Sunny Side Up (First Part)

Whenever things get fucked up around here, he's the best escape I could find - by blaming him all the miseries we have to endure because of his irresponsibilities.  This evening alone, I was thinking of changing my surname and use my mother's instead. My uncles told me before not to get very bitter or angry with him, the best I could give is to at least be civil towards him.

If you asked me, I just want him out of my life. I want him to leave us alone, since he chose to be with his mistress instead of us. Tutal, we have learned to live on our own and we don't need him anymore. His mere presence just rattle the peace we have here. Tama na yung ganito masaya na ako dito.

Father and Son

Fullmetal Dreams

January 24, 2005

Hello Dad

It's been six years since I saw you.  Throw another year and that's how long since we last talked. I was never open to you about my life, and you know that.  Despite our distance, you chose me over my younger sister to see the truth in you.

You were a womanizer, dad. I was in pre-school when you picked me up at St. Joseph's in a car. She was our driver. You asked me to keep quiet about her because mom will get mad. I followed your orders and let "tita" buy me burgers. She disappeared from our lives a few years later. Echoes now tell that my mom eventually discovered your first betrayal.

When your forbidden love with our maid bore a son, I was the first to meet my brother. I remember it was at your penthouse in Intramuros. I was in college at that time.

Our meet-up was friendly. Your employees were even moved by my gestures. After being introduced, you asked me to accompany him to the train station to see his safe return to his grandparents.  Truth is, thoughts of pushing him off the ramp briefly crossed my mind. I chose not to move from my spot while the train approaches because of the trust you placed in me.  He waved goodbye as he boarded the train.

A year later, he moved with you and stayed in your office.

I knew about your romantic affair with Buding. It was a decade-long, on-off relationship. But I also knew how she supported you all the way:  I saw how she built our publishing and security company and ran its day to day affairs. You were there with her, sitting on your chair and becoming the creative genius behind the enterprise.  It was a labor of love, I tell you.  Its success depended largely on your inner harmony. Who would have thought that a gaffe during your birthday speech would lead to a fall out. I wish you didn't tell everyone that I will be your successor. Then she wouldn't get threatened when I finally showed up.

Your total dependence on Buding spawned you a monster. Your violent love quarrels were legendary. Even the employees' kids got traumatized when they saw you hitting your mistress with a phone. The fights were unnecessary dad. I was willing to share the throne, or even move elsewhere had you given me a better sandbox.  My relationship with Buding was civil, in fact, she was even kind to me (despite the tendency of her stabbing my back)  When all seemed lost and your business falling apart, I took sides and chose her. Being the dagger stuck on my mom's heart was beside the point.

You were destroying your life's work.

-tobecontinued-