The great sages say that no man is an island. But the more I become engaged with my own vocation, the less I become privy to the concerns of others. The signs were there from the very start: I never consider myself sociable despite the number of people associated with me.
Some say I come off as intimidating, or worse even downright snooty. I tend to show lack of interest when meeting new people. The habit of choosing those I speak cuts deep into my character. Though my ties with the high and mighty precedes my reputation. The truth is far from the make believe: I seldom make contact. I could be surrounded with frenzied groupies in a dance club or a booze party, but still, my world revolves around me.
This seclusion grew out of the need to protect myself. I am a people-pleaser and my devotion to friends prevails over my personal conveniences . It is easy to abuse my kindness, and in the past, people have taken it for granted. There used to be no limit as to what favors I could do, until I realized that I was the one getting left behind.
Miserably.
This has been the recurring theme of my earlier associations. Either I was the clown (the one who gets bullied) of one group, or the clown (laughing stock) of another. Ignoring my place only fanned the resentments. It was only in the past five years that I learned to stick with new people only because we have the same world-views, or because that person's habit of solitude resonates with mine.
Thus, the friendship I cherish now is mellowed with time. It requires no constant presence and demand much inattention. These ties age like wine, and grow out of need to care for one another. It is free to move from place to place, only to return to its spring to rekindle ancient memories. It is shaped by selfless sacrifices and nurtured by timely bonds. The depth of friendship is judged not by the times you have been together, but the years you were apart only to meet again and find that your bonds have become stronger.
I speak of this confession in part to explain my being incommunicado lately. Weeks would pass without telling those around me the details of my life. This confession also speaks about my lack of eagerness to venture forth and know new people.
You see, disinterest pervades when you know there is no need to search.
Lastly if I was an ass to some, consider the lessons I carry on my back: you never throw your life to someone you barely knew and you never grow attached to someone you haven't touched.
This is the policy of isolation: Beneath the icy indifference lies a thick layer of fuzzy affections you share only to those who patiently digs it.
5 comments:
Friendship is not a gift, it is a commitment. And like all commitments worth this label, it must be earned. Genuine friendship requisites no time nor distance, it is a matter of believing in the same value system, and accepting the eccentricities of one another. Friendships that thrive on absence and solitude, the ones that aren't detrimental to constant reaffirmation, are those that would stand the test of time.
You don't merely choose friends, you earn them.
There is comfort in knowing that despite the silence that pervades the present, and amidst the anarchy of the realities of subsisting, their there, waiting in the wings.
Well-written, this here. As if your muses never left. :)
mugen.
i can relate to this. so much. as it is, i am a people pleaser. and everytime i am in a crowd, and there is silence, awkward silence, i feel like i should take it upon me to break the monotony. and make everyone happy. or smiling at least.
and that if i do not become successful at doing that. then i am partly at fault.
although. i haven't reached that point yet. where a policy of isolation is needed. but i think some time, in the near future, when the need to protect myself becomes imminent, i will need to adapt this isolationist policy as well.
why do we need to modify who we are just because of a few rotten people?
wow! that last line really struck me. :)
I share the same sentiments. With me being aloof to people except to close friends, I gained the reputation of being a snub. That's why I also prefer to be isolated from the population both at work and even in the neighborhood. People usually take it badly. I am not disheartened with their criticisms of me being aloof, but I take it seriously when my personal life is being scrutinized. Most especially when they don't even know me personally.
I find the greatest affinity with silence. Just like what I've learned from you a few weeks ago, "the sweetest moves require no words" :)
Have a nice one Sir Joms! :)
I was expecting "no comments allowed" for this entry. :)
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