pag ibig kong ito sa kanya lang lumigaya
Kaysa sa gf ko na wala namang pake
Nagmahal ako sa kanya ng walang silbe
Kaya sa isang bakla ako ay nagmahal
Kahit sa ibang girl pagibig ko ay matumal
Kahit karumaldumal pa ang kanyang pagmumuka
Basta wag lang nya kong gawing ka awa awa
Kaya sa bigo sa mga babae dyan
Umibig ng bakla nakakalat lang yan dyan

Mga tambay lang kame sawa sa babae
Mga babaeng manloloko peneperahan lang kame
Kaya ngayon bakla na lang ang aming iibigin
Masarap magmahal ang bakla o kaysarap

[V5]

Ayoko ng umibig na kahit na sinu pa
Kasi ako sayo ay ok nat akoy sayo na
Bastat ang yong responsibility ay wag limutin
Wala kang ibang gagawin kundi akoy pasayahin
Ako sayo ay happy kasi lagi akong busog
Hindi mo ako ginugutom cause takot kang pabugbug
Sa buhay ko ikaw ang pumapapel na yaya
Pero kahit ganun hindi pagpapalit sa iba
Pero wag kang umasa na sakin ka makaisa
Bago tayo magtabi sa kama mag paopera
O diba hitech tayo ay modern na lover
Pagdumikit ka sakin sisigaw ako holdaper

Mga tambay lang kame sawa sa babae
Mga babaeng manloloko peneperahan lang kame
Kaya ngayon bakla na lang ang aming iibigin
Masarap magmahal ang bakla o kaysarap

ang pambansang bading

Postscript: I find the song offensive. Read the lyrics and you will know why.

Core Values

So I allowed myself to get drunk and wasted and then, after I had enough alcohol to last me a week, went to Malate to check the club scene on a Wednesday night. The dance floor was empty save for a small gay clan who decided to hold an event and partially fill the place up.

Swerving in all directions, I managed to find my way to the bathroom. Unfortunately, there were two men inside so I had to wait for my turn. A few minutes later and still they had not gone out. I took a peek at the mirror and the reflection revealed one guy bending over so his face could reach the other guy's midsection. Knowing what they were doing, I still barged in and disrupted their act for I really needed to take a leak.

I positioned my birdie on the urinal and told them to continue.

"Ano ba ginagawa namin?" Said the guy giving the oral.

"Nagchuchupaan kayo. Cool lang ako parekoy."

It didn't matter if they hump like rabbits in front of me. I was too scatterbrained to even get a boner. To be honest, I like the guy who's prick was being sucked. Joining them would be fun, but values insist that my way of getting laid requires that I do my act in private.

I could not blame the guy who I caught bending over. After all, he was a little chubby, had dark, flabby skin and acted undeniably effeminate. To practice restraint would never get him anywhere. Instead, he took advantage of the drunk guy and struck at a time when he was least able to resist.

A blow job is still a blow job.

Had it been my show, I will ensure the act is mutual. I would rather look for a private place (even at my own expense) so the consummation would never end as a lousy quickie.

"Sigurado ka nagchu-chupaan kami? Kala ko ba nakaihi ka na" His nearness forced my hands to grip birdie for dear life.

"Hindi ako maihi kanina eh. Ayos lang ako. Gawin mo yung trip niyo."

The cock intruder found my presence awkward so he left. The guy he was giving a job still positioned himself in front of the urinal apparently, waiting for his return.

After forcefully unloading the fluid that got stuck on my bladder, I went out of the bathroom only to find him waiting outside.

"Score one for me dude." Smiling, I pat his back for a job I will never do.

I reached for the switch and turned the lights off without looking back. They were already having a party long before I decided to crash it.












On my way to the bar counter, I spotted the guy's partner (the one receiving an oral) sitting on a stool patiently waiting for him to return.

Between Light And Shadows

Tripitaka: Monkey, how far is it to the Western Heaven, the abode of Buddha?

Wu-Kong: You can walk from the time of your youth till the time you grow old, and after that, till you become young again; and even after going through such a cycle a thousand times, you will still find it difficult to reach the place where you want to go. But when you perceive, by the resoluteness of your will, the Buddha-nature in all things, and when every one of your thoughts goes back to the fountain of your memory, that will be the time you arrive at Spirit Mountain.

- The Journey to the West, Opening Words to the novel, The Years of Rice and Salt.

Once There Was An Expedition - The Letdown

Classes will start a few days from now. I imagine seeing myself on the first day of school; walking at the corridor; my eyes fixed at the room number nailed on each door; and then waiting for the instructor to open the school year with colorful introductions.

Ah yes! The halls of my campus.

For three years, it has been my refuge from the monotony of office work. It breathed life in the way I express with words. It tampered creativity so it would grow beyond its box. It broke my confidence so it could raise me to a state of consciousness never before realize when I was under tutelage of the Dominican priests.

It would have been my last year in the land of the Maroons until I broke down and began doubting my way with words.

To heal wounds that were inflicted, I didn't submit the final requirement in my subject last semester.

Summer came. The blistering heat was replaced by the drenching monsoon. The trees might be singing but my lips were pursed.

UP Ikot Jeep

"Sir, I will try to revise my papers before the school year begins." I wrote in an email a few days before the deadline. It would have been easy to honor my promise. I could have asked for someone's assistance to do my work.

But somewhere along, inferiority has gotten into my head. I will never be the writer they wanted me to be.

So instead of moving forward, a reclusive retreat left me assessing my weakness.

I am not a reader of other works.
I always clamor for words. (and always lose them the moment I begin writing)
I am my worst critic. (and praise be, I rarely wrestle the blog entries from getting published)

An approaching slump threatened our fortune. I had to stop and pursue other callings which are better suited for a change of life. A blood-letting was required at work - the taskmaster will be having a baby. She needed to take a leave. I was asked to take over and seeing it as a duty rather than a promotion, I nodded at their request despite its effects on my expedition goals.

Uncertain of a future, I returned to the university a few weeks ago. I was hoping that a new subject would be offered, and that would fit in my schedule. There was none. The subjects needed to complete all found their places in the grading sheet. What was left was the non-fiction I abandoned last year, the language examination which I have to pass and off I go writing my thesis.

Which I am not prepared to embark at this point in time.

Classes will start in Diliman. I picture students in my head eager to go to class on the first day of school. They huddle at the middle of the corridor, staring at the room numbers nailed on each door and waiting for the instructor to open the school year with verdant salvos

- leaving a pockmark of paradise in each student's eyes.

Ah yes! The halls of my campus.

Defeated and on the verge of soul searching, it is the first time I will bow my head and accept my absence.

Some dreams will have to be delayed.

Hey You

Remember this?

if these are the so-called rooms, don't you think this should be under the Health & Fitness section - and not A/P?

In the first place why is it under A/P? because..... taga A/P kasi ang gumawa?

come on guys - be sensible enough when creating threads - if there are already similar thread in other "forums" - we can just paste a link there to direct A/P folks to the correct thread.

1 -> yeah sleazy things aren't welcome. but no need to bragg about your "dungeon master"

2 -> what is straight talk anyway?

3 -> uhuh -> another reason why this should be under Health & Fitness

4 -> gym bunnies? playboy bunnies?

Quote:
Gym experts: correct me kung may mali akong nasabi.

we have "gym experts"/gym coaches etc sa Health & Fitness - pati doctor meron din dun for sure!

we already have a "defunct Eclipse Gym thread" which during its last days the posts were merely lifted from another forum/website - come-on - save yourself some copy&paste effort a just give the guys a link.

if, what i fear, in this thread "someone" will post yet again - the rules, articles etc that pertains to a single gym's philosophy then why such a "Fitness & Work Out" thread - if the philosophy being posted is just for a single gym - which as i know is effective - but still the mainstream masses isn't aware of.

i dunno what your baseline is for creating this thread under A/P - but whatever it is - i hope your in the right track. for me - and only my opinion - this thread is an eye-sore for being under A/P - just for the sole purpose of - A/P folks created it and A/P folks will post in it. come on gay guys/gals don't have a specific need for workout - we workout just like any other straight guys out there. only dressed up a bit bizarre or are lifting lighter/heavier weights.

now - when i say this is an eye sore you might hit me back with - do those sleazy threads isnt an eye sore for you? well of course it is! but the thing is - those threads pertains to "homo acts" that are proliferating the gay scene - its okay for those thread in A/P - we are not PG here.

just my two cents.

- AP Fitness and Workout Thread, Pinoyexchange.com

It was the first time I saw what your worth is. Imagine, we're under the same forum, and belonged to the same group and the nerve of you to bitch-slap me like that? To think I was part of the core and had high praises the way you "tried" to make me feel welcome in that summer outing we had. Betcha dude, it made a huge impact. You've been judged the way you treat others.

I've known how you look down at people you find inferior. You can be cruel you know, especially when you have this impression that you're in the center of power. I've seen how you poked fun at others because of their looks - the same way others did the first time they met you. What goes around comes around as the saying goes. And when you found the group you "wanted" to join, malas mo, I am part of the core. You have been preceded the way you showed your attitude the last time we shared spaces.

I tried my best to overlook what you did. I even accepted their consensus to let you become part of us. The last time we saw each other, the accommodation I showed you was for real. Now to answer your question as to why you were driven out of the group. The answer is easy. Read your blog and twitter you'll find out.

It so happened that our values are so different, we actually never understood you. Here you are, sowing so many hatred and bitterness to those around you, while we (or most of us) struggle to embrace what life throws at us. We may brag about our exploits or by just merely being a buraot to each other, but we are hardcore dreamers. In the company of alcohol, we transcend the characters we play online. Now to give merits to our stand, I have a couple of questions for you:

Where were you when someone was in trouble? Wala.

Where were we when you had to deal with your issues? Pinuno told me he got tired of all your ramblings.

Masyado kang nega eh.

Now remember the last time you met a blogger? (the one you wrote a blog entry confessing your premature feelings for him because of a wretched vodka? He's one of us now fyi) Remember how you asked us for advice about your "first date" when in fact it was merely a lunch eyeball? Remember how you kept it a secret to the leader, knowing he was the one who advised you as to what to do? That, dude was the last straw. What keeps the group solid is our openness to each other. You, being a mere newbie showed them attitude that you already revealed to me. No wonder when they decided to cast you away, I just recalled the first time you crossed me (and how you hated anyone who's not as bitchy as you) and I know, the consensus is justified.

Look, we can handle identity issues but we're folksy dudes who couldn't stand prissyness among those we call brothers.

So you question the practices within? I wonder what. And I wonder too about the things you said to our blogger friends who heard your story last night. Tsk. tsk. My associates maybe elusive to gatherings but we hear many things you know. Bottom line is, we are not perfect. And if something really happened between you and him, don't brag about it to 30 or more people who doesn't know the guy. And don't fabricate stories which we could use against you.

The press release you said speaks a lot about your character.

Learn from the first time you crossed me. Reputation comes a very very long way.

And His Name Was Euphoria

Original Date Published: May 7, 2006




Because his, was such an extraordinary moment,
I have to write in order to free myself from the attachment.

---

If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew

- Chicane, No Ordinary Morning

---

It was already dawn. The sun was beginning to rise in the east turning the black sky into indigo blue. The air was relatively humid despite the fact that I'm lying on a big bed, in a suite somewhere inside Shangri-la Edsa Plaza Hotel. It was a sight to behold, the wooden, ornate fixtures were stuffs I could only see when I'm daydreaming. I could just close my eyes and play Chicane's "No Ordinary Morning" again and again inside my head.

Beside me was him, the guy I danced with at Government the night before. We were both half-naked. Nothing happened so far since he was terribly tired and drunk after dancing for hours and hours at the bar, while I was just waiting for things to happen. I told myself never to be aggressive this time - since this act is something way beyond my moral values.

It was like I am in a dream. I am neither the starlight nor the shadow I claim to be. I am beyond those personas I have created for myself. In fact, I think I was someone different, someone I wished to be. Someone I would like to be in the future. All night, he snored so loud that I wasn't able to sleep. Instead, I just contented myself hugging him and stroking his forehead and chest. After all, I think the reason he invited me in the first place is to have a companion, someone who would make him feel better. Sex, is just an extra perk.

Besides, after spending all these years being a follower to... I think I deserve to express this side of mine. It never happened before. Nobody has ever taken me to a plush suite in my entire life - except when my mother's sister would invite me to spend a vacation with her while she attends a conference in some faraway place away from home.

I guess this moment is something I would never have a chance to experience again.

When he woke up several hours later, he was in a rush. He said his colleagues would check him out anytime. So I asked him if I have to dress up already. He never said a word. Instead, I returned back to hugging him like someone unfamiliar yet so close to me. Soon, he put his arms around my head and started guiding me down...

...down to where the deed would surely have to happen.

---

The deed was done, and like the entire experience, it was something out of the ordinary. As it turns out, he was far more aggressive and dominant than what I have initially assumed. At first he thought that I am a top myself. But when I told him that I am not. It lead to something I rarely do nowadays. All that mattered to me was the experience - the moment. If the shadow was driven by hate and pain and the starlight was held by guilt and righteousness, this daydream persona never felt anything - only the lucidness of being somewhere between dreams and reality.

Before I left, we had a small talk. It happened because I showed him the entire contents of my pocket. He asked me why. I told him that since I am just a guest who slept over, might as well show him that I never took anything out, in case he might wonder. That small act of honesty which he appreciated lead to deeper conversations. Soon I was telling him about my life, my past and he told me a little about himself. He told me that he has a girlfriend; That I have confirmed he is a physician and that he is far older than what I have expected.

But his face and figure doesn't look like one.

He asked me what are my plans for the future. I told him that I am still in the process of figuring it out. Then he asked me if I am happy with my life. in which I said I am. Yet he replied that it appears that I am not. That his impression about me tells him that I am someone who likes to dwell in sadness, loves drama, and avoids the limelight. He told me that I am not happy and it shows, no matter how I try to hide it.

I kept smiling but the silence consumes me.

Because part of what he said was true.

He told me that the reason why he looks so young for his age is the fact that he thinks like a 13 year old; That he thinks of himself as handsome and appealing - which is true in many ways. He said that his secret in life is to be happy, whatever comes in his way. After all, happiness is what makes a person shine. Light mood makes a person content about himself.

We talked about a lot of things aside from that. I was even beginning to think that I was having a convesation with a philosopher who, after shagging me, freely gives his wisdom in return. He took my hands and brought me to the window. He showed me some bunch of trees at the back of the hotel and pointed at the lone Fire Tree that stands at the end of the pool. He said that the reason why the Fire Tree stands out among the rest is because it blooms with life. He then connected happiness with blooming and with life, which when I'm thinking right now, seems to have no connection at all. But whatever.

His last words were, " a happy person can appreciate such little difference like the beautiful fire tree and the rest of the non-blooming trees together with it, but only an extraordinary euphoric person could appreciate those non-blooming trees, more than the beautiful fire tree itself. So be happy always, don't clout your mind with negative thoughts."

And I remembered them word for word. No wonder he still fills my mind days after we met.

While we were talking, he gave me his number. I kept it, and he asked me to miss call him. But I told him that I am already low on battery and that I would just have to text him when I get home, which I did not do.

Tomorrow, he will about to leave for the south since he lives there all his life and whenever his thoughts surges in my mind, I am in constant turmoil whether to text him or not - just to say goodbye.

But our lives are meant to end this way, I know that. It was a daydream moment, and I want it to end that way, no matter how I wanted to hear from him again before he leaves. I just have to be happy that such moment with him ever happened...

So I hugged him tight for the very last time and told him how much I appreciate his company. This time, his aloofness was replaced by compassion. We never kissed, yet at that moment, I felt his soul closest to me.

I just hope that while in his slumber he felt mine closest to him while the song No Ordinary Morning plays on and on in my thoughts.

---

"We have met before..." His back was against the couch, his legs spread and his glass of beer on the table. We were at the second floor of the club, and he, unmindful of the revelers dancing to the beat of Pussycat Dolls down below.

"Where?" I asked, puzzled.

"At Government. Around three years ago."

"I can't remember meeting anyone who is a writer there?"

"Really?" His chinky eyes showed hints of disappointment.

"Maybe its because the higher the number, the lesser you remember." His cryptic remark was grudgingly recieved , but neither was he expecting I keep a special memory within.

"The only person I remember meeting at Club Goverment was a doctor."

"And what happened between you and the doctor." He asked, wittingly.

"Ummmm... Its a secret" I could not tell my new acquaintance that I spent the entire morning at his suite.

"Did he bring you somewhere in Edsa, In Shang-ri La perhaps?"

Despite showing signs of exhaustion from work and from barhopping that night, his mere mention of the hotel near Crossing left me frozen in my seat. With eyes gleaming, I realized that immortality beckons

And he was seating, with his arms on my shoulders, next to me.

Dahil Ang Tunay Na Bading

Ay nakakarelate sa usapan ng tunay na lalaki. Lolz

Manifesto ng Tunay na Lalake

1. Ang tunay na lalake ay di natutulog.

2. Ang tunay na lalake ay di nagte-text-back, maliban na lang kung papasahan ng load. Gayunpaman, laging malabo ang kanyang mga sagot.

3. Ang tunay na lalake ay laging may extra rice.

4. Ang tunay na lalake ay hindi vegetarian.

5. Ang tunay na lalake ay walang abs.

6. Ang tunay na lalake ay hindi sumasayaw.

7. Ang tunay na lalake ay umaamin ng pagkakamali sa kapwa tunay na lalake.

8. Ang tunay na lalake ay laging may tae sa brief.

9. Ang tunay na lalake ay di naghuhugas ng pinagkainan o nagliligpit ng kanyang mga
gamit dahil may babaeng gagawa noon para sa kanya. Mas lalong nagiging tunay ang
pagkalalake kung di niya kilala o di niya maalala ang pangalan ng babae.

10. Ang tunay na lalake ay di nagsisimba.

Ang magreklamo ng Male Chauvinism...


Tae.





Blog

Twisted Manila

I got a text message this morning.

"Uy Galen, kng may time k patawag naman meralco 16211 with service ID no 9XX-XXX wla kce ilaw mga 1hr na wawa zeki. Wla kce kmi phone. tnx."

It was from a colleague, a single mom, who lately became a confidant at work. She sought my assistance by asking me to call Meralco and find out the reason behind the blackout in their subdivision. They live in Tandang Sora. Though I strongly suspect that the culprit of the power interruption was the heavy downpour which inundated the city, I still dialed the electric company's number to find out.

"We will look into it sir. Please tell Ms [insert the name of colleague here] to expect power to be restored within an hour."

I was right. The call center agent from Meralco said that it was a downed electric post that caused the blackout.

The ruffle created by the hour-long power interruption was already a mere afterthought when I arrived at the office. The single mom was outside the building, smoking, and telling me that power was restored shortly after getting my text message. Meanwhile, as I read the online version of the Philippine Daily Inquirer in between monitoring the accounts this afternoon, I learned that the downed electric post referred to by the customer agent was the result of a strange unnatural disturbance the city has never experienced before.

"MANILA, Philippines – (UPDATE) More than 10 shanties were damaged when a brief twister hit an area of the University of the Philippines-Diliman campus in Quezon City on Thursday morning, police said.

Aside from the shanties which were damaged by the strong winds, tree branches and an electrical post also fell across the C.P. Garcia Ave in Barangay UP Campus, blocking the road to traffic, said Superintendent Oscar Palison, Anonas police station commander.

As of Thursday afternoon, the huge cement electrical post was not yet hauled off the road, which was near the corner of Magiting Street and C.P. Garcia Avenue, causing heavy traffic along C.P. Garcia Avenue, which connects Katipunan Avenue to the University Avenue and the Philcoa area, Palison said."

I've seen it being reported in the evening news twice. Splashed on the screen is an image of a narrow tube from the sky, dancing in mid-air and touching the ground as it spins toward the fringes of Manila Bay. A person who happens to be at the Baywalk during the wind's surprise Lambada would gape at its untamed beauty. The sight itself at a distance would be so breathtaking, many would aim their phone cameras to capture its dizzying rotation as it moves away from land.

As I go on reading the news, doubts begin to surface whether climate change has to do with the sudden presence of these small funnels. Should we get worried that as the weather pattern changes, the closer these ominous vortexes gobble up out homes? This morning, a weather disturbance smashed 10 hovels, uprooted ancient trees, knocked down an electric post and left an entire district powerless.

And it happened at the schoolyard of the largest university campus in Manila.

Just imagine the trail of destruction it would leave should the finger of god srikes a densely populated neighborhood instead? Imagine the death, tragedy and trauma it would wreck upon thousands of unsuspecting families who have never seen such tempest.

---

Twisters whirling in the outskirts of Manila are sights never before seen. The weather bureau never issues a tornado warning in the past.

We should be alarmed.

MANILA, Philippines -- The Philippine Geophysical, Atmospheric and Astronomical Services Administration (PAGASA) on Thursday warned the public of tornadoes during thunderstorms after two twisters were reported in different parts of the country.
Nathaniel Cruz, PAGASA deputy administrator, said the formation of tornadoes could not be predicted.
“They can appear very quickly and there is no way to predict where they would strike,”

---

Sources:

Twister Damages Houses, Downs Electric Post
Weather Bureau Issues Tornado Warning
Flickr

Scorpion Week - Epilogue

I am just human not to dwell on some far-flung fairy tales I still treasure, hoping that one of these days, such exchanges of affection would surge here on my blog.

It could have happened. Perhaps. Maybe. In some other alternate timeline.

A Chat Conversation:

---

Galen: Wooooiiii!!

Prospect X: Hey! Sup?

Galen: Heto wala lang medyo bored. Gawa mu?

Prospect X: Doing some things. Work related. Miss na kita dude.

Galen: Hehehehe.

Galen: Would you be doing something this week.

Prospect X: Wala naman. Dito lang ako sa dorm. Kain. Tulog. Ganun.

Galen: Woookie.

Prospect X: Bakit?

Galen: Puwede ba humingi ng favor sa iyo.

Prospect X: Ano yun Hon? LOL.

Galen: :D

Galen: Sleepover ka naman sa amin.

Prospect X: Huh? Serious ka ba dude?

Galen: Yup. Serious ako.

Prospect X: Bakit naman ininvite mo ako?

Galen: Mawawala yung utol ko for some project sa probinsya. Mag-isa ako sa bahay.

Galen: *sniff* *sniff*

Prospect X: Yun lang naman pala eh. Sige ba, malakas ka sa akin boss eh.

Galen: Yaaaay!!

Galen: Dala ka marami damit ha?

Prospect X: Akala ko ba sleep over lang?

Galen: One week mawawala kapatid ko eh..

Prospect X: Nagbibiro ka ba? Istir ka naman eh.

Galen: Hindi nga. Don't worry. Libre lahat.

Galen: Kahit masahe. ^_^

Prospect X: Nyahahahaha. Yan gusto ko sa iyo eh.

Prospect X: Takot ka sa Moomoo no?

Galen: Kuwentuhan kita ng Ghost Story makita mo.

Prospect X: Ayaw.

Prospect X: Hindi ko sure kung kaya ang one week huh?

Galen: Okay lang. Gusto ko lang ng kasama.

Galen: Kahit tulugan mo ako okay lang. Babantayan kita.

Prospect X: Hangsweeet!!

Prospect X: Bakit naman gusto mo magpasama, malaki ka na ah?

Galen: Malungkot mag-isa eh.

Prospect X: Okay lang ba sa family mo?

Galen: Mom ko sasamahan natin. Hehehe

Prospect X: Shit!! Mama's Boy ka rin?

Galen: Yup... Ikaw rin ba?

Prospect X: Uu.

Galen: Cool. Matutuwa sa iyo mom ko pag pinakilala kita.

Prospect X: Out ka ba?

Galen: Hindi. Pakilala kita as tropa.

Galen: Sabihin ko magpapasama ako.

Prospect X: Okay lang sa inyo yun?

Galen: Oo naman. Walang problema.

Prospect X: Paano yun may work ako?

Galen: Ako gigising sa iyo. Ihahatid pa kita sa sakayan ng jeep sa umaga.

Prospect X: Weh! Gagapangin mo lang ako eh.

Galen: Gusto mo naman eh. Hahahaha.

Prospect X: Uu.

Galen: Unlimited supply ang hugs ko!!!

Galen: Pati kisses!!

Prospect X: Ehehehehe.

Galen: Biceps ko ang yayakap sayo ng mahigpit na mahigpit.

Galen: Itatago kita sa ilalim ng kumot!!

Prospect X: Gusto ko yan!

Galen: Gusto ko rin yun. May niyayakap.

Prospect X: So honeymoon natin to? Hahaaaa

Galen: :)

Galen: Basta sisiguraduhin ko na safe ka sa piling ko

Prospect X: Awww.

Galen: Kasi secured rin ako kapag nandyan ka.

Prospect X: Awww. Nilalagam na tayo hon.

Galen: Pansin ko nga.

Prospect X: Okay lang ba kung may dala-dala akong work?

Galen: Tulungan pa kita eh.

Prospect X: Weeeeh.

Galen: Honga. Let's see. I'm at your disposal parekoy.

Galen: May cable TV ako sa room kung hindi ka makatulog.

Prospect X: Talaga?

Galen: Yup.

Galen: Kung gusto mo manood ng DVD. Meron rin ako.

Prospect X: Ah hindi. Dadalhin ko laptop ko. Nood tayo cartoons dun!

Galen: Anime?

Prospect X: Yup!

Galen: Weeeeeeeeeeee!! Mahilig ka ba sa foreign films na medyo indie?

Prospect X: Yup!

Galen: Apir! Magugustuhan mo mga collection ko!

Galen: O siya. Kitakits na lang tayo bukas. Kahit mga mp3s ko nakawin mo na rin.

Prospect X: Bukas? Hmmmm

Galen: Please...

Prospect X: Meron ka ba mga alternative, baka puro pop lang songs mo ah.

Galen: Name it, jazz, classic, chill-out rnb, indie, meron ako.

Prospect X: Yan.

Galen: Great. Soundtrip tayo. Senti na rin.

Galen: Basta don't worry, akong bahala sa provisions mo. Kargo kita.

Prospect X: Kahit wag na... gusto rin kita makasama.

Galen: Ako rin. Salamat ha.

Prospect X: No problem pare.

Galen: See you tomorrow hon.

Prospect X: Yeah. Kita tayo sa Gym mo. After shift.

Galen: Sige.

Galen: Goodnight. Tulog ka na ha?

Prospect X: Uu naman. Pagod ako eh.

Prospect X: Mwah!

Galen: Mwah!!

---

A storm signal was raised by the Pag-Asa that night. They said that the eye of the storm would pass by the city at around daybreak. I was young then, probably the same age as the youngest blogger who visits this portal. I was hoping dad would show up to protect us from the coming storm.

Unfortunately he couldn't make it. Being the boss of a flourishing media empire, he was required to look after his interests and entrusted the responsibility to me. Yeah, I was the man of the hour and I wasn't ready for it.

The wind howled. The earth trembled. Every gust of the tempest shook the house like the very walls which keep my room from the elements would be blown away. On the side shielded away from the wind shear, my mom and sister were tucked under the sheets. In my room, where the stormfront assembled a gale-force army against me, I mustered enough strength to stay up all night. Amidst the growing darkness suppressed by a lone candle I lit up after the lights went down, the only thing in my head was how to keep myself tough.

But underneath my shell, I felt I wasn't man enough to protect my loved ones.

And I longed to have an older brother who could protect me.

Ten years later, the same thought lingers when I am left alone to look after my loved ones. Armed with the same courage to stay up all night, I keep guard of the house while every soul within journeyed in their dreams.

Yet deep, deep down.

Where no one could ever find out how less of a man I still think I am.

I wish someone else is looking after me.

Someone tough enough to cover the inner cracks I could not conceal.

---

One week after she suddenly left, utol returned home last night and reunited with the family.

As for me, the Quiapo Incident was the turning point of the struggle. Confidence was regained after I soundly declined his tempting bait.




This is how the Scorpion Week ends.