Between Exes

Yet you still value the things you've lost the most. Because the things you've lost are still perfect in your head. They never rusted. They never broke. They are made of the memories you once had, which only grow rosier and brighter, day by day. They are made of the dreams of how wonderful things could have been and must never suffer the indignity of actually still existing. Of being real. Of having flaws. Of breaking and deteriorating.

Round and round I strode around the dining room, while the host laid down the place mats on the table. She was gorgeous and charming - like the last time we met. Sniffy the Terrier barked under the heirloom table. Still unused to my yearly presence, he sees me more of an intruder than an old friend.

There on the table was a Banana Cake. It crowned a ceramic plate. Golden brown and smooth as a cushion, the host boasted spending an entire afternoon baking the cake. Also on the table was a creamy pasta inside a Tupperware container. Probably a leftover from lunch. Despite the temptations of food and stories, my eyes trailed the sunlit portal leading to the balcony.

Shunned behind iron grills and glass sliding doors, the last rays of the crimson orb bathed the garden plants with natural light. I walked closer. Slower. As memory as old as a lifetime slowly blurred the line between now and before. 

I remember. I stood there in that same balcony, while the much younger host laid food on the table. The overcast heavens still heaved of rain as the passing cloudburst left the ground soaked, and the leaves moist with mountain-kissed teardrops. On the horizon was the sun, retreating behind the clouds, and into the evening. It allowed time a moment to recall. A small frog leaped behind pots of bleeding Caladiums, while stems of Mayanas swayed after being nudged by the playful breeze.

Soon, I heard my name called. It was time for snacks.

Now many years have passed, and the scenery outside had broken my orbit around the dining table. Without even asking permission, I took out the padlock binding the iron grills to the wall. With all my strength, I forced the door open. I even lifted the glass sliding door, whose wheels were derailed. Remembrance blinds the vision. I have to step foot outside. For in the garden - despite nearly forgotten - sums the blissful days I had spent with the host.

My ex-girlfriend.

Each careful step towards the balcony is like turning a page of our story. From the time I accompanied her when her boyfriend didn't show up, to our late night phone calls that lasted until daybreak. In-between were the movie dates, the showing-up-in-class late, with the wicked grin on our faces, the leadership training in Cavite, the confrontation at the beach, the ultimatum and the intervention of the best friend, to the silver bracelet I gave as a Christmas gift. There was the untold slipping to the rainbow side, the Christmas party where I hugged her tight, the break up by SMS and the revelation that I am...

Now leaning against the common side of the fence, we would talk about boys and heart matters like we were never once, a couple.

But I recall.

Looking around the garden, the pots of bloodied Caladium, whose heart-shaped leaves turn sideways against the sun. The Mayanas, once moist and lushful appeared wilting. Dried leaves were everywhere, the steel chairs unmoved. Beyond the balcony and the perimeter fence, the once rolling hills of West Fairview are now blocked by newly-constructed homes.

There's no more sight of farmlands.

We may never embrace the life we had - the ex and I - but with every hug, laughter and visit I do every Christmas - every time there is time - strengthens the bond we now have. The romantic ties maybe long gone, sometimes, even laughed at, but in its place thrives a deeper companionship that blooms, slowly, with age.

Only the things you no longer have will always be perfect.

The Efficiency and Perfection of the Lost

I Wrote This For You

Dense

It was one of those early mornings when you're obsessed over some job assignment that not a single soul can take you away from your occupation. 

Especially the people you have grown to brush off.

hi 

Spell d-e-a-d a-i-r?

punta ka lantern parade? 

One of those classic situations where persistence rewards the stubborn.

labo eh may work ako on that day 

kelan tayo kulitan? 

dunno work muna ako cecile 

suplada hmmpp byeeee 

Must gloss over your wicked, wicked nature.

pasensya na 

Apparently, she is gifted with boundless forgiveness.

hi hi hi 

joke lang 

sige work ka na para may pang gatas si junior natin 

mwa ha hahahaha 

Now mugen, back to what you're doing...

A few hours later...

byeeee 

oy mugs matulog ka na at dito matutulog na gud am :) 

im at work sabi ko nga sayo diba? :D

Swear, she's getting on my nerves. Angkulit!

wala na akong crush/love interest 

ung pinagtatyagaan ko landiin dito sa fb ayoko na effort-in hmmpp 

sleep na me byeeeee :) 

The barrage of replies would have resulted in a written altercation. But there and then, a flashback prevented me from sending a stabbing encore. A scene from my past life - when - I would confide to a best friend with a tinge of hesitation why a girl-friend would pay so much attention, (and sometimes sweetness) that it becomes a fodder for the ever-hungry campus-wide rumour mill.

"Hindi kaya..."

The male confidant would just smirk. Same unspeakable hunch that often leads to an awkward confrontation much, much later with the girl.

And then with a snap, I was back to the present, with my long lost self echoing the same reason.

"I'm really sorry..."

Wanting to extend my apology for the insensitivity, I sent a reply hoping it would suffice for the heartbreak I caused.

goodnight cecille. :D

But the damage has been done, and chances are, she would never speak to me again. Guilty of my transgressions, for not seeing what it was really all about, I deserve to recieve no reply.

Huling Biyahe

I spoke to a girl-friend. (read closeted fag hag kasi hindi niya alam ang sexual preference ko) on Facebook chat last night. The sexy, late-twenties school principal was the one I tried to pair with auto-fellatio boy a few months back. The pair somehow clicked, with the sexy school principal chick finding the boy interesting. The problem is, auto-fellatio boy fell in love with his Ford Fiesta. Ang issue pa nito, no-girlfriend since birth ang binata at mas effeminate pa kung kumilos sa akin. Our friends are beginning to question his sexuality tuloy.

Unfortunately, the boy didn't pay attention to the chick. Bad shot sa akin yun kapag nagkita kami sa reunion.  

Now the sexy school principal chick who bought her own Hyundai racer this week asked me if I pray a lot. Of course I said yes, ako na ang tambay ng Monasterio de San Jose habang nasa Canada ang Santo Papa. Akala ko pa naman na she would ask me to pray that her students bag the championship sa isang inter-school competition, but it turned out, she asked me to pray for another boy.

"Mugen naniniwala ka na meron tayong one great love?" She asked. Napaisip ako bigla.

Truth is, I had many crushes before. High school pa lang ay nanliligaw na ako ng babae. (in a pathetic way) Nung college naman ay pabling na ako ng slight, and in my early 20's, ang crush ay madalas kalandian. Kaya ngayon I dwell only at the present. I may have had thoughts about what ifs, but if one would look at my romantic history. I go full blast with my feelings until the other person says its time to go. So far hindi pa naman ako namaril ng ex sa SM Malls.

"I don't believe in that one great love at the beginning." I told her. "You realize it only when you have been together for a very long time." Siyempre impressed si babae.

Ang kuwento pala, the other boy and the sexy school principal chick dated three years ago. The boy asked her kung puwede daw ba maging sila, the chick declined. Sabi niya hindi pa siya ready. The boy moved on, met his next girlfriend and now break na sila. He tries renewing his bonds with the sexy principal chick at hetong si future fag hag naman ay biglang nabuhayan ng loob at tinawag siyang the "one great love."

Knowing my girl-friend's frustrations, I tried to be supportive with her in her quest to find that elusive love. Sabi ko pa nga, "sabihan mo na lang ako kung mapapakasal na kayo ha?" I'm sure kinilig si babae. Pangarap niya yun for a very long time. Pero ang laking gulat ko lang nang malaman ang buong storya.

The guy asked for her number. Dali-dali namang binigay ni sexy school principal chick. What I thought was a recent event happened na pala two weeks ago pa, and the boy all this time has not sent his first text message to my girl-friend. Kung gaano ako kabilis naging excited, ganun din ako kabilis nanlupaypay. Parang nilabasan lang ng tamod. As conventional wisdom goes, you find someone interesting, you reach out with a speed of light. Sa kanila yata, parang paasa lang ang nangyari.

I told the girl-friend what I felt. Sabi ko na kung may gusto ako, kaagad na tatawagan ko, makikipag-set ng date and who knows, the person might feel the same. Gusto ko sana gawing example si Baabaa, kaso baka lalong ma-depress si future fag hag kapag malaman niyang hindi ako straight. I assured her na as long as I'm around, I'd make sure she will end up with the right guy. Parang katulad na lang kay ex-girlfriend, I stalk her potential dates just to make sure hindi siya natatanso. 

To be honest, I really don't know what single girls who are approaching their thirties feel. Sa tinagal tagal kong umiikot ang mundo sa sangkabadingan, ngayon na lang ako nagre-reach out sa mga babaeng kaibigan na naging bahagi ng masayang buhay ko sa college. Kung hindi dahil sa isang conversation with a high school classmate ngayong gabi, I wouldn't fully understand why sexy school principal chick appeared a little aggressive in pursuing a guy - any guy - who she could get married soon.

"hay nako mugen ako pa tinanong mo hindi ako masaya sa buhay ko. ginagawa ko nalang kung ano role ko sa buhay." I asked the high school classmate if she's a single mom. Sabi niya hindi. Hirit ko naman masuwerte pa rin siya. Yung mga kilala kong single mom, ginagapang talaga ang mga anak nila. This is what she said to me. 

"ano bang mas maganda mging single parent o tumandang dalaga?" Biglang sumagi sa isip ko si sexy school principal chick. Kasama na dun si ex-girlfriend na pinagtatawanan ko pa habang kausap sa Facebook rin kagabi.

"eh 30 na tyo kamusta naman kung magka anak pko"

Somehow, I felt like an ass for being insensitive. Being surrounded with single moms who try to make both ends meet in such a way they would look a little desperate distorted my view. It prevented me from seeing the other side, yung side naman ng mga babae na gusto magkapamilya pero kailangang maghabol na sa biyahe.

"Parang gusto kong maniwala na all goodlooking guys are either taken or, umm gay." I once told someone.

If only I know a lot of nice, faithful straight single guys, I could have introduced them to my sexy single girl friends. Seryoso, gustong gusto ko maging masaya sila. Kaso sa mundong ginagalawan ko, these guys never exist.

Yung iba pa, makita lang na medyo maganda ang katawan mo sa DP, magtatanong kung puwede "makitambay" sa place mo.

And that story deserves another entry.

       

Epic Fail

It  is quite different when two strangers are genuinely interested to know one another. However,  frustration begins when only one shows attention and the other seems preoccupied with other things.

Day  three of the blind date arrangement and it appears that Fiesta Boy is losing steam.  Blame the mechanics for raising his doubts, but I guess his hesitation comes from having to use a pseudonym to introduce himself to the girl. 

I tried explaining the reasons, but he was always unavailable. On the first day, I sent him a text message after work to ask if he was still up. A reply came the following morning. Attempting to make contact, I asked what time does he arrive home at night.  

The boy stopped replying. 

This behavior only hints of one thing:  That Fiesta Boy has other things in his plate aside from searching for a date. There is no doubt that I have vested interest for such pairing. Beyond annoyance and derision, I  really want to see the guy settled. I  want to see him on our next reunion bringing his girlfriend along, and that girlfriend is a friend of mine.  

You may want to ask why involve myself when I should leave him to his own diskarte.

Truth is, Fiesta Boy hasn't been in a relationship - ever.  The first attempt he tried, the girl became close to me. Rumors started to circulate that I stole the girl from him,  which was taken away from us by another guy who got her pregnant. Anyway, as the years went by, his interests - in movies, poetry,  in religious stuff and his overt dislike of sports made him the target of speculation. Much as I would like to cover-up his tracks, his soft-spoken nature would always make me the much butcher between the two of us. And even if  I suspend my own gaydar, my verdict would be absolute.

Our friends are getting doubtful. Much to Fiesta Boy's denial, they also began to speculate as well.

While there is nothing wrong with our collective assumptions,  I prefer that he should stay where he belongs. Coming out now may further taint the image of the group, which was known in our college as a ruthless gay basher.  Besides, I do not know how a gentle, Soxy Topacio look alike would fare well in this life.  Much as  I would like to be an optimist, histories tell me otherwise.

In  the end, it's not only Fiesta Boy who got a problem.  Even the chick, which I would call Carmen Electra for  this entry began showing signs of out of character too. Perhaps I  have underestimated her urgency to find a date, that she sounded too assertive at times. Gone are the days when her conservative views back in college made her quite prudish in class.  Maybe its out of desperation. I prefer not to know.  

But when she insisted that I should just let them meet so they could discover if there's a spark on their first date - after she was told that Fiesta Boy drives a car - left a bad taste in my mouth. 

I have just been reminded why man to man blind dates hardly work.

Fiesta Boy has until Sunday to ask about Carmen Electra. If he fails to make his presence felt, I would assume he is not interested.  News of this botched blind date would reach the tropa in December.  By geek standards, Carmen Electra is pretty hot. With her chinky eyes, long curly hair, tall stature and slim figure, she's always a good catch.

Not to mention, she has her own school.

And if  the tropa continues to speculate about Fiesta Boy's sexuality and ask me about it. My answer will be plain and simple.

"He's not interested with girls.  What do you want me to think?" 

Classica (Extended Remix)

Let us paint a picture of a time long ago. When the world was young and the concrete boulevards so few. In a city that still sleeps. In a road less traveled glides a car of glamorous beauty. Its engine whirs from a distance. Its curves slope at the right angles. With three-tiered grills to impose its superiority and thick chrome bumpers to decree its luxury. With front and rear fenders bulging around the wheelbase and small round headlights defining its sophistication. The Chevrolet Fleetline was a car no other and in its heyday was the marque of royalty.

I was going to the office when I caught glimpse of this vintage parked at the inner driveway of the building. Smile creased around my face as I lay dazed at the visual delight in front of me. I have this thing with old cars that I could not explain. Certainly, being taken for a joyride never caught my fancy but seeing them cruising on a busy street together with its postmodern, highly urban counterparts is a guaranteed headturner.

Introduced in the late 40's, the Fleetline served as the flagship sedan of Chevrolet. Powered by a six cylinder solid valve engine and running at 90bhp horsepower, it was the top of the line at a time when the Philippines was enjoying its postwar boom. Put yourself in the shoes of a bygone illustrado taking it for a test drive along Dewey Boulevard as the sun sets at the bay. The pristine waters shimmer in the distance while a handful of city folk still bask along its shores. Turning left at Libertad going to Highway 54, the first tower blocks along Ayala looms as the speedster approaches Makati. Across the rolling hills of Mandaluyong and the vast plains of Ortigas, one might caught glimpse of the massive and circular Araneta Coliseum. Built in the 1950's, its searchlights point toward the sky calling everyone to watch the boxing match of the century.

Turning left once again at Aurora Boulevard, ( a street devoid of any reference in the annals of history) the Chevy rolls as it passes over tree-lined streets. It is past seven in the evening and while most families have just ended their evening prayers, the sedan arrives at your family estate in New Manila where it is parked under a Baroque inspired portico.

These vivid images play inside my head as I take pictures of the parked Chevy while its owner stands behind me. Like a sepia photograph trying to tell a story, it whispers the journeys it had taken and the owners it could have had. It tells of an honest businessman dropping his bratty children to school with the trusted mayordoma running behind them. It remembers a couple who used to be madly in love with each other, only to witness the husband invite another girl for a ride. This other girl, driven to some private room along FB Harrison spends the night with the guy. While the worried wife waits at home with her three-month old infant, ignorant of the dalliance forged by her two-timing husband.

It has seen street brawls, violent road mishaps and buildings being torn down to give way to new office blocks. It has lived life like a machine but its stories would struck a chord with the rest of humanity. The sedan has known sentimentality too well that as long as its engine runs and its owner finds a new buyer; as long as its tires find reason to wobble over paved roads and be admired by curious onlookers; as long as it gets a life extension by timeless restoration and passionate preservation,

The Chevrolet Fleetline will remain a stuff of legend that will be written on and on by souls from different ages enamored by its immortality.

Before Orosa | The College Jock Series

Blogger's Note: Looking for something to post, I rummaged my old word document files for insight. These files, which I kept from a time I was your average university dude are kept safe in my storage disk. They tell of a time of juvenile discoveries.

Preceding the age of online exploration and the final liberation at La Dida, (a Lesbian bar which O-Bar now occupies) the first entry talks about my straight night-out experience in Malate. The article, which was submitted for a group project was written in a rather traditional style of feature writing. It was left completely unedited for reasons you will eventually learn as you follow the other series.

It is my wish that you will find a connection with my younger voice, much like you have found one in my old one.






A One Night Stand at the Ground


It is already around 11:30 PM when we got there. Around the vicinity, there is silence but within the cramped streets of Juan Nakpil and Adriatico, the place is just beginning to flare up as more and more young people arrive in their sporty cars and from (sporty) taxis.

There are three ways to wind up your Saturday nights. The first is to go into a bar (with dancing nude girls or not) and get drunk then go home. The second is to go to disco houses, get wild, get ravy and go home in the morning and the third is go home and sleep. We chose the second.

It seems years have passed since the last time I went there, while my best buddy is having his first time. It seems like everything is still familiar – familiar people, familiar atmosphere; even the clothing is familiar. But as the night passes, we have realized we’re getting old.

We went to Common Ground the hang-out place I considered as my home. It is located at the heart of young Malate, fronting the Verve Room and at the top of Insomnia. Beside it and which is the entrance to the place is Gotham, the bar where the yuppies hang out to enjoy live bands.

Common Ground is truly a place to get wild. Absolutely, there are no live bands performing there. The room is very small (around 100 people is their capacity) yet sometimes, the place is packed with 200 people all raving to the tune of an Ibiza dance. The dance floor is unnoticeable as you could only see it during the day.

There are many ledges in the room – elevated platforms where some wild people dance, usually a columm or something that is higher than the ground. Sometimes, even the sofa and the tables become ledges too. Ledges are very important in a disco house because when the people become entranced with the dance, they will try to express themselves unconsciously and sometimes they tend to accidentally hit people with their hands. Sometimes, smaller rooms have an advantage because people usually dance when many other people dance. To fill the dance floor in no time, the room should be small, however, if the place is filled with too many people, especially when it is really hell out there someone would bog down because of exhaustion.

There are many other disco houses around the vicinity; the most notable of them is Art’s Venue, Suburbia, The Verve Room, Politixx and the infamous Insomnia. However, if you want some wild dancing within the budget, a good advice is to get inside Common Ground.

The entrance fee is only P150 with consumable drinks unlike with other disco houses where the entrance fees ranges from P200 – P400 with consumable drinks. When you enter Common Ground, the first thing you will see is Gotham Bar, where there is usually a live band performing. The place is great for light, jazz music but very awful when it comes to wild dancing: There are no flashing lights, there is no dance floor, there are no ledges and the worst thing is that the place is too big to invite everyone to dance.

Then there is a door that leads to the Common Ground itself. When there is a street party, trust me, you will never see the room because there are too many people. There is also a bar inside and right in front of it is the DJ’s booth. I tried to ask some questions from the DJ but I realized that it would be quite impractical because the party has begun and the sound is too loud to have a good chat.

Like all other bars, you would meet different kinds of people here; from gays to guys and to girls to T-birds, all of them trapped in this temporal sanctuary from the real world. One thing is obvious though, we have noticed that most of them are younger than us! It seems that most of the people here are only high school students who just want to have fun. It seems like this place is their playground before going to more, wilder disco houses.

The sounds are great. They usually play the favorites: Horny, Better Off Alone, Get get Down and many others. They never played that bubble – gum “Techno shit!” but I never noticed them playing pure trance music. By the way, trance music is a kind of dance music where the beat is almost continuous unlike in Ibiza and House music - the beat is pumping the stereo. However, they played some groove tunes and RnB sounds last night, which I (and some of them) really hated so much.

And like all other disco houses, this place has its own secret. It is not confirmed if people here uses “party drugs or ecstasy” to induce hyperactivity, but in some instances, there are some prostitutes (male and female) lingering in the place. If you want to have a free entrance, try to get in before 9:00 and just order an Ice Tea and you will be marked as a guest. I told you earlier that the entrance fee is P150 but trust me bro, you can order all the drinks they have there including Mule (which cost around P150 outside) and the legendary Sub Zero (that cost around P200 outside). Never satisfy yourself with Budweiser or SMB, go for the best.

We danced the whole night till our bodies could not endure anymore. We have satisfied ourselves even though great storms looms ahead before the semestral break. Someday, when all things are done, in the most festive of the nights, we would return to that place to reclaim the moon and the ecstasy of a one-night dance.




source

Eye On The Tiger (Episode Ten)

Dahil ang senti ay nakikipagkupalan rin.

[09:35] eltigre: Aga ko buoy
[09:35] knox galen: sipag ah
[09:35] knox galen: baket ka aga ngayon?
[09:35] eltigre: Sa gym
[09:35] knox galen: hah!
[09:35] eltigre: Ganda pa ng kuha ko hahaha
[09:35] knox galen: nagbago ng time slot si miyaw miyaw
[09:35] knox galen: patingin ng pic mong bago
[09:35] eltigre: E kasi hanggang 10 lang si parj
[09:35] knox galen: honga pala!
[09:35] knox galen: idol kita
[09:35] knox galen: patingen naman ng pic mo
[09:35] knox galen: daliii
[09:37] eltigre: Idol?
[09:37] eltigre: Nge pic lang ng gym yun nu sa fb
[09:37] knox galen: oo nagbabago ka ng time slot
[09:37] knox galen: para lang makapaggym
[09:37] knox galen: hahaha
[09:38] eltigre: Oo nman nu nag didiet na din ako e
[09:39] eltigre: Try lang parang maganda mag workoit sa umaga mas malakas pa
[09:39] knox galen: diet diet
[09:39] knox galen: ako ren makikigaya
[09:39] knox galen: lol
[09:39] knox galen: hiramin ko yung isang pic mo ha!
[09:41] eltigre: Anung pic
[09:41] knox galen: yung tiger

His picture is now my Twitter avatar.

[09:41] eltigre: Alam mo ulam ko?
[09:41] knox galen: anu?
[09:45] eltigre: A beautiful steamed tilapia
[09:49] knox galen: diet ka nga

Tamang tamang lunch para sa pusa.

[09:49] knox galen: san ka sa holy week?
[09:53] eltigre: Dito hanggang thursday
[09:53] eltigre: Friday nueva
[09:53] knox galen: so magbibisita iglesia ka?
[09:54] eltigre: Hindi bisita cementerio

Naka-score siya dun ah!

[12:13] eltigre: badtrip kanina me ahole
[12:14] knox galen: bakit?
[12:14] knox galen: anong ginawa
[12:15] eltigre: kupal e pagsakay ko sa elavator
[12:15] eltigre: pinidot ko 8
[12:15] knox galen: tapos?
[12:15] eltigre: sabi ba naman 5th floor
[12:15] eltigre: anu ko operator tae nya
[12:16] eltigre: sabi ko a hole ka pala e
[12:17] knox galen: angas amp
[12:17] knox galen: tapos?
[12:17] eltigre: wala edi sya pumindot
[12:17] eltigre: sabi ko ahole lang
[12:18] knox galen: lalaki yan?
[12:18] knox galen: babae?
[12:20] eltigre: lalake
[12:20] eltigre: kung babae di naman ako ganun ka bastos
[12:20] knox galen: gago yun ah
[12:20] knox galen: tamad
[12:20] knox galen: dapat sinapak mo
[12:20] knox galen: nakakalalaki eh
[12:20] eltigre: parang muka ba akong operator
[12:20] eltigre: di naman siguro
[12:20] knox galen: tara puntahan ko mamaya
[12:20] knox galen: abangan natin

Kala mo kung sinong maangas, pero ambait bait naman kapag nakikita mo sa gym.

[12:25] eltigre: me bago na akong bestfriend
[12:25] eltigre: sa gym
[12:25] knox galen: sino?
[12:26] eltigre: ang mga kettlebells
[12:26] knox galen: hahaha
[12:26] knox galen: ako ren
[12:26] knox galen: friends ko sila

Yeah right, kakaturo lang sa akin kahapon ng dumbell row. Matagal pa bago ko maging bestfriend sina kettlebells.

[12:48] knox galen: kumain ka na ng tilapia?
[12:49] eltigre: di pa
[12:49] eltigre: fruits and eggs lang
[12:49] eltigre: for now
[12:49] eltigre: lunch yun e
[12:49] knox galen: cobra lang ako buong araw
[12:49] knox galen: hopefully
[12:50] knox galen: menudo dinner mamaya sa bahay
[12:50] knox galen: hahaha
[12:50] knox galen: with fried egg
[12:50] eltigre: bkit
[12:50] eltigre: ahhahaa
[12:50] eltigre: iw
[12:50] eltigre: fried
[12:50] knox galen: arte mu
[12:50] knox galen: kumakain ka rin naman ng itlog ah!

Sa totoo, ibang itlog ang nasa isip ko. Pero ayaw kong mag-imagine.

More than a year ko na kilala si El Tigre. Hanggang ngayon ay wala pa rin idea ang mokong tungkol sa akin. The bond is there. Hindi na siya nag-aangas gaya ng dati. Tinanggap na rin niya na siya si Miyaw-Miyaw. And when I thought he didn't care - kung anumang care yun - a few weeks ago, nagkakaabot kami sa gym dahil naging graveyard shift ako. Simpleng horseplay lang bago pumasok sa work at solb na ako sa pang-aasar. (libre pisil sa braso yun. Parang ako walang biceps. Hahaha!) The next gym day after I resumed my normal schedule. Nagtext ng ewan ang pusa.

"Di ka gym. Aga ko pa naman."

Hangsweet! Nilanggam ako sa Cubao.

Crossroads

And so I close the month of February rekindling ancient bonds with a straight past.

Napagdesisyunan ko ang dumalaw kina ex-girlfriend kanina matapos ang trabaho. Matagal na namin balak magkita. Hindi lang magtugma ang aming oras. Subalit dahil usapan na ang meet-up noong isang linggo, at dahil medyo malungkot si ex matapos mag-resign sa trabaho, naisip kong bumisita at i-console ang matalik kong kaibigan.

Bitbit ang isang itlog, dumating ako sa kanilang bahay tiyempong palubog ang araw. Tahimik ang paligid. Ang simoy ng hangin ay pinagsamang sinusunog na mga dahon at singaw galing bundok. Nagpabili siya ng itlog para sa cookies na aming meryenda. Ganun naman madalas, naghahanda siya ng espesyal na pagkain tuwing ako ay bumibisita. Sabi niya, ako lang daw kasi ang may tiyagang kumain ng mga ginagawa niya.

Masarap ang oatmeal cookies, lalo na kung may kasama itong Apple Fillings na ginawa naman ng kanyang nanay. Sa dinner table kung saan ang aming tambayan - kahit nung kami pa - dun kami nag-catch up sa aming mga buhay-buhay. Isang dekada na ang lumipas, ngunit ang openness namin sa isa't isa ay hindi pa rin nagbabago.

Nagpaalam ako kay ex-girlfriend pasado alas-sais. Magpapasama sana akong magsimba subalit walang kasama ang kanyang nanay kaya't hindi ito makalabas ng bahay. Nagpabaon siya ng prayer book at dilaw na rosaryo para sa aking ina. Nagbigay rin ng banal na libro ang kanyang mama at sinabing basahin ko raw ito. Bago umalis ay ginawan ko siya ng fitness program dahil balak daw niyang ang mag-gym. Matapos ang picture taking, hinatid niya ako sa may gate ng kanilang bahay. Isang mahigpit na yakap ang sinukli ko sa mga magagandang alaala bago maglakad papalayo sa kanyang kinatatayuan.

While culling the memory of the ex-boyfriend to let it remain a bad dream.

Nakatulog ako pagdating sa bahay.

Hindi ko man matandaan ang mga detalye, alam kong ang aking panaginip ay nakasentro kay ex boyfriend. Gaya ng mga sinaunang bangungot tungkol sa kanya, para siyang isang multong pilit nakikipagbalikan sa akin.

Ako naman ang layo ng layo. Tila takot na takot na para bang ayaw lumapit sa nakaraan. Umiiwas akong kami ay magkausap - gaya ng ginagawa ko sa totoong buhay.

Meanwhile, the arrival of a new guy on the eve of the new month may tip the balance between the past and the present. Learning the lessons of online attraction, I don't hope for the flowers.

"Busy ka siguro.
Sleep na 'ko.
Alam mo, interesado ako sa iyo.
Goodnight, J!"

The Golden Age Of Puppy Love (First Part)

The months rolled by without us ever feeling its passing. It was the middle of February and Valentines was fast approaching. Her arrival was never expected. After years of trial and error - and then finally accepting that I'd never have a girlfriend before leaving the university, my first relationship would turn out to be with a best friend.

A best friend.

But the Faculty thought ours was a mere publicity stunt. She belonged to a rival alliance of political parties while I was a Secretary General of the ruling party. Our affiliates welcomed the untimely union with hushed sighs. The student council elections will be held in a month and elders like us were needed by the party to herd their younger members. There was no time to fall in love. Though words of protestations never fell on our sensitive ears, our guts tell that to be seen in public - together - was a security risk. Each party keeps a hidden agenda to sway the undecided voters, and they feared it might be leaked - carelessly - to its arch-rival through our cheesy encounters.

Meanwhile, the class saw us as a celebrity couple. I was their class president, while she ran for office as a society president and got lost. You see, she never got a single vote from the seniors - not even from me. Her rival was more credible and the person behind her coalition reeked of dishonesty. Had I known the depth of distrust my class felt against their leader, I would have urged her to run for the vice-presidency instead. But it was too late. Hurtful words flew as one of their intoxicated candidate laid unconscious in the emergency room. Divisions among classmates were settled, but the verbal clash triggered our month-long bitter feud.

The events of that night happened three months before we became us.

The love-hate relationship with my best friend was well documented, annotated and sometimes even recycled to feed the starving grapevine. With her conniving bff covering our tracks, the distinguished members of the rumor mill (which were all loveless) deciphered our every move as a milestone leading to a "development." It meant that the movie hang-outs we did during summer were seen as dates, the harmless telebabad nights (including a week she allayed my fears after blasting Miriam Defensor Santiago on a smut tabloid) as hints of extraordinary closeness, and my visits to her house in Lagro being an obvious crossing of the line. The news spreading around didn't alarm me. My tropa didn't even believe I was capable of such moves, but she got affected by our growing attachment. The more I showed sweetness, the more she paid attention to my needs. We were sending text messages to each other - as friends - but I never thought she will see every word I said laced with meanings. Now that I truly understand what happened, it was peer pressure which lead to our first confrontation.

The events were too embarrassing to recall, but this is what I remember. We were in a beach resort in Cavite for a faculty-sponsored leadership training. She thought I wouldn't come, but last minute changes meant a replacement of political party representatives. Her eyes glowed the moment she saw me. Despite the overcast skies, her entire afternoon was full of sunshine. When evening came, she thought we would have our time together. But I had other plans. I went to the leadership training to do business. Ignoring her became the burning fuse that would lead to her growing frustration.

I remember being excused from the dinner table; the meeting on the beach; the sudden drizzle which forced us to find shelter under the awnings of a cottage; the pitch black horizon; the madness in the clouds; the furious waves ravaging the shore; and a council meeting being held in the clubhouse while we were arguing about the future of our friendship.

"Eh kung sa tingin mo eh higit pa tayo sa mag-kaibigan, eh ano tayo?" She asked in a crackled voice.

"Hindi ko alam..." I was confused. Truth was, my feelings for her never went beyond friendship.

She decided not to push the issue further. After briefly holding each other's hand, we returned to our respective parties with feelings unresolved. It was the stormy month of June.

Five months before we became a couple.

-tobecontinued-

The Chickboy Strain

Anim kaming lalaki sa barkada. Ang una ay pumanaw na ngunit nag-iwan ito ng biyuda at isang anak na lalaki. Ang pangalawa ay sinamahan ko manligaw sa isang ka-trabaho three years ago. Ngayon ay engaged na sila at sa December ang kasal. Ang ikatlo ay napabalitang nagkaroon ng affair sa isang may asawa. Alam naming tsismis lang ang lahat. Ang ikaapat ang tinagurian naming perfect bachelor. Palibhasa'y tall, dark and handsome at maganda ang propesyon kaya madaling nakaka-hook up ng mga babae. Ang ikalima ay hindi pa nagkakaroon ng girlfriend simula pagkabata. Marami ang naghihinala na isa siyang tagong bading. Ang ikaanim ang opisyal na bading sa grupo. Ngunit dahil tigasin itong kumilos, paniwala ng barkada ay confused lang ito.

Kung alam lang nila ang buong katotohanan.

Minsan ay napadalaw sa bahay si pangalawa upang hiramin ang college album ng barkada. Kasama niya si fiancée at mukhang galing sa date ang dalawa. Napag-usapan si ex-girlfriend at ang bulung-bulungang closeness naming dalawa. Sabi ko ay pawang harutan lang yun. Alam naman niyang hindi ako straight. Kung malalim man ang pinagsamahan namin, iyon ay dahil higit sa pagiging girlfriend ay naging magbestfriend kami. Ang pag-ibig ay nadevelop hindi dahil sa physical attraction kundi dahil sa companionship na inoffer namin sa isa't-isa.

Napunta ang usapan sa isang katropa na kahit kailan ay hindi nagkaroon ng girlfriend. Palibhasa'y masyado itong "soft-spoken" kaya hinala ng lahat ay nagtatago ito sa closet. Hindi rin nakatulong ang kanyang pagiging movie buff at pagiging madikitin sa mga babae. Sablay rin ito sa diskarteng panliligaw. Napabalitang binigyan ito ng blind date noon ng isa naming kaibigan. Subalit dahil walang maikuwentong may sense ang binata, nagtinginan lang sa dinner table ang dalawa.

Ipinaliwanag ko kay ikalawa ang kahinaan ni ikalima. Una sa lahat, naghahanap ang babae ng security sa company ng isang lalaki. Mabigo ang lalaki sa pagbibigay nito at tiyak na matu turn-off ang babae. Sumang-ayon sa akin ang kanyang fiancée. Sa kaso ni ikalima na horizontally at vertically challenged, ang kanyang pagiging soft-spoken ang ultimate give-away para siya i-bully ng ibang lalaki.

Malaking factor rin ang pagiging gentleman.

Nasa second year college ako noon nang may naging kaibigan isang magandang babe sa aming section. Palibhasa'y walang kamuwang-muwang sa takbo ng isip ng mga babae kaya't binigyan niya ako ng pointers kung paano maging gentleman. Dapat daw ay laging nasa danger side ng kalye ang lalaki kapag may kasamang itong babae. Never daw hinahayaang umuwi mag-isa ng bahay ang babae lalo na't malalim na ang gabi. Sa pagsakay sa sasakyan, laging pinapauna ang babae. Ito ay para sakali mang umandar ang jeep o bus o kotse ay may sasalo sa babaeng maaksidente. Marami pa siyang naituro sa akin, na ngayon ay bahagi na ng pagkatao ko. Sayang nga lamang at hindi sila nagtagal ng mga katropa kong kanyang pinalakad sa akin.

Gaya ng mga lalaki, ang mga babae ay may libog rin sa katawan. Its human to be sexual. Subalit ang mga tao ay may kanya-kanyang values. Iba't ibang approaches ang kailangan upang madiskubre ang kahinaang tinatago ng bawat isa. I for one is a natural flirt. Sanay ang dila ko sa bolahan. Sabi ng ex-girlfriend ko, kung babae lang daw ako ay tiyak sangkatutak na ang naging boyfriends ko. Mabuti't hindi nagkatotoo ang kanyang pangitain. Sa aking huling bilang, tatlo pa rin ang naging karelasyon ko.

Going back to the topic, the best pa rin kung may kasamang alcohol ang pambobola. Mahilig akong mag-shower ng complements, lalo na kapag medyo sexy ang damit na suot ng tsik. (kahit mataba pa ito) Women are vain when it comes to their looks. Sobra! Sabihan mo ang isang chick na sexy kahit may baby fats ito sa katawan at tiyak ikaw na ang bestfriend niya.

Kailangang may kasamang attitude ang pagiging flirtatious. Seductive ka nga pero kung hindi mo naman kayang dalhin ang iyong sarili ay parang wala rin. Girls love to win, at kung secure ka sa pagkalalaki mo, you let them have the wheel. Never akong nagduda sa diskarte ng babae. Kasi, at the end of the day, kung talagang kilala mo ang sarili mo at confident ka sa mga kilos mo, sa iyo pa rin hihingi ng affirmation ang babaeng biniyayaan mo ng kapangyarihan.

Lastly, gaano man kabarumbado ang isang lalaki, hindi ito magkakaroon ng soft spot sa mga babae kung wala itong sensitive side. Ano ang mapapala ng kaalaman mo sa comics or sa video games o kaya sa mga cartoons at gadgets kung hindi mo kayang intindihin ang needs for affection ng chick na kasa-kasama mo? I guess one reason bakit bentang-benta ako sa mga single na mga nanay ay dahil mas pinagtutuunan ko ng pansin ang kanilang mga panganay. Sayang nga eh, sana ako na lang yung naging tatay. Sensitivity and aggression go side by side in getting a woman's attention. They wanted to be treated equals yet they deserve to be protected in ways only a man can provide. Siguro, kaya successful sa relationship yung tropa ko na engaged na ay dahil despite his chauvinistic leanings when we were young, he eventually earned not to underestimate his girlfriend.

It's sad that I know these things, and can easily beat a straight guy when it comes to winning a chick. Kaso, dumating sa point na kinailangan ko na rin ang security at companionship ng mas nakakalalaki sa akin kaya hayun, nakikikumpitensya na rin ako sa mga babae.

Hindi ko alam kung may mga babae na nagbabasa ng blog ko, but this is how I believe women think. Maaring ito ay totoo. Maari rin naman na hindi. Pero kung may isang bagay na napakahalaga pagdating sa love, what matters really is how you understand and accept the person you vow to stay for life.

Yun ang essence ng isang relationship.

Rain - Child

you are the gentle drizzle
dampening my parched skin.

keeping you in my thoughts, old friend.

I will drop by your place
one of these days.

Pilyo

Because we never let anyone challenge
our manhood and gets away with it.

---

Red says:

yeah, pero at least malapit na sa work
i'm just not used to the silence.
plus the other night, si roommate nag-uwi ng tsik. kept me up all night.

Blue says:

haha
roomate
uwi ng tsik
puwede ba yun?

Red says:

yeah
wala yung landlord eh

Blue says:

ahahah

Red says:

he only visits once a week

Blue says:

so he fucked the chick right in front of u?

Red says:

sa bed niya of course
alas-quatro di pa tapos yung dalawa
potah.
hindi man lang nag-sorry.

Blue says:

haha
sana nanood ka
kung ako yun naghubad pa ako ng damit
at nagboxers
maganda ba yung chick?

Red says:

ayun, mga ala-una bumaba ako kasi di ko na matiis
naka 2 akong red horse na malaki
at isang kahang yosi
hehe

Blue says:

maganda ba yung chick?

Red says:

maganda yung tsik, maputi
tsinita

Blue says:

eh yung guy?

Red says:

chinito

Blue says:

body type?

Red says:

parehong hot
the girl's slim
the guy's buff

Blue says:

okay, maghuhubad talaga ako
HAHAHAHAHAHA

Eye On The Tiger (Episode Nine)

Joleeeee!!! Meron akong bagong tropa sa gym. Si karagözler. Papakilala kita pag nagkasabay sabay tayo dun!

Hindi ibig sabihin na natorpe si miyaw-miyaw kay O-Bar chick na nireto ko noong isang linggo ay basta basta na lang akong susuko sa paghahanap ng ipapa-date para sa aking kaibigan. Kani-kanina lang ay may nakilala akong babae sa gym. Pangalan niya ay Aisa at gaya namin ay PExer rin ang dalaga. Sabi ni chick (habang ito ay nagsqua-squats sa aking tabi) ay madalas daw siyang pagkamalang lalaki ng mga boys sa aming thread. Naisip ko bigla, kung mabebenta ko ang dalaga bilang isang binata kay miyaw-miyaw, chances are, titingnan niya itong ka-tropa. Kapag naging mag-tropa sila nang hindi alam ni miyaw-miyaw na babae pala ang binabarkada niya, maaring in the future kapag nalaman niyang babae pala ang tri-nopa niya ay baka magkadevelopan ang dalawa.

Sounds like a good love story. Lol.

Sana single si karagözler. Ito muna ang aking magiging pastime hangga't hindi ko pa alam ang hinaharap ng aking buhay pag-ibig.

One Night In Malate: Tripper

O-Bar,
Thirty minutes after Tannis left the scene

---

"Are you gay?"

Tanong ng isang babaeng dumaan sa aking harapan. Nakatambay ako noon sa tapat ng DJ booth at may pinopormahang binatang natritripan ko nung gabing iyon.

"Yes I am. Why did you ask?" Ang walang kagatol-gatol na sagot ko sa kanya. Kung ibang bading ang nilapitan niya upang birahan ng mahiwagang tanong, tiyak na nataasan na siya ng kilay at nakembutan pa ng wala sa oras. Ganun kataray ang mga kafatid nating desperadong makahanap ng booking minsan.

"Wala lang. O sige, I have to look after my bestfriend pa. See yah!" Hindi pa ako nakakasagot ay bigla na lamang ito nilamon ng karimlan. Jampack kasi ang dance floor, mausok at patay sindi ang mga ilaw sa kisame.

Hindi ko na sana papatulan ang banat ng chick. Tutal ay hindi naman siya, o ang mga katulad niya ang sadya ko sa lugar na iyon. Hindi ko rin naman pinangarap maikama ng babae ever. Subalit dahil na-interpret ko ang kanyang tanong bilang isang complement, nawala bigla ang aking kalasingan at para akong tangang nakangiti at nakatingin sa kawalan na para bang sinabihan ng nakakalibog ng aking pinakamimithing maikama.

It's getting late. Yun ang madaling sumagi sa isip ko. Isa pa, mukhang hindi ako makaka-score dahil walang balak makipagtrip ang aking pinopormahan. Given no other option but to entertain the impossible, nilayasan ko si prospect at hinawi ang mga nagkalat na tite upang hanapin si babae na unang naka-spot sa akin.

Natagpuan ko siya sa ibabaw ng ledge. Nagsasayaw kasama si bestfriend na babae.

Kaagad niya akong napansin at inayang sumayaw sa kanyang tabi. After mounting the ledge, muli niya akong tinanong kung gay ba ako. Sabi ko oo. Nang muli niyang binalik ang tanong sa akin at sinabing bakit hindi ako naghahanap ng lalaking kasayaw, isa lang ang sinagot ko.

"Because you invited me to dance with you."

At doon nagsimula ang aming gabi. Nalaman ko na ang pangalan niya ay Jan* at isa siyang Wedding Planner. Ang bestfriend na kanyang kabuntot nang una kaming magkita ay ikakasal na pala sa December. Tinaguriang Bachelorette party iyon ng kanyang kasama at upang hindi masyadong mag-alala si soon-to-be groom na kasalukuyang may stag party nang gabing yun, dinala ni Wedding Planner ang soon-to-be bride sa isang lugar na puro bading. Lasing na si bestfriend at nagwawala sa ledge, ang tatlo nilang kasamang effeminate ay nagsipaghanap na rin ng kanya-kanyang kalandian. Dahil ako ang nag-iisang odd-one out sa grupo, wala akong nagawa kundi sayawan si Jan.

"Hey I want you to meet [name of gay friend]. Wanna dance with him?" Ngumiti lang ako kay Jan. Sa totoo lang eh naasar ako dahil sa halip na ipasa niya ako sa aking matritripan eh pinapasa niya ako sa mga lalaking hindi ko lalandiin magkaubusan man ng bading sa mundo.

"Why don't you dance with him?"

"Nahihiya ako eh..." Pero ang ibig kong sabihin talaga eh "Yoko, baka ibalibag ko lang yan." Harsh pero yun talaga ang totoo.

Dumaan ang oras ng hindi ko namamalayan. Marami kaming napagkuwentuhan ni Jan tungkol sa kanyang trabaho at pati na rin sa kanyang apparent closeness sa mga lalaking nagkikilos babae. Ilang beses pa niyang tinanong kung totoo nga ang aking sinasabi. Sa huli ay pinaliwanag ko na lang sa kanya ang kaibahan ng pakikipagsayaw ko sa bading sa pakikipagsayaw sa babae. (Kung saan hinayaan kong gumapang ang kanyang kamay mula sa aking dibdib hanggang sa tiyan)

Nakadikit ako kay Jan at dahil dito ay naging extension ako ng kanyang entourage. Kapag hindi siya ang aking kausap ay dinadaldal ko ang mga diwata niyang kaibigan. Minsan naman ay sinusuyod namin ang dance floor sa tuwing nawawala si bestfriend at kung saan-saan nagpapatangay sa agos ng kabadingan.

Masaya ang kanilang grupo. Nakakaaliw si Jan sa dahilang hindi niya alam umamoy ng bading sa straight na lalaki. Sa kabila ng aking pagkukunwari sa lahat ng nasa paligid namin, ni minsan ay hindi ako nakaramdam ng pressure habang ang isang kasayaw na babae. Tamang chill lang. Marahil ay dahil disabled ang friend or foe mechanism ko.

Marahil ay hindi ko siya masikmurang taluhin.

"Uy crush ko yung naka-cap. Gay ba siya?" Bulong nito sa akin habang nag-iispot ako na puwedeng landiin.

Isang sulyap ay amoy ko na ang kanyang tinuturo. Hindi pa man ito nakakalapit sa amin ay binalaan ko na si Jan. "Bading siya. Asa ka pa."

---

Hindi na bago sa akin ang makatanso ng babae lalo na't naliligaw ako sa isang straight na bar. Naging saksi ang ilang Engkanto nang minsang napasabak ako't nakipagdikitang sayaw sa isang babae. Malagkit ang kanyang mga galaw at ilang beses rin nalamog ang aking katawan nang ito'y kanyang pangigilan. Minsan na rin akong nakipaglaplapan sa isang babae sa loob ng Che'lu nang bulungan ko itong sexy at "cool." Second nature ko na kasi ang maging gentleman at dahil magaling ako pagdating sa bolahan, minsan ay mas madali pa sa akin ang mag-trip bilang straight kesa lumandi sa kapwa ko barako.

Intoxicated with alcohol and possessing no care in the world, I teased Jan by lifting my body-hugging white shirt to her thrill and amazement. I really don't know what thoughts ran inside her head but the reception was encouraging. She tried to lift my shift higher, exposing my chest and nipples but I pulled it down, to gather guts for a showdown I was planning to do with her later.

Another bottle, another house track and all hell broke lose. The dj played my anthem and despite the vow to never dance again naked, just for someone who made me feel most welcome inside the indifferent gay bar, I revealed the fruits of my work-out and let her enjoy what I had to offer.

I took off my shirt and tucked it inside my pants.

"Shit sana naging straight ka na lang."

She said as I grinded my hips against hers. The crowd was stunned, of course, and their reception certainly was atrocious. Jan was game as I had expected. She took off my belt, tried to pull down my loose pants as my hand held it tight, afraid that she might succeed in peeling off my remaining body cover. At the back of my head however, I was looking forward to something shocking. Had she read my thoughts, I wouldn't mind if she leashed me using my belt for everyone to see.

"Tangina, buti walang nakakakilala sa akin dito." I mumbled. The gogoboys asked us to dance on the ledge. Gaining composure, I put my belt back to my pants and instead of her doing things to me, I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Isipin mo na lang, lesbian lang ako." I said.

"Tell me who you really want to dance with and I can easily hook him with you." She pleaded, as one of the Gogoboys tried to steal the spotlight by grinding his crotch against my ass.

"But I am already dancing with you."

"Why me? You're gay right? I want to make you happy." Jan said.

"Can't I dance with a girl and make you feel like a woman even if I'm not straight?" My answer convinced her. She smiled, wrapped her hands around my hips and leaned her head against my moist chest.

I didn't tell Jan that I was eyeing someone when she was busy expanding her contacts with others earlier. But I found out that the guy - who looked like a construction worker - had someone else to pair with. The guy he flirted was as feminine as my chick, only that mine was a real one - a slim, mestiza hottie by all accounts, while his pretended to be one.

For the first time in recent memory, I went to a gay-friendly place only to stick with someone not of my kind. I didn't even have to hide under the cloak of bisexuality, like her earlier crush who revealed his true colors eventually. I guess it comes with nature - me being someone of tripping between worlds.

I don't know for certain if it would get elsewhere - had she raised the level of companionship and asked for something more intimate. I would back down, knowing my strong attachment to anything that is related to being anal. If there is one thing I have proven, I learned that sexuality can be fluid. The question lies whether you can effortlessly slip in a straight guy's shoes and play his game or run for cover and hide inside your own vaulted world

"Hey Jan, can I get your number?"

"Sure." I handed my phone for her to save her digits.

"Huwag mo akong kakalimutan ha? First time sa akin ito."

"Oo ba. Ikaw pa."

"I have to go." Frowning, she begged me to stay a little longer. I showed her my mother's text message telling me to go home.

"Sige na nga."

"Thank you for the company." If only I could tell her how our encounter restored the strains of bisexuality remaining in me.

Kissing her forehead, I let go of my arms to bid farewell to those who kept us company. The best friend sat in one corner, wasted and sleepy. A parlorista waved from the ledge and the entourage, despite their hesitation responded to my fist bumping with them.

I walked out of the dance floor catching glances from those who probably witnessed my twisted letdown. Shaking their perception of things and proving to everyone how sexuality could be distorted, I ask myself whether I am merely performing a magic trick,

or there is a strong possibility that I swing both ways and just deny it?

Eye On The Tiger (Episode Eight)

[23:54] eltigre: muggs magkanu mag pa pasta ngayun

[23:55] knox galen: nasa 600 yata

[23:55] knox galen: butas ngipen mo no?

[23:55] eltigre: wah ang mahal pala

[23:55] knox galen: oo kaya

[23:56] eltigre: ganun

[23:56] eltigre: ang hirap naman maging ok sa panahong ito

[23:56] eltigre: :))

[23:56] knox galen: oo nga

[23:56] knox galen: kaya dapat hanap ka na mag-aalaga sa iyo

[23:57] eltigre: mag aalaga ?

[23:58] knox galen: uu

[23:58] knox galen: para hindi ka nagkakasakit

[23:58] knox galen: me pakilala akong tsik sayo gusto mo?

[23:58] eltigre: tsik sino

[23:58] knox galen: basta

[23:58] eltigre: cge basta ba

[23:59] eltigre: pasado ako e

[23:59] eltigre: :))

[23:59] eltigre: sigurista

[23:59] knox galen: pasado?

[00:00] eltigre: pasado ako sa knaya at syaa saken

[00:01] knox galen: haha

[00:01] knox galen: paano pag di siya pasado sayo?

[00:03] eltigre: mutual dpat syempre para kanaan na

[00:03] eltigre: joke alng

[00:03] eltigre: joke

[00:03] knox galen: uyy

[00:03] knox galen: tigang si miyawmiyaw

[00:03] knox galen: hahaha

[00:04] eltigre: me note ka na naman a

[00:04] eltigre: :))

[00:04] eltigre: nabasa ko knina

[00:04] knox galen: oo

[00:04] knox galen: baka isipin mo iniwan na kita eh

[00:05] eltigre: hidni naman

[00:05] eltigre: bait mo nga e

[00:06] knox galen: ako mabait?

[00:06] eltigre: oo kahit ayaw mo makipag usap

[00:06] eltigre: :))

[00:06] knox galen: aminin mo na, nagblublush ka kapag natatanggap mo yung mga
notes ko no

[00:06] eltigre: ngek ngek

[00:06] eltigre: blushing ang pucha

[00:06] knox galen: yari ka talaga sa akin

[00:06] knox galen: pag tinamad ka magbuhat!

[00:07] eltigre: oo hindi n

[00:07] knox galen: ikaw ren

[00:07] knox galen: papayat ka na

[00:07] knox galen: hindi ka na pogi.

[00:07] eltigre: hahaha

[00:07] knox galen: wala nang hunk sa gym

[00:08] eltigre: nge maraming hunk dun a

[00:08] eltigre: :))

[00:08] eltigre: ako alng pala

[00:08] knox galen: isa na ako

[00:08] knox galen: nyehehehehe

---

El Tigre and I became gym buddies after his membership signing. We used to have the same work-out schedule so we get to see each other at the gym. Often, he would take his Friday's off just to join my Saturday training. I didn't know if his moves were mere coincidences, but his constant presence had always been an inspiration. El Tigre impassioned me to lift bars better.

We used to be an inseparable pair and even the head coach must have noticed how we stayed until past midnight just to wait for the other to complete his routine. We would horse around to the annoyance of other members, and scoff at each other's ability to do reps until one of us declare an exercise failure. Everything changed when I was groomed for higher office at work and now that we seldom see each other, I fear that my absence had lessened his motivation.

Twice, he told me over Yahoo Messenger that he is getting bored: That he is becoming impatient with the results. I had to remind him that pumping iron is a lifelong commitment. My pep talk seems to have brought him back to his senses. As an encouragement, I tend to leave notes on a piece of paper inside his training folder. Etched on the note are the words "miyaw-miyaw" and includes a drawing of a cat. I don't know if it worked, but certainly, my efforts brought the two of us closer.

Sometimes I wonder how I am able to evade attachments when my actions go against my rule about crossing the line. There are times our platonic relationship gets blurry, especially when one shows sweetness to the other in ways nobody expects the other could do.

More than a month ago, I was pinned down by a 120 lbs barbell after my arms surrendered from doing presses. It was too heavy, I could not lift the bar off my chest. With no help coming, I struggled to free myself from being trapped. Suddenly, El Tigre ran towards my power cage to lift the barbell that was crushing me.

He left the spot taunting how weak I have become.

Yes, I felt weak after he became my knight in shining armor.

Maybe it is for the better that our different training schedule kept us from seeing each other. Perhaps, it is good that our contact stays with Meebo instead of calling or sending each other text messages or hanging out at the mall.

For at times, when I catch glimpse of El Tigre's boyish face - smiling sheepishly across my bench - as we took breaks between our exercise - I secretly wish he wasn't just my straight training buddy.

A secret part of me hope he is someone




else.

---


[00:34] eltigre: muggs matutulogs na ako

[00:34] knox galen: sige

[00:34] eltigre: nasa work ka ata e

[00:34] knox galen: at maaga pa pasok mo mamaya

[00:34] knox galen: wala

[00:34] knox galen: nasa bahay lang

[00:34] eltigre: wag mo kwento ke coach mga aspirations ko a

[00:34] eltigre: :))

[00:34] knox galen: masyadong buraot sked ko eh

[00:34] knox galen: hahahhaa

[00:34] knox galen: sure

[00:34] knox galen: ibubulong ko lang

[00:34] knox galen: lol

[00:34] eltigre: loko

[00:35] eltigre: wag mo nga ikukwento

[00:35] eltigre: pag ready na

[00:35] knox galen: opo

[00:35] eltigre: ko

[00:35] knox galen: sige

[00:35] eltigre: nite

[00:35] knox galen: nite

[00:35] eltigre: rarrr!

[00:35] eltigre: hahaha

[00:35] knox galen: tulog na

[00:35] knox galen: miyawmiyaw

[00:35] Meebo Message: eltigre: is offline

Eye On The Tiger (Episode Seven)

[19:51] eltigre: hahaha prang firstday of school

[19:51] knox galen: hehehe

[19:51] knox galen: ang baon ha

[19:51] knox galen: wag kakalimutan

[19:52] eltigre: baon hahahaha

[20:15] eltigre: alis na ako muggs c u if i get there

[20:15] knox galen: ingat

[20:15] knox galen: baka maligaw ka

[20:15] knox galen: eh hindi ka pa makauwi

[20:15] eltigre: :))

[20:15] eltigre: baka kamo mabahag buntot ko

[20:16] knox galen: haha

[20:16] knox galen: dare!

[20:16] eltigre: shit

[20:16] eltigre: kung di sa eclipse san ako mag gygym ayoko na dun talga

[20:16] knox galen: fitness first?

[20:16] knox galen: hahahaha

[20:17] eltigre: eeeeee

[20:17] eltigre: mas lalo

[20:17] knox galen: :D

[20:17] knox galen: go tiger

[20:17] eltigre: ok c u hahahah amdami ba tao pag ganito oras

[20:17] knox galen: pakita mong taob kaming mga tiga eclipse sa bagsik mo

[20:17] knox galen: medyo

[20:17] knox galen: hindi ko sure

[20:17] eltigre: hahahaha

[20:17] eltigre: baliw

[20:17] knox galen: pero andun naman ako eh

[20:18] eltigre: hahaha

[20:18] eltigre: hindi na kita intayin no

[20:18] knox galen: text mo nga lang ako

[20:18] knox galen: pakita ako dun

[20:18] eltigre: nakakhiya

[20:18] knox galen: OA

[20:18] knox galen: magkalimutan na

[20:18] eltigre: ok lang kaya ko to makikita mo na alng ako nag bibihat

[20:18] eltigre: bubuhat

[20:18] eltigre: hahahahahah

[20:18] knox galen: magkalimutan na tayo

[20:18] eltigre: talgang stock holder ka dun no

[20:18] knox galen: pag hindi ako nagintroduce sayo dun

[20:19] eltigre: langya

[20:19] eltigre: seryoso

[20:19] eltigre: ?

[20:19] eltigre: seryoso ba yan

[20:19] knox galen: JOWK

[20:19] eltigre: kilala kabang si muggs dun?

[20:19] knox galen: hindi.

[20:19] eltigre: J

[20:19] eltigre: manalo

[20:19] knox galen: yup

[20:19] eltigre: ok

[20:19] eltigre: intayin kita pero wag kana pumunta pag dating ko kaya ko to

[20:19] eltigre: first day of school talga

[20:19] eltigre: byers

[20:19] knox galen: magtext ka pa rin

[20:20] eltigre: ok sir

[20:20] knox galen: :D

[20:20] eltigre: hahaha talgang kailangan i text ko

[20:20] eltigre: ok bago ako umakyat tetext kita

[20:20] knox galen: sige.

---

Six months of uninterrupted yahoo conversations, punctuated by some occasional flare-ups and mood swings, which almost lead to a fall-out a few weeks earlier after blocking his access to my account and we're back to our warmest receptions once again.

The issue was overlooked without acknowledging each others fault and the grumpy behavior which he showed was quickly forgotten - in recognition of the bond that forged this friendship. Our passion lies with iron plates, and in the course of this association with anything that is about bodybuilding, we realize each other's potential by challenging one to outdo the gains of the other.

In many ways, it could have been a mutual admiration pact.

Tonight, the online acquaintance status gives way to a more personal contact. Negotiations over membership fees and dungeon amenities a few days earlier resulted to a gym transfer which will be signed into a contract an hour from now.

El Tigre will become a gym buddy.

It will only be a matter of time before the two of us finally gets to meet.

Spartan

"What I learned living this life I have now is to move on as fast as I could and never let the feelings of being abandoned or the lingering effects of longing catch up with me."

An advice parted to an ex-girlfriend this afternoon after she confided her present romantic issues to me. Surreal as it may seems, but now that I'm out to her, our relationship achieved a certain level of openness unmatched during the time we were a celebrity couple.

Must admit, the only time I really did feel secure in a relationship was with her and the closer and more open we get, the more I acknowledge the highs of our now unbroken past.

Eye On The Tiger (Episode Six)

Yes, the cat is still around.
Chasing the mice that would never show up.
No matter how many traps the feline puts up.

3:30
El Tigre

ang panget ng fam town

3:30pm
SoulJa-Galen

ano yang fam town na yan
kakainggit talaga ng back mo

3:30pm
El Tigre

laro

3:30pm
SoulJa-Galen

pwede pa touch?
:D

3:30pm
El Tigre

ano ba nilalaro mo ngayun
patouch talga

3:30pm
SoulJa-Galen

pa poke na lang!

3:31pm
El Tigre

ako nga nagagandahan din e

3:31pm
SoulJa-Galen

hehehe

3:31pm
El Tigre

hhahahaha

3:31pm
SoulJa-Galen

wala akong nilalaro
alam ko na
masahihin ko na lang
:D
libre masa na
lol

3:31pm
El Tigre

baliw ka
baliw kaba
crush ko din back ko e

3:32pm
SoulJa-Galen

haha

3:32pm
El Tigre

lalo na pag avatar ganda

3:32pm
SoulJa-Galen

ligawan natin back mo

3:32
El Tigre

baliw
baliw
baliw

3:33pm
SoulJa-Galen

astig talaga. keep it up idol
hehehe

3:33pm
El Tigre

baliw ka

3:35pm
El Tigre

lilipat n ako sa eclipse (gym) para ma elibs ka lalo
pa trade naman ng ingredietns (restaurant city)
i approve mo na alng tutal di ka naman nag lalaro

3:36pm
SoulJa-Galen

sige
lipat ka sa amin
12k lang isang taon

3:40
El Tigre

khit anung oras ba yun
approve mo naman request ko sa trade

3:44pm
SoulJa-Galen

yup
sige approve ko na trade mo
nakawin ko avatar mo ah!

3:44pm
El Tigre

nakawin mo meron pa akong ganyan e
hahahah san mo ilalagay pasaaway ka

3:45pm
SoulJa-Galen

sa PEX
papalitan ko avatar ko!

3:45pm
El Tigre

palitan mo

3:45pm
SoulJa-Galen

talaga
sandali
yung trade mo

3:45pm
El Tigre

sino tinakot mo
maganda naman tong rest city
di nga lang nauutusan
taga linis nga kita e

3:46pm
SoulJa-Galen

korny yan
mag mafia ka na lang!

3:46pm
El Tigre

wala na mana malaro e
so pwede na

3:46pm
SoulJa-Galen

sandali

3:46pm
El Tigre

ayoko nun puro commands e

3:47pm
SoulJa-Galen

hanapin ko pa yung trade mo

3:47pm
El-Tigre

yung rock legends pinaka ok para saken

3:48pm
SoulJa-Galen

my farm yung request mo eh!

3:48pm
El Tigre

hindi
sa trade ng ingredients mag log ka sa rest city
para makita mo

3:48pm
SoulJa-Galen

maghintay

3:49pm
El Tigre

ok
hahahaha

3:50pm
SoulJa-Galen

shit men
cook pala kita!

---

The conversation ends with me accepting his trade for ingredients.
and stealing his back-pic for this blog entry.