Portrait Of A Single Mom

One night, I recieved an SMS message from an old time girl friend:

"Der r tyms, I fil guilty dat my son doesn't hav a complete family. He's nt havin d best of hs mom either. M afraid of d tym he's gonna ask me bwt grown up stuff. Nothing. Juz wanna share."

Immediately I texted her back. I told her that if she's an irresponsible mom, she had already abandoned her kid a long time ago. To give her an additional assurance, I told her that if ever her kid starts asking grown-up questions at a time when she remains a single parent, I will volunteer to fill-out the answers which my girl friend couldn't provide to her son.

She replied and revealed to me that her real concern was that she's afraid for herself as well. My friend is scared that she might not be able to bear the unforseen problems that she would encounter along the way. My friend was also worried about what to do if ever someone came along to take her heart again. At that moment, I felt her loneliness invisibly written on her text reply. For all the years we have been together, I've always known her as a very strong woman. She had proven countless times how willing she is to stand against all those who would hurt the people she really care about.

She was the perfect template for my ideal girlfriend.

Her first and eventually last boyfriend was indeed a very lucky guy. Too bad, he never saw all her efforts in the three years that they have been together.

"If id becum a single dad with a son, Id rather stay single 4ever. I dunno, para sakin its a challene to prove to every1 especially to his mom na kaya ko mag-isa."

I sent the reply above to tell her that everything will be alright.

And I really mean it when I told to her that i'd rather stay single forever for the sake of my kid. After all, I would have transformed into a homo anyway after breaking up with my kid's mother. But to keep my real identity away from her, I gave a different explanation.

Seriously, the reason why I'd rather stay a single parent for my son is that I'm afraid that he would recieve maltreatment from her stepmom behind my back. Perhaps, maybe his stepsiblings would treat him negatively as well thus, I would have a hard time compromising things for my first kid.

She bought my opinion immediately. After all, sino ba namang nanay ang makakayang makitang inaapi ng iba ang kanyang anak. Not her for sure. I know that she would kill the person who would dare harm her son.

Besides, after seeing her suffer at the hands of her ex boyfriend, I could not afford to see her in pain again. Those who sought her hand after were not good as well. I don't know if my girl friend ever feels how distrustful I am with the guys he mentions to me.

From time to time we would see each other. The two of us would watch movies, talk about each other's lives - her son, her family, and her career as a teacher. I would keep a mum about my own life though. We remain very close, even though I never told her many things about me. Occasionally she would tell me how much she appreciates my presence, especially whenever I accompany her up to the gate of her home.

When I think about our closeness, I wonder what if in some other lifetime, we could have been the one who ended up together?

But since fate intervened and assigned to us two different roles to live; hers to become a single mother and me, a confused homo with a long-time boyfriend. The closest thing I could ever be in her life would be a mere close friend that stands behind her back in times she's about to fall down.

But who knows, my role in her life would actually turn out to be bigger.

The universe must have a reason we never ended up together...

Only the future will me tell why.