"Anyway, the entire Sangkabadingan converged at the spot where they first found a voice which is Orosa Street. As it was advised before, those who wanted to hide should avoid the event completely. The out-people would dominate the event so as much as possible, the closeted should forget going there. But boys will be boys, though most of them did not mingle with the epicenter crowd, they were all scattered in the area."
The White Party, June 27, 2004
___
Even the chairs and tables were not yet set-up on the streets when Roy, Bench and I arrived at the scene. At around 10:15 in the evening, the bars that were already filled to the brim were those from the straight ones only. The corner of Orosa and Nakpil, which during the past years were closed to traffic remains open. Perhaps, we could blame it to the culture: Gays begin their parties only after midnight. Or better yet, we should blame ourselves for being too early even though we know that fact about us already.
Since the streets were not crowded yet, the three of us decided to take a stroll in order to see the happenings going on inside the Orosa Courtyard - the spot where most of the gay-friendly bars are located. The whole facade of BED was draped in all white, as well as the awnings on top of the street across Komiks.
After satisfying ourselves of seeing the venues who participated in this annual event, we stood in front of Gilligan's where we could see everyone who passed along Nakpil St. That night, since Roy was wearing a green shirt instead of a white one, Bench teased him that all guys who wore green that night would have to kiss and hug Roy since we joked that boys with the same T-shirt color attracts together. So those who passed in front of us, whether the person was gay or straight was being referred to our green-shirted friend. It was practically an okrayan session where the object of the fun were the get-ups and looks of people who were at the party. I guess everyone were doing the same pastime at that moment.
Not just us.
You see, a friend once told me that gay fads are invented during this time of the year. If someone attended a gay pride or black party wearing a fitting black sleeveless shirt with Buddha Beads and a couple of silver earrings and it turned out to be a scene-stealer, probably everyone would copy the same get-up and use it everytime they show up in the weekly party scene. It could be the reason why during last 2002, many guys I met in Mint were wearing a black sleeveless shirt and a tight fitting dark pants.
So far this year, we haven't seen the scene stealer yet.
For two hours, we just stood at different spots within the Orosa-Nakpil area. Bench was already begging us to find a table and buy a drink since he was getting tired already. Actually the reason why our booze session didn't start early this year was because we had to wait for several other people to join us. Unlike last year where we had a huge OUTsider contingent attending the White Party, this year, attendance to the party was more of a private event. We knew that many among our breathren were not interested. In fact, if XP wasn't that insistent about our promise last year to attend this year's party together, perhaps, Roy and I would have been absent as well this year. Even Bench, who joined unexpectedly turned out to be a huge surprise.
To take advantage of the White Party, even the straight bars who began to invade the traditional gay area of Orosa just recently began to put up tables and chairs too. Since Gilligan's was already full, we took advantage of the available seats at the opposite area of the stage. We got a table close to the dance floor and ordered a bottle of San Mig Light that only cost 40 pesos.
What a great bargain, considering that I just brought with me less than a hundred pesos to spend that night.
The party begins to heat up at around past 1 am. Unlike before, there were no formal program, no theme and no host. Those who performed were not even popular. A guy, who sang rock ballads on the stage made my head swirl. I was already drunk and terribly sleepy, yet I haven't seen the kind of action I was waiting for. It took me another 30 minutes of conditioning before I found myself raving at the center of the dance floor.
However, in just less than an hour after I had a lust-filled close-contact dirty dancing with two girls (that turned out to be a tranny) who noticed me while grooving alone, I decided to leave earlier than XP and Bench so that I could prepare for work the following morning.
---
Looking back, this year's party could be considered surreal. There is this funny saying circulating among gay people that says, "bakit ang mga bading, hindi naman nanganganak pero dumarami?" That night, after seeing a bunch of teeny-bopper boys attending the white party perhaps for the first time, I've realized that our generation has come to an end. Just like the ones who came before us who grew up in Malate, I think most of us have come to a point where the party nights gradually stops and take a back seat, while career and a homecentric lifestyle takes prominence.
No wonder, the last two G4M free-entrance parties I attended in BED before were dominated by kids and not by adults. In fact, that night, I discovered that the Fluids bar in Orosa is a favorite hang-out of kids. It seems like as you grow older, your taste when it comes to partying and going out becomes more refined and sophisticated.
Despite my inner cravings to go to the dance floor earlier than the rest of my group, I decided to drink a couple more bottles of beer before heading to the crowd of party animals. Indeed, my concept of a night out is beginning to change as well.
---
Also that night, I met several guys, who I would avoid in the past because of my newfound preference. Beginning last year when I greeted a former straight classmate "Happy Pride" during the White Party, I lowered my barries and relaxed my restrictions when it comes to exposing myself. I even hugged my campy former Vice-President back in college when I saw him dancing with his friends which I could have never done three years ago. I did the same thing when I met the juniors from my major who once were my ex-girlfriend's associates during our society elections.
In the end, after I showed my support to the pride spirit, I got the most assuring compliment I had so far this year. One of the older guys I've mentioned in my Kuya entry decided to see me that night. Since I already had this idea that he is a very masculine bisexual guy, I told myself to match his masculinity even though at this exposure, I am considered an out-gay already.
With such levels of outness, I could have failed the screening test the MIrC group #manhood administers to their new members years ago.
Anyway, my new "kuya" and I met and had a conversation for 30 minutes. We briefly talked about his life, his activities in G4M and his upcoming sports competion before he and his friend decided to leave the scene. What made me very happy was that he told me after our meet up that I look more masculine than he had expected.
Being a sporty guy that he is, the fact that he invited me for a drink after his training ends in August is a complement. I hope that by that time, I won't just equally match his masculinity - even if it's impossible, I would love to match his hunkiness as well.
---
The White Party this year, despite it's obvious bleakness compared to the previous one remains a great milestone for me. Aside from meeting old friends, such as Chuayjai and Chris; previous gay acquaintances who I have met during my straight life - my ex VP and the VP External of the Student Council; new meet-ups such as my premature eyeball with Sinbad from G4M and dancing with two transvestites which I have mistaken for girls; the White Party remains a good avenue to show my pride with regards to my homosexual heritage, which I nurtured for the past four years.
Like many guys from my generation, we are already at a point where slowly, we begin to return to our closets not as confused individuals but guys who have found their answers regarding their preferences. Gone are the days of hiding because of fear. Now it's back to our own little closets so that we could focus more on the future we would like to have someday. Staying close to the closet is also a good way to consolidate the friendships we found while seeking for the answers about our preference.
Bench was right about his observation while the three of us were walking along Bocobo going to the venue. Indeed, seeing Ratsky, Cognac and Gordon Bleu after so many years would always remain a nostalgic reminder of our past malate existence
If there are changes in Malate, it would simply be us.
our time had passed, Malate now belongs to the next generation.
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