Epitome (Final)

After my daring escape from the headhunter a.k.a. bald guy, I went back to the open-air lounge downstairs to bask in the faint glow doled out by the bar lights at the edge of the garden. The well-lit counter was still flocked by soft-spoken men resting between orgasms. They spoke of their most recent kills, while others lamented at how they were flatly rejected by the better-looking ones who cruised boys of the same league. What's so strange is that they just laughed about it. You can see in their eyes how the bath house had snatched their ability to feel. I suspected that rejection had just become too ordinary for them, that it doesn't gut their egos anymore.

I turned around to observe other men who were also chilling at the lounge. A guy in his late thirties puffed a cigarette at one corner, alone. His eyes were darkened by his deep thoughts. He never bothered to trade glances even if some passing cruiser eyed on him. On another table not far from where I stood, I saw the headhunter settling down on a bar stool. I cannot remember if he noticed me, for I started walking away from the moment I sensed his presence.

It was already past midnight and time was running short. Tucked inside the safety box on the other side of the bath house was my phone. I could picture several text messages and missed calls from home. Leaving would have been a good choice had I not thought of having a severe case of blue balls when I get home. But I was getting horny and the sight of well-built masculine men had just turned me on. I nipped past several guys swaggering towards different directions. I wanted to cruise like them, but I don't have the gall to strike anyone who doesn't see me as their potential target.

So I wandered further, until I found my feet at the viewing room.

Like I said in the previous post, the viewing room served a double purpose. Since it was well-lit, one can separate the gwapo from the cute ones around. Several guys were watching porn when I got there and one of them immediately caught my attention.

"This cannot be!" I said to myself. "He reminds me of someone familiar: someone who owns a pair of strikingly small eyes, narrow-bridged slender nose, and a dark skin that glowed from the blue screen's projection."

I tried to clear my eyes to make sure I wasn't deceived by my vision.

"OMG, he can pass as an older version of Akihiro Sato!" Blood gushed toward my midsection. "Kevs if he's only the older and flabbier version of the one uploaded on Misterhubs' Blog!"

I sat next to him hoping to get his attention. His chinky eyes were glued at the screen showing two guys romping each other. Those naked bystanders who caught his appeal were looking at us. I do not know what these vultures were thinking, but their fiery stares forced me to leave the spot to cruise elsewhere. When I returned to the viewing room a few minutes later, he was swinging a glass of alcohol. "Mister Sato must be drinking. Good." My next moves were already in place. On my third visit, he already left. My hopes were dashed by his sudden absence. "He must be making out with someone else right now."

---

I was dead serious in getting a mate when I returned to the maze down below. Instead of evading eye stares when someone checked me out, I traded glances with the desire of probing the person sizing me. One of them was a skinny guy who resembled JayR, the local RnB singer. It was his strong jawline and youthful looks which caught my attention.

He was trading glances so I made my approach to check if he's worth the kill. He did squeeze my junior and that was it. Probably he was hesitating. Maybe he was waiting for a better catch so I backed off to focus my bird-hunting elsewhere. Suddenly, Mister Sato look-alike emerged out of nowhere and strided past next to me and toward the dark room far behind. He was chased by throngs of guys allured by his beastly appeal. They stopped a few steps away from me and believing that they had lost Mister Sato look-alike inside the maze, they began to disperse and walked their own different ways.

It turned out Mister Sato look-alike was just behind the curtains and was now showing off his birdie to me.

"Gotcha!" I pretended not to see what he's poking but I did grab it with my hands.

Things turned out so fast that the next thing I knew, I was being dragged in one corner together with a jock standing next to us. He pulled my head down, guiding it toward his massive.

He wanted me to suck his cock in front of other people.

Regaining my composure, I resisted the urges of going down on him especially when I felt other hands feeling my crotch. I was in no mood to do an exhibition, even if it was a god who invited me to perform. Disappointed, he backed off to make a dashing escape towards the steam room area. Following him, I thought he was still interested. It seemed however that he wasn't into the one-on-one thing that I wished he would.

He was swallowed by the darkness and I was left searching for a new mate.

Looking around, I suddenly saw JayR wandering near the stairs. He was still trading glances at me.

---

The door was shut tight and he reached for the switch turning the green light on. Stripping down our towels, each others nakedness was now exposed to each other. Grabbing his boner made him moan softly. His smile urged me to show more aggression. I reached for his lips to consume it profusely. He fought back by biting my upper lip. I responded by tightening my grip on his stiffy. Now he's game. His eyes were challenging me.

I turned my attention to his chest - his nipples. Rolling my tongue over its crown made him pull his body against mine. He raised me up to reach for my lips again. He enjoyed what I did. Never leaving behind what I started, I planted kisses on his tummy, then to his navel and then at the base of his crotch. I'm not giving in yet. To my surprise, it was he who knelt down to deliver the message. Opening his mouth wide, he gobbled mine with one gulp. His tongue rolled and twisted while my cannon was inside his mouth. It felt so good, I traded places and started working my lips on his gun. I took great care not to pull the trigger or it might explode prematurely.

He began pumping. Gently at first, but when he pushed himself deeper, I stopped to reach for his lips again. It was a make-out of freedom. Finally I am getting my reaffirmation. If lips could be crumpled, his, would have been crushed by mine. Now it's our hands working on each others missiles. I knew the time was near, but I wish we could let go together.

"Bro sabihin mo sa akin kung malapit ka na." I whispered to his ears

"Siiigggeee..." Was his simple reply.

He exploded his thick gooey stuff ahead of me. His lips were on mine as he moaned loudly while giving his ecstatic release. I soon followed, spitting my seeds that could have been wasted on less worthy ones. Panting, I reached for his upper body to deliver my gratitude.

"Salamat, you will be my first and my last for tonight." I hugged him tight unknowing if he believed my words or not.

We cleaned ourselves together and dressed at the locker room together. We left Epitome and strolled around Malate just to get to know each other. Enjoying each others stories, I invited him to stay over at my place.

I surrendered to the night with my lips on his back and my arm around his shoulders.















Last night, JayR was back in my place, watching Ultraman re-runs on my computer.

Epitome (Two)

The smoke from the sticks of incense begin to clear up and as my eyes get use to the unlit surroundings, I notice man-like silhouettes and shadows block my passage. These specters belong to wanderers like me, who, find themselves lost in the maze leading to the dark room. I wade through the pitch black corridor with caution, for everyone appears to be grabbing my crotch. Some daring souls would breathe heavily behind my ears as they rub their boner against my leg. Hands are everywhere and realizing that it is a dead end; that only an abyss and predators await at the end of the narrow walkway, I turn around to follow the faint light coming from the open-air garden. There, some men chatted while guzzling a bottle of Colt Beer. They spoke of work and their previous sexual engagements inside the bath house. I tried to eavesdrop at their conversation but when I sense some lustful eyes and devious smiles turning toward my direction, I slowly walk backwards to begin my retreat.

There is no safe haven in the heart of the fuckfest.

---



I knew what I was going through. It was a Wednesday evening and according to Vince's guide to Epitome, the theme of the bathhouse is Skin Night. It means that all guests are provided with just a towel to cover themselves up. Underwear is not allowed so one has to improvise on how to keep his crotch from being exposed, since the gym towel would never fit a waistline bigger than 32.

I took my clothes off and placed them inside my locker. Lucky for me, I was alone in the room (aside from the attendant, who I suspect was already used to seeing such marvel) so I could freely walk naked without anyone prying their eyes on my junior. I tried to wrap the towel around my waist but it won't fit. "Fuck, paano na ito?" I panicked. Even if I could boast having a respectable built, it was never my intention to show off to those who had better-looking bodies than me.

By sheer act of desperation, I was able to cover my jewels while walking toward the gates of hell. What appeared to be sounds of moaning which I heard while stripping down to my baby suit did not emanate from boisterous men who were too eager to announce their joyful act of breeding inside the tiny cubicles. It actually came from the wide-screen television in the viewing room featuring a hardcore m2m film. The viewing room served a double purpose. Since it was well-lit, guests could actually check each other out. Since no one caught my fancy, I resumed my exploration by descending the steep flight of stairs leading down to the ground below.

If the reception area on the other side of the bath house and its connecting lounge were empty, the ground floor of Epitome proper was teeming with sweaty, fit bodies as far as the eyes could see. Since it was a skin night, nobody in their right mind would dare show up exposing their bulging tummy or sagging man-boobies. Most had broad shoulders to boast, a flat tummy or bulked chest to expose and a pair of biceps to flex and impress the guy they wanted to hook up with. It was a gym bunny's paradise whose only requirement was a beaming smile, a confident approach and a fast hand to grab one's stiff birdie.

But there were serious risks involved in such place where sex and orgasm were easy. You know what I mean. Being aware of the trouble I'm getting myself into, I applied very strict rules regarding my engagement with others.

Absolutely

No bare backing.
No cum swallowing.
No bukkake thingie.

Frottage and sucking should be limited.
Masturbation should be done using one's hand.
Kissing is reserved only for the guy I'd have an orgasm with.

One round is enough.

Of course, I don't do bare backing and swallowing with strangers, but to be on the safer side, it would have been better if I'd remain a mere observer.

Temptation however, tells of a different story.



---

Inside the gym area, I catch a glimpse of a muscular guy doing dumbell curls in front of the mirror. His towel lay on one of the benches as other passing guys look down to have a view of his shortie. I cross to the other side where the shower nozzles and the jacuzzi are to be found. Placing my towel on one of the pots hanging near the pool, I took a dip only to get out when some guys followed and tried to get in.

Walking past several couples making out in the dark, a bald guy appear out of nowhere. "Dun tayo sa taas dude," he whispers to my ears.

"libog na libog ako sayo eh." His voice is cold and soothing, I smiled and followed him upstairs.

We entered a cubicle and locked the door from within. He started moaning as I pinch his nipples and nibble on his neck. "Not bad," I tell myself. At the back of my head however, I am sensing something dark about this person. I have to step on my breaks.

He stops stroking my cock and notice my sudden lack of interest in our activity. Smiling, he then tells me that he wants to get a third wheel. Someone we could double-fuck together, I presume. We went out of the cubicle only to be greeted by men waiting for their turn to get inside.

The place is suffocating and it feels like a haze is blurring my vision.

Knowing the dangers that lie from following my first catch, I allow myself to be swallowed by the darkness and let the bald guy find his way back to the place which spawned him.

---

Special thanks to Discreet Manila for the floor layout.

-tobecontinued-

Epitome (One)

They say that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Many people would resort to madness to lift their spirits up just to keep moving and in my case, I have my own flotilla of coping mechanism to restore what is being lost to me. You see, these past few weeks had been rough. The blog can attest to that. On one side, the issues at the homefront gnawed at my defenses. The turbulence was getting unbearable that I had to resort on outside help to pull me out of the mud. To lean on someone was my weapon of choice and so were the strings of male affairs I wrote here on the blog. My hopes ran high with their reaffirmation of shared intimate feelings. But somewhere along, things did not turn out the way I wish them to be. These affairs faded like embers and there were no means to bring them back. I was dumped twice for one reason or another and the rejection cut deep on my ego.

As my order falls one after another, my inner demons begin to re-assert themselves. The savagery of my survival instincts dictate that I should shut my doors tight on friends and allow myself to fall towards the abyss. It happened before and I feel it happening again. My hope is to emerge on the other side of the black hole in one piece. But to achieve such state of confidence, first is I have to feel good about myself.

I chose reckless abandon to achieve my goal and what better way to start the fire by recognizing my carnal repressions. I knew from the very start that my pictures were my greatest disadvantage. It leaves no good impression on people no thanks to my perpetual habit of frowning in front of the lenses. People tend to get intimidated by my frigid and distant attitude that it takes time for me to establish personal rapport. Unless one catches me lowering my defenses, it gets pretty difficult to open me from within.

There are two states where I easily approach strangers. One is during the brief state of ecstasy offered by loud beats and sudden laser flashes offered by dance clubs, the second is by baring my skin in the dark corridors of the bathhouses. My last incarnation at Club Bath proved so disastrous that I vowed never to return. Imagine a place where one could freely choose who to make out and copulate with. The sheer feeling of imposing your standards on others was breathtaking but it leaves you hollow afterward. The inhumanity of rejecting others was too much that I decided to cease returning after my third visit.

I stayed sober for more than a year.

Yesterday was a different story. I was pissed off at everything. I hissed at those who showed concern at my condition, while leaving careless remarks that hurt others. I made fun at people not knowing that I was becoming mean, and when it finally hit me, I snapped. I told myself that perhaps I needed a boost just to feel again. Maybe I can undo the damage by receiving affection even if I get it through artificial means.

And so at half past eight in the evening, I decided to hold back my established protocols and let instincts creep in. Armed with knowledge acquired from Discreet Manila, I sounded the ceremonial drums and lighted the sticks of incense.

"We will perform a different kind of exorcism tonight," Kitsune told me.

"You will return to the bath house scene again."

---

-tobecontinued-

Lessons Kitsune Forgot To Learn At The Bathhouse

Enough emoness, wanna play?

- Kitsune

1. People wearing jockstraps tend to make it with other people wearing jockstraps. Nobody makes it with people wearing pink bikinis.

2. Saying "I'm resting" to everyone who seeks entry into your pool defeats the purpose of going to the baths.

3. If everyone who said "I don't come here often" was telling the truth, there would be no one there.

4. If you are looking for a wonderfully spiritual union with a kindred spirit, you are in the wrong place.

5. Do not assume that the guys walking into walls are on some weird new drug; most likely, they have just left their glasses in their lockers. It is better to look good than to see good.

6. Once in a while, do your good deed for the gay: let an old faggot suck your cock. Such magnanimous gestures are duly recorded by the Great Faggot in the Sky, and when you are an old faggot, the favors will be returned in kind. Yes, Darling, that's the way it works.

7. Please realize that bathrooms have legitimate purposes too. Giving someone a blowjob in a cubicle while outside the locked door seven guys are turning various shades of green will not make you popular.

8. Always finish what you start.

9. When it's past the wrist is not the time to say "no".

10. It's okay to bring your own rope; it's not okay to tie yourself up.

11. If you are at the baths busily cheating on your lover, don't make a scene should you discover him there.

12. If you are at the baths and you see your father there, tell him your resting.

13. If you are at the baths and you see your boss there, it is best not to blackmail him. Just do whatever he says. Trust me darling, you'll be rewarded on your next bonus or salary increase.

14. If you are at the baths and you see your brother there, head for the darkest corner - especially if you have all straight porn at home.

15. If you are at the baths and you see your Uncle, you might as well just leave - you know how much Uncles fuck you over.

16. People who say, "I've never done that before," should be informed that the ability to deep throat is not genetic.

17. The law of increasing good looks: People tend to become more attractive the longer you are there.

18. In the dark all cats are gray, but ten inches is still better than six inches.

19. Men with small cocks can be sexually tremendous if they are technically proficient, but men with big dicks don't have to know a damn thing.

20. A primitive tribe in Borneo does not have a word for "No" in its language.
Natives deny sexual favors by looking mournful and saying, "I'd like to, but I just came."

21. Asking to borrow someone's cockring is even more tasteless than asking to borrow someone's comb.

22. You can cause a panic by yelling, "There's a woman in room 379!"

23. For a real hoot, go to the baths without having used alcohol or drugs. It is truly amazing how fabulously you will be able to make out when you are the only one there in a solid state.

24. Giggling is not a correct response to, "Wanna fuck?"

25. It is pointless to consider why guys who won't even talk to you at the bars are so eager to suck your cock at the baths.

26. Spending more than two hours with one number at the baths makes you two "an item." More than four hours makes you engaged.

27. Even on a good night, it is possible to commit bigamy.

28. Spending hours deciding what to wear to the tubs is a particularly inane waste of time.

29. Never, never, NEVER try to explain the baths to heterosexuals.

30. Possession of more than three bath cards makes you a serious faggot.

31. Jack's law of the Gym: People working out are doing it for your benefit, not theirs.

32. Formal attire means a black jockstrap.

Taurus69
Epitome, Guys4Men

Grounds For Secession

If he didn't text back and told you how you were missed, it would most certain your world will never turn upside down.

But he did, and in the two days of silence, wind whispers tell of how much he knifed your life.

And so you were left dreaming, with your umbilical cord attached to his stomach. Nobody could ever interrupt your sleep - not even your inner circle of acquaintances who constantly checked how you were doing. You answered in broken sentences, but your mark on twitter revealed how such one person could leave you heartbroken and wishful at the same time. It was more of a struggle to claim your ground, while you inject some sense as to what you were doing. Unlike him, who could sway you with digital affections, you want to express your emotions in an analog fashion.

---

Tuesday afternoon, you journeyed all the way from Legarda to Ayala just to pick him up. He was a stranger by the way, and not your lover. You said it would be a surprise and you did it to prove that you can make time for him, like what you said in the text message. The cloudy skies and damp ground did not hinder your attempt. Though you never found him at his office's reception area, your paths crossed at Zara boutique in Glorietta, a few blocks away from where he works.

We know that his world is far, far different from yours. He belongs to the realm of the fairies, (but he doesn't pass as one) while you, stick your ground as one of the ogres. I remember, when you picked him up that Tuesday afternoon, he was wearing a very tight navy blue polo shirt with red eagle embroidery stitched on the fabric. His jeans were of the skinny variety. Looking at both of you, there was no doubt you appeared more like his bodyguard. Wearing a worn-out baggy pants from your college days and a plain brown T-shirt doesn't pass as a fashion statement.

In your normal state of mind, such get-up would have been a reason to pull back. You prided your rugged appearance for it was easier to conceal your sexuality from those who would look at you with hostile intentions. But such was a different time that Tuesday. Dazed at how far your first contact had come a long way, you overlooked his appearance believing that your intimate connection was stronger than what others would think about you as pairs.

You slept, next to him, he was naked, while his best friend looked at you with almost jealous eyes. Something told you that their connection was deep (the best friend would endearingly call him baby and they would snuggle and cuddle while you wearily stared at them from a distance) but you brushed such thoughts by recalling how Omeng and Pao, your friends from Odders had that sort of bond as well. There was no denial that it bothered you. It revealed your possessive nature and how territorial you were over your holdings. But the best friend, is the best friend. What mattered to him, probably mattered to your guy as well.

In his arms you felt safe. Funny how one lean guy could make a buffed guy like you feel secured. Should it be the other way around? When his best friend left for work, you snuggled, curled your legs over his and pressed your head against his shoulder for reasons only heart could tell. You planted kisses, as he pushed you away while he snored loud enough to disturb the tranquility of the room. Had it been in your place, the utol would have complained the next morning of the noise.

But would he accept your invitation to a sleep over? I doubt if such image would ever be painted.

---

Deep inside, you know that it could become a one-way affair. Your attachment is much stronger than his, and you rave everytime he would reaffirm your affections. You let him defy your standards, compromise most of your beliefs and let your body deteriorate just to follow him around for what? A chance to have a monogamous relationship with someone who may not lift a finger on your behalf?

In six months, you have been romantically involved with six men. These affairs may not have prospered but you learned from each one of them. Looking at the trends, when the other gives more, you tend to take them for granted. But if it is you who pushes harder, you tend to be ignored. It is a constant cycle, which I think, you have to break free.

It doesn't mean that when you openly tell him of your attachments, also gives him the right to bully you. It must not work that way, your nurturing values doesn't grant you to shove people around like some did to you.

You are here to seek an equal.

So I will place myself at your disposal. Like a shadow dancing behind your back, I will shroud his presence for you to see his darker elements. My intervention will attempt to pull you back from this attachment, which is precariously reanimating the life you once had. If he wishes to win you over, it is time for him to work hard to recapture the things he had already lost.

I don't look forward to responding to his sweet nothings. I will make you numb enough to suppress your inner longings until such time you won't need his presence. Romance will always have its bliss, but for you who will emerge from something that is bound to become a nightmare,

Absolute detachment remains the blueprint for a well-ordered life.

---

The orbiter is done analyzing the habitability of the planet it stumbled. An oceanic surface regularly lashed by planet-wide super-storms will prevent any colony from ever thriving. Underwater cities maybe a fancy idea to compensate for such seemingly hostile environment, but with a homeworld undergoing a global recession, it is best to send the satellite back to outer space.

Sending the commands to turn the orbiter away from the planet. It swings its solar panels starward to capture as much starlight as it could and convert it to energy. From its protruding antenna comes the order to distort the space around it for a wormhole to open. Firing its ion thrusters, the satellite slowly moves toward the black hole it just created.

The galaxy remains open for exploration. The orbiter will never cease jumping from star system to star system until it finds a planet it will call its new home.

A New Hope

BED, Malate 2 AM

"My friend likes you." A guy wearing a body-fitting white polo approached my "new" friend. New friend was a good dancer. I first caught his attention while he was arching his slim body on the ledge earlier. He was fair-looking, skin head, and slightly older than me. Our introductions were pleasant and certainty had foretold that we would become exclusive dance couple for the night.

"I'm with someone. Sorry."

I saw him pointing his finger at me, while I, was having a friendly banter with another blogger friend whom I just met for the first time last night. The guy in white polo walked a few steps backward, embarrassed, and apologizing for his upfront behavior. I didn't see who my rival was.

Apparently he was buffer and better-looking than me.

Fate did the rest.

To cut the story short. I was invited to stay at his apartment. I was introduced to his housemates, who eagerly welcomed my arrival. The premature attachment was sealed soon after by a consummate intimacy in his room. I left his place like I was already part of his family.

Effective at 9 am today. I am formally declaring a cessation of hostilities against me, and against those who wishes to cross my line. The G4M account, which survived a week will be permanently deleted and I am officially attaching myself to him, who might become the third. The painful process of trusting again and getting to know a new person has begun. I hope that he is the one I've been waiting and praying after enduring a roller-coaster ride of singlehood for six months

This time, I will give love a chance and let it bear fruits like what I foresaw in all those precious moments our hands held one another.

The Fox

Maybe, just maybe, the reason why I don't want to go back is because I know, I know, that something sinister lurks inside me. And time and again, whenever I am left to fend for my own solitude, in the deepest of the night it emerges; it seethes, like invisible fire burning my skin. It seeks its own end after brief moments of being alive; it seeks a direct path, a course towards the orgasm of the senses in a most efficient manner, for it is aware that a leash holds it in place. It knows, it is being pinned down, manipulated and distracted for it not to succeed in its desires. To consume is its calling and to abandon, its passing and the more it is being silenced; the more it is being shoved, down the throat, of the things he can never do and the acts he can never perform, the more it fights back with much fury and more persistence to make its every breath accountable.


13 Mar 2009, 07:13
You: gaano ka ka hard mag-fuck pare?

13 Mar 2009, 07:48
hukbo: very hard pare

trip ko yung isasagad etits ko tapos huhugutin hanggang ulo tapos isasagad uli ng mabilis

13 Mar 2009, 09:17
You: sarap nun bro. masarap run yung inuupuan ka tapos ginigiling nung bottom mo yung balakang niya sayo. Habang ikaw naman eh kinukuyumos ng halik ang kanyang mapupulang labi. Sarap!

13 Mar 2009, 09:20
hukbo: shit trip ko din yun. habang ginigiling nung btm pwet nya sa titi ko, kinakadyot ko naman titi ko pataas para lalo pasok sa pwet nya, tapos naghahalo na pawis namin

13 Mar 2009, 09:23
You: sarap nun men sagad na sagad. ewan ko lang kung hindi tumirik ang mata ng bottom mo niyan. Siguro sa sarap ng baon mo pati balikat mo eh makakagat niya.

13 Mar 2009, 09:27
hukbo: tangna pare may btm ako na todo hard fuck ginawa ko. 3sme yun. dapat habang doggie ko sya bj nya yung isa. pero sa sobrang hard fuck ko sa kanya wala na sya nagawa kundi umungol habang hawak titi nung isang top, di na masubo hehe

13 Mar 2009, 09:29
You: sana men ako yung bottom mo nun. Hahaha. lalaban ako ng patas senyong dalawa. ng top.

13 Mar 2009, 09:38
hukbo: pare cge ba il fuck u good

13 Mar 2009, 09:39
You: and i will make sure i'd be worth it. hahaha.

13 Mar 2009, 09:55
hukbo: Ok ah. may facepics ka tol?

Only to be reminded time and again that he is long dead.

---

First Week: 0 real-time engagements 3 vocal harassment 5 textual insinuations. The statistics could be re-arranged, the heart, cannot.

Scorpio Nights

Utol didn't show up at the doorstep for two evenings. And mysterious her reasons were, it was not for me to crack the codes behind her sudden disappearance. Instead, I let mother, in her infinite wisdom and understanding let my sister go and sow chaos in the streets. It is what she wanted ever since she was a little girl and much as we try to leash her with any rope around, she will just untie herself and go back to her old leanings.

Left alone to occupy our shared space, (but not exactly the same room) temptation roosted inside my head. It's presence, like a steaming white fluid pulsating from my totem pole sent perverse whispers instructing me to follow my instincts. When they left me alone one night last December, someone got banged in my room. He said I was good; my throbbing manhood sent him to whatever heaven he desired (in fact he hounded me for an encore performance until he found a replacement three weeks ago) but I found my pitcher role relatively lousy especially when I do it with less masculine men.

But recurring patterns doesn't end without the intervention of the will. There was no stopping for a horny guy who recently got access to the hook-up places abounding in cyberspace. Insomnia was the culprit (and throw in the full moon as an accomplice) but during the last two nights, I had the choice to wage an open bed-war right inside my room. I wanted it to be consummated, so I will never seek another for a long time. The problem was the hindrance. A strong part of me still desired an end to it all.

I would have invited a friend to stay. His name was Piloto and I was certain that the confidence he wielded unto me was enough to put some sense into my headstrong promiscuity. Again, I was held back. This time, it was my will that wanted some action. Afraid I was that by putting Piloto between my colliding desires, he might become the unwilling prey.

And so I drew out my hunting skills and made them known in the sleazy corners of Guys4Men.

The aim was to trap those men, whose profiles include headless, muscled torsos and a short blurb about themselves that oozed a strong, dominant personality. The choices were many - buff guys demanding to meet equally "discreet and fit guys like them;" lean men flaunting their massively irresistable tool used for drilling someone; and there were twinks - cute and cuddly ones who barely registered among the guys I wanted to bring home. The twinks were the least of my desires, not because they pose no challenge, but because impressions told me that they were the most pretensions among those around.

"Ang ganda naman ng katawan mo. YM mo nga saka face pic?"

"Saan place mo? Punta ako."

"Well you can try me. Number mo poh?"

"Malayo ba yan sa Espana? Send me directions."

For other guys whose homes and sleeping quarters were available, the choice was easy. Pick the most appealing guy who bothered to respond to the invitation, get the deed done and then move on. In my case, stalling was necessary despite my willingness to proceed with the attack. Considerations had to be made for there was no hegemony inside the house. Mom was lying on her bed and perhaps in her restless slumber in the master's bedroom, the maids were in their sleeping quarters ready to jump out of their bed in case an alarm was sounded, and there I was behind their most peaceful dreams sneaking a total stranger inside my room. To be caught was the least of my worries. (for it would only happen if and when one of us made a careless moan while licking each other's crevasses) The real concern sprung from some untoward incident that would lead to a loss of life. Who would ever forget the gay men found slopping in their own cold blood after spiriting a guy inside their quarters the night before.

Another factor would be intimacy.

I would rather do it with a portion of my soul still attached to my sleeve.

And so while waiting for someone from g4m to grab my bait, I was tempting those I had previous dalliances to come into my quarters. There were two of them available, but none would be willing to travel a short cab ride going to my place. It took me great pains to convince them that the trip was worth it, but in the end, they just decided to go to sleep.

Just when you badly needed a fuck buddy, nobody would show up... On second thought, I never had one to begin with.

The night wore on like a candle wax dissolving on a hardened surface. The flames of desire, glowing brightly against a pitch-black solitary backdrop slowly fades as the light penetrates the darkness of the room. As I waited for new guys to go online - any masculine top guy who was a stone-throw away from where I dwell, I slowly found myself stroking the epicenter, the skyscraper whose skyline dominates the midsection of my body. It felt good squeezing my essence, it would have been better if some warm object rubbed itself against the steely surface of my skin.

Puta, ang sarap may ka-sex!

Pictures upon pictures of exhibitionist guys appeared on my screen. Big cocks, penetration photos, cum shot images - anything that would drive away the feeling of nastiness and restore order that was stolen by the sudden imbalance brought by, well, a full moon. I was willing to surrender myself to my inner demons only to trade another night, not being touched by another human.

As I pummeled my right hand into my waiting monster, I thought of the very rare moments when someone had me for a night. It was fun, yeah. Sometimes it was filthy, which made the experience more exciting. I missed the nights when I groaned out of pain (and cuss all the heavens after the rude violation turn out to be a pure bliss) I thought of things that could have been, have been, and would have been had I become more aggressive with my pursuits.

Then I knew I was cumming. It was a resounding victory for me..

Mmmmmmmm....

Returning to my senses, the replies returned by those who inquired were swiftly ignored, and deleted from the inbox. Closing the online windows left by a night of reckless abandon, a smile on my face revealed that despite letting a night go without any action, the relief brought by a ground defended from intrusions was enough to endure another Scorpio Nights.

---

Utol returned home last night.

Good riddance to the Scorpio Nights.

Elements Of The Darkstar

Tonight, we shall lift the steely curtains of repression to reveal the naughtier side of me.

It's been several days since I noticed how the kick of mischievousness has loosened my grip with decorum. For three consecutive nights, the pricey self pleasures of phone sex were my safety harness against my conscious attempts to turn into a promiscuous boy. For those of you who were not yet my readers when the Mugenblue-Odinhood Pact was ratified, the treaty with a fellow blogger serves as my abstinence from all the hook-up sites that abound. I can be pretty nasty out there, (considering how expert I've become in the art of baiting everyone thanks to my previous presence in those seedy cyber-foxholes.) and there is no limit to what I can do now that no one holds me back.

A few days ago, another pact has been formalized. This time, the ambiguous agreement hopes to kill any attachments that may form when someone gets close to winning my affection. It's a friendly reminder to never let feelings run, for I may hurt others and myself in the process. Now I see trouble coming, because the same Shuriken Pact can be exploited if and ever I pursue the path towards the pleasures of the flesh.

I'm sure you know what I mean.

The Darkstar sums up the aggressive, dominant and self-pleasing side of my personality. It is driven by confidence and sometimes, the callings of lust fuels its desire to take control of my actions. It used to have a more malevolent reincarnation by the name of Kitsune. Kitsune can sense it's straight-acting prey by simply looking at a guy's body movements. He plays with men without any regard for any emotional connection that may come after the intimacy is done. Fortunately, I stopped short of wielding too much exposure in the Bath Houses and the online hook-up scene when my cruel game has become intolerable.

I fear for the mess my actions might create.

Therefore, the entity disappeared as abruptly as it was created.

So what are the things the Darkstar is capable of doing? I will give you an example of how he engages equally game guys in a conversation. You may consider the exchanges below as something fictional - if you have already engaged me in a real-time sms friendly chat.

---

Darkstar: Anong gawa mo dude?

Prey001: Heto busy sa trabaho. Ikaw?

Darkstar: Petiks sa work. Hey, papisil naman ng etits mo. Nasarapan ako sa trip natin kagabi.

Prey001: Haha sira ka ba. Baka tigasan ako dito, hindi ako makatayo sa chair ko.

Darkstar: Ayos yan bro, tigas na rin burat ko eh. Kiss mo nga si putotoy ko.

Prey001: Mwah!

Darkstar: Nice, kaya kita gustong ka-text eh. Game ka sa banat ko.

Prey001: Miss you.

Darkstar: Tanginamo, pag-nag meet tayo, itotorrid kita. Unahanan na lang kung sino makarating sa langit pag-nagtagpo tayo sa kama. Lol.

Darkstar: Na-iimagine ko kung paano mo ako babanatan. Shit! Baon na baon pre. Dapat walang hugutan buong magdamagan.

Prey001: Ahh sarap. Galing mo pre.

Darkstar: Siguraduhin mo lang na hindi mo ako mapapalakad kinabukasan, kung hindi, yang pwet mo ang paduduguin ng burat ko.

Prey001: Sex na tayo haha.

Darkstar: Hahaha. Antay ka lang, bibitinin muna kita para palaban ka pag nagkantutan tayo.

---

Okay, I'll stop there. I could be kinkier considering how bareback porn - where the actors really shoot their load inside their partner's hole - gives me a boner.

Of course there are limitations when it comes to teasing and doing the things I say in a game of provocation. I am still bound by responsibilities, which I've learned from reading people's thoughts here and elsewhere. Bottom line is, I need to constantly check (and suppress) my carnal leanings for I know that after it's done comes the long period of grieving.

For my other sides have learned that nothing fulfilling comes after a mind-blowing casual sexual encounter.

Even if it's a very intimate threesome with two very masculine top guys, which will forever remain my ultimate but very elusive sextrip.

So there goes my demons running wild within the confines of Mugenblog. As the saying goes, better express one's deadly thoughts than doing it with a stranger, for what has happened can never be undone. March has always been the month of beginnings and the month of conclusions for me.

Whatever path I take must still lead to something profound and constructive.

And though there are times I let go of my inhibitions - like I am doing for this entry, it is my hope that when the real kinkiness of Darkstar comes in, it will be exercised and performed with boundless lust and so full of love with someone who is equally creative, and mightily cunning and twice as aggressive as my potentials reveal.

I am willing to wait for him to come.

---

Hubby003: Ahhh malapit na ako hon!!

Mugen: Ako rin puputok na. Shit galing mo talaga.

Hubby003: Saan ko ipuputok?

Mugen: Sa loob. Gawa tayo ng baby.

Hubby003: Ulol. Hahaha.

Mugen: Gusto ko lalaki. Para puwede ko sunduin sa school. Tapos makikipag-sapakan ako sa tatay ng bully. Daddy rin ako ah!

Hubby003: Hahaha...

Mugen Bilisan mo ahhh!

Hubby003: Heto na... Heto na... Kiss nga kita.

Mugen: Fuck, im cumming. Sabay tayo. Mmmmm..

Hubby003: Here it goes!!! Shit! Shit! Shit!

Stripperella Redux

What is with these muscular men who strip down, aim their digital cameras on their toned and ripped bodies, take shots of it in different lights and angles and then upload it on the internet to serve as their avatars? Have we become so attached to aesthetics that it precedes sensibilities as our emissary in cyberspace?

Some would explain that they are just trying to preserve their anonymity. Good point. After all, most of these guys live a double-life. Deep-down, their human instinct emerges and it yearns for a unique identity that will reinforce their presence online. But is this all the reason they could come up with? Addressing the issue of anonymity is easy. One can remain anonymous by wearing his favorite shirt or blurring his face and then putting it as his avatar.

But no. These guys would still get tempted to expose their well-sculpted physique in order to convey a subliminal message to others.

And as a non-straight masculine guy for seven years, I know exactly what they are trying to say.

I remember my first year in guys4men.

Back then, I was on the plus side. Not knowing the culture of the hook-up site I found myself in, I placed a face-picture as my main profile. I tried to befriend the guys I found interesting. Obviously, most of these guys are the ones whose main profile appear above so sex was never my intention. In those days, I already understood the unspoken hierarchy among gays which I tried to disprove. I sent them cordial private messages expressing my desire to communicate. These short letters would include the phrases "ang ganda ng katawan mo," or "hingi naman ng tips paano maachieve ang physique mo" or base my opening statements according to what they have written in their profiles. Unfortunately very few would reply. One even blocked me after telling this guy how I found him astig. Those who would answer back would just thank you for the compliment and then ignore you when attempting to engage them in a conversation. It's a harsh world I tell you. No wonder, some members would create threads about why guys would ignore them when they are physically unappealing. I tried consoling these poor souls by telling them my personal exprience.

I learned from the Arclight experiment how things turn around when you have the looks, body built and sensible appeal to sway over other guys to your hemisphere. As some of you have read in my earlier entries, Arclight was a faux-profile created by stealing a photo from another guy I found on Friendster. I made his character so impressive, that it was the guys who have the body-to-die-for who send him face-pictures just to win his favor. The experiment was so effective that it inspired me to become the profile I used to stalk on others.

In two years, I was able to catch up with Arclight. I may not have the appeal to win over his worshippers but my last reincarnation was able to engage the ones who would ignore me when it was my plus-sized avatar who sent them private messages. The formula was simple really: to get their attention, you must become one of them.

So I stripped down exposing my skin. It wasn't as toned as theirs. I don't have big biceps to use for intimidation nor a pumped up chest or six-pack abs to impress my physique on others. My avatar was enough to give an impression of a masculine guy trying to communicate with another masculine guy.

Somehow they understood my message.

One thing about PLUs of these types is that they are more defensive than their average counterparts. With their inboxes often flooded with senseless invitations of hook-ups or messages with prematurely romantic overtones, they tend to put up higher barriers and walls to separate those who just desire them sexually from those who would really take them seriously. If it is a carnal or romantic engagement, they would choose an equal or someone who is better. If it is a friendly banter, they would at least pick someone who could see them eye to eye:

Someone who crops their head, exposes their fit bodies and write short and conscise blurbs in their profiles.

---

This is how things are being done between two physically imposing guys trying to recognize each other's dominance.

---

And so the habit went on, spreading from one online forum to another. A guy out-guying another guy showing his naked body in an attempt to subtly catch the person he seeks the attention. It is a subliminal expression of teritoriality over a space he considers his own; an ancient behavior of dominance that others would acknowledge and respect. It is a display of strength and manhood so that others will never see him as a pushoever, especially in potentially hostile places like hook-up sites or online forums about fitness and health.

It is a tool of attraction; a recognition of his highly sexual nature.

I don't know if others think the same way.

But the moment I strip down - whether in the dance floor or in the profiles - it is the dominant I, who emerges.

Atmospheric Reentry

To get the attention of someone
considered to be the shining jewel
of the club is the ultimate
ego trip you could have.




Until you realize that
everything becomes worthless
when this someone actually gets you.

---

I could have turned my gaze elsewhere and leave you basking in your five minutes of fame. The skinny long-haired lady next to us is already responding to my provocations long before you came to the ledge. However, my inner nature told me to stay. I cannot deny that I longed for you just like you secretly longed for me. With no words able to describe our feelings, I understood that despite your outer toughness, you sought someone who could match your ruggedness. Others will have their turns touching your body, but I am the only one capable of feeling your soul. As you leaned on my arms while trying to bend your body, I knew that you sought someone who can make you feel secured right at your most vulnerable moment.

Discreet
June 29, 2008

Exercise Of Vital Powers

Dodong suggested after paying him a visit at his new pad last week that instead of focusing my attention to a single person, I should take advantage of my single hood and explore different worlds by meeting and dating as much guys as possible. His thoughts fumbled me. Knowing that in all matters of attachment, I try to have a one-track mind to avoid confusing my heart and avoid hurting other people in the process. Perhaps this is the reason why I raised walls and avoided exposure to places that would keep me distracted. I always believed that having a clear line of sight when it comes to romantic engagements would make the transition easier. However, realizing how much I lost by depriving myself of the opportunities to enjoy my freedom, I began taking steps to claim everything that could possibly be mine.

Days have passed and Centurion's successful GEB/Reunion is still the talk of his circle. Feedback was provided by Tagay, and from our intermittent conversations yesterday, he gave an impression that he was quite "fond" of the new recruits for he found them quite "interesting" and "cool" to hang out with.

Tagay's recollection of events and details were enough to make me very curious. I know that I could not easily barge into Centurion's G4M Thread since I am still bound by a pact with Odin. On the other hand, doing nothing except to send feelers to Centurion of my existence would not help boost my presence in the group. Somehow I was worried that when the next Inuman GEB comes, I might end up being out of place in the table.

Therefore, I had to make some provisions to the pact. With Odin's permission which he gave this afternoon, I was able to access Guys4Men using Pinuno's secondary account.

---

Guys4Men will never be Guys4Men if the website never exudes a sense of promiscuity, karir and SEB. Odin only allowed for a maximum of 15 minutes to access the website. He bought my reasons and as a token of my gratitude, I was willing to share the password should he decide to check the website for himself. He declined my offer stating that he had no use for it. As for me, the purpose was clear and the moment I found myself in the sex and intimacy forum, I sought the most discreet thread that I could find there.

Pinuno's thread still has the trappings of his old nooks. Only members who have no "face-pics" were acknowledged by the members. Effeminates were usually discouraged to join for most of them never really sought friendship. Aside from not being able to relate to the majority, experience tells that their goal was to flirt around or harass the thread for being biased against them until they get blocked by the founder. In Centurion's circle, emphasis is given to masculinity and discreetness. The more koboy you are, the faster you get to be absorbed by the group. It is this one-sided policy that made his thread notorious in the forum. What is ironic is that despite being a thread for masculines and closeted guys, we had the respect of many effeminates in the forum.

For we were never bashers despite our preference for our own exclusivity.

New profiles abound when I arrived at Centurion's thread. Some of them were already preceded by impressions from my earlier conversations with the core members. However, for the most part of my stay, I was an outsider. If not for Darwin and Pinuno's acknowledgment of my presence, the new recruits would never learn that I am the fifth core member within their "Kuyas'" inner circle.

My time is short and my allegiances in G4M remain far and wide. One of the threads that I paid a visit was the Eclipse Thread in the Sports and Fitness Forum. The three dedicated posters lead by Juan8 still faithfully keeps the thread running and continues to recruit new members they can introduce to our gym. Unfortunately, no one was online when I came so I left a post to let them know that I'm still around. In the Arts and Literature Forum, the Blog Thread where I met some members of the Alliance still looks after their little nook. New bloggers were still posting their links there. When they expand their connections in blogspace a few months from now, there is no doubt that they would stumble on this blog too.

Going back to Centurion's stronghold, I was introduced to some of the new recruits who guard the thread day and night. Mike2639 and silentboi19 are one of them. They ensure that the thread never gets buried under countless other threads ranging from seeking SEB invitations or discussions on kinky subjects such as "cum drinking" and "double penetration." Tagay was right, the new batch were an interesting mix and I look forward to meeting some of them in the near future. My brief presence reminded me of DN and his elite guard of Anime worshipers who used to look after the "Bahay" while I preoccupied myself making silly remarks on other threads or searching for hook-ups whenever I get horny.

These are the things I miss about G4M. Had I put more thrust on friendship rather than whoring myself around, I wouldn't mind going back after the pact with Odin expires this summer. However, remembering how turbulent and depressing those times were, I think it would be best to keep myself as far away as possible and depend on Pinuno and Darwin for news about home.

I logged out after staying for one hour in G4M. It was 45 minutes late from the agreed time of exposure which Odin only allowed. In my stay there, I received two SEB invitations from horny guys (using Centurion's account) which I ignored and screened a new member who is now the newest member of our circle.

---

Mugenblue-Odinhood Pact
Provision 001:

So let it be known, that today, December 29, 2008. Mugen will access the website Guys4Men using Centurion's second account. It is to personally welcome Pinuno's new recruits to the group in hopes that my presence in their drinking events would give a sense of familiarity to the new members when they meet the last of the core.

Odin was notified of this decision and, with hesitation, had given his permission to access the site for 15 minutes.

Centurion was requested to change his password when the time of exposure is over. This is to avoid further breach of agreement if Mugen would insist for a prolonged presence in that website.

---

December 30, 4:00 AM
I should have stayed overnight in a convent
This is indeed an exercise of vital powers.

Tools Of Aggression (The Final Act)

You can sound the war drums all you want,
but you cannot deny that you are still at peace.

--

If there is nothing that I could say
Turn your back and you just walk away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew

- Chicane, No Ordinary Morning

---

I.

It is already dawn.

Anytime now, the sun will rise in the east turning the starless black sky into diffused blue. I'm lying on a big bed, in a suite inside Shangri-la Edsa Plaza Hotel. The air is humid enough to produce tiny beads of sweat on my chest, but the room remains a sight to behold. A Dresser made of wood, painted in white, and stood in a corner beside the curtained wall-to-ceiling glass sliding door gives an impression of opulence. The floor is fully carpeted in beige, and the soft bed, where my weary body rests under the thick sheets is big enough for three people to sleep on. The furniture around me are stuffs of fantasy I only see in my daydreams. In closing my eyes, all I could hear is the song No Ordinary Morning playing over and over inside my head.

Beside me is him, the guy I danced at Government the night before. We are both dressed-down to our boxers. Nothing has happened yet, since he is sleeping next to me. I remember when we arrived last night, he was swinging inside the room when he suddenly dropped face-down on the bed. Meanwhile here I am, still trying to catch some sleep. Perhaps waiting for things to happen has kept me awake all night. Had I not instructed myself to behave, my aggressiveness would have lead to an intimate act between us.

But my presence beside him is beyond my values. I would rather let him call the shots when he wakes up.

II.

The scene inside the room is almost like a dream. There I am rolling over and over in bed while my companion is on a faraway journey in his sleep. All night, he snored so loud, it defeated my attempts to follow his lucid wanderings. Accepting surrender, I content myself wrapping my arms around his waist while occasionally stroking his chest and forehead in which he reacts with a soft whimper.

I could have done more by pulling down his boxers and doing the deed without his consent or kissing his lips hoping he would respond in kind. But I choose to let him have his peace. After all, I think my invitation comes from his need to have a companion; someone who would make him feel secure in a place far away from home. Sex, is just an extra perk. I could leave the place still happy without getting it from him. Choosing me among the hundreds of better-looking boys on the dance floor to keep him company is enough.

Values almost had me decline his offer. Being taken has its limitations and being at the club alone is already a breach of my fidelity. What more if I dive in someone else's bed? But last night, guilt never came to me. After spending all these years being a slave to... I deserve to express this subdued side of mine. To be invited to stay in someone's plush hotel room has never happened before. No other man has ever offered me such opportunity in life.

Not even my one.

III.

After waiting for almost an eternity, he finally stirs from sleep. Bare-chested, he suddenly leaps out of bed, rushing to arrange his things in order before his colleagues knock on the door. I asked if I have to dress up and leave. He never said a word. Instead, he stared at me with his chinky eyes and I went back to hugging him like my childhood superhero. His fair-skinned leanness aroused my sleeping demons and it begin to consume him as well. Soon, he puts his arms around my head and started guiding me down...

...down to the spot that would trigger the deed.

Everything is over in fifteen minutes, and like the entire experience, it was something out of the ordinary. As it turned out, he was far more aggressive and dominant than what impressions suggested on the dance floor. He thought I was a top but when I allowed him to enter me without any resistance, it lead to a union bound to be broken after the daydream is over.

IV.

I was about to leave the room when I thought of showing him the contents of my pockets. Puzzled at the gesture, he asked why. I told him that since I am just a guest who slept over, it is good manners to let the host inspect the things I might be taking out of the room. This small act of honesty, which he appreciated leads to an opening up between us. Conversation about ourselves deepen as we reveal our lives to each another.

Soon, he was telling me he has a girlfriend. I did not bother asking how he is able to swing both ways without his beau being suspicious of his activities. His revelations is enough. He confirms my suspicion that he's a physician attending a conference in Manila. He also confesses that he is far older than what I assumed.

His face and physique however, reveals a younger person.

He asked what my plans are for the future. I said that I am still in the process of figuring it out. Then he bombards me with a difficult question about my life - if I am happy with it - to which I said I am. However he was able to see beyond the disguise and answered that I appear not. He then proceeds in telling his impression about me; that I am someone who dwells in sadness, gives too much effort on the dramatics and avoids being in the limelight. He told me that I am not happy and it shows, no matter how I try to conceal it.

I smiled as he say his impressions, but deep inside, the mask I put on my face is slowly melting.

For what he said is true.

He told me that the reason why he looks so young for his age of 40 is the fact that he thinks like a 13 year old. He thinks highly of himself that his mere suggestion of being handsome and appealing left me nodding in front of him. He said that his secret in life is to be happy, no matter how many troubles come his way.

"Happiness is what makes a person shine. Having a positive outlook in life makes a person feel better about himself."

V.

We talked about different subjects throughout our hour-long conversation. He described his job and the patients he attend to. "Some of them are on the verge of their deaths, but you will be impressed at how they struggle to live - even just a little longer." Our conversation is turning more profound every minute that I begin to see him as an old sage, who, after shagging me that morning, freely gives his wisdom in return.

He took my hand and bought me near the glass sliding door. Pointing his finger at a bunch of trees downstairs, he secluded the lone Fire Tree near the edge of the pool. "The reason why the Fire Tree stands out among the other trees is because it blooms with life." He grips my arm to get my attention. "Have you noticed, it is the only tree that is blooming with colorful flowers." He then connected happiness, with blooming and with life, which, when I'm recalling right now, seems to have no connection at all.

VI.

His last words are, "a happy person can appreciate such little difference like the beautiful fire tree and the rest of the ordinary trees around it. However, only a euphoric person would appreciate those ordinary trees, more than the flowering fire tree itself."

I find his metaphors too difficult to comprehend. However, when he ends his piece with

"euphoric people are too happy, they find deep beauty even with the most ordinary things."

I understood his point.

While talking about the fire trees and happiness, he reached for his mobile phone to get my number. I told him that my battery died earlier and I would just write down his number instead. Scribbling it down on a piece of paper, my plans were already formed inside my head.

Tomorrow, he will return to the south since he lives there all his life. With his number safely tucked inside my wallet, I am in constant turmoil whether to text him or not - just to say goodbye.

Looking at his beautiful face for the last time, it dawned to me that our lives are meant to end this way. Our one night stand is a daydream moment and I want it to end that way - no matter how I would long to hear from him before he goes back home.

I just have to learn to be happy that such moment with him ever happened...

So I hugged him tight and told him how much I enjoyed his company. This time, his coldness and distant attitude he showed when he woke up is replaced by a receptive accommodation. We never kissed, yet in our moment of parting, I felt his soul closest to me.

I just hope that while deep in slumber he felt mine closest to him while the song No Ordinary Morning plays on and on in my head.

---

And His Name Was Euphoria
May 8, 2006

Odinhood-Mugenblue Pact still applies

Tools Of Aggression (Act Two)

Dear Macoy,

Now, I perfectly understand why you ranted in one of your notty entries how the sight of half-naked guys with big tummies and sagging man-boobies turned you off,when you were the one standing there at the "Mansion's" darkest corners.

I remember your story after a friend, which we will call Kitsune suddenly found himself at the same place you used to call your playground when you were still here in the country. Many months ago, you used to frequent that place. Somehow, your stories inspired him to check the Mansion himself. One night, after boredom suddenly hit him, Kitsune realized that he needed some thrill. "After all," according to him. "The night was still young and so was he."

So he rode a jeep in Buendia going to Taft Avenue. His original plan was to attend a party at Club Government only to find out that he went a week earlier than the supposed event. Embarrassed, he left the club and went to spend the night anyway. The problem was where to go. Palawan was too far away and it would be stressful to go to Cubao from Makati Avanue. He asked me if BED would have a good party vibes on a Thursday night. I told him that the White Party was just days away, so most probably, all the guys are saving their energies at home for this one-night of reckless abandon. Therefore, after he figured out that it would be very shameful to prance alone on the dance floor, he devised a nastier night-out plan instead.

When he reached the intersection of Taft Avenue where the LRT Station casts a dark shadow on the street below, he asked the driver where he would find the jeep going to Pasay City Hall. Being a kind-hearted fellow, the driver dropped him at the corner of Harrison St - half a mile-away from Taft. He then instructed Kitsune to ride whatever jeep that is bound for Baclaran. He got off and crossed Buendia to the opposite side where the jeep going to Baclaran made a temporary stop to load passengers.

Here begins the point of no return. This is where Kitsune accepts the fact that his destination is getting nearer and nearer.

After the jeep passes Libertad, he immediately gazes across the opposite side of the road where the only landmark of the place he is looking for is an old house, whose door is safetly hidden behind a thick wall of stone. Assembling the pieces of memory - from the Wikimapia entry I posted many months ago that exactly pinpoints the spot, to the photograph you took of the place, also a year ago. It didn't take long for Kitsune to discover where the "Mansion" is.

Mustering all his guts, he asked the security personnel guarding the place if he was at the right spot. The guard confirmed his initial assumptions. He then let Kitsune enter the old house where a canopy of plants greeted him. At the far end of the garden lay a glass door that lead to the reception area. Here, he met two other guys who were just about to enter the house of pleasure as well.

Being a first-timer, Kitsune let the men before him be attended first. Observing them, he noticed that the first one was a tall, slim Chinese foreigner, while his companion was a gym-fit, semikal guy. This semikal guy appeared to know the place very well. The Chinese he brought there was a first timer like him. When they finally entered the last door leading to the other side of the reception area, Kitsune asked the attendant the procedures to become a member of the exclusive club.

"May I ask for your ID sir?" The cute, fair-skinned male attendant asked him.

Kitsune gave his school ID.

"Thank you sir," the attendant replied. "You have to pay a membership fee of P250 pesos and another P200 for the locker. Please be informed that cellphones with camera will be only allowed at the locker area."

So he paid a hefty P450 for the locker and membership fee just to get in. Included in his payment were big and small towels and a pair of slippers which he would use inside the club. When the transaction was over, the attendant unlocked the last door that finally revealed what's inside the big house.

"If it is my kind of paradise, I can't help but imagine what carnal things men are doing beyond the lounge area," Kitsune said, while puffing a stick of Malboro Lights. His hand, still shaking while recalling his first-time experience to me.

---

Dark Broken Red Jars
June 22, 2007

Odinhood-Mugenblue Pact still applies

Tools Of Aggression (Act One)

Because in the old days, we know how to deal with this.

And we can still play this game, the way we used to.

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I.

Bumaba siya sa kanto ng Shaw at Kalentong, alam kung saan patungo. Upang madagdagan ang kanyang dalang pera, nagwithdraw pa siya sa Banco De Oro, na isang tawid lang mula sa kanyang binabaan. Sa tapat nito ay makikita ang Jollibee kung saan may mga jeep patungong Punta, Santa Ana. Dito matatagpuan ang kanyang destinasyon. Matapos ang ilang minuto, may humintong jeep at siya ay sumakay dito.


II.

Mahaba-haba rin ang kanyang biyahe upang makarating sa may tulay. Sa Kalentong pa lang, tapat ng Marketplace ay dagsa na ang mga mamimili sa palengke. "Hindi kaya hassle pumunta roon?" tanong ng binata sa kanyang sarili. "Bahala na, first time ko to doon pag nagkataon." Dagdag pa nito.

Bumaba siya sa isang complex bago dumating ng Gabby's ang jeep. Una niyang hinanap ang lugar, ngunit sa kasamaang palad, patay ang mga ilaw nito. Sa tabi ay may videokehan na may nagkakantahang mga GRO at mga tambay na mukhang katulong sa may pintuan. Ang kanyang hinahanap naman ay sarado na, mukha yatang nalugi makaraan ang ilang buwan simula nang magbukas ito.

Kaya't siya ay bumalik upang tumbukin ang ikalawa niyang target. Sa Kalentong rin ito ngunit sa kabilang dako naman. Sumakay siya ng jeep na magdadala sa kanya sa Shaw Boulevard. Makarating doon, siya ay maglalakad ng kaunti upang sumakay ulit ng jeep na maghahatid naman sa kanya sa San Juan.

III.

Sa isang kanto, bago lumiko ang jeep ay napilitan bumaba ang binata Siya ay naglakad pa ng ilang metro at sa kanyang tapat ay bumulaga ang isang lumang bahay. Wala itong ilaw at pati ang sign board nito ay nakapatay rin. Ikalawang beses na niyang nakapunta rito kaya't kahit mukhang sarado ito pagdating sa labas, laging nakabukas ang pintuan nito para sa mga dayong katulad niya.

Ang binata ay tumawid. Hindi nito ininda ang nag-iinumang matatanda na nakatingin sa kanya. "Hindi kaya ma-boga (mahuli) ako dito?" Tanong niya sa kanyang sarili? "Sino ang tatawagan ko, sakaling lusubin ito ngayon gabi... bahala na, kelangan ko ng masahe." Sabi nito sa kanyang sarili.

Kaya't siya ay pumasok at naabutan pa ang ilang mga binatilyo na nagkwekwentuhan sa reception area. Ang lahat ay biglang tumayo at napatahimik sa kanyang biglang pagdating.

"Manong, magkano ho ulit?" Tanong niya sa mamang nakaupo sa lamesa. Ang ginoo ay matanda na, ngunit bakas sa kanyang mukha ang kasanayan sa biglaang transaksyong dala ng binata.

"P300" Sagot niya dito.

Matapos magkasundo sa presyo, agad tinuro sa dayo ang isang pader na gawa sa kahoy. Ito ay may maliit na butas kung saan ang binata ay kailangang sumilip at mamili ng magseserbisyo sa kanya. Mahigit pito ang nasa loob. Lahat sila ay nakatayo, mga seryoso at pilit na kinukuha ang atensyon ng binata. Para silang mga kabayo na ikakarera sa isang paligsahan. Ang iba ay nakasando - lalo na ang matitipuno. Ang iba naman ay naka-tshirt. Mukha silang mga batang hinugot lang sa may kanto. Mayroong isa, halatang proud sa kanyang moreno at balingkinitang pangangatawan. Hindi man ito kasing bato-bato gaya ng sa iba, ngunit sa kanyang porma pa lang, alam mo nang siya yung mambabalibag sa kama.

Kung titingnan mo sila, para silang mga ordinaryong tambay sa isang skwater di malayo sa lugar. Hindi sila yung tipong nakwekwento sa mga forums o kaya naman ay pinagmamalaki sa mga magazine (maging jologs man ito). Tingin ko nga, ang ilan sa kanila ay maaring gumanap na sa mga "scandal" na binebenta sa Quiapo. Kumbaga, sinanay na sila ng panahon para sa ganitong kalakaran.

Wala pang isang minuto ay nakapili na ang binata. Sa kanyang isipan, naglalaban kung kukunin ba niya yung kahawig ni Dominic Ochoa, o yung kaisa-isang barako na walang pang-itaas na suot. "Bahala na, trip lang naman ito." sagot niya sa kanyang sarili. "At least dito, walang personalan... masahe lang." Depensa nito sa kanyang gagawin. Mabilis ang mga sumunod na pangyayari. Nakatayo pa rin at pilit nang-eenganyo ang mga binata sa kabilang bahagi ng pader, samantalang ang receptionist naman ay halatang kinakabahan... Baka kako umatras ang dayong kliyente, wala na namang kita ang...

"Manong yung nakahubad sa dulo," Sabay turo ng binata sa morenong balingkinitan na napansin niya unang silip pa lang sa mahiwagang pader.

IV.

Umupo muli ang mga ibang nakatayo, ang napili naman ay nagsukbit ng tuwalya sa balikat at inabot ang lotion at rubbing alcohol na nasa isang tokador sa tabi ng kanilang pintuan. Tahimik itong lumabas mula sa kanilang maliit na tambayan at inabangan ang binata na papalapit dito.

"Ikaw si James?" tanong ng binata.

"Opo sir," pangiting sagot naman nito. Ang kanyang mukha ngayon ay gaya sa isang maamong pusa. Siguro ay dahil may kita... at posibleng extra na naman ito.

"Ayus... Ako nga pala si Jerson. Kinagagalak kitang makilala." Pakilala ng binata habang dahan-dahan silang umaakyat ng hagdan na magdadala sa kanila sa mga aircon na kwarto sa itaas.

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Tales of the Firebomb Survivors
April 3, 2007

Odinhood-Mugenblue Pact still applies

The Not So Naughty Me

Pasado hatinggabi kanina, nagkamali ako ng sinakyan na jeep galing sa gym. Sa halip na ibaba ako ng aking sinasakyan sa mismong kanto patungo sa aming bahay, sumakay ako ng JRU na ang biyahe lamang ay hanggang Kalentong. Ang lugar na ito ay lubhang napakalayo pa sa bahay at isang napakalaking kahangalan kung susubukin ko man ang maglakad pauwi.

Habang nag-aabang ng jeep patungong Quiapo ay nakaramdam ako ng gutom. Naubos ko na nga pala ang reserba ko sa pagbubuhat at ang kumain ay dinidikta na ng aking sikmura. Naglakad ako hanggang maabot ang panulukan ng Shaw at Kalentong. Dito kasi ay may Banco De Oro na siya namang bangko ng ATM ko.

Akmang magwi-withdraw na sana ako nang makita ko ang isang karatula na nagsasabing offline ang bangko. Asar. Tatawid na naman ako upang magwithdraw sa isang ATM na nalampasan ko na sa aking paglalakad. Ayaw ko nang lumayo. Either magtitiis ako ng gutom magdamag o kaya naman ay iintaying mag-online ang BDO. Bahala na.

Lumapit ako sa ATM upang kilatisin ito. Ang karatula ay nakatakip sa screen subalit patuloy pa rin ang paglabas ng ads ng bangko dito. Mukhang may pasaway na nakaiwan ng karatula samantalang ang ATM naman ay online na.

Tiiiiiiinggg!!! Bigla akong nakaisip ng ideya.

Nakapaglabas ako ng P200 galing sa ATM. Nabusog ang aking tiyan matapos lumamon sa Bestfriends malapit sa aking tinitirhan. At bilang souvenir ng aking pagiging delinkwente, at reward sa pagiging loyal account holder ng Banco De Oro,

umuwi akong may pasalubong sa aking kuwarto.


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Postcript: This post is not actually about my delinquent tendencies. The entry is for a friend who left the country yesterday to find his calling abroad. It might take years before his return, and his departure left a gaping hole, that, no matter how I try to fill will remain spaced out.

If he never found this blog two years ago, I wouldn't be able to introduce him to a new tripper friend who related to what he had written. From there, the friendship bloomed. New people joined our little alliance and despite not being able to see each other regularly, I know that our bond is strong.

The alliance reconvened two nights ago in Cubao to express our wishes before his flight. As a souvenir, I asked for his lighter.

I will keep it until he returns.

This is how we will remember Macoy

- club bath
- dial 911
- shishi-kitsune accords
- surprise visit at the enterprise para magyosi
- red mitsubshi lancer
- bisita iglesia
- enchanted kingdom
- inuman sa quatro with roy, centurion, dn and dodong.

Gym Trouble (This Time I'm In Trouble)

Resistance is futile. Sabi nga ng mga Borgs.

But the struggle must go on. Hirit ko naman.

- Gym Trouble, Mugenblue

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Dear Diary,

Ilang araw ko na rin nakakasabay si Ginoo sa gym tuwing ako ay nagwo-work out sa tanghali. Gaya ng dati, lagi pa rin akong tinatamaan ng libog sa tuwing naiiwan kaming dalawa sa locker room.

Paano kasi ay masyadong seductive tumingin ang aking kasabayan. Ito yung tipong mga titig na nang-aakit at na-encounter ko lang noong ako ay mag-experimento sa bath house isang taon na ang nakakaraan. Madalas ay sinasabayan niya ito ng pasimpleng ngisi na tipong nang-aasar. Tuloy, anumang daming beses namin magkasalubong ay hindi ko pa rin siya matitigan ng diretso sa mata.

Sa tangkad niyang six-footer, isa si Ginoo sa pinakamatangkad na member sa aming gym. Siya rin ang isa sa may pinaka well-proportioned ang katawan na nakita ko - hindi siya katulad ng mga varsity players na mga torre nga sa tangkad subalit patpatin pa rin ang mga kaha. Nakadagdag sa appeal ni Ginoo ang balingkinitan niyang pangangatawan. Talk about daddy template, ganun siya. Malaki na rin ang improvement ng kanyang araw-araw na pagbubuhat kaya't pasuotin mo lang siya ng army fatigue at marami ang maniniwalang isa siyang colonel sa sandatahang lakas ng ating bansa.

Maraming beses na binalak kong magsimula ng usapan sa aming dalawa, subalit siya ang laging tikom ang bibig at ayaw magsalita. Marahil ay nasanay na siya sa aming larong sulyapan o sadyang ito ang larong alam niyang gawin saang gym man siya magtungo. Sa akin naman ay medyo nabasa ko na ang kanyang mga galaw sa tagal naming nagsisilipan. Sa daming beses na nag-attempt si Ginoo na mang-seduce sa akin, isang tapatan lang sa shower cubicle at di malayong gumuho ang lahat ng depensang itinayo ko laban sa kanya.

Wala pang isang oras ay natapos ako sa aking work-out. Mahuhuli kasi ako sa trabaho kung hindi ko bibilangan ang bawat segundong pahinga ko. Si Ginoo naman ay tuloy pa rin sa kanyang dumbells. Paminsan minsan ay susulyap ako sa kanya sa pag-asang mahuli. Siya naman ay titingin sa akin sa tuwing break ng kanyang set. Ganoon ang estilo namin kanina hanggang sa pumasok ako sa loob ng locker room.

Sa pag-asang gaya noong una naming pagtutuos ay susunod ulit siya sa akin.

Nakaupo sa isa sa mga benches, dahan-dahan kong hinubad ang aking black sandong basang-basa ng pawis. Kasunod nito ang pagtanggal ng earphones sa aking tenga upang ilagay ang kasama nitong iPod sa loob ng aking bag. Madilim ang paligid at tanging ako lang ang nasa loob. Habang pinagmamasdan ang bato-bato kong balikat sa salamin ay biglang pumasok ang isa kong katropa upang kumuha ng bagong face-towel sa kanyang locker. Akala ko ay si Ginoo na. Nag-intay pa ako ng ilang sandali upang pakiramdaman kung kumagat sa pain ang aking target. Mukhang hindi yata.

Konting intay pa... magrereply muna ako sa text ni Centurion bago tumungo sa shower room. Mukhang busy pa ata ang aking pakay at papasok ako sa trabahong walang insidente na naganap sa locker room.

"Katatapos k lang mggym. Haha..." Text ko sa pinuno nang biglang pumasok ang pawisang si Ginoo na halatang nagmamadali makaligo sa shower cubicle.

"mdyo tense d2. Kasbay k c ginoo."

Matapos ma-send ang text message ay mabilis akong sumunod kay Ginoo sa loob ng shower room ng hindi man lang iniisip kung tama ba ang aking ginagawa. Sa takbo ng mga pangyayari, iniisip ko lang na may naghahamon sa akin at wala sa aking mga plano ang umatras sa laban.

Ang shower room sa aming gym ay nahahati sa limang cubicles bawat bahagi. Tanging plastic na kurtina lamang ang nagsisilbing panakip nito upang huwag masilipan ang mga members na naliligo. Sa tuwing ako ay nagsho-shower ay pinipili ko ang ikalawa sa dulo na cubicle sapagkat ito lamang ang isa sa mga shower na may dumadaloy na mainit na tubig. Tiyempo naman kanina na ang pinili ni Ginoo na shower cubicle ay ang katapat ng paboritong cubicle ko.

Pinihit ko ang shower valve at nagsimulang bumuhos ang mainit na tubig sa aking katawan. Ramdam ko ang init ng tubig habang ito ay dumadaloy sa bawat muscle ng aking balikat at dibdib. Sa katapat na cubicle naman ay maririnig mo ang ungol ng isang lalaki. Kung dati-rati ay ungol romansa ang aking narinig, ngayon ay tipikal na ungol lamang ito ng isang nilalamig na tao.

Subalit kapansin-pansin ang malaking siwang sa kanyang kurtina. Nang ito ay aking silipin tanaw ko kaagad ang kanyang morenong kahubdan. Isa lang ang ibig sabihin nito. Hindi na talaga biro ang kanyang hamon.

Sa halip na magbanlaw kaagad ay pinagpatuloy ko ang aking paliligo. Sa bawat silip sa siwang ng aking kurtina ay matatanaw ko na nakasilip rin si Ginoo sa akin. Katulad ko ay nakapwesto siya sa dako ng cubicle kung saan makikita namin ang bawat isa. Nagpatuloy ang aming pakiramdaman...

...Hanggang sa nagtama ang aming mga mata.

Kung dati-rati ay dinadaga ako sa kanyang pang-aakit, ngayon ay buong tapang kong nilabanan ang kanyang hamon. Sa tinagal-tagal naming naghuhulihan ng mga mata sa kabila ng pang-aamoy namin sa bawat isa, mauuwi pala sa lahat ang ganito:

Exhibition sa shower cubicle

Buong tapang na nilakihan ni ginoo ang siwang sa kanyang kurtina hanggang sa tumambad sa akin ang kanyang maskuladong katawan. Mula sa malapad niyang balikat ay unti-unti kong nasilayan ang maumbok niyang pectorals sa dibdib. Ito ay kanyang nilalamas habang dahan-dahan pa niyang nilalakihan ang buka ng kanyang kurtina upang matanaw ko ang namumuong pandesal sa kanyang abdominals. Ito ay dinadaluyan ng malamig na tubig patungo sa kanyang pelvic region kung saan na-focus ang aking mga mata sa tigas na tigas niyang sandata na sinimulan niyang salsalin sa harap ko.

Tangina, sa daming beses na inisip kong tatlong pulgada lang ang haba ng kay Ginoo sa pag-asang matuturn-off ako sa alindog na kanyang dala, yun pala ay doble ang haba nito sa totong buhay. Ngayong ito ay naghuhuminding at galit na galit sa harapan ko habang ang may-ari naman nito ay tuloy ang pang-eenganyo sa akin, isang pasimpleng lipat ko lang mula sa aking shower cubicle patungo sa kanya ay tiyak langit ang kauuwian ko.

Nang mga oras na iyon, naglalaro sa aking isip ang magbanlaw at lumipat ng shower cubicle patungo sa kanya. Doon ay magyayakapan kami habang kinukuyumos niya ng mga halik ang aking labi. Matapos ang madaliang foreplay, uutusan niya akong tumalikod upang iposisyon ang galit na galit niyang sandata sa aking likuran. Isang pagtarak... dahan-dahan... habang ito ay bumabaon sa akin. Sa kanyang mga bayo'y mararamdaman ko ang buong bigat ng kanyang katawan habang ang kanyang mga kamay naman ay naglalaro sa aking dibdib at galit na galit na ring pag-aari.

Kaysarap sanang magisip ng ganung eksena. Porn na porn talaga.

Subalit habang siya ay buong angas na nagsho-show sa akin, ang tanging naisauli ko sa lahat ng kanyang effort ay ang pagsiwang ng malaki ng aking kurtina upang ipakita ang aking alagang anung pilit ko man laruin ay ayaw talaga tumigas. Marahil sa mga oras na iyon ay naghalo ang pride at takot na mahuli ng mga kinauukulan kaya't nawala ang libog sa aking katawan. Likas lang siguro sa akin ang maging masunuring bata na kahit na-corner na ng kalaban, ako rin ang gumagawa ng paraan upang makawala.

Natapos ang shower scene na walang naganap sa aming dalawa. Naroon siya na nagbabanlaw samantalang ako naman ay parang tangang nag-iintay na siya ang pumunta sa cubicle ko. Talk about pride. Sinira ko pa ang lahat nang humirit ako sa gitna ng kanyang pagjajakol na "Hanep ang bigat ng benchpress mo kanina ah..." na sinuklian naman niya ng pangiti na may halong pagkaasar.

Had it happened elsewhere, I would have settled my score.

Bumalik kami sa locker room ng walang imikan. Hindi na rin siya sumulyap sa akin matapos ang insidenteng naganap sa shower room. Balakin ko man kunin ang kanyang cell number, subalit kung siya na mismo ang ayaw makipag-usap, pagbibigay respeto na ang pagdistansya ko sa kanya.

Wala na rin naman akong inaasahang insidente na magaganap sa susunod naming pagkikita.

At dito nagtatapos ang kwento ni Ginoo. Anumang pantasya o pangarap ang likhain ko para sa aming dalawa; siya man ang tipo ng lalaki na handa kong protektahan, barkadahin at pakisamahan sa abot ng aking makakaya, sa totoo'y ako rin ang tumapos sa aming dalawa.

I succeeded in confirming my suspicions that Ginoo is a certified tripper...

... only to see him go.