Bakod

A Direct Message



Papa Joms, honestly, type mo si [insert name of guy here]? Nakita ko na picture niya. Pinakita sa akin. Ganun ang mga tipo mo.

Ay di ko siya bet. Tropa lang tingin ko sa kanya.

Crush ka niya. Tinanong ko eh. Parang mas bagay kayo. Mag-gigive way ako. Magkaibigan tayo dapat nagbibigayan.

Five years ago, a blogger had smitten me. The infatuation was so intense that he could order me to get up and leave the house at past midnight. He was drunk one night and was a bit wasted. I remember dropping him off outside his condo before telling the cab driver to take me home.

The feeling however was unrequited. I was so into him while he was open to being courted by someone else. He even sweet talked with strangers even when I was around.

One of the rivals hailed from another circle. He was a prolific writer who was good in poetry. On the day he was introduced to my love interest, the poet suddenly found his muse. The rival didn't know that someone had already staked his claim over him; that I was already well-entrenched. He also found no error in his move as the blogger and I were not a pair. What he didn't realize was he challenged my ego. Being the butch, I found him an unworthy opponent.

Romance didn't bloom between me and the blogger. As he was not ready. He just came from a painful break-up. And yet, I never spoke to the rival again. He saw the error of his ways. He even apologized for it. But the damage has been done. Learning how vengeful I am when my heart is stepped on, it has become a habit to disengage when rivals are present.

Thus, I see myself as the wimpy kid. The first to give up, when I feel others seem to be winning. But there are other accounts of how I was when someone tried to win over my partner. Once, on the dance floor, I used force to block someone's advances. I stuck with this guy who was being eyed by a much older patron. Instead of retreating, he had a taste of how it feels to be pushed around by someone half his age.

Now I understand where my buddy is coming. Given his past clashes with a another friend - a shy guy who didn't communicate his secret affection - he flirted with a boy who is already being eyed on. The boy had his hots for my buddy. The shy guy thought all along his dates with the boy would lead to romantic persuasion. The result was catastrophic. The losing guy turned on social media to vent his gripes before stepping away from our social circle. 

The fall out showed how shaky our bonds were.

In my situation, the buddy was assured that he wasn't crossing me. He has my full support despite the guy admitting his admiration - and me considering getting serious with him. But it will never prosper. And had it been a different case; of me and the unmentioned one going out, and my buddy coming into the picture, I would have the decency to tell that me and the guy are getting to know each other.

A true friend will cease advancing and would merely observe from a distance.

Because a love that is meant to be should never be fought over. It has to grow without rivals and must not be tempered by distractions. For when a blossoming romance entertains another bee, it shows his unreadiness to commit. Worse, it will expose his past replete with breaches of infidelity.

This has been my revelation to Papa Tagay over buckets of beer last weekend. That last summer, I dated someone who had secret hots for him. Had the attraction grew roots and stems, and the charming boy got my friend's attention, I would thank Papa Tagay for bailing me. It would have been a heartbreaking relationship had I pursued.

I would never wish to be toyed around.



This is my creed for sometime now. Buddies over my heart: Give way when there's no certainty of affection.

Tomorrow's love can wait a little longer. 

Friends and their budding love lives have to come first.

Siya lang may crush, hindi ako. Jusme dapat binakuran ko na nung umamin ka. Go lang. Iba ang gusto ko.

Nagdadalawang isip tuloy ako.

Huwag mo akong isipin. Olats ang one-way attraction.