Joms: Sabihin mo na kung ano yung huling sinabi mo sa friendster ko.
IceRose: Alam mo na yun...
Joms: Hindi eh. Kahit gist lang.
IceRose: Hindi nga? Peksman.
Joms: Swear.
IceRose: Sige na nga. Married ka na ba?
Joms: Hinde.
IceRose: May girlfriend?
Joms: Wala
IceRose: May boyfriend?
Silence...
Joms: Meron.
Silence for a very long time.
---
It was the first night of my tropa's wake and there she was, attending it with the rest of our college classmates. Her name is IceRose and for those who have been following my blog for two years, our story was written here many times before.
Finally, after keeping my homosexual side a secret, I had no choice but to admit to her everything that I did. She was obviously disappointed. Teary-eyed, she told me that all her close male friends turn out to be like "that." In between her sentences, I understood what she meant. After all, it seems like these three guys she mentioned were actually related to her in a way that is more than just a friend.
I explained to her how the story went. I told her that I was a product of an experiment gone wrong and that it started as a mere act of rebellion against my father. I also explained to her that unlike other homosexuals, my mindset remains masculine and that there is a slim but very obvious possibility that I might be a bisexual-in-denial. Our conversation went on but since she needs to get home early for work the following day and the wake is in Marikina, I volunteered to take her home.
---
The rains began to fall when we arrived in Cubao. Being her long-time male companion, my instinct tells me to secure her no matter what the cost. As the rains pour heavier, I knew that it's just a matter of time before the floods drown the city. Though she lives in La Loma, which is not really prone to flooding, I live in a place that virtually becomes a lake when the rain falls heavily.
As the taxi speeds through slippery streets, we were at the back seated close to each other. She talked about her brother, who also shares the same orientation with me. Apparently, the kid has many issues. From how IceRose describes him, he appears to be in a state of rebellion and acts delinquently in school.
I told her that maybe, what her kid brother needs is support and understanding. He seems to be confused with his sexuality and it is clear that he draws his strength and center from his friends, who are unfortunately a bunch of misfits and happy-go-lucky twerps.
We ended our conversation about his brother with a secret wish that somehow my life would cross his brother's, and my presence would draw him closer into the right path. You see, I told IceRose that despite my preference, the non-straight people I'm hanging out with are all professionals and achievers in their respective fields. I explained to her that we have this unwritten vow that says even if we live an alternative lifestyle, we should at least prove to everyone how we're capable of;
That we can outmatch any straight guy especially in the area of personal achievements.
---
IceRose and I talked about many things, including how she managed to connect the testimonials in my Friendster and my previous statements about my ideal "family" set-up that lead to her suspicions of my sexuality. The rest of them were too trivial to share here in the blog. But one moment in our long and perilous taxi ride under heavy downpour that deeply moved me was when she held my arms close to her and told me;
Kaya nga ba labs na labs kita eh.
Alam ko namang lagi kang nandoon para sa amin.
Ikaw kaya ang tabaching-ching ko.
I could interpret her words in different perspectives. But judging from the way IceRose acted disappointedly when she found out that i'm taken by another man; to the way she asked me if there is a possibility of turning back.
Assumption is not my way, however her sublminal message is very clear to me...
Whenever I remember the happy scene we had last December when she walked me to the Jeepney stop while carrying her son on my back,
Dreams of becoming a father - a family man surges back in my thoughts. It is like a strange awakening from a very deep slumber; suddenly remembering all those days I chased ladies in the corridor; almost forgotten by the years I have gone the opposite way.
If fate did not intervene and I've had my chance to tell her what I really felt six years ago, I may have never become a PLU today.
Thinking it over, there is a very high chance we could have been...
IceRose: Alam mo na yun...
Joms: Hindi eh. Kahit gist lang.
IceRose: Hindi nga? Peksman.
Joms: Swear.
IceRose: Sige na nga. Married ka na ba?
Joms: Hinde.
IceRose: May girlfriend?
Joms: Wala
IceRose: May boyfriend?
Silence...
Joms: Meron.
Silence for a very long time.
---
It was the first night of my tropa's wake and there she was, attending it with the rest of our college classmates. Her name is IceRose and for those who have been following my blog for two years, our story was written here many times before.
Finally, after keeping my homosexual side a secret, I had no choice but to admit to her everything that I did. She was obviously disappointed. Teary-eyed, she told me that all her close male friends turn out to be like "that." In between her sentences, I understood what she meant. After all, it seems like these three guys she mentioned were actually related to her in a way that is more than just a friend.
I explained to her how the story went. I told her that I was a product of an experiment gone wrong and that it started as a mere act of rebellion against my father. I also explained to her that unlike other homosexuals, my mindset remains masculine and that there is a slim but very obvious possibility that I might be a bisexual-in-denial. Our conversation went on but since she needs to get home early for work the following day and the wake is in Marikina, I volunteered to take her home.
---
The rains began to fall when we arrived in Cubao. Being her long-time male companion, my instinct tells me to secure her no matter what the cost. As the rains pour heavier, I knew that it's just a matter of time before the floods drown the city. Though she lives in La Loma, which is not really prone to flooding, I live in a place that virtually becomes a lake when the rain falls heavily.
As the taxi speeds through slippery streets, we were at the back seated close to each other. She talked about her brother, who also shares the same orientation with me. Apparently, the kid has many issues. From how IceRose describes him, he appears to be in a state of rebellion and acts delinquently in school.
I told her that maybe, what her kid brother needs is support and understanding. He seems to be confused with his sexuality and it is clear that he draws his strength and center from his friends, who are unfortunately a bunch of misfits and happy-go-lucky twerps.
We ended our conversation about his brother with a secret wish that somehow my life would cross his brother's, and my presence would draw him closer into the right path. You see, I told IceRose that despite my preference, the non-straight people I'm hanging out with are all professionals and achievers in their respective fields. I explained to her that we have this unwritten vow that says even if we live an alternative lifestyle, we should at least prove to everyone how we're capable of;
That we can outmatch any straight guy especially in the area of personal achievements.
---
IceRose and I talked about many things, including how she managed to connect the testimonials in my Friendster and my previous statements about my ideal "family" set-up that lead to her suspicions of my sexuality. The rest of them were too trivial to share here in the blog. But one moment in our long and perilous taxi ride under heavy downpour that deeply moved me was when she held my arms close to her and told me;
Kaya nga ba labs na labs kita eh.
Alam ko namang lagi kang nandoon para sa amin.
Ikaw kaya ang tabaching-ching ko.
I could interpret her words in different perspectives. But judging from the way IceRose acted disappointedly when she found out that i'm taken by another man; to the way she asked me if there is a possibility of turning back.
Assumption is not my way, however her sublminal message is very clear to me...
Whenever I remember the happy scene we had last December when she walked me to the Jeepney stop while carrying her son on my back,
Dreams of becoming a father - a family man surges back in my thoughts. It is like a strange awakening from a very deep slumber; suddenly remembering all those days I chased ladies in the corridor; almost forgotten by the years I have gone the opposite way.
If fate did not intervene and I've had my chance to tell her what I really felt six years ago, I may have never become a PLU today.
Thinking it over, there is a very high chance we could have been...
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