Day Off

Heto ang aking mga dahilan kung bakit masarap gumising ng sobrang aga kahit walang pasok sa work:

1. Malamig at tahimik ang lansangan.

2. Para ka lang nag-absent sa work, thus hindi masyadong apektado ang body clock mo.

3. Solb na solb ang bakasyon dahil sa haba ng oras at araw mong gising - kahit na nagpuyat ka pa rin kinagabihan.

4. Ang makita ang papasikat na araw o sunrise - kahit araw-araw mo pa itong nakikita sa tuwing pumapasok ka ay refreshing pa rin.

5. Mas masarap mag-isip at magmuni muni tuwing umaga.

6. At dahil ikaw lang ang gising sa bahay, hawak mo ang iyong oras.

7. Masarap mag umagahan ng sinangag, tocino at pritong itlog na handa ng iyong yaya.

8. Masarap kumanta ng Batibot, tuwing may Flag Ceremony.

9. Walang sisigaw sa iyo ng "bumangon ka na Joms, tanghali na!!" (pero considering na tanghali talaga gumising ang mga tao dito sa bahay, kahit alas diyes pa ako bumangon, wala pa rin sa aking magsasabi ng ganito.)

10. Sapagkat ang bawat umaga ay tanda ng bagong pag-asa, para magsimula muli, itama ang mga pagkukulang at pagkakamali ng nakaraang araw at magplano ng matiwasay para sa mahabang araw na daraan. (shet ang lalim!)

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Shields Down

I waited for him the whole night
only to fall asleep just as he was about
to arrive home.
Thirty minutes later, I suddenly woke up
abruptly to the sound of my mobile phone.
It was his third text message telling me
he went to his home
after waiting for me to open the door.
He said, he knocked many times,
pressed the doorbell and called my name.
Unfortunately, nobody opened the door for him.
He said he waited patiently for someone to answer,
I think he just stayed downstairs for a brief period since
my sister and my mother were still awake when he arrived.

But you know what,
after trying to catch him on the street
after I woke up;
after calling his number only to recieve a voice reply
that his phone is unattended;
and after crying while talking to him and explaining what
happened. I just realized how dependent I have become
of him.

Indeed, when I woke up this morning
after catching an hour's sleep,
my first thoughts were of longing.
I could have opened my eyes to see him sleeping beside me
if I wasn't too careless to fall asleep
as I waited for him.
I could have had a better and deeper slumber
while hugging him instead of the stiff pillow
I used to hug when he's not around.

Narealize ko tuloy...

It would have been better to be late at work
knowing I have overslept in his arms.

rather

than arriving earlier than usual
knowing, I never slept at all
crying over and over
for missing an opportunity
to be with him last night.

Rules Of Engagement

For SadandBlue of PEx... Even if you don't know my blog, this entry is for you.

---

How do you get back at an asshole who flirts with your boyfriend 24/7?

---

1. Get the guy's number from your buddy's phone.

2. Access Friendster. Steal a hunk's photo from the website.

3. Create a new account at G4M. Upload the stolen photo(s) of the guy from friendster. Write an interesting profile that would give an impression to readers that your character is very naughty yet leads a very productive life.

4. Include the mobile phone number of the boyfriend-flirter.

---

1. Access MIRC in an internet cafe. Create an attention-grabbing chat handle such as "Tripper9" or "Hunktoploader". Ensure that the chat handle will adopt a very masculine persona in the chatroom.

2. Respond to every sexual ads within your area. Use the G4M account you have created to reinforce the market value of the chat handle you are representing in MIRC.

3. When the final details have been concluded between you and the chatter, use the boyfriend-flirter's number as contact information.

4. Log out from the chatroom. Repeat process number 1.

---

1. Acquire all smut tabloids available in your friendly neighborhood newstand.

2. There is always a textmate's corner in those tabloids. Located at the bottom of the textbox are instructions on how to include your number in their list for the next newspaper issue. Text the number below and request that your number be added to their list.

3. Instead of using your number, use the boyfriend-flirter's mobile number for contact details.

4. Repeat process until you have exhausted all your efforts posting the boyfriend-flirter's number on all tabloids you want his number to appear.

---

There are several channels in UHF/Cable that offers a service where you could post your number to seek "friends." If you're eyes are capable of reading very tiny neon colored advertisements, you can use this service to your shameless plans of getting back at boyfriend-flirter by posting his number there.

---

Emphasize on the masculinity and aggressiveness of your character. Make him appear cool and confident in front of those interested to hook up with you. Focus your attention to persistent effems and parloristas who would surely bring nightmare to your boyfriend-flirter. Physical descriptions would have a multiplier effect, depending on how believable your descriptions would be.

---

And always remember, revenge is ultra sweet especially if the target don't know what hit him.

---

Ic. Honestly, Im thinking of fucking you hard dude, but realizing that you havent been fucked for a long time, I guess you may not be able to take my fat 9 incher. Besides, my ex told me that I'm quite rough in bed. Hehe.

- alterprofile to g4m member.

Penis Monologue

Minsan talaga, nacucurious ako kung ano ang etymology ng mga salitang ito:

• Titi
• Uten
• Tarugo
• Burat

Simula kaya noong unang panahon, ganito na rin ang tawag para sa male organs natin?

Eve of Redemption

One thing sad about having a solitary stroll hours before Christmas is that you can't help but notice the arrangement of the stars in the sky remain while everything from where you're standing had changed forever. Memories of childish laughter that I have kept and cherished all these years have become mere passing echoes amidst the vastness and infinity of the night sky.

- December 24, 10:55 pm

Landmark

Hi Joms, the long wait is over I am starting a new life with someone hehehehe, if there is one person who should know this new development in my so-called love life that person is you. It all started while surfing one afternoon I stumble upon your blog, after reading almost all the entry from your wonderful blog I instantly felt that you’re that one person whom I can trust and share my corny life hehehe.

It is weird because I laugh in disbelief whenever I see couples of the same sex together; I remember joining my two officemate going to Robinsons. People in the office suspect that there is something between them that they are more than friends and I think its true while inside the taxi their having an argument the drama you only see from lovers hehehe. I never believe such relationship will last, but look here I am now hoping this relationship will last forever hehehehe, I’m so corny I can’t believe I will be writing something like this, I do believe two men can be best friend but not in a relationship.

My problem is we became together over the phone and we have not seen each other, we plan to see a movie next week. I do not know what I am going into all I know is that he is nice and tired of playing around and wants serious relationship.

It was an unholy hour of December 10 when I said yes to the first and I hope last guy in my life. It was our second chat over the phone. Honestly there’s nothing special or magical about the conversation, its not like we have so many things in common and its not even at par with what we have as online friends. However, there’s something about him that made me say the three-letter word that I never thought I would say to a guy. I think sex is better than saying yes to a commitment.

I know I am not ready but what can I do, here’s a sincere guy on the other end of the line and wants me to be his partner for life. I still squirm whenever he calls me love or baby hehehe yuck diba so baduy kinikilabutan ako.

Joms hindi ko alam kung ano tong pinapasok ko please help me.

---

Yes, the long wait is over. After sharing to you my thoughts and advices about your own self-exploration, you are beginning to take the first big steps towards the real thing - to personally meet and interact with a non-straight guy like you.

And like all first times, we get to learn from the experience. Like you, I had my tense moments too. To be honest with you, my first PLU relationship had the indirect blessings of a friend. His name is Rocky[X] and back then, his experience was a little advanced from what I have achieved so far. I remembered introducing him to my potential partner one morning after spending a overnight in Laguna with the #Salsalan boys. I thought then that our relationship, would endure time. However, I was wrong. It fell apart less than three months after we envisioned its concepcion. But then, I didn't left empty handed. I learned the value of friendships in such tragic events.

You told me in your private message that you haven't met the guy yet. But still, you entered into a relationship believing that he is your ideal, am I right? I don't see anything wrong with how you started. After all, who am I to judge your relationship. But from experience - and my own discrimination towards the guys I met, I tend to fail in such a set up - where I fall for people I haven't met yet. I remembered becoming infatuated with a girl once - our feelings for one another were nurtured through indirect means. Our MU status was reinforced by nightly sweet conversations which lasted for hours on the phone and daily sweet messages left on beeper device reminded us of one another during the day. It was fun and intimate so long as we haven't met yet. But when the time comes we had to meet, it ended in a complete disaster. I chickened out in front of her while my "uber-cool" friends I brought along took the spotlight from me. The night after we met, cold empty pauses dominated our conversation until it completely ceased one night.

But I never learned from the mistake. Several months after my arrival to the non-straight scene, it happened again. I got so close with a chatter that I thought he had the potential to become my first lover. We met one rainy evening at Robinson's Place, I showed him the places I hanged out in Malate, even if there were no people around and ended up partying at Libis the whole night while a storm was raging outside the club. We got stuck up in the rain and could have used such to our advantage. But nothing happened, not even a pulse of intimacy towards the another was felt that night. After our first meeting, we stopped talking to each other. I just felt that he's too soft for me, he on the other hand felt that I was too distant to be approached. So we drifted away from each other.

And like life that keeps on taking different forms and shapes, I am still in the process of learning. Despite telling myself over and over again never to get close with a complete stranger, still I never learn. Mistakes still happen even as recent as some years ago.

---

We get lessons from life. I may have some lapses in the past but it doesn't mean you're fated to commit the same blunders in your own life. If there is a piece of advice I could give you dude, that is never to deny him the opportunity to know and meet such a good and nice guy like you. Same thing is true with him. You would never know your first lover if you won't give him a chance to reveal himself to you. For now, you may be physically strangers to one another, but who knows, you might find yourselves extremely compatible with one another once you've met.

If things fail, you could always charge it to experience. There may be hurt along the way, but relationships are not relationships when it doesn't include pain and all those negative and stinky feelings that come with the commitment.

I sincerely hope that you might discover your ideal guy in him. Finally, after so many years, you're getting close to the first pitstop in your journey towards PLU-hood.

Learn from the experience.

Tutuban Live

The long, carbon monoxide-filled walk along the most dangerous slums of Delpan going to Divisoria proved to be a cakewalk. Dodging the incoming vegetables carts full of Onions, Cauliflowers, Pumpkins and Lettuce recently delivered from some far flung provinces wasn't really difficult at all, despite having to squeeze my legs along narrow spaces just to cross an alley occupied by vegetable stalls and sacks of produce waiting to be hauled by its dealers. The sight of naked, muscle-toned fair skinned kargadors was completely refreshing. It took away all the exhaustion and stress I felt as I strolled between delivery trucks stuck up along Recto. The friendly security guard in a nearby ATM booth warned me not to put my backpack on my back, so during the rest of the walk just to reach Tutuban Center, my worn out backpack covered my chest where my precious Nokia Phone rest on my soft abdomen. As the vendors spread their consumer goods outside the mall's premises, while the long unbroken line of panic buyers still hungry to acquire goods to be given to loved ones this Monday wait for the stalls to set up, I sit here in an obscure internet cafe, tucked away from the masses eager to haggle for discounts, tired but still determined to complete my Gift List, knowing that this would be the last time I would step foot in this place until the next holiday season begins.

Cyberpunk Christmas

Gawd. It still doesnt feel like Christmas for me.

- Lostwansoul

---

How sad that even the most dreamy of my friends doesn't feel the spirit anymore. For the past several days, I've been hearing from others how bleak and colorless their holidays are. In G4M, the main issue still is how to get a boyfriend before the holy day comes. Visit the forums there and you will find stacks of threads such as "Samahan ng Malalamig ang Christmas Dito." or "Luking for Boyfriend before Christmas anyone?" etc. I wouldn't be surprised if I find such ads on Sunday such as Christmas Fuck or Christmas Orgy in that damned website.

In PEx, it's almost the same thing - except that people are more focused on the material aspect of Christmas rather than the carnal or pseudo-intimate concept of the holidays. Simply check the forums and you will discover how profitable and entrepreneur-friendly the season is. If the people aren't talking about the best malls to shop in town - which will go most likely to 168 Divisoria, they are exchanging ideas as to what's the best (material) gift they could ever recieve this Christmas day.

---

When one gets extremely saturated with the crap happening in online forums, one could simply switch mediums and instead enjoy the sights on television. However it seems like the subjects people are talking in the internet were just spin offs from the media most people are tuned in. Since TV provides the visual stimuli to inspire or discourage people to "celebrate" the holidays, a program may feature gift suggestions or new fads consumers are in to this year. Last Sunday, Balitang K had a theme called 'White Christmas." One segment featured how the rich and affluent folks spend their free time decorating their homes in a stateside manner. Some nights ago, another program featured some brisk businesses offering gift-wrapping services for 'busy and lazy people who have no time to wrap their own gifts.' While its clients defend that they resort to these services to make their presents feel more special, I feel that in doing so, they take away whatever personal there is in a gift you will give to someone.

The examples I mentioned above are just images of how material and commercial our Christmas have become. If one feels to be more pragmatic about the holidays, there's always the news that would remind us of the real lives of people who would spend the season with nothing - families whose houses were burned to cinders in Muntinlupa two evenings ago, landslide victims whose houses and decomposing family members remain buried under meters of Lahar in Albay, Chin- Chin Gutierrez' suffering from second degree burns as she saves her ill mother from their burning house in Quezon City and many others.

Of course, they also show the heroism and Bayanihan spirit that resides in us. The news of caravans full of relief goods being sent to the Bicol Region and elsewhere makes everyone who have already lost their hope believe again, even for just a span of days. But truth remains, when you match these depressing realities to the incessant materialism and commercialism that is still prevailing during this season; when you hear pickpockets and robbers preying on consumers and companies whose only desire is to give their employees' salaries; and when you see more poverty-stricken dirty persons begging on the streets amidst the background of colorful Christmas Lights and bagsak-presyo RTW goods in Recto,

One can't help but wonder where did the magical and fairy-tale like memories of earlier Christmas go.

---

I could spend an entry or two just to write down some of my most cherished Christmas memories during childhood. The memories of playing Patintero under the blanket of twinkling million stars in my aunt's subdivision in Paranaque at the middle of a power outage is still fresh in my mind. I could also still remember how my aunts spent the entire evening preparing the Noche Buena, which lately, has been replaced by dishes ordered in advance elsewhere.

My friend is right about one thing: Indeed, the celebration these days are not the same as the Christmas we enjoyed when we were just children. December came and will pass as if a storm went by blowing everything away - this time piles of gift wrappers and boxes instead of fallen trees and leaves littering the streets. And how ironic that the more we try to embrace the older spirit of the holidays by clinging more to modern ways of commercialism - where everything is almost within the grasp of our hands depending on what our pockets could afford, the farther we're thrown back from our ideal Christmas we cherished deeply so much.

I told Lostwansoul earlier that the reason why many people never really felt the spirit of Christmas coming is because things are so much coated by shallowness that the essence itself was lost to technology. I guess I was right in a certain degree with my answers, but looking at what I really cherished most about Christmas, it is the things that are intangible I want back. Like everyone, I'm caught with its material aspects too. I'd be contributing to the destruction of environment by buying unnecessary embellishments to personalize my own gifts. December turns me into a raging consumer, spending a chunk of my fortune giving gifts to others.

Hoping to get even just a mere speck of the Christmas of my childhood, which for some reasons I could never achieve no matter what I do.

There is something very different about these days' holidays. And like the imitation goods that were smuggled from China, it has become too impersonal and artificial that our human spirit cannot see its deeper meaning anymore.

Mario World and Ultraman Story

Some things I've rediscovered while doing a major room clean-up.

---

Long before mobile phones and text messages were invented, I collect little paper notes, trinkets found in some place or moment, and letters written in stationary paper from friends, crushes and acquaintances believing that such note giving and exchanging of letters will never happen again. I had this vision that in the future, such things would always keep me nostalgic during pragmatic times.

Many years later, the vision would come true. When I opened the boxes where I kept these letters and trinkets, it made me feel very senti. Suddenly, all those people I met in the past suddenly talked to me once again.

---

Before Sims2 was ever conceived, I played this role-playing game called Mario World. The game was complete with bidas and contrabidas, namely a plastic miniature figure of Super Mario and Luigi and their allies as the heroes, while the big boss enemy in Thundercats, a robot that turns into a gun and an army of plastic, mutilated action figures hardened by days of being used as a pamato in some children's kalye game which we called tau-tauhan as the villains.

They had their own bases and headquarters, which consisted of big carton boxes, closets, study tables. Even the bodega in our house was not spared from my imagination. They waged a perpetual war where, the heroes and the main villains never fought directly at all. If I would describe how the game went, the battles where mostly done in a shock and awe fashion where the side who could display the scarier military equipment wins.

---

When I was in second year, I had saved enough money to buy myself a Barbie so I would cease "borrowing" my sister's Barbie dolls. I had to get one myself discreetly at SM Centerpoint because my Guile action figure needs a 'damsel-in-distress' and a goddess. Surprisingly, I also acquired my sister's Ken Doll after she losses in one of our bets. These sudden turn of events was perhaps the reason why I never finished that role-playing game because as I grew older, the plot and story arcs thickened to the point that I completely outgrew the toys themselves.

---

Ultraman was very influencial during my elementary years. I had a whole box of trading cards of his franchise which are already 15 years old. When I was doing my general cleaning, I never took them out of the box fearing that it might crumble when I touch them. As I gazed into the transparent dirty white box where I kept the cards, I could not help but think at how things turn out in the end. Who would have thought that after spending a huge chunk of my allowance trying to get as much information about the franchise through the trading cards I acquired,

I would get everything that I wanted to know from Wikipedia many years later.

---

When not playing Mario World role playing game, I focus my attention to another sort of role playing game where I turn my big room into a mini-city, complete with carton boxes that serves as skyscrapers. I don't have a proper name for such activity but I had rubber monsters and 12-inch action figures engaging my 10-incher plastic grey Ultraman in a mock battle. Imagination played a big role in this game for I even had the map of the city drawn out in a notebook so that I would never get confused while I lay the buildings when playing a new "episode" of the game. There were plastic houses in different colors stolen from somebody's Millionaire's Game so I would have suburban areas and plastic jet planes and battle ships to complement the whole set.

But unlike in the Mario World game where the bidas never die, this game was quite violent and carton boxes where often trashed just to be close to what I saw on TV. In fact, I was recreating my own version of Ultraman, that if I knew how to write a script then, I could have written one of the episodes of that kiddie show..

---

I remembered my dad telling me to grow up and stop playing such kiddie toys. After all, I was still hooked up to such games when I was in second year high school. However, when I think of such role playing activities I played during those times nowadays, I think they were very advanced for my age. If I've realized its positive impact then, I should have defended my hobbies as an "exercise of creativity and imagination." But since, I felt that age is becoming a factor as to why my role-playing games became more awkward in its last years, I had no choice but to cease playing without having a final closure on the games I played.

---

So I had to dismantle everything and put them all in different boxes. It was difficult at the beginning, but my preoccupation was soon replaced by my surging interest in computers. As I stacked the boxes in one corner of my closet, I made a vow to take them out again and place them in a room where they could stand permanently in their places they used to occupy. The former headquarters tucked deeply inside closets and bases disguised as study tables or piles of broken appliances would be resurrected in an entire room converted to a Mario World setting. Back then, I used to believe that such imaginary world would never be far from my thoughts, no matter what happens. But as time passes, things that used to be my fancy would be forgotten. I don't even remember anymore how on earth I played those role-playing games with no beginning nor end, without getting bored at all.

But as I took them out of their boxes after a decade of being forgotten, the boredom nor the method of playing doesnt matter anymore. At that moment, all I could ever tell myself is that how I wish I had been more creative back when playing such games was my life.

Crossroads: The Outsiders Christmas Party

Guys doing their most fab beso beso with one another as an icebreaker; Engineer contestants designing their own Santa Claus get-up for contestant-model using paper and plastic bag materials assigned to them by the judges; A Sing-Galing contest where two guys chosen from the attendees who doesn't sing, perform in front of the karaoke while judges and judge-judgesan showing their most flamboyant act tries to out-judge one other through their trivial comments to the contestants; And buckets and buckets of San Mig Light filling the table as the attendees drown themselves in beer while cherishing the good memories of four years belonging to a group known far and wide among PLU circles as the PEx - OUTSIDERS.

This is our party. And despite the series of unfortunate events that affected the group, we have managed to set time away from our careers and other preoccupations to commit to this yearly tradition that somehow defines the samahan we have.

To date, we have never failed so far and despite the lower attendance this year, The Christmas Party was a success.

---

And so, the story begins before the start of December.

Some of my tropa see each other regularly to watch movies. However, during these times I was busy with school, work and gym that I missed most of their night-outs. If not for Roy, who recently shows up more regularly to the contingents, I would be completely unaware when it comes to the personal lives of my brodders.

While I was busy organizing the class reunion of my batch, Rocky, Bunshoy and Nathan were making initial plans for this year's Odder's Christmas Party. Of course, the main issue would always be the place. Last year we held it at Elbow Room, Metrowalk. However it seems like the legendary bar recieved so much plugging this year from bloggers like me that all their function rooms were booked early for Christmas Parties.

So we had to set it in a nearby bar instead. The party will be held in a relatively obscure restaurant called Menu, still in Metrowalk.

After the downpayment, sponsored in full by one of our founders was paid, the invitation went in full circulation. At first, the reception was lukewarm - according to one of the organizers. Even a tropa, who is currently training in London for six months exerted efforts just to invite the guys to attend the party. But learning from my experience organizing the class reunion two weeks ago, I told them that apparent silence is normal especially when things regarding an event have already been set up.

Nevertheless, despite my isolation these past few months, I assured them of my presence. This is one tradition that I could not ignore no matter what happens to the group.

---

And so, the party pushed through despite a delay of over two hours.

And surprisingly, most of those who attended are the ones we only see during the party. There were also guests invited by the annual attendees and new love interests of our fellow brodders, which we never saw last year.

Aside from the parlor games, we also had our yearly awarding ceremonies this year. However, unlike the past years where the awards were based from the entire year's performance of an Odder, the awards this year were based on the overall get-up and perception of the attendees. Since the theme for the Christmas Party was a Hat Party, there was an award for the guy who wears the best hat for the night. There was also an award for the best dressed - which was won by a friend who wore a Cosplay get-up. The most improved Odder was given to Roy, who wore a "construction worker" outfit at the party. Papu was voted the Star Of The Night which I think was rigged due to his overwhelming influence and source of inspiration in the group. Nevertheless, I think I casted my vote for him in that category as well.

---

During the little intermission number where all the birit singers fought violently for the microphone just to sing a Mariah song, I had a bonding session with one of the organizers. I congratulated him for a successful party despite the apparent lack of interest from some people - who eventually showed up that night. He told me that he personally could not allow the tradition to pass simply because some events changed the landscape of the group which undoubtedly affected some of us.

For a moment, I was assuming that this year's party would be replaced by a get-together that is less fab and more intimate among us. I never doubted that such tradition would be shelved off completely especially when I think about how time flies and the more we grow older together, the closer the possibility that we would end up as Brodders for life - no matter how many misunderstandings and conflicts that may come our way.

Two nights before the party, Roy and I had a little chat about our vision of the Odders 20 years from now. It seems like aside from us, some of our tropa had begun entertaining the possibility of living together in one place - maybe a compound or in a big mansion depending on how successful we would be in our respective careers. I jokingly told him that we could even employ good looking nurses and caregivers just to look after us when we get that old.

When I think of this possible future for us, I probably get an idea as to why these traditions endure in the face of great changes...

Just like what I've said last year:

---

The party shows that its not just a mere gathering anymore.
It has become a tradition of a family.

---

I guess that sums up the general sentiments from all of us, who tries to make such tradition alive, not only for the present but for a common future all us would have to face in time.

The Moon, The Stars and The Sky

They say that the moon was created
to inspire the heavens, so that man could
always look at it and be reminded to
reach for the stars... someday

At twenty, you see the
quarter life as a very faraway destination.
It's like gazing at the sun on a chilly sunset,
the traquility of time warms your soul.

But when you actually turn twenty five,
you begin to see things differently.
Instead of just standing and watching the sun set,
you start chasing it everyday before it is swallowed

by the darkness.

But I decided to reach for the moon instead.
So that at least, I won't get burned chasing the sun.
It takes a moment to dream of the heavens,
but it takes a lifetime to build a rocketship

That might actually take you there.

So I decided to build mine last year
and begin my journey without any
final destination. My hope is that
somehow, I could manage to reach at least the moon.

So that when I get there,
I could always look back
and gaze at this beautiful planet
and brag to myself, in the coldness of space

What a lovely life I've got.
Thank you God for everything.

In the silence of Phankspace.


Happy Birthday... Joms.

Big Fat Shanghai

For Mami Athena, in honor of her wonderful Pork Binagoongan.

---

I took up classes in Food Writing for my masters in hopes that my one-time experience in writing about a restaurant in Manila Times during my OJT would get me through this subject. But less than halfway through the semester, I am beginning to think that food writing is not just writing about food.

It all started last week. Before the class was adjourned, one of my classmates suggested that we should have a little Christmas Party the next meeting. The moderator immediately bought her suggestion and since we are in a Food Writing Class, she said that we should at least bring a dish that we personally prepared.

Everyone agreed and their decision posed a huge problem for me.

---

You see, I never really know how to cook. I wasn't even allowed to light a stove because I used to be a pyromaniac in the past. I guess my past deeds (which almost burned our house one time) never got out of my karma. So I told them I don't know how to cook. The moderator suggested that I could at least fry an egg, which I confessed to them that I cannot do. So we ended the class last meeting without me anything to offer them for this afternoon's "little tea party."

At first, I thought that I could ask my mom's friend who is good at making Graham Mango Cake to assist me in how to make one. But I later realized that I don't have the necessary cooking materials and experience to do such a grand thing. Besides, I am not even sure if I could count her with preparing the cake or not.

So I junked the idea before I could actually make preparations for baking.

As days passed, I thought about making a salad. But since nobody knows how to make one and assist me in making my own, there might be some unforseen problems that could happen in food preparation. Then, two days ago, after having some deep thoughts about the food that I would bring, I realized that it would be best to bring a dish that is very close to me. I thought of something that I could not cook, yet I know in my heart how the maid prepares it.

So I decided to make a Lumpiang Shanghai to bring it to the party.

---

The preparation is very simple.

One need at least a half a kilo of ground pork; 1 onion, 1 garlic and a carrot sliced and finely minced; a half teaspoonful of salt, half-sachet of Ajinomoto and black pepper powder dashed into the mixture. Stir gently all the ingredients in a bowl until the mixture becomes uniform enough not to distinguish one ingredient from another. Finally add the california raisins and two eggs into the bowl and mix well. This will improve the texture and taste of the filling.

Once the ingredients have been mixed thoroughly, spread the lumpia wrapper in a plate. Take a spoonful of the mixture, dab it into the plate until it forms a long lump halfway towards the center of the wrapper. Fold the wrapper and roll it in a manner that the final product would look like a 6-incher fat Cuban cigar. Repeat the process depending on the serving.

The frying must be done under low heat so that the filling would cook the same way as the wrapper does. This light flame technique would avoid the terrible fatality where the lumpia ends up being crispy yet the filling has a repulsive smell and raw-like aftertaste.

---

I took the first taste test when the first lumpia was taken out of the casserole. I must say that its taste and experience was what I had envisioned in mind. It's smell roused my fondest memories of eating in Jollibee and it made me smile everytime I take out a piece of lumpia from the bubbling pool of boiling oil. You see, the very reason why I chose the dish is because I wanted to capture the fat lumpiang shanghai our maid cooks for dinner. I'm so tired and bored with the slim small ones that is so often served during parties that I have hoped to make my own version that is filling and full of lively ingredients. In the end, I succeeded in making one in just my first try.

When my lumpia was served during the little tea party, my classmates could not help but comment on how wonderful my dish was. I'm not sure if they believed that I made it myself but nevertheless, I am flattered by their compliments. At least, my gruelling crayola moments while dicing the onions paid off.

---

Carla Pacis, our moderator in Food Writing always tells us that the secret in writing excellent food essay lies on the experiences and memories of the food writer. He must capture its essences and write it in a way that the reader's senses would be roused by his words and feelings. As I prepared the mixture, I had a little bonding moment with our helper, who was there every step of the way to guide me.

I told her how much I appreciated the dishes she cooked for us and her experiences and memories serve as my example whenever we have class discussion in the subject.

It would take a long time before I get to be a good cook or a very good food writer like Doreen Fernandez. But my first time experience with Lumpiang Shanghai might hopefully, wishfully awaken the inner chef in me.

Three Days And Counting

Ask me what my wish for my 25th would be and I would tell you of two things.

1. Survival and growth of our sikyu agency.

and

2. Happiness, health and security of the people I hold dear; particularly my mom, my sister and my buddy.

Like the years before, I won't celebrate it with much fanfare and excitement. I would greet the day in a stoic and pious fashion in hopes that such somberness would reflect my determination to make my life next year very simple yet full of achievements.

May things be as meaningful as what I had achieved during my 24th...

4C5

One by one, we trickled at the gates of the Palace after coming from our first subject at school. We had to attend our second and last subject for the day, which because of a special case of a professor, must be held outside of the university and in one of the big offices of the press undersecretary. Sometimes, when we were lucky, classes are held at the very press conference room where the press secretary announces the presidential happenings for the day. Although, we were not allowed to join the press corps in hurling questions to the secretary, at least we had a first hand look at how news were being made at the halls of Malacanang.

Summer was fast approaching. It was our final second semester in college and ironically in our major, the closer you get to graduation day, the lesser workload you have in school. Since writing thesis was almost like having a Cosplay with the thesis advisers and panelists and doing feature articles and video reports that were inspired ala Probe Team were done in a fashion almost parallel to having an out-of-town field trips, those days were the best of our lives.

Who would have thought that Journalism was all about writing, writing and writing? Back then, I felt more alive and aware of the world compared to these days where all I do everyday is sit on the computer and work eight hours a day just to make money.

You see, when you leave the dream-state back in college, what would greet you after is a sense of longing for those days when everything is just fun to you.

---

It took us five years to organize a class reunion - which compared to other majors in our college, only comprised of forty-two students. The preparation was done in just a matter of two weeks and the venue was the same place where we held our christmas parties when we were still Journ students.

Out of the forty two from our batch, less than half came - despite the endless reminders and invitations for everyone to come. It seems like some are not that interested to show up, while others are just too busy to take a break in their careers and for once, become a pseudo-journ student again. Nevertheless, it was fun and memorable: Exes are talking again after years of ignoring one another; open forum that revealed the secret lives of the people who came to the party; and personal disputes that were left unresolved back in college appears to have been resolved in just one night.

There were countless attempts to organize a reunion before, but nothing had prospered out of the yahoogroups. Some say that this one was only successful because the former class-president personally called for such reunion and he immediately delegated all the task of inviting people to former classmates who have stronger ties and PR skills to get everyone interested in this once-in-a-lifetime event.

In short, not only was he involved in this project but also his Vice President, his secretary, and everyone else who has the networking ability to encourage their circle of friends to join.

---

The reunion could be considered a success in many ways. In fact, others who showed up thought that the party laid the foundation for future reunions. Pizzas, tacos, roasted chickens, spongecakes filled the dining table. What's nice about the food that were served was that everything were just a contributions from those who came. Even the San Mig Light and the two bottles of Jose Cuervo who took away all our inhibitions that night came from the president and his all-male barkada.

If there is something I'm really happy about how the reunion turned out - especially during the open forum/inuman session that lasted till morning, it is that I would always be thankful to my classmates who already knew my preference yet understood its sensitivity in front of my straight tropa. They could have grilled me at the open forum but instead, they decided to open up some things about my past heterosexual lovelife instead.

---

I don't know if a reunion would happen again, but everyone seems optimistic about it. The former class president said that as long as the place - that holds so many memories of our journ lives remain available, then calling such event won't be as difficult as other organizers have encountered.

Looking back, five years isn't really a long time - unless you meet a former quiet girl classmate who used to be as big as a whale then suddenly showed up very slim and remarkably unrecognizable at the reunion. What's ironic about her is that we used to call her the "Miss Universe" of our class because of her finesse and elegance in doing things, even her way of eating fishballs before was classy. The boys who came to the reunion remembered her monicker and began calling her again "Miss Universe" all throughout the night.

In the future, there would be more revelations and more success stories to tell. We never talked so much about careers. Next time we meet each other again, such department in our lives would surely be revealed as well.

For the past two days, I used to sulk about how it turned out, maybe because I was expecting more people to come - especially the ones I have personally invited and promised that they would show up. But after having second thoughts as to how things went - despite its minor shortcomings, I think I should still consider the reunion a success.

The mere fact the all-boys faction came to the reunion is a good sign. Another good sign is that the conya/conyo faction and the Varsitarian group were willing to show up and they did. Perhaps there remains a possibility that one day, on the second week of December, everyone in the batch would recieve this certain familiar text message they recieved whenever there were important changes and reminders back when we were journ students:

---

4C5 News Advisory: In the spirit of our long-standing friendship and camaraderie to one another as journalists and former classmates, Please be informed that there will be a Class Reunion this Saturday, December 7, 2007 at Cai's Place. Please check out the yahoo groups for more details.

See you.

Signed.

The President.

Footnote

And I think its all worth it in the end.
The bad thing though is that its very
bad for the coffers.

Mark Of A True PLU Tropa

Find yourself in a pad, just the three of you. half naked and consuming bottles and bottles of San Mig Light. Beside the table are big windows overlooking Ortigas Center, shimmering brightly against the night backdrop, while having nostalgic conversations about Eraserheads, high school memories, 90's pinoy alternative music scene and erotic stuffs you have encountered so far being a PLU.

In a typical homosexual setting where the guys having inuman barely knows one another, such scenario proves extremely tense, dangerous and arousing. But for the three of us who have gone beyond such kind of perspective, we felt straighter in our drinking session last night than we have ever been in our PLU lives.

Honestly, if I would remember one of the best drinking sessions yet I had in my life, I would consider tonight as one of the best and freest inuman I've ever had.

You know who you are guys. After four years, It's the second time we had this kind of bonding. I will forever treasure this moment.

Anti-Monologue

Question: How do you cope up when concerns arise and you don't have anyone to talk to?

Answer: Have a conversation with your "imagined personas" and make an entry out of it. Hopefully, such silly conversations would make you feel better while taking a break at work.

---

Mugen: I found out that Phanks added two unfamiliar PLUs in his friendster. These guys gives me an impression that they are slutty and extremely aggressive in hook ups. It concerns me because there is a strong chance that they already engage in chat. Perhaps they exchanged text messages already. Probably they have met behind my back, I'm not sure. What should I do?

Pulsar: Ignore. Don't give an impression that you haven't moved on from the initial years of your buddy-ship. Whatever their business is not your concern. After all, he still declares his relationship with you. Besides you have your own business you often keep under your sleeve right?

Darkstar: Ignore and pretend that you don't know anything. You could speculate all you want and it would not be good in the end. Just be very wary about it. Is it the reason why its harder for us to ask favors from him? What do you think? Do you remember the time he left his phone in your room then you read this message from an anonymous texter? Still, don't be too worried about it, I could always remind you of these incidents whenever you weigh "some" things before acting on them.

Mugen: But I sense that they pose a threat.

Darkstar: You can always find ways to counter these threats in your mind. I agree with Pulsar, don't get affected. You don't have to feel vulnerable because of them. Remember the three long years you've spent with him, I am sure he would consider it before doing a big mistake.

---

Mugen: Somebody's been texting me these past few days. It's just a number and I don't know who the person is. I called this texter this morning. The person who picked up the phone was a guy with a very masculine voice. I asked for his name but he just got annoyed with my question. He said "kalimutan mo na nga." I'm sure he felt embarassed, but what could I do? I don't reply to anonymous text messages. I just want to know who that guy might be.

Pulsar: You felt embarassed with the situation, that's why you feel this way. What made things worse is that he sent you this SMS message.

"dnt u wori dat wud be my last txt. Tc nalang. Bye."

Diba jahe? Besides, naawa ka rin dun sa guy because you don't want to feel the same way.

Darkstar: You know that it came from your last eyeball.

Pulsar: But the phone number is different. It's still a mystery who that guy might be.

Darkstar: You don't keep numbers often, yes? Besides, you only save numbers of the guys you find very friendly and harmless. I'm sure it's from the last eyeball. Nagkamali ka lang ng sinave sa G4M siguro.

Darkstar: And besides, its good that you unapologetically replied "bye" after his last message. Nagmamaganda siya in fairness, so bakit ka magsasayang ng oras sa kanya? Remember that we could only see PLUs in two ways; they are either friends, or toys. Nothing more, nothing less. You didn't save his number because probably, he sees you as a toy. Tama ba?

Pulsar: That's why you have to erase his number completely. Move on and focus on things that are pressing at the moment.

---

Mugen: And that is?

Pulsar: Your friends tol. You can't deny that you're worried about the changing landscape in your inner circle. Nandun ang mga break-ups ng mga relasyon na kasing tagal na ng sa iyo. You're concerned about it.

Mugen. Yeah but that's their life. All I could do is support their decisions and encourage them in whatever direction they want to take.

Darkstar: Good move then. Sabi mo nga, it's part of life. Some things go on, some things end. Unfortunately, theirs have to end. Pasalamat ka na lang na yours is still enduring. But who knows. Kaya nga kasama mo ako so you would know what to do if time comes and it will be your turn.

Mugen: But why am I feeling this way?

Pulsar: Because you are always afraid of changes. You know that things would be different in the coming months. What matters is that you did not take sides and that you just showed your concerns to those who are involved.

Mugen: So I guess tama lang ang ginagawa ko... to encourage them to seek new "ways" while listening to their heartaches?

Pulsar: Yep.

Darkstar: Yep.

Mugen: O sige, hanggang dito na lang muna. I feel much better now. Hanggang sa muli.

Darkstar: Anytime dude.

Pulsar: Cheer up Mugen.

---

Claiming My Life Back

The flu brought me down and it pinned me to the ground real good.

As the story goes, I have a colleague who was about to throw his lungs because of his intense coughing last week. He was definitely ill and contagious yet he still chose to go to work instead of taking a long break at home.

The result; he spread his virus. The following week, half of the operators were coughing at the floor.

---

Last wednesday, I attended a colleague's swimming party while the storm Reming was about to hammer the Bicol Region. It was terribly cold that evening and despite having a stressful day at school, I borrowed someone else's beach shorts and decided to take a dip at the pool as well. I went home at around midnight since I had work the following morning.

During the eve of the superstorm, I went to the gym to work out. For some reasons, I felt that I'd be absent for a long time because of the storm. When I got home, I brought a kitten I found in the street. Two days later, I named the kitten Pistulio.

Friday came and the storm changed its course. By this time, I was already nursing a cough and a runny nose. However, the promise of a double-double pay was too much temptation. When I got home, my exhaustion led me immediately to bed. I woke up hours later in the middle of a tense moment with someone in the family. A family feud ensued and this issue prevented me from attending a Grand Eyeball organized by my friends in Pinoyexchange.

However, I found that my official declaration of joining the Eyeball encouraged a close friend to join the meet up as well. He texted me that evening informing me that he's already with the guys at Crocodile Grill. Nahiya naman ako, so I had to make an alibi to my mom just to let me out of the house at 9 pm. Fortunately, she bought my "Emergency Transpacific Video Consultation" with our American clients at work. She eventually let me out and there I was, riding in a speedy taxi going to Greenbelt.

---

By Saturday, I was officially sick. I left Starbucks at 1:30 am the night before and barely slept when I arrived home. However, because I am always the lone "shrink" operator during Saturdays, I have to report for work no matter what happens.

What made things extremely challenging was the unusual surge of messages during that Saturday. Imagine, I had to interpret different actions of people I barely know so that the texters may see a different perspective of things. Then on the sidelines, I have to perform psychic predictions that I don't even have the slightest idea of ever happening. But doing readings is what I do for a living lately and what's important is that even though I don't really believe in the idea of interpreting the movement of the stars, I still give comfort and assurance to strangers that are confused with the events happening in their life.

During the entire shift, I turned out an output six times our normal productivity. The boss couldn't even believe that such a lone operator, who was ill and contagious could make such numbers. Before I left, he personally thanked me for doing a great job.

---

Sunday, Monday and Tuesday passed as if nothing happened to my life. After all, I was bedridden and unable to move during most of the day. I developed a trangkaso after I exhausted my last remaining energy when I went shopping last Saturday evening. The HR and my team leaders understood my illness so they allowed me to file for a sick leave without too many hassles.

Yesterday, despite the persistent coughs, I attended my graduate school class.

---

The entire 5-day flu/cough/colds cost me more than I could ever imagine. My prediction last thursday came true. I had to stop my gym sessions for a week, which is terrible for my weight loss campaign. It was further aggravated by my rice binge the whole time I stayed home. I spent a huge sum of my idle money for cab rides going to and from work. I had no choice - the afternoon sun was so terrible, such exposure to it would tip my erratic body temperature.

Lastly, being absent for two days lost me some great deal of income that I would need for my holiday expenses this year. In the two days I was absent, such income generated from those days could finance my contributions to the class reunion that I have organized. Since it would fall close to my birthday, I am expected to give out a bigger amount of money for the cause. Next week would be the Outsider's Christmas Party. It is the traditional celebration of my barkada and though some of my more opulent friends would shed more money for the event, I still have to spend around P600 for the food and venue rental.

Ang hirap talaga ng ganitong mga panahon.

But what's really difficult in these kind of interruptions are the resumption of routine. Yeah, it's good that I had to take a force break from my very hectic schedule. But such brief break would leave me lazy afterwards. Still, my colleague continues to spread his "gift" at the work place that even the team leaders have already started coughing. Perhaps I have gained another several pounds after my notorious rice binge at home and the money I lost from absences can never be recovered again. I'm not really aware of my allowable leaves at work. When I think about the efforts I have to make just to get back on track, I imagine myself standing some place where a storm just passed. Picking up everything that its wind had blown away and scattered, it's like, almost, starting all over again.

Guinobatan Afterthoughts

Kapag naaalala ko yung images ng Guinobatan, Albay
Isang buong poblacion, nalibing sa putik at buhangin mula
sa TV kanina, hindi ko mawari ngunit nais kong itanong
sa bulkan. Hile-hilerang mga naaagnas na bangkay sa
sa aking sarili, bakit nagkakaroon ng trahedyang ganito?
multi-purpose hall, nag-iintay ng mga kaanak na tutubos.
Higit dito, nais kong malaman,
Mga nanay at lolang humahagulgol kay GMA,
nasaan ang Diyos sa mga pagkakataong iyon
mga dalagang nagpapahinga sa stretcher na tadtad
sa buhay ng mga taong nawalan ng lahat
ng galos ang katawan, mga tatay na tulala pa rin habang
dahil sa isang matinding kalamidad?
iniisip ang sinapit ng pamilyang nawalay sa baha.
At bakit laging ang mahihirap at walang
Kapag ang mga imaheng ito ay paulit ulit mong
pera ang nauunang magdusa sa mga pagkakataong
pli-nay back sa utak mo, mapapaisip ka bandang huli,
ganito? Sadya bang ang tadhana ay namimili
ano ang sense ng mga bagay na ito?
ng tatamaan niya minsan?
bakit nila kailangang magdusa ng ganoon?

Behold, The Nightmare

Friend: Na offend ako dun. I told the person to txt decently or just delete my number altogether. Kanya na lang ang titi nyang malaki.

Me: Yep. Sa mga times na to, mas maappreciate m ang (sex) partner na gentle at may concern sau. Alam m kung bkit malaki ang chances ko makakuha ng buddy sa ONS* (nung single ako)? Kasi, d lang sex ang focus ko kundi yung emotional well being nung tao rin.

---

Another night, another brokenhearted friend. Actually I feel for him. After banking on a seemingly perfect guy for weeks - even closing his doors to hook-ups and side dates, the guy would still accuse and remind him of his slutty past. I told my friend that it's normal for PLU people to accuse one another of being promiscuous or flirty. Phanks and I endured such phase when we were just starting.

As my friend tries to heal himself from the pain inflicted by the guy he's willing to trust his heart to, another SMS message came through. It was from a stranger who needs some hook-up partner tonight. I erased my friend's exact forwarded message from the guy. It was in all caps, and it was too obscene that I won't get turned on by his invitation either.

You see, there are guys who hooks up with another guy just to get off their lust. But there are guys who hooks up because they need company - a companion who would spend time with them - even if that brief time means having a romp session in bed.

But not all romp session ends in a quickie. When one is sensitive enough to understand the needs for companionship and assurance of the other person, a bond may form out of the bed play. Sometimes, this bond is reinforced by intimate conversations in between rounds. In silence, arms wrapped around the other person's naked torso gives that person of feeling of warmth and security - a product of a temporary bond that may bloom into a possible steady relationship one day.

That is why, I'm good in ONS before. I used it well to my advantage. And in times when a close broken-hearted friend talks to me. In my thoughts I picture myself in another guy's shoes. Say, a depressed guy who is alone in a computer shop at 10 pm in the evening - looking for a place to hang out in sex chatrooms or in cruise websites. I imagine that person, distraught and desperate, looking for comfort from someone who could make him feel better.

The guy would write an advertisement in the main room. Soon, chatters who find his advertisement interesting would send him private messages. The conversation begins - ASL? wassup? anong trip natin? etc. Perhaps he would even show his best angled pic just to further get the attention of the guy he is talking to. Unfortunately, most of the chatters our guy would find appealing will talk dirty to him, or ask him outrightly if he needs some quick non-complicated fuck at the chatter's place.

But he is not looking for that - not when he is nursing deep wounds from a disappointing guy who could never see beyond the shallowness of his G4M existence.

You know what, at that moment, if someone sends the guy a heartwarming reply like "Dude baka hindi ka pa kumakain ng dinner, want to eat at my place?" or "I like alternative music too, gusto mo chill out tayo sa room ko?" Without thinking twice, I'd get his number and take the fastest cab going to the chatter's place.

Because even though I know that it would still end up in sex at the end, what makes it promising is that in-between the lines of the person's invitation, he seeks more than just a hook up, from me.

I see a person looking for companionship too,

and perhaps he is even a longing for

a tight hug which is actually I'm dying to have one

tonight.

---

To linger on

Beyond the beyond

Where the willows weep

And the whirlpools sleep

You'll find me

The coarse tide reflects sky

- Smashing Pumpkins, Behold! The Nightmare

Hoodwinked

Mother dearest said that finally, her prayers had been answered.

According to her. Someone by the name of Lester M. Lopez texted her informing that she won P750,000.00 from a raffle draw spearheaded by the Philippine Charity Foundation. Mother calmly asked me to verify the number given to her. She wrote on a piece of paper all the information I have to know, particularly this number, 0918.508.56.75. Then she told me that if I have some time today, maybe I could check out for her the foundation's validity of existence.

For a moment, I thought we really won a raffle draw. In my mind, I was beginning to think that I might be able to buy the car of my dreams with that money. Perhaps, it could boost my savings account and earn from its interest. However, in between daydreams and the lingering thought of doubt in me, I suddenly remembered a story related by a tropa in college who had the same experience early this year.

He said that last June, somebody from SM Malls called their house to look for his mom. The caller, which is an assistant manager in the Department Store said that his mom won in their recently held raffle draw or something like that. Unfortunately, several months before, her sister almost lost her savings to some caller who also claimed that she won in a certain raffledraw.

To cut the story short, my tropa cussed and cursed the said assistant manager who persistently dialed their number until his mother intervened. She suddenly remembered joining a raffle draw in SM several months ago, after the caller informed them of its good results.

---

Remembering this story, I began analyzing the situation by asking myself this question: If mother really won a raffle draw, then the presenter should have called her due to the urgency of the good news. Another question I raised is that how come mother won a raffle draw that she didn't join in the first place?

Immediately, I told her not to call the number given to her. My suspicions of a scam becomes stronger by the hour, but actually it took all afternoon and all evening before I remembered checking out the foundation given by the texter.

---

This evening, I logged on in the internet and directly went to Guys4... err. Google. I encoded the words exactly as they were written by my mom. "Philippine Charity Foundation," I told myself... After waiting for several seconds for the page to load, my suspicions were confirmed by looking at the first query alone.

---

txt scam on gma foundation : Philippines : Gov.Ph : Forum
THIS TIME IT IS CHARITY FOUNDATION OF THE PHILIPPINES. WE'RE SUPPOSE TO CALL "LOIDA ENRIQUEZ" COZ WE WON 25000.00. IF IT IS A CHARITY GROUP, WHY GIVE OUT ...

---

If I'm 10 years younger when these scams were invented, a text message like that to my mother would leave me screaming and jumping the whole day. I would never bother checking and double checking the information listed on the text message because I am already "blinded" by the money. Of course, I was 15 then. But you know what, some people older than me get hoodwinked by such scams today.

Perhaps it is because of the economic hardships these days, or probably it is because of the temptation brought by easy money. Whatever it is, perhaps mother got her prayers answered: It's better to recieve P750K that is earned through hard work and perserverance, and not through raffle draws and lotteries that tend to decieve its believers.

As for the number, I think I have a better use for it now that I'm feeling naughty. Remember that I keep an alter-profile account in G4M? Maybe putting the phone number there would make things a little more enticing for the guys who visit my profile. Let's see how would Lester cope up with a barrage of calls coming from guys eager to know more about the "hot boy in the picture."

Perhaps such actions might lead to Mr. Lopez having a change of heart someday.

We'll see.

Bakahan (Part Two)

Everyday I walk alone
And pray that god won't see me

I know its wrong, I know its wrong
Tell me why is it I'm digging your scene

- The Blow Monkeys, Digging Your Scene

---

It was four years ago and the summer was already at its end. I was just new to the PLU scene and my eagerness for sexual experience was only controlled by my friend's unwillingness to embark on "adventures" that will benefit us both.

He is a year old than me. We met in a friendly grand eyeball several months before. That time, I was testing my gaydar when he arrived with his partner. While the other attendees were busy welcoming his partner, we were left in a corner barely talking to one another. We didn't spoke that much, but somehow, we found a connection. Like me, he was relatively new to the scene. His partner, who was being flirted on the other side of the table was already a seasoned PLU. Before the eyeball ended we decided to exchange numbers, hoping that our pleasant first meet up would lead into something better in the following weeks.

We soon found out that we have so much in common and my lack of experience in PLU affairs appealed to him. Probably he thought that I was pretty harmless, so he took me under his wing. We would meet almost three times a week. Being jobless and barely out of college has its perks during those days. Anyway, our favorite pastime was to walk and talk. We could stroll around Ortigas Center for hours without ever noticing the time.

Minsan nga sa sarap ng kwentuhan namin ni Parekoy, kahit hatinggabi na, ayaw pa namin umuwi. Kaya ang nangyayari, naliligaw kami kung saan saang lugar malapit sa kanila. One time, we decided to spend the night at CCP Complex. We knew that the place is full of people even at dawn. We went there by walking from Vito Cruz toward Roxas Boulevard. Since we were there, we decided to test our ability to sense PLUs among the guys we would encounter along the way.

That night, we found out that the single guys who also roamed CCP were the ones who often seeks company with guys like us.

---

Nag-iikot kami sa may baywalk noon, kung saan nakatayo ngayon yung mga restaurants katulad ng Pancake House at Dencio's sa tabi ng CCP. Dati rati, may Colonnade lang sa lugar na yun. Medyo madilim ito at puno ng tambay. Kadalasan, mga mag syota magkapulupot sa isa't isa ang makikita mo dun. Pero may mga ilan na mga naliligaw sa tabi, sila yung mga binatang halos hindi nalalayo ang edad sa amin ng kasama ko. Mga nakaporma sila at nakatayo sa mga kanto. Hindi namin alam kung may iniintay sila o sadyang tambay lang sila doon, ngunit iba ang pakiramdam ko. Tahimik rin si Parekoy at nagmamasid -pinapakiramdaman siguro ang kilos ng mga lalaking iyon.

Balak naming magpahinga malapit sa CCP Main Hall. Doon sa may ilalim ng tulay sa tabi ng fountain, may isang lalaking nakaupo at nagpapahinga rin. Dinaanan namin ito ng pasimple na para bang dinedetect namin kung amoy PLU yung nakatambay. Cute kasi eh, parang ang sarap barkadahin. Nang makalayo na kami, hinamon ko si Parekoy na bumalik kami sa tabi ng lalaki upang ito ay masinsinang kilalanin. Game naman ang kasama ko, kaya bumalik kami at naupo sa tabi niya.

Noong mga panahong iyon, wala talaga kaming alam pagdating sa flirting at seduction. Ang alam lang namin gawin ay magpretend na nagkwekwentuhan sa tabi ng trip namin sa pag-asang maeenganyo ito makisali sa kwentuhan namin. Sa pagkakaalam ko, first time namin ginawa ang style na yun. Noong gabi ring iyon, narealize namin na effective pala ang diskarte namin.

---

The cute guy pretends not to hear our conversation. But he obviously listens to what we say. After four years, I have forgotten what our chat was all about. But soon, he caught up with our discussion. With an occassional smile he tries to reach out to us - he tried his very best to be part of our conversation. It was past 2 am then. By 3 am, we were already buddies with the cute guy.

He said he was a restaurant supervisor or some other job related to restaurants. He lives in Malabon and decided to hang out in CCP because it was more presko and more fun to be there than in his small house. I remember that he claimed that one of the Sex Bomb Dancers was his cousin, which my friend and I simply brushed off. The conversation was friendly and harmless for he said he was just a mere tambay.

For a moment I thought he was straight. Eventually my friend and I opened up about ourselves and confessed to the guy that were not straight. He said it's alright. He's open minded naman daw. We assured him that we're not there to hook up or something just to make him more comfortable with us. We said we were just neophytes who decided to observe the place for ourselves and see up close what mystery CCP hides from outsiders.

The conversation went on for another hour. However, this time, the guy was the one sharing things about himself. He said that he enjoyed the recently held Bench One-Night Underwear Fashion Show in Araneta that year, which he made it a priority to watch. As he described the beautiful bodies of the models who appeared in that fashion show, my eyes were focus at Parekoy's. I don't know if he understands what I'm trying to say, but the more detailed our "new" friend's description of the show was, the more I wondered whether it was possible for a straight guy to enjoy a fashion show full of naked hot men in particular.

I decided not to talk anymore after he revealed to us his fascination with Beauty Pageants. Instead, I gazed my eyes elsewhere, while pretending not to see how he tries to get close to Parekoy. My friend did the same thing, he simply decided to nod at every statement our new friend would say as he tries to get close to him.

It is as if a freak angel or perhaps a horny devil passed in front of us for after several minutes, the guy was already leaning on my friend's chest. Soon after, his hands were all over my friend's upper body while I lay dumb in front of them and incredulous at how I was decieved by the guy we befriended.

---

Tahimik pa rin kaming tatlo at walang kibuan. Iniwasan kong tumingin sa kanila habang ang lalaki ay pilit nilalandi ang katropa ko. Ngunit tao lang ako para hindi tamaan ng libog... ng excitement na nararamdaman ng katawan ko. Habang paulit ulit niyang pinipisil ang dibdib ng kasama ko, unti-unting gumalaw ang kamay ko papalapit sa kanyang binti. Tahimik pa rin kami at pasimple ang mga kilos namin, ngunit pasaway talaga ang aking mga kamay. Paakyat ito at naglalakbay patungo sa kanyang sentro. "Tangina" sabi ko sa sarili ko. May kaba man ako sa dibdib pero hindi ko talaga mapapalampas ang pagkakataong iyon.

Nang ang kamay ko ay tumama sa kanyang zipper, ito'y kanyang hinawakan at idiniin sa kanyang matigas na umbok.

Heto ang unang pagkakataong nakahawak ako ng hindi sa akin.

---

-tobecontinued-

Ode To The Pussy Cat

I was crossing the boulevard during the eve of the supposed superstorm. The skies above had a blazing orange color and the freezing wind brings with it the fresh talahib scent of the provinces affected by the delubyo. As I passed through the strip of pedestrian space between the boulevard, I noticed a tiny dirty white kitten trying to jump from the island. The furball seems to have been abandoned for days. It's whispered meows grows weaker and weaker against the wind that blows in front of it. Despite its weakness, it persistently tries to call my attention. It is as if I'm the only person who could save him from imminent death once the storm passes on top of him.

His attempts to reach out and call my attention did not go in vain. Instead of crossing to the other side of the island, I paused for several minutes in order to decide whether I would take the kitten or leave it alone. You see, my conscience keeps me from leaving the kitten on the island. At the same time, I'm worried that taking the furball at home would create new problems particularly with regards to its repugnant poo-poo and its tendency to steal food from the table.

But as I looked at the poor kitten who still persists on jumping from the island in order to come to me, I eventually decided to take home the kitten. After all, we could abandon it again once the storm passed away.

So I took the kitten and carried it home using my thumb and my index finger as a balance. The pedicab drivers that were waiting for passengers at the bukana of our street saw the kitten on my left hand. Judging the silly looks on their faces, I guess they were wondering why would a tall guy like me waste my time snatching a dirty furball from somewhere and taking it home as if I found a new lovely pet I could keep.

But I just brushed off the reaction on their faces. All I thought at that time was that I am sparing a creature's life - even if it's just for days, and that such deed would be good for my karma. Those were the things that mattered to me.

---

When I got home, I immediately asked the helper to look for a box where I could keep the kitten. Fortunately, there were a couple of small boxes near us that was used to package a tall mug.

I chose the biggest one.

And although the box was still relatively small for the kitten, the hole on the side of the box that used to expose the printed design of the mug, gives it a cozy feel.

It's like having a big open window in your bedroom.

I even put a piece of cloth inside the box to make it warm for its occupant.

---

The kitten seems to be extremely hungry based on how he buried his face on the puddle of milk that I gave him. Cold and weary, the kitten then went immediately inside the box to curl up after having a hearty meal.

When my mom found out the kitten, she immediately told me to avoid having prolonged exposure with the furball. Although she understood the reasons behind my adoption decisions, her concern lies on the germs and possible diseases that the kitten might be carrying.

That is why we could not keep it as a pet. Besides, we are not even sure if we could take responsibility for the kitten when he grows up.

But whenever I looked at him peacefully curled up inside his christmas carton box, which he already considers his "little home" I could not help but wonder how it feels like for that kitten to find himself in a warm cozy place with food and human care available to him after enduring several grueling days of hardship on the streets.

Perhaps, he had already found himself a place he could call heaven. And I think it's more cruel to simply take away that piece of heaven he had found by abandoning him again in the streets where we discovered him.

---

Two days after the storm had passed away, the helpers decided to give the kitten a warm bath. They were overly amused and touched whenever the kitten mistakes the puppies as his long lost mother. The kitten apparently tries to breastfeed from the puppies' non-existent mammary glands despite the playful attempts of the puppies to brush off the kitten.

My mother had apparently changed her position about the kitten as well. If she was unconcerned during the evening I brought the furball home - even saying that we should just leave it at someone else's doorstep after the storm has left, now sympathizes with the kitten's maternal confusion.

Our human conscience would not let us display such harshness to the animal especially now that his small cup of milk beside his little carton box has become a regular fixture at the dining room.

---

This afternoon, I had my decision. Naming him Pistulio whose name I've got from Invader Zim's massive zits, he would become the feline sidekick of our retainer puppy Coffee.

The kitten I discovered on the boulevard island found his place in our house and in our hearts, which has been longing for a feline companion ever since our last cat passed away.

Plain and Irrelevant

Minsan, ang pinakamasakit na maramdaman ng isang tao

ay yung sabihan siya ng "I love you" dahil lamang may

pangangailangan ang taong nagsabi noon sa kanya.

Hindi, sadya lamang may period ang asawa ko ngayong mga nakaraang araw. Sana dalhin ng bagyong darating ang mga masasamang ispiritu na naglipana na naman sa paligid niya.

Dear Darkstar

This is Pulsar speaking...

Kamusta ka na pare?

Mukhang tahimik ata tayo ngayon ah. Wala bang digmaan na dapat paghandaan diyan? Wala bang bansa na nais lumusob sa atin lately kaya mukhang on-leave ka? Kung ganun edi mas ok. Nagtagumpay ata si Mugen sa pagbubugaw niya ng mga "tao" palayo. Siguro abala siya sa kanyang pag-aaral ngayon kaya hindi niya naiisip ang mga bagay na ito. Gulat nga ako eh, nung huling beses na nag-away sila ng "ka-alyado" niya, hindi ka niya hinagilap. Ano bang bago sa atin? Akala ko ba ikwekwento mo yung Bakahan incident niyo ni Mugen noon? Natameme ka ata?

Alam mo tsong kahapon, naramdaman ko ang worry ni Mugen. Mukha atang matindi ang sense of inferiority niya sa masters kaya ganun na lang siya hindi ka-kumportable pumasok sa klase. Paano ba naman, ang mga kasama niya kung hindi mga Creative Writing teachers sa college eh mga full-time writers sa mga glossy magazines. Meron pa nga siyang classmate na makata eh. Astig no? Feeling kasi ni Mugen, wala siyang maipagmamalaki sa mga iyon. Tipo bang, siya ang odd man out dahil sa nature ng trabaho niya. Pero anyway, at least may background daw siya sa Journalism. Kahit paano alas pa rin niya iyon.

Sabi niya sa akin, marami siyang issues sa grammar, sa vocabulary, at sa style. Gusto niyang i-rant na wala siyang binabasang libro kaya limited ang experience niya sa writing. Kung meron siyang pinanghahawakan, iyon daw ang blog niya. Paano, kung tutuusin eto naman ang direct application ng lahat na natutunan niya so far. Sa pagkakaalam ko, hindi pa siya nagpost ng "submitted essays" niya dito, samantalang heto rin naman ang ticket niya kaya siya nakapasok doon. Masyado daw dyahe para ipabasa sa iba. Sabi ko naman, kung yung mga kaklase nga niya eh himalang wala complain sa kanyang pagsulat bakit siya maiilang?

Pero makulit talaga yung lalaking yun. Nag-iinsist pa rin na underdog daw siya. Ang sabi ko na lang, anuman ang mangyari huwag siyang matatakot sumulat at tumanggap ng criticism, tutal yun rin naman ang hinahanap niya kahit noon pa. Ilang semesters din at magiging adjusted na siya sa mundo niyang yun. Narealize ko kasi na ang worries niya ang siyang dahilan kung bakit parang labas sa ilong ang mga sinusulat niya nitong mga nakaraan. Para bang yung lost of direction niya ang pumipigil sa kanya ilabas ang kaya niya.

Basta men, bahala ka na ha. Alam kong ikaw ang mas matigas at mas madiskarte sa ating dalawa kaya inaasahan kong sasandal siya sa iyo. Pangako, hindi ako kokontra sa direksyon na gusto mo kaming dalhin. At saka pala pasensya na kung sayo ako nagkwento ngayon. Mahirap lang kasi pag wala kang kausap at nahihingahan eh. Alam mo na, hindi mailabas ni Mugen ang nasa loob niya kaya sa atin na lang niya ito... ibinubulong.

Hanggang dito na lang men, sa muling pag-uusap. Paalam.

Blasphemy In Their Eyes

And the truth is, I don't really know how many people believe in my belief.

---

Quoted from G4M, Religion and Spirituality Forum, a defense against Fundamentals and Atheists: Topic: Convincing proof that God Exists.


"My point is, the belief in God rest in you alone. You dont need a preacher or bible thumper to do that for you. You dont need verses which could be interpreted in many different ways to do that. If you believe in science, so long as we don't have answers as to how the universe was created, therefore, there must be a higher being that preceded all of it. Yun lang yun. We are just humans and no matter how we try to arrive at the truth, we will never be able to do so."

---

I was expecting a barrage from both sides, but to my surprise, nobody refuted my claims yet. Perhaps, I am telling a grain of truth after all.

Flag Ceremony

[08:25] deo_mich: hi

[08:25] mugen/habagat21: hello

[08:25] deo_mich: musta na?

[08:25] habagat21: hehe nasa trabaho pa rin

[08:26] habagat21: ikaw kakagising mo lang?

[08:26] deo_mich: opo

[08:26] habagat21: hehe buti ka pa

[08:26] deo_mich: may nakasex k n b na same sex u?

[08:26] habagat21: oo naman

[08:26] habagat21: bakit mo tinanong?

[08:26] deo_mich: walaa lng po

[08:26] deo_mich: pede k bng magkwento?

[08:26] habagat21: nalilibugan ka no?

[08:26] deo_mich: op

[08:26] deo_mich: o

[08:27] habagat21: punta ka na lang dit

[08:27] deo_mich: san?

[08:27] habagat21: www.kwentongkalibugan.tk

[08:27] deo_mich: alam ko n yan eh

[08:27] habagat21: haha hindi ako pwede magkwento dito

[08:28] habagat21: bawal akong tigasan

[08:28] deo_mich: bakit?

[08:28] habagat21: nasa trabaho po ako

[08:28] deo_mich: ok

[08:28] habagat21: :)

[08:28] deo_mich: :))

[08:30] Meebo Message: deo_mich is offline

---

I chatted with this 17-year old kiddo forty eight years ago. At that time, he was asking the chatroom if somebody knows how to do cyber. Being a hustler in such activity during my younger days, I volunteered to become his partner just to get him off.

Me: Anong suot mo ngayon tol?

Him: Shorts lang po.

Me: Tanggalin mo, gusto kong makita kung ano ang nasa loob.

It was fun, for it reminded me of how exciting cybersex was during my younger days - when I haven't even touched and squeezed somebody else's birdie yet. But when I was instructing him, or should I say teasing him, the awkwardness begins to set in. I was wondering how am I able to get turned on with such petty conversation when the real thing is so much engrossing.

Sabagay, first time will always be a thing of fancy.

In the end, he never came. Just when things began to get hot, his aunt started knocking on the door. He was forced to go offline and leave things hanging. To end what I started, I took out my fleet of XXXs hidden on one of my drawers so that I could get off by stimulating myself visually instead.

Looking back, what's actually interesting in doing cyber is that you're like reading an erotic story that is interactive. You get to be the bida, then the other guy becomes your contrabida. You get to do things you will never dare do when having real sex, for everything is just an imagination - even your claims of having a 12 incher is just a fiction. The challenge with cyber is that you have to be a fast typer or else the other person would get bitin. The mess in the keyboard and the mouse is also an issue a participant must address when doing such activity.

It didnt take long before I learned how to do SOP (Sex On Phone) with somebody, which I would share in another entry. If there is something I've learned about cybersex, it is to be creative and imaginative with sex. One must never forget the orgasmic details and the use of vernacular language for they are the key elements of having a great cyber experience. You can say the same thing with SOP. The problem with SOP however is that there is a chance somebody might hear you moaning or shouting the details to the person on the other line.

Unfortunately, just when Im beginning to get the hang of it, I suddenly got to taste the real thing. And with that, I simply lost interest in doing it again. However, the lessons it taught me would go a very long way...

Four years after I first tried cyber, it would become a source of income, which I now do eight hours and five days a week. And I'm getting paid big to do it.

Tabora Street, Divisoria

What's sublime in chaos is its explosion of colors.

In a life of desolation, even paper flowers could smell sweet.