February 15, 2002
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Galing ako sa meeting ng org ko noon. Palibhasa'y isang linggo na lang at campus elections na, ngarag lahat ng tao sa partido. Buti na lang at graduating na ako ng mga panahong yun kaya madali lang para sa akin ang pumuslit at gumawa ng alibi, sakaling tamarin akong makisama sa kanila.
Ilang linggo bago mangyari ang gabing yun, natanggap ko na sa sarili ko na hindi talaga ako straight. Sa wakas, matatapos na ang mga umagang pinapaso ko ang aking daliri upang ipaalala sa sarili ko na hindi ako maaring maging bading. Matatapos na rin ang mga dapithapong nilulusob ko ang Quiapo, pakunwaring bibili ng pirated na XXX sabay magprepretend na kasama sa mga bibilihin ko eh yung mga pinakabago nilang M2M na nakadisplay rin sa mga dingding ng tindahan nila.
Yun GEB na yun ang gabi ng aking paglaya.
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Sa tulong ng Pinoyexchange, may nadiskubre akong forum kung saan nagkukumpulan ang mga bisexual na katulad ko noon. Base sa mga post nila, tagos hanggang buto ko ang pangungulila at pagkatakot na nararamdaman nila. Tuwang tuwa ako sa kaisipang, hindi pala ako nag-iisa. Na marami palang katulad ko ang naghahanap ng uunawa sa kanilang pagkatao. Yun nga lang, hindi ko alam kung gaano ba sila katotoo sa mga sinasabi nila. Noong mga panahon kasing yun, wala pa sa mindset ko na pwede mong sabihing bisexual ka, pero sabog sabog naman ang pagiging effem mo.
Hindi ko alam na sa mundo ng mga bading, meron palang division na namamagitan sa mga paminta at tukling.
Maghahatinggabi nang makarating ako sa Malate. Sabi ng organizer, nandun daw sila sa bar na ang pangalan ay La Dida. Nung una parang balewala lang sakin ang lahat. Tutal, may kasama rin naman silang mga lesbyana kaya mahuli man ako ng kung sinuman galing sa aking campus, parang nakipagbonding lang ako sa mga coed kong high school friends.
Umakyat ako ng second floor upang kitain sila. Tanda ko pa nun na ang daming tao. May mga babae na feminate, meron rin namang tomboy na mukhang lalaki. Merong mga grupo ng lalaki dun na akala mo ay astigin na nakikipag-inuman lang. Matapos ang maraming taon, naliwanagan rin ako na lahat pala yun hindi straight katulad ko.
At dahil masyadong maingay sa bar na yun nang dumating ako, pumasok ako sa isa sa mga bathrooms upang tawagan ang organizer. Yun pala nalampasan ko na sila.
Hindi ko inaasahan na yung grupo ng mga lalaki't babaeng maiingay at naghaharutan ang grupong kikitain ko.
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My first encounter was a culture shock.
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I went to the GEB expecting that I would meet people who were straight-acting like me. But they were fine nonetheless. Being a member of a political party taught me to respect personal differences, even if the person you are talking to is a screaming diva.
What caught my initial attention was the ladies who were with us. I thought that they were straight since they acted more girly than those I hanged out in school. It turned out that the gorgeous ladies with us were all lesbians. Before that, I thought lesbians were only reserved for those in the tom-boy category.
I have already forgotten how many people were there during that GEB. I have also forgotten how many beers I drank or how many people I have talked to during that evening. But one thing I still remember until now is the 18-year old chinito guy who was seated alone with them. He was extremely lonely that night and since no one would talk to him, I just decided to hang-out with him and spend the rest of the night knowing more about his life.
It was the year Joyrise became a club favorite.
Five years ago, that Grand Eye Ball was the reason why I never left Malate ever since.
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Past Forward:
The chinito guy and I became textmates. When I returned to the meeting that early morning, I realized that I liked him and he burned me for several weeks after that. The following sunday, I asked him if we could meet somewhere near his place. During those days, hanging out in some guy's place with us together and alone DOESN't ring a different tune to me.
And it was that hang-out in his place that got me my first man to man torrid kiss. It turns out that he liked me as well. Too bad, I was so nervous when we did that, and it turned him off. I swear, if my technology during those times were as advanced as it is today, things would have been very different.
I would have eaten him alive.
And imagine doing those things behind my ex-girlfriend's back.
It turns out, someone from the GEB likes the chinito guy as well. Unfortunately, I was more aggresive than him so I got my prize, even if I just enjoyed a slice of it.
A week after, I found out that the more "straight-acting" guys who belong to the same thread conducts their own GEB's too. It is the faction where RC, the future Sapa Queen of the Outsiders belong to. For the first time after my first meet up with bisexuals, I've realized that you can be a bisexual without acting too effeminate because of RC's group.
That same week, the other guy found out that I was fishing his bet. For a brief moment, it sparked a bitter war. Good thing, many folks from the thread never took sides. A week after that conflict, we have patched our differences and this other guy found another eyecandy.
While I remained madly infatuated with the chinito guy for weeks.
During our next GEB, which was a month after the first one. I was already comfortable with everyone. At the same time, my gaydar was already tuned to pinpoint non-straights from the straight people.
That same gaydar detected someone, who would eventually become my sidekick until now.
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Ika-apat na linggo matapos ang una kong Grand Eyeball.
Na-meet ko si Roy.
Kasama pa ang kanyang dating boyfriend.
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