They had different perceptions of the relationship. For the younger man, it was "exciting. I had come from a straight relationship, but I had no worries because I was sure I would not fall for him. I thought, this was something new, a passing fancy, I'll give it a shot. But wow, were the tables turned!"
- The Ballad of Boy and Bong
Sunday Inquirer Magazine, February 11, 2007
---
Sometime a year ago, at the height of the Wowowee Stampede Tragedy, I met the man himself while he was visiting and consoling the families of those who were trampled at ULTRA that day. My lola's funeral was at Arlington and since the remains of those who were killed were also brought there, I've got the chance to see the Kapamilya celebrities as they make an effort to contain the tragedy unfolding from escalating.
In one of those rare moments, I saw him in his Black Armani suit together with Kris Aquino and his Basketball player boyfriend. They were doing their rounds going from one family to the next and listening to their heartbreaking stories of poverty and hopelessness in life.
After talking to one of the families, I noticed Boy Abunda leave the group to head at the other side of the parking lot where Kris Aquino's van was parked. The moment he was alone, I gathered all my strength to approach him and ask this personal question which was bothering me ever since my mom told me how much he admired Boy.
---
Me: Kuya Boy, can I ask you a personal question?
Boy: Sige ano yun?
Me: Is it true that you're in a long term relationship?
Boy: (Smiling) Yes, it's been 20 long hard years na. Why are you asking?
Me: (Smiling) Nothing, just seeking inspiration. I'm wondering kasi if its possible to have a long term relationship sa atin.
Boy: Of course, bakit naman hindi.
Me: Wala lang po. Haven't seen one yet. I'm into my third year na.
Boy: That's great. Good luck sa relationship mo. blah... blah...
---
Looking back, it seems like the first two years of my relationship with my buddy has become too distant in the past to be remembered. There were little moments I could still grasp right now. But in broader terms, it seems like things came so fast, here we are, a little older and a little wiser in life years later.
There were many cases where break up was inevitable. I think such moments are part of a budding relationship. If there were any life saver for us, it is the fact that he never let me go. He had no plans yet, but still, he wanted me to stay.
Lately, whenever we talk about the possible future we want to have, things had become very different. I used to be the one who had plans, but now, I just let things drift. As for him, he would always tell me how much he wanted to have a business someday, which the two of us would manage together. I would jokingly mock him by saying, "matuto ka muna mag-hawak ng pera bago ka magstart ng business. malulugi ka niyan sinasabi ko sayo." But seriously, the more his studies become more difficult, the more I'm exerting my effort to push him to stay on - even to the point of involving myself with his academic issues.
In a relationship, the worst thing I would like to be in, is in a state of total dependency. It certainly leads to vulnerability, which I often cover up by pretending to be strong and creating back up plans and simulations just to divert my attention. However lately, it seems that no matter how I try to keep back-ups, I've become more drawn to him than I would care to admit. In fact, our fights, which I always assume to lead into an eventual break-up before, have become a mere fancy nowadays that I don't put too much emphasis on them anymore. Of course, there are disappointments, but so long as you're able to live with it, you can't stand getting mad at him for very long.
It's the bond that keeps you connected to one another.
---
Boy Abunda and Bong Quintana was asked about their secrets for having a stable, long term relationships. Their simple answer was, there is none. Even they could not fathom how they are able to stand one another. It's the same thing with us, we're both in a very different level of existence but still, the common ground is remains clear and unshakeable between us.
Still, uncertainty lies ahead. I admit that there are still times I'd itch to be on the wild, untamed side again - perhaps just to relive a past life which, during my early days in the relationship was the last thing I had in mind. But you know what, I think I now perfectly understand how its impossible to be free again without losing much of myself in the process. Knowing how much I hated shaking myself in a time of relative stability, I think we would go on longer than I think.
Even if the orderliness of things bores me from time to time.
Someday, our story would gonna be the same as those of Boy and Bong. We might not achieve their level of achievements but surely, we would serve as an example of how long term relationships are possible in this kind of set up.
So long as we would have a need for it and as long as there is respect for one another, like Papu always tell me. Magkadurugan man kayo, pag alam niyong gamay niyo na ang isa't isa, it's hard to easily break apart.
- The Ballad of Boy and Bong
Sunday Inquirer Magazine, February 11, 2007
---
Sometime a year ago, at the height of the Wowowee Stampede Tragedy, I met the man himself while he was visiting and consoling the families of those who were trampled at ULTRA that day. My lola's funeral was at Arlington and since the remains of those who were killed were also brought there, I've got the chance to see the Kapamilya celebrities as they make an effort to contain the tragedy unfolding from escalating.
In one of those rare moments, I saw him in his Black Armani suit together with Kris Aquino and his Basketball player boyfriend. They were doing their rounds going from one family to the next and listening to their heartbreaking stories of poverty and hopelessness in life.
After talking to one of the families, I noticed Boy Abunda leave the group to head at the other side of the parking lot where Kris Aquino's van was parked. The moment he was alone, I gathered all my strength to approach him and ask this personal question which was bothering me ever since my mom told me how much he admired Boy.
---
Me: Kuya Boy, can I ask you a personal question?
Boy: Sige ano yun?
Me: Is it true that you're in a long term relationship?
Boy: (Smiling) Yes, it's been 20 long hard years na. Why are you asking?
Me: (Smiling) Nothing, just seeking inspiration. I'm wondering kasi if its possible to have a long term relationship sa atin.
Boy: Of course, bakit naman hindi.
Me: Wala lang po. Haven't seen one yet. I'm into my third year na.
Boy: That's great. Good luck sa relationship mo. blah... blah...
---
Looking back, it seems like the first two years of my relationship with my buddy has become too distant in the past to be remembered. There were little moments I could still grasp right now. But in broader terms, it seems like things came so fast, here we are, a little older and a little wiser in life years later.
There were many cases where break up was inevitable. I think such moments are part of a budding relationship. If there were any life saver for us, it is the fact that he never let me go. He had no plans yet, but still, he wanted me to stay.
Lately, whenever we talk about the possible future we want to have, things had become very different. I used to be the one who had plans, but now, I just let things drift. As for him, he would always tell me how much he wanted to have a business someday, which the two of us would manage together. I would jokingly mock him by saying, "matuto ka muna mag-hawak ng pera bago ka magstart ng business. malulugi ka niyan sinasabi ko sayo." But seriously, the more his studies become more difficult, the more I'm exerting my effort to push him to stay on - even to the point of involving myself with his academic issues.
In a relationship, the worst thing I would like to be in, is in a state of total dependency. It certainly leads to vulnerability, which I often cover up by pretending to be strong and creating back up plans and simulations just to divert my attention. However lately, it seems that no matter how I try to keep back-ups, I've become more drawn to him than I would care to admit. In fact, our fights, which I always assume to lead into an eventual break-up before, have become a mere fancy nowadays that I don't put too much emphasis on them anymore. Of course, there are disappointments, but so long as you're able to live with it, you can't stand getting mad at him for very long.
It's the bond that keeps you connected to one another.
---
Boy Abunda and Bong Quintana was asked about their secrets for having a stable, long term relationships. Their simple answer was, there is none. Even they could not fathom how they are able to stand one another. It's the same thing with us, we're both in a very different level of existence but still, the common ground is remains clear and unshakeable between us.
Still, uncertainty lies ahead. I admit that there are still times I'd itch to be on the wild, untamed side again - perhaps just to relive a past life which, during my early days in the relationship was the last thing I had in mind. But you know what, I think I now perfectly understand how its impossible to be free again without losing much of myself in the process. Knowing how much I hated shaking myself in a time of relative stability, I think we would go on longer than I think.
Even if the orderliness of things bores me from time to time.
Someday, our story would gonna be the same as those of Boy and Bong. We might not achieve their level of achievements but surely, we would serve as an example of how long term relationships are possible in this kind of set up.
So long as we would have a need for it and as long as there is respect for one another, like Papu always tell me. Magkadurugan man kayo, pag alam niyong gamay niyo na ang isa't isa, it's hard to easily break apart.
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