To imagine Lostwansoul seated on one of the isolated benches at baywalk cheerfully anticipating the falling of the rain on a cloudy misty afternoon;
Or the proud but thinly-looking Sad and Blue slipping on a plastic water slide, thrilled at the prospects of having a good splash in the waiting pool below during the Kim-Siong Post Summer outing;
Or the quiet and solitary Jbinx, contently consuming a bottle of San Mig Light on a desolate beach with the sand, the sea and the stars as his trusted companions;
Or the compassionate and wise Dave, helping a lost stranger in some church while humming the song Counting Blue Cars at the back of his mind;
To picture them in these blissful moments remind me that there is more to browsing G4M profiles and exchanging flirty private messages with horny strangers, while dodging the thought of financial problems looming over the significant other's affairs, forcing me to get involved with his concerns.
There are so many issues to resolve and to juggle that sometimes, the only way to endure them is to pretend that they are not there; that they are manageable still when you dont think of them too much.
Sometimes, I really wonder whether my escapism is working for me or it's just pulling me closer towards oblivion.
Maybe my cynicism has already mislead me to finding my own happiness.
But in closing my eyes and thinking of my own bliss, all I could imagine is carrying someone else's son and pretending him to be my own.
Lately, I've been very warm and enthusiastic with little kids, effeminates gays, single parent gay fathers and very old ladies.
And I don't really know the reason why.
---
Or the proud but thinly-looking Sad and Blue slipping on a plastic water slide, thrilled at the prospects of having a good splash in the waiting pool below during the Kim-Siong Post Summer outing;
Or the quiet and solitary Jbinx, contently consuming a bottle of San Mig Light on a desolate beach with the sand, the sea and the stars as his trusted companions;
Or the compassionate and wise Dave, helping a lost stranger in some church while humming the song Counting Blue Cars at the back of his mind;
To picture them in these blissful moments remind me that there is more to browsing G4M profiles and exchanging flirty private messages with horny strangers, while dodging the thought of financial problems looming over the significant other's affairs, forcing me to get involved with his concerns.
There are so many issues to resolve and to juggle that sometimes, the only way to endure them is to pretend that they are not there; that they are manageable still when you dont think of them too much.
Sometimes, I really wonder whether my escapism is working for me or it's just pulling me closer towards oblivion.
Maybe my cynicism has already mislead me to finding my own happiness.
But in closing my eyes and thinking of my own bliss, all I could imagine is carrying someone else's son and pretending him to be my own.
Lately, I've been very warm and enthusiastic with little kids, effeminates gays, single parent gay fathers and very old ladies.
And I don't really know the reason why.
---
pero simula nung moment na yon, tuwing sinusumpong ako ng mannerism kong makipag-quits na lang at break na, bumabalik ako dun sa umpisa. kung saan lahat nagsimula. hindi ako literal na umaakyat sa bagyo. kumbaga sa negosyete tsaka sineskwela, magbalik aral tayo ...
sa ka-eklatan. sa smiley. sa kauna-unahang lovapalooza. at sa malamig at mahamog na parking lot sa baguio.
kasi, at eto tandaan mo tuwing nalulubak yung relasyon mo, "nobody said this was easy ..."
pero yung sagot ko don, "no one ever said it would be this hard ... oh take me back to the start ..."
- Wanda Ilusyonada, Dennis Da Chenes Act 1
sa ka-eklatan. sa smiley. sa kauna-unahang lovapalooza. at sa malamig at mahamog na parking lot sa baguio.
kasi, at eto tandaan mo tuwing nalulubak yung relasyon mo, "nobody said this was easy ..."
pero yung sagot ko don, "no one ever said it would be this hard ... oh take me back to the start ..."
- Wanda Ilusyonada, Dennis Da Chenes Act 1
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