Mugen

In my sleep, I recieved a text message informing me that I am a Super VIP in tonight's event at Government. It means that I have a free entrance and I should invite all the people I know in G4M. But because I am too lazy to contact my acquaintances, I did not invite anyone at all. I'm not even sure if I would respond to their invitation or not.

---

In my dreams, I was hailing a cab, wearing a Malate outfit. Fully dressed and ready to party.

---

In my dreams, I drunk three San Mig Strong Ice, which costed a hundred bucks each to loosen my inhibition. I got in for free, but the alcohol expense alone could cover my entrace in BED on a saturday night. The alcohol binge was the first time I did in a night out. Being alone in a dance club has become a challenge already. Age is beginning to precede me.

---

In my dreams, I offered a bottoms-up beer to my 21 year old self - who at that moment of fantasy-like existence, I imagined myself dancing with - very close and intimate - Like the older guys who danced with him before at Mint.

---
In my dreams, a transvestite as pretty as my girl officemate was in front of me while I was dancing alone on the floor. He looked at me then pointed his finger as if to ask me to get close to him for a dance. He had a long hair, fair flawless skin, Chinita eyes and a smile that can attract the masculine guys in the dancefloor. At first, I really thought that he was a female, until he started talking. In fairness to him, he was a good dancer, if not a very flirty one. His tukling* friends were howling at us, because we danced too dirty for them. For a brief moment, we stole the spotlight at the dancefloor.

---

In my dreams, a real lady, who I danced the last time I dreamed of going to Government for free and asked me if I could pretend to be her boyfriend that night, was at the club again in my dream last night. Perhaps, in an attempt to get my attention, she squeezed my chest while making my way to the dancefloor. Obviously drunk and in the verge of passing out, I danced with her for a while, while looking at other guys who might catch my atttention.

---

While dancing in my dreams, I had a dominant, if not aggresive personality. The masculine guys saw me as equally masculine to them so they wont get close, lest they assume that I would get offended or insulted. On the other hand, I saw too many effeminates in the dancefloor that for a moment, confused my preference. Some of the effeminates are showing signs of interest. But like the masculines, they won't dare come close. For a moment, I thought that since the masculines won't get nearer, perhaps I could substitute them with girls and transvestites, who are surprisingly easier to get in the dance floor than the masculine guys.

---

In my dreams, I eyed a guy who looks like Julius, a close tropa I met a very long time ago. He is quite tall, and had an average body. His way of restrained dancing, and the way he confidently projected himself by looking directly at how proud his small eyes were, caught my attention. He had friends that kept me from getting close to him. In my thoughts, I told myself that it isn't important anymore if the guy was a masculine or an effeminate one. What mattered to me is that I enjoyed the way he danced and in my mind, I was wishing that he would get my flirting signals.

He didn't. But before he left the dance floor. I told him in whisper, "I like the way you danced dude." He said his thanks then left.

---

Finally, after getting tired and exhausted after dancing for hours in my dreams. I left the dance floor and hailed a cab going home. After spending the entire night alone, I realized that all my body wanted is to feel someone. Perhaps, after living a structured life for a relatively long time, the unstructured part of myself longs to reclaim its humanity back. Then I thought of my buddy inside the taxi, wishing, I could lie naked beside him tonight. It would take several days before he sleeps over at my place, but it doesn't matter. I could always patiently wait.

Looking back, these thoughts are just a product of this dream - of this alter-reality I'm finding harder to adopt now that I'm getting older. In a few years, the clubbing fever might leave me eventually - The twenty-one year old clubber kid in me will be gone forever.

---

When I woke up, the sun was already up. I am late again for work. But to my astonishment, I woke up wearing a brown long sleeve fitting shirt, and a faded jeans I wore in my dreams. Closing my eyes, as if to remember everything, the dream was almost lifelike. Perhaps, it was real.

* tukling - loud, parlorista effeminate

* mugen - nippongo for dreams