Summit

I started my day having this heated argument with the PExer I was referring to in my entry yesterday. As usual the issue was about his contradicting statements which he kept on defending despite the fact that everybody was not agreeing to what he was claiming.

Anyway, it seems that our written exchanges had become much more personal, that other pexers started to remind me to keep my cool. Which, I immediately did show in my last post.

However, this Pexer asked me a rather challenging question about masculinity.

It is a fact that in the country's gay society, masculinity, aside from physical looks defines almost everything that is beyond friendship. Being a chatroom kid, I saw how ruthlessly discriminating most guys are when it comes to that subject.

Since I have already changed my ways and eased my own beliefs when it comes to being straight-acting and not being straight-acting, I asked a third opinion from a straight guy colleague about how he sees me, if ever I am not out in the office.

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Here is the transcript of our conversation.

Taonggoy* (me) : Tol may tanong ako sayo

Taonggoy: seryoso to ha walang kalokohan

Choirboy* (officemate): ano?

Choirboy: ok

Taonggoy: Halimbawa nakilala mo ako sa ibang lugar, malalaman mo kaagad na bading ako?

Choirboy: ndi

Choirboy: ndi ko nga tlga lam na bading ka at first e

Choirboy: honestly

Taonggoy: So pasado pa akong barako?

Choirboy: oo nmn

Taonggoy: Thanks pare!!

Choirboy: laki mo pa

Taonggoy: hehehe

Choirboy: sino bang mgaakala

Choirboy: np

Taonggoy: haha

Taonggoy: sige tol

Taonggoy: salamat ulit

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Honestly, I was surprised myself by his remarks.

For all I know, I have fully embraced the fold - even adapting to the effeminate mode regularly since I find it quite comfortable to be in that spectrum.

But of course, my outness had previously became a source of uncomfortability after straight guys filled all the vacancies the fabulous gays had left in the office. Somehow I felt alienated whenever they get to hang around and have their own yosi breaks.

Good thing, I am beginning to get quite comfortable with their company, despite our preferential difference. Actually, this is the first time I allowed myself to exist outside the closet and still remain in control with my surroundings.

Indeed, sometimes its better to be true with oneself rather than hide behind the shadows. After all, my nature, interest and personality is more inclined towards the butch side despite my state of being out and proud.

With that revalation from him, I can still be comfortable hunting out closet guys and pretenders. I could still relate with those who are leaning toward their masculinity despite my familiarity and comfortability with the effeminates.

My actual reason for asking my colleague on how he sees me as a homosexual is because I have plans of seeing this Pexer guy myself and see what he got.

At least, I won't have to exert an effort trying to be someone who I doubt if I still am, since I have already the assurance of a straight guy,

that I can still easily pass up as someone that resembles almost like him.

* YM handles have been changed in order to protect the guys involved in the conversation