Faith Of A Mustard Seed

"See. Kaya ako I
practice my faith with an open mind. Respect each other's belief.
Never let them feel that your religion is superior than theirs. Kc sa mata
ng Diyos pantay pantay lang yan lahat."

- a text reply to
Bronxdude

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It all started this morning when Pipay texted me at work. He said he was extremely sick of this guy who kept on posting on different threads about his struggle between his religion and homosexuality. Apparently, this young man claims that he is winning the fight but the cost of it proves to be very high for everyone who shares the same thread with him.

For in order to sustain his fight and reinforce his belief, he flooded multiple threads with biblical passages, his feelings and experiences when he is in his church service and even recently, he is inviting some of the guys to join his flock - which for me means conversion.

His saga goes on for the entire month of April. At first his pluggings were relatively subtle and discreet. A biblical passage here and there - until of course somebody complained about his relentless posting of biblical lines. He stopped long enough for everyone to settle down but when his detractors became quiet - he started doing it once again to the point of literally driving posters out of their respective threads because unconsciously, he filled it with his own posts about God and the bible.

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I cannot blame the guy. After all he is ecstatic. I know that he is inspired with what he is achieving whatever achievement that is. I know that he is determined to exorcise his own "demons" in order to completely eradicate his homosexuality in exchange for the "Grace of Our Lord." He believed that in His eyes, the person who he is now becoming is an abomination and will be damned for all eternity.

That is what the writers of the bible said.

But too much plugging, the frequent mention of God, the bible and morality posted in a relatively out-of-topic thread will eventually make one sick and tired of such ramblings. Personally, I don't get anything from what he posted. Not even a little bit of enlightenment that would make my morning better.

It comes to a point that I almost confronted him with a strong reply if I wasn't considering our aquainted friendship. I have my reasons of course, and those were deep resentments I already have long before I started nurturing my own faith.

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A long time ago, I was a devout Catholic. I prayed the rosary every evening. I was so preoccupied with my religious activities that I almost told my parents that I wanted to become a priest someday.

It was me... until I discovered how to masturbate.

Then confusion followed. I was so ashamed to pray and attend the mass knowing that I kept a bunch of adult magazines in my closet. Eventually the shame went so deep that some Born Again Christians in our secular high school noticed that I could be a candidate for conversion. Ever since, I have this open mind about a person's belief. These people took advantage of it knowing that I am at the height of my crisis of faith. They thought I could sympathize with them so they flooded my thoughts with things that would make me turn to their side.

Systematically, they told me a lot of bad things about my faith. They exposed to me the different shortcomings of my belief, its crimes against humanity (the inquisition, papal wars etc.) and the most extreme among them even made a connection between my religion and Satanism.

I would never forget that abuse I got from them - the way they cornered me along the hallway; the way they mentioned those horrendous bible verses for half an hour; the way they insensitively ignored my feelings and left me upset and depressed after they realized that I was too confused even for conversion.

That's how my aversion towards Evangelical Christians started. It is the reason why I tend to look down at people who uses the bible to defend themselves against every argument when engaging in a debate.

Eventually the bad experience I had with them taught me one single thing about religion: Become too much engrossed in it and what you will have is a dull, close-minded life.

Knowing this in mind, I kept my faith strong and unfaltering after I have rediscovered it in UST. I made sure that no bible based person could turn me around or influence me, no matter how strong their conviction is.