My mother and I were watching the news last night when I accidentally blurted something about the slaying of a TV Producer of Pinoy Dream Academy. At the same moment, the news suddenly flashed a follow-up report about the slaying and it became an opener an uncomfortable conversation between me and my mother, which I tried to avoid.
As she begins to air her thoughts about my revelation, I felt that we were talking not just as a son and mother, but someone who explaining some unfortunate incident to a mother who is vaguely aware of the life the son is living. It was an indirect gay - mother conversation and at the moment there, I felt my defenses melting in front of me.
I told her that the TV Producer is gay, which she couldn't believe at first I explained in a very neutral tone that the mere fact he brought a guy stranger to his place is an obvious give-away already. My assumption was further reinforced when the reporter said that based on the investigation, the killer's motive was robbery. The baseball cap and the tight-fitting shirt found in the hamper was definetely from the killer. The clothing was also a give-away for such get-up is a trademark of callboys hanging out in the bars or in the streets. Of course, TV Patrol never mentioned these things, directly. But if you are exposed to the culture already, somehow, you get to understand the things implied between the words said.
Anyway my mom said "bakit yang mga bading na yan, hindi natatakot sa AIDS," while I was watching the news, unusually silent. Then when she learned that the victim lives alone in the apartment, she blurted out, "nag-iisa naman pala eh." While the news showed the sister of the victim pleading to the killer to surrender.
What makes me disturbed about the murder is that it's not new anymore. Sometime last year, the same method of killing and robbery was done to unsuspecting gays who picks of guys in bars along Timog to bring them to their place. I could only imagine how gruesome the killings were...
It also makes me further disturbed is that nobody raised a condemnation, or just a mere voice among LBGT groups that has spawned across the country in recent years. Is it because these groups are busy organizing themselves in the upcoming elections? Or is it because they knew that the blame falls directly to the victim who gave in to the callings of the flesh? I hope Happy and Gay, and the Empress Maruja could air their concerns about my assumptions.
Nevertheless, You see guys, in the world we homos and bi's live in, the first among us to fall prey to "straight men" are the effeminates and the lonely old thundercats*. Those who get all the best fishes are the ones who pretend to be straight guys who acts masculine, and those who have the body and looks to show to everyone. G4M is a wonderful example of how this sick, sad cycle applies to our world. Since these effeminates usually doesn't have any chance to "have fun" with the big sexy boys, they focus their attention to "needy straights" who would take the opportunity these gays offer them. Along the way, some "straights" become abusive and violent and become leaches and parasites to their kind and understanding hosts. Sometime at present, these parasites spawned a gaykiller that preys and devours those who are vulnerable and careless.
As she begins to air her thoughts about my revelation, I felt that we were talking not just as a son and mother, but someone who explaining some unfortunate incident to a mother who is vaguely aware of the life the son is living. It was an indirect gay - mother conversation and at the moment there, I felt my defenses melting in front of me.
I told her that the TV Producer is gay, which she couldn't believe at first I explained in a very neutral tone that the mere fact he brought a guy stranger to his place is an obvious give-away already. My assumption was further reinforced when the reporter said that based on the investigation, the killer's motive was robbery. The baseball cap and the tight-fitting shirt found in the hamper was definetely from the killer. The clothing was also a give-away for such get-up is a trademark of callboys hanging out in the bars or in the streets. Of course, TV Patrol never mentioned these things, directly. But if you are exposed to the culture already, somehow, you get to understand the things implied between the words said.
Anyway my mom said "bakit yang mga bading na yan, hindi natatakot sa AIDS," while I was watching the news, unusually silent. Then when she learned that the victim lives alone in the apartment, she blurted out, "nag-iisa naman pala eh." While the news showed the sister of the victim pleading to the killer to surrender.
What makes me disturbed about the murder is that it's not new anymore. Sometime last year, the same method of killing and robbery was done to unsuspecting gays who picks of guys in bars along Timog to bring them to their place. I could only imagine how gruesome the killings were...
It also makes me further disturbed is that nobody raised a condemnation, or just a mere voice among LBGT groups that has spawned across the country in recent years. Is it because these groups are busy organizing themselves in the upcoming elections? Or is it because they knew that the blame falls directly to the victim who gave in to the callings of the flesh? I hope Happy and Gay, and the Empress Maruja could air their concerns about my assumptions.
Nevertheless, You see guys, in the world we homos and bi's live in, the first among us to fall prey to "straight men" are the effeminates and the lonely old thundercats*. Those who get all the best fishes are the ones who pretend to be straight guys who acts masculine, and those who have the body and looks to show to everyone. G4M is a wonderful example of how this sick, sad cycle applies to our world. Since these effeminates usually doesn't have any chance to "have fun" with the big sexy boys, they focus their attention to "needy straights" who would take the opportunity these gays offer them. Along the way, some "straights" become abusive and violent and become leaches and parasites to their kind and understanding hosts. Sometime at present, these parasites spawned a gaykiller that preys and devours those who are vulnerable and careless.
As for me, I could not put all the blame to the victim. A homo usually lives a sad and lonely life. One may see these people acting gay everyday, but inside their hearts, there is this emptiness that constantly seek for companionship - it's not important to them where the company comes from.
That's why to those who are active hookers, make sure to force your booking to host the place instead of you offering your place for the bed games. You may never know what kind of guys you bring at home.
I went up to my room after avoiding having further conversations with my mother about the subject. After I locked the door and reflected on my past deeds, I've realized that sometime in my earlier days, I too was an irresponsible guy. For the record, I compromised the security of my family twice during my first "wild days season." I gave in to hook-ups from the internet. Fortunately, my father was still alive back then so I'm not leaving the family totally vulnerable.
But honestly when these killings appear in the news, these two irresponsible incidents continue to haunt me up to now - even if it happened long before I met Phanks. Since I mentioned my buddy, actually my other concern is what if, after all these killings, my mom would show extreme waryness the next time Phanks sleeps over my place?
Would it lead into a confrontation that would eventually end in outing the both of us?
No comments:
Post a Comment