And I Remembered The Rain

"For whatever that triggers it, I suddenly missed your deepness, tranquility and breathtaking insights. I miss our college days."

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A classmate once called me romantic, not because of the way I treated my dates but because of how I percieved the world with my own eyes. I am melancholic, I would rather engage in a somber and insightful conversation with someone rather than talk non-sense until kingdom come. Until recently, I was a sucker for poetry. Words have always moved me. And in my searching and confusion before, it was those poems that made me sane. For the longest time I was looking for a poet who's artistic side never crossed the borders of temperament, I never found one. For the longest time looking, I resolved myself to settle in my own world, engaging in my own discourse for I believed, nobody would ever find me.

During my photography class back in college, my classmates would always wonder why I would wait for sunset to appear before taking photos. I always claimed that I'm waiting for the shadows to play - because shadows always had a dramatic effect on photos. But never did I told them that I took photos on sunsets because it was merely poetic.

Hearing the rain fall on the roof while hugging someone beloved, or a pillow if no beloved is around; lying on a grass or pavement while looking at the sky exploding with stars. Feeling the cold sweet wind coming from the east on a moonless night; smelling the scent of the seawater coming from Manila Bay on a balmy afternoon day; watching a full moon set in the sea; Walking under the rain, pretending it was nothing; Watching sunrise on top of a bridge, since those times, I was an insomniac. Reading someone's poem loudly alone in my room. Listening to light alternative music with piano accompanyment, or in some moody nights, just playing chill-out until it lulls me to some transcendic state where all I can think of is perfection in silence.

All these trippings point to a personality, one can never find in a lot of people. Indeed, there will always be a side of me that would carry this trait, no matter how successful I have blended with others. They may say it is my eccentricity, for me it is my bliss... something that would forever makes me unique.

And remembering all these thoughts summed up after a long and wonderful conversation I had with an acquaintance over a can of diet coke last night... before going to BED,

I've realized that I could exchange a night of sex or clubbing over a night of insightful conversation. I could spend a night sentying with someone one on one over a beer, over a group gathering where I usually end up in one corner - feeling alienated.

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Moved and dazed at how he read my thoughts exactly the way I wanted it to be, it suddenly dawned to me that I missed talking to someone who had made me believe that in this lifetime, it is perfectly possible to be in harmony with someone without even talking.

This evening, I discovered her blog.