As I trace back my steps before I found you, the blog reveals that the universe was actually readying me for your arrival:
"I have to return because I am empty. I want to take this shot hoping to find the one I've been waiting. I took down all my other means of connection out of your quiet urging and this is one of the last. You know me, I try not to seek the one in my proximity. How many times I botched a good friendship because of my insistence? So now I am forced to do this. In days when I feel a countdown coming, let me try it again before time runs out. You know, to feel romantic with someone. To know that my heart speaks because there's someone out there who owns my voice. I miss the feeling, specially on early mornings like this. But the shadow of my past wouldn't leave me. It takes an effort to trust and when I'm ready to give in, the supposed one shakes it off. So I have no choice but to move on. There are times I grow weary of living in another couples' fairytale. There are times I wish I'd go home knowing someone will be there in my sleep. So I ask you. No. I request that your guidance lead me to the person for me. I will listen and consult you every step of the way. I know I've asked this favor so many times - but it was me who ignored the ones you've offered. It was my fault and I don't deny it. Maybe I'm just afraid that I might not be able to uphold my promise. Should you say that its not the place to look for, I will be waiting for your answer tonight. I maybe drunk and stubborn but I'll pay attention to what you will gonna tell.
---
Longing and learning are two different states of awareness.
The sun was almost peeking on the horizon when I called it a night. The party was fine and I've realized a friend's friend was actually cute.
And Bro did answer my prayer.
'Not there kid.
Not there.'"
Late Night Blues and Epiphanies
Midnight Afterburner February 7, 2010
"I am just human not to dwell on some far-flung fairy tales I still treasure, hoping that one of these days, such exchanges of affection would surge here on my blog.
It could have happened. Perhaps. Maybe. In some other alternate timeline.
Mugen: Hindi. Pakilala kita as tropa.
Mugen: Sabihin ko magpapasama ako.
Prospect X: Okay lang sa inyo yun?
Mugen: Oo naman. Walang problema.
Prospect X: Paano yun may work ako?
Mugen: Ako gigising sa iyo. Ihahatid pa kita sa sakayan ng jeep sa umaga.
Prospect X: Weh! Gagapangin mo lang ako eh.
Mugen: Gusto mo naman eh. Hahahaha.
Prospect X: Uu.
Mugen: Unlimited supply ang hugs ko!!!
Mugen: Pati kisses!!
Prospect X: Ehehehehe.
Mugen: Biceps ko ang yayakap sayo ng mahigpit na mahigpit!!
Mugen: Itatago kita sa ilalim ng kumot!!
Prospect X: Gusto ko yan!
Mugen: Gusto ko rin yun. May niyayakap.
Prospect X: So honeymoon natin to? Hahaaaa
Mugen: :)
Mugen: Basta sisiguraduhin ko na safe ka sa piling ko
Prospect X: Awww.
Mugen: Kasi secured rin ako kapag nandyan ka."
Scorpion Week - Epilogue
Midnight AfterburnerJune 4, 2009
"Naging ugali ko na ang pagsisindi ng tatlong kandila matapos magdasal sa Santa Clara. Ang ikatlo ay para sa darating - maging sino man siya - upang malaman niya na sa mga hapong iyon ay may nagdadasal para sa kanyang kapayapaan at kaligtasan."
Hindi Sad Diamonds
Fullmetal DreamsFebruary 1, 2009
"10. Higit sa lahat, hahanap ako ng kabiyak na aking makakausap sa tuwing ako ay nalulumbay. Yung kahit magdamag kayong magkasama ay hindi kayo mauubusan ng pagkwekwentuhan. Hahanap ako ng kabiyak na marunong maka-appreciate sa halaga ng isang yakap at kapayapaan sa katahimikan."
Before We Close the Gates
Fullmetal DreamsNovember 30, 2008
Sometimes you ask "bakit kita mahal?" I cannot recall giving a really cheesy, heart-melting answer. Even the words above might be for someone else. But along the way, the winds point me to your direction. In the eve of celebrating our becoming, I just want you to know that finding you is such a journey and long before the stars showed me my destination.
You have been with me in spirit all along.
