Mama's Boy

When I was just a little boy, we had this little booklet that features the different hotels here in Manila. It was an old tourist handbook, but I still remember it's contents. One afternoon, I told my mom that when I grow up, I will buy her a home which resembles like a 5-star hotel. My mom just smiled and hugged me tight. She told me that I should study well and perhaps, someday, I may live a better life compared to what we have during my childhood days.

---

There used to be a perya near our baranggay. There were a lot of stalls that encouraged people to gamble. One evening, I tried my luck on one of the stalls where people would put bets on a tray where the host would spin the wheel and the lights would revolve around the table passing every tray. If it stops in one of the trays where there is a prize displayed above it, you get the prize. The light stopped on my tray that evening. And my prize was a single cheap plate, which I gave to my mom as a present.

---

During my later elementary years, my ninang, which is my mom's closest sister gave me a hundred bucks as a present for my birthday. She said that I should buy whatever I wanted to buy for myself. Knowing that we have this tradition of gift-giving in the family, I decided to use the money to buy my mom a small stuff toy. It was a stuffed cat with a very long fur. When my mom recieved my gift, she decided not to open the plastic bag that covers it so that the cat would not get dirty.

Years had passed and I still see the stuffed cat with a plasic red heart on its chest.

---

Cycles come and go, I finished high school, entered college and four years later, I have completed it as well. I got my first job in my dad's company and one time, I dated her in a fancy restaurant when she so devastated to confirm that my dad still kept a mistress. It was the first time I treated her with my own money. Then I bought her a wheelchair two years ago after she accidentally slipped in the bathroom which left her a big cut on her head. Last year, I bought her a cellphone - using my credit card because she could not afford one herself. Last night, I treated her in a restaurant, together with her closest sister - my ninang, which I am beginning to see as my second mother these days .

As far as I know, despite my sexual preference, I have been a good child to her. I finished my studies on time, I never shouted back at her nor gave her any serious trouble in the past 24 years, and we treated each other as partners in running the house orderly. My colleagues would not believe that my average phone bill reaches two grands a month. I told them that it's because I serve as the nerve center at home.

I still have so many dreams for my mom. I want to give her all the money she wants so that she could buy all the things she desired, which at present she could not afford. I want her to feel like a real Donya for once, complete with an entourage and all - supported by my own money. I want to bring her honor, pride and security so that for a change, after living a failed and lonely married life. She could have everything for herself.

Because of her, I nurture and cherish my feminine side. Because of my mother, I have learned how to become a man, more than what my father had taught me.

Because of her, I have so many reasons to live, to fight every battles I would face and ensure that I will have a life totally devoted in providing her with security.

And now that she's celebrating her 60th birthday, all I could think of is invading heaven in order to arrange a favorable fate for her. After spending an entire FX trip from work going home, I've realized that all I ever wanted is for her to live a blissful life here on earth.