At dahil kaibigan kita, nais kong malaman mo ito bago ko ipost sa blog ko bukas...
- Anonymous, 12:27 am
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I was in the middle of a drinking session with a group of close friends. We were planning for our summer outing when the news broke out. At first, I felt incredulous. It was a news I never expected, knowing that I had a very long night ahead. But his text message struck me deep, not only because I am close to the bearer of the news, it struck me deep because it reminded me of my own mother who is waiting for me to arrive home.
There were many times I blogged about my mom. The last time was when I was forced to rush home from work because she complained of a heart ailment. She had a difficulty in breathing. Thank goodness, the news was premature. The moment I arrived home, I hugged her tight while sobbing endlessly. Her complaint felt like an asteroid just hit me because I knew it was a very close call. That same afternoon, we rushed her in the hospital to make sure we can attend to her concerns. The doctor suggested a cocktail of medicines that she needed to take from that day onwards. Ever since, we looked after her diet and stress levels to avoid such close call from ever happening again.
---
I lost my dad three years ago. It wasn't that devastating knowing that we have accepted him living with her mistress for a year before his passing. We were already emotionally disconnected so when he passed away, I accepted his fate as if sending someone to the afterlife. But, as the years passed, the more I begin to miss him. It's like losing a sturdy fence protecting you from the harshness of life. It's like losing his Glock 22 gun that used to serve as the protector of the household.
My mom's story is different. For all I remember, she has always been the one man-woman of the house. She is the commander-in-chief and the torch bearer of my soul. One call from her and it will make me scamper all the way home. Behind my perceived toughness and confidence in facing life, she is and will always be my softest spot. Even if we rarely talk or show physical affection to one another nowadays, I know how much I love her. In times I see myself losing her, the only world I see after her passing is complete destruction. It's like losing my home world and my being all at the same time.
My friend's sad news greeted me hard and deep. Suddenly my mood became extremely gloomy and I became restless in my seat. In between downing my San Mig Light and texting our common friends of the breaking news, my thoughts shifted from the care-free Saturday night out, towards the refuge of my own home. I needed a place to nurse my empty feelings and the only place I see myself secured is in the arms of my sleeping mother.
The news spread like wildfire. Within minutes, everyone who was still awake received the message. I swear, one call from them to console our friend who had just lost her mother and I would go wherever they instruct. Suddenly, I remembered Dodong's offer when my dad was rushed to the hospital. He was willing to keep me company the whole time my dad was fighting for his life in the emergency room.
Though it was a very thoughtful on Dodong's part, I declined his offer. For some reasons, I had already foreseen how the events unfolding would leave everyone in a state of confusion.
Dodong may not be aware of it, but ever since he showed that kindness to me that fateful afternoon, it became part of my gracious acts when someone very close to my heart is in utter helplessness. Pass the kindness as they say, Dodong's noble deed had many reincarnations in the close calls that I have witnessed after my late father's experience.
---
Within thirty minutes, I beg others to let me leave. I wasn't feeling well and my mind runs in different directions. Others who already received the news expressed their sadness and depression in our text exchanges. It was like being dosed by a bucket-full of iced water to wake us up from our own little delusions.
Inside the taxi, I kept looking at the side mirror to gaze at my weary self. I saw my tired eyes, my sharp angular cheek bones, my swollen big lips and my sagging cheeks on the mirror. For the first time in many weeks, what I saw is not the confident Joms that I used to see every saturday. Instead, what greeted me was a very old Joms; A reflection of a person who just saw time running against him.
The news will reset some home-court policies aimed in rearming myself to the teeth. I am willing to take such heavy burden in order to secure my mom, and the rest of my loved ones whom, I consider the scaffolding that holds me in place. In the past few weeks, all I thought most was my own visceral, carnal self.
With my friend's sad news, I was immediately pulled back to see the bigger picture of what we all call life.
His news, not only broke my assurances of a status-quo tomorrow, it was an arrow piercing my soft, vulnerable heart. It is his mother's passing, but it struck deep, deep into my core.
It is my friend's lost.
For me, it is simply what I fear most...
---
My most heartfelt condolences bro. Pasensya na, the news became too unbearable to keep it contained.
- Anonymous, 12:27 am
---
I was in the middle of a drinking session with a group of close friends. We were planning for our summer outing when the news broke out. At first, I felt incredulous. It was a news I never expected, knowing that I had a very long night ahead. But his text message struck me deep, not only because I am close to the bearer of the news, it struck me deep because it reminded me of my own mother who is waiting for me to arrive home.
There were many times I blogged about my mom. The last time was when I was forced to rush home from work because she complained of a heart ailment. She had a difficulty in breathing. Thank goodness, the news was premature. The moment I arrived home, I hugged her tight while sobbing endlessly. Her complaint felt like an asteroid just hit me because I knew it was a very close call. That same afternoon, we rushed her in the hospital to make sure we can attend to her concerns. The doctor suggested a cocktail of medicines that she needed to take from that day onwards. Ever since, we looked after her diet and stress levels to avoid such close call from ever happening again.
---
I lost my dad three years ago. It wasn't that devastating knowing that we have accepted him living with her mistress for a year before his passing. We were already emotionally disconnected so when he passed away, I accepted his fate as if sending someone to the afterlife. But, as the years passed, the more I begin to miss him. It's like losing a sturdy fence protecting you from the harshness of life. It's like losing his Glock 22 gun that used to serve as the protector of the household.
My mom's story is different. For all I remember, she has always been the one man-woman of the house. She is the commander-in-chief and the torch bearer of my soul. One call from her and it will make me scamper all the way home. Behind my perceived toughness and confidence in facing life, she is and will always be my softest spot. Even if we rarely talk or show physical affection to one another nowadays, I know how much I love her. In times I see myself losing her, the only world I see after her passing is complete destruction. It's like losing my home world and my being all at the same time.
My friend's sad news greeted me hard and deep. Suddenly my mood became extremely gloomy and I became restless in my seat. In between downing my San Mig Light and texting our common friends of the breaking news, my thoughts shifted from the care-free Saturday night out, towards the refuge of my own home. I needed a place to nurse my empty feelings and the only place I see myself secured is in the arms of my sleeping mother.
The news spread like wildfire. Within minutes, everyone who was still awake received the message. I swear, one call from them to console our friend who had just lost her mother and I would go wherever they instruct. Suddenly, I remembered Dodong's offer when my dad was rushed to the hospital. He was willing to keep me company the whole time my dad was fighting for his life in the emergency room.
Though it was a very thoughtful on Dodong's part, I declined his offer. For some reasons, I had already foreseen how the events unfolding would leave everyone in a state of confusion.
Dodong may not be aware of it, but ever since he showed that kindness to me that fateful afternoon, it became part of my gracious acts when someone very close to my heart is in utter helplessness. Pass the kindness as they say, Dodong's noble deed had many reincarnations in the close calls that I have witnessed after my late father's experience.
---
Within thirty minutes, I beg others to let me leave. I wasn't feeling well and my mind runs in different directions. Others who already received the news expressed their sadness and depression in our text exchanges. It was like being dosed by a bucket-full of iced water to wake us up from our own little delusions.
Inside the taxi, I kept looking at the side mirror to gaze at my weary self. I saw my tired eyes, my sharp angular cheek bones, my swollen big lips and my sagging cheeks on the mirror. For the first time in many weeks, what I saw is not the confident Joms that I used to see every saturday. Instead, what greeted me was a very old Joms; A reflection of a person who just saw time running against him.
The news will reset some home-court policies aimed in rearming myself to the teeth. I am willing to take such heavy burden in order to secure my mom, and the rest of my loved ones whom, I consider the scaffolding that holds me in place. In the past few weeks, all I thought most was my own visceral, carnal self.
With my friend's sad news, I was immediately pulled back to see the bigger picture of what we all call life.
His news, not only broke my assurances of a status-quo tomorrow, it was an arrow piercing my soft, vulnerable heart. It is his mother's passing, but it struck deep, deep into my core.
It is my friend's lost.
For me, it is simply what I fear most...
---
My most heartfelt condolences bro. Pasensya na, the news became too unbearable to keep it contained.
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