Sophomore Dreams

The air was cold and very sweet. The ground was damp and quiet. From the top of a ridge somewhere in Pasig, the view of the Marikina Valley and the Sierra Madre beyond was a sight to behold.

The twinkling lights from human structures on the horizon was breathtaking. It was a saturday night and everyone was up to party. But for me, it was time to go home. Weary and exhausted from a monotonous life I am currently embracing, somehow those sweet, cold air reminds me of nostalgic remembrances;

that whispers into my ear like gentle voices which lulls my mind back in time.

--

It was the sophomore years. Padi's Antipolo was some dream I wanted to achieve. Back then, I just wanted to drive a car over there on a night like this with some very close friend I am deeply bonded with. Up there, we would play some senti songs on a car stereo while we talk about everything under the cover of the stars and the blinking lights of a sleeping city.

Back then, my sophomore bestfriend would often sleepover here in my house. Then at night, when everybody's sleeping, we would sneak out driving my dad's FX as our joyride vehicle.

Those were the days of carelessness and it doesn't matter to me if I drive without a licence or not. After all, responsibility wasn't a big word yet and impulse was always the one overriding my decisions.

Every night, I would spend an hour joyriding. Actually, I was teaching myself how to drive so that someday, I would get there and achieve whatever my heart desires. Slowly, it began to take its own shape. Only a license is what I needed before I could finally execute my wish... until yeah, time left me.

In my dreams, I would play songs by Semisonic, Cranberries and Bic Runga. I would play mellow songs while the easterly freezing winds blow into my face while we chill out and enjoy a breathtaking view. I wasn't gay then, but the whole reason why I wanted to be there in the first place is to get emotionally intimate with a guy bestfriend of mine.

Many years had passed and the dream patiently waited... until time comes, close straight friends found their own lives and the dream, no matter how it waited would never be achieved at all. The feelings are all gone and the moment... that was there was taken over by other dreams, which were more realistic and highly achievable.

Eventually, I got there using somebody else's car and with a different group of friends. I have sentied with some other chicks whom, had become part of my life.

But the memory of the dream remains...

And tonight, it so happened that I am reliving those sweet moments once again.

And somehow, I remembered you Dar. If only I was man enough to tell my feelings to you then. Even if you may not appreciate it, at least. Your memory won't live on till now.