There are some things you cannot force yourself to do. One is to squeeze your creative juices and stir them towards putting the right words for a spark of an idea. Readers may find it pathetic, but I've been sitting on my chair the whole evening just to complete a paragraph. Facing the flat screen monitor, my eyes and skin absorb all the radiation from the computer but I remain lost for words. Two unscheduled brownouts have passed, I dozed off for almost an hour, I played with myself, I switched blog subjects twice, I read the works of others, but my train of thoughts remain stale. It's like my muse would never give in.
Unless I give in to what my muse wants to write.
Sometimes I wonder the need to indulge myself in this craft. Why do I have to engage myself in an artform devoid of a stake. I find this addiction capricious, time consuming, and worse of all, a one way engagement. I don't get anything from it.
Save for an expression.
They say artists are often misunderstood. I don't claim my writings as a work of art and I never saw myself as an artist. I'm just a person aching to put into form the abstractions piling up in his head. I don't have the passion for books nor the obsession for authors. My only claim to fame is my hidden desire for words. It's been four hours and counting and my muse appears bent on ranting about its own whimsical leanings. My mind is tired of thinking - how to etch images in letters. And so to satiate my cravings to weave sentences that would construct paragraphs; to appease myself by producing something - even if such is as senseless - as whining; to finally let go of this obsession to write about anything other than a lousy Tweet.
I decide to give up. My muse wins.
And this is the entry s/he has chosen to publish.
Sometimes, it would take an hour to finish an entry like this.
But the steady flow of words allowed me to complete this entry in just thirty minutes.
7 comments:
try two months my friend. I have more than 10 unfinished work that would likely remain unfinished unless i take some drastic action like use phenobarbitals or snort sweet n' low or just draw out blood or whathaveyou. i haven't written anything for the past two months. i'd like to blame work but meh, it's me. i honestly need to write. and it's sorta depressing me. i was about to ask you last week how you can find time to write. turns out that everybody struggles. it was better when i was jobless. i may need to bribe my muse.
oo nga ano. parang lihim tayong masokista. there is pleasure in pain.
Buti ka nga, masipag at magaling ang muse mo. Pagbigyan mo na. Indulgence day nya cguro. :)
at least your muse is still there. i miss my muse (or i wish i can respond to my muse).
When the muses go, look around if others are willing to take their place. Itanong mo sa langit, sa lupa, sa puno, sa traffic, sa keyboard.
Wag mong habulin ang gustong lumayo. You can also approach things differently using Brian Eno's oblique strategies.
i find that your muse/s will always have the upper hand. if u deny her her post, she will not allow you to write anything else. haha
dapat pala pinag-iisipan ang sinusulat?? isang oras?? wow - kaya pala walang kwenta mga sinusulat ko, swerte na ang makaagaw ako ng 15 minutes para sa isang entry haha..I wish I have your passion for writing!
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