Speculations

Should I sound the alarm, or remain still and watch carefully my sister's developing activities?

A few weeks ago, I arrived home late. Instinctively, I asked my mom if everyone's home. She told me that my sister is still out, having a night out with her friends in Malate. I thought my mom meant that she was with her tibak friends. But lo and behold, I found out later that morning that she was with a girl-friend who is a former editor-in-chief of a college newspaper in her university.

Coincidentally, this friend of hers is my classmate in the masters. She is a chubby girl with a shoulder-length hair. Her dark-skin, maton posturing and silent demeanor had caught my fancy lately. We are not close, except for one time when I asked her for a stick of Marlboro. But I swear, whenever I observe her activities, my lesbian radar is acting up on her.

Knowing how more tuned my radar is in detecting lesbians, I might be in for something.

Anyway, after several weeks of hiatus, my sister suddenly became active in her "underground" movement again. This would have caused friction between us. However, since I gave my word to my mother that I won't fight over my sister's "unscrupulous activities," I did my best to calm myself last night after she told us that she would sleep over her group's place.

We saw each other again this afternoon. She was eating her late lunch after coming home from a rally in Mendiola. As I was picking bits and pieces of Tocino on her plate, she told me that she would not stay long. It turns out, she promised a friend that she will accompany her in watching a silent film in Greenbelt this evening.

"At saan ka naman kukuha ng pera pampanood ng sine?" I demanded her.

Such insignificant inquiry could have triggered a round of heated argument between us, if she did not explain well her intentions of watching a film.

"Libre ako ng friend ko." She answered calmly. "Lagi nga akong nililibre nun at hinahatid pauwi kapag lumalabas kami eh."

Guess who is this friend she's referring to?

Yes, it's her friend who is also my classmate in the masters; The one who I sensed to be a closeted lesbian in class.

The moment my sister revealed who her company is, I immediately felt relieved and happy that she is going out with someone aside from her tibak friends. Her tibak friends, who only knows how to shout "ibagsak ang kapitalismo!" while still patronizing products such as Starbucks and McDonalds is what me and my mom actively encourage my sister to avoid.

"Nagpromise na ako sa kanya eh, isa pa, social capital ko rin yun," she further explained while fixing herself in front of the wall mirror. "Social capital? Ano yun?" I asked myself mumbling.

I don't know how close they are as friends to convince my classmate to edit her thesis once it is finished. My sister even boast that her friend wrote an apology letter for a professor, which she apparently offended during her classroom-to-classroom "propaganda dissemination" last Monday.

Much as I would like to maliciously speculate about her friend's real intention, I consciously avoid reading things between the lines in order not to make a controversy out of it. My sudden interests in my sister's personal activities, might simply be an excuse for justifying my own sexual preference which is not yet sanctioned at home.

Knowing that my sister never had a boyfriend before might also be a good reason for my speculation. I do not know why her love life remained constantly zero for the last twenty years of her life and I don't really care either. However, if and ever she is open to the idea of trying it with someone "not her opposite," then it would surely forge a much closer relationship between us siblings.

As for my sister's friend, (who I presume to be "dating" her already kasi naman laging nililibre ang utol ko) despite appearing too butchy for my taste, her credentials as a professional is simply too much to ignore. She is far more accomplished than me and my buddy combined and she seems to appear gentle with a firm and disciplined personality hiding inside her big frame. She might inspire my sister to come into the light and embrace the smell of sheer normality of living a non-militant existence if her gamble would pay off.

And as for me, I guess now that I have analyzed the situation, it would be good if I would stay quiet about it. In fact, I should actively encourage my sister to see this girl so long as she would take her home after they go out.

If not for my fear that my classmate would blow my cover, I would actively try to reach out to her since she's giving more concern and attention to my sister than I do. But the semester is almost over and we've barely talked to each other at all.

Maybe in another time.

For me and my sister, this must be our fate.

If it does, then I guess we have to make the most out of it.

---

Me: Nagpaalam ka na ba kay mama na aalis ka?

Sister: Kaya ko nga pina-disconnect yang internet mo para tumawag sa kanya.

Me: Okey, siguraduhin mong ihahatid ka dito sa bahay ha. (Patuluyin mo na rin para ma-meet ni Mama)

Sister: Sige. Alis na ako kuya.

Me: Ingat... (Have fun.)