Sunday, March 31, 2013

Floating, Still

"Ano gawa ng asawa ko?" 

Reading the text message, his words sting like toxin, paralyzing my head down to my chest. "It wasn't uncalled for." I thought. "There is intimacy between us, but that I am beginning to resist."

Like many stories, ours started on the surface of the Blue Planet. I was tempting fate and wanted to get laid. His private message caught my fancy. It was a tease; one that thrills the joystick below my groin. In just a few short, sleazy exchanges, he was able to see my face, and get my number.

Complements were made and that's where our ties took off.

Meet up was arranged the following day. "Let see where this goes," I said. But I made it clear that there will be no sleep over even when we like each other. There is chemistry, that I can say. And for two straight days I was under his spell. 

He was years ahead, but his boyish face makes him look younger than me. He was charming, assertive, and his journey spoke of guts and ambition. Traits I never had. His confidence disarmed me; I was enamored. And for this reason I disappeared on the Blue Planet. 

Because attachment would not let me find a distraction.

Among those I have seen, he was the first to meet my buddies. I was ready to introduce him, not because we are going steady but my attraction was strong. Friends approved. He was fun to be with. The tagayan ended close to daybreak. It's late. I offered my place, like he always wanted. and when he laid beside me; when our bodies merged in a carnal communion; and when our lips locked in a moment of heat, the sticky orgasm left me shrinking.

"I am not yet ready."

Perhaps I will never will.

It's been a week since our chance encounter, and his continued presence; his calls, texts, his twitter feeds remind me that I am prone to breaking expectations. I disappoint people. Perhaps he sensed the growing distance and he copes in ways he always knew. The way he says "iloveyou" to strangers, or his selfie uploads, and his posting of BBM Pin without telling me, hint of his insincerity.

Or maybe, I am making up excuses not to let my guard down.

I don't know. 

It is hard to tell where we stand. Vagueness makes room to slip pass his patrol and on to my emancipation. I have no intention of confirmation, nor recognition that he has part in my life. After getting used to doing things on my own, no longer will I let others have domain over me. 

Not with him.

His question will remain unanswered. No matter how it hurts - to admit - that it will not work out in the long run, to remain detached assures that our ties will not be severed. 

So this is me after six months. Troublemaker extraordinaire, careless teaser and conjurer of forgettable revelries, one look at how my life is going tells that even when my heart fondly remembers belonging to someone - to be in love and think nothing but the happiness of the other, 

It is wise that I should be left to my own devices. 

Because in truth, I bring nothing but sadness.

For over 4 years object S31 has remained in a stable Geosynchronous Orbit around Earth. It is theorised that the object possesses massive intelligence. No effort of communication has been successful since its initial arrival where it emitted an intense display of light in response to the cautious approach of the International Space Station. 

Very little is actually known about Object S31. It is the topic of much international debate and tension as to how to next proceed. It is stil unclear as to what the object's intentions are. It is theorised that the object is in fact one singular organism of intelligent design (created by some other intelligent life form) yet this too is the subject of much heated debate. 

Though there has been no official go ahead for any nation to further study the object up close, the International Space Station has remained locked in orbit beneath it since its arrival. Due to this, the space station has rapidly under gone hardware repurposing to make it more efficient at close range studies.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hmmm. I guess it's normal. Mahirap magtrust lalo na kapag online mo nakilala. diba? pero malay mo! give him a chance? heheh