Why do I blog?
I honestly don't know, even if I've been blogging for more than three years. I could blame my penchant in history for this habit, but there are no substantial evidence to support such claims. Let's say that I blog about the turning points and memorable events of my life. However, there are still filler entries between story arcs that somehow doesn't make sense when you look at it at a bigger perspective. I admit that blogging simply is my way to pass time; it is my way to make
kwento to anyone who likes to read and listen because I don't usually tell stories personally; I prefer to listen to others tell their stories and learn from them instead.
Perhaps, subconsciously, I blog because I want to write my own history - even if it doesn't serve any universal purpose. I don't see myself becoming a significant or important person someday so maybe, I'm just writing for my own pleasure. I don't even directly promote my blog to avoid getting too much attention. All I know is that I just love expressing my thoughts through writing and since the most profound things to write about deals with someone's personal and intimate experiences and struggles, I write mine.
This entry is the continuation of my attempt to look back and summarize the events that shaped my life two years ago. I have to admit that 2005 has been one of the most difficult years and you will find the reasons why. It was the year I had to face pain and defeat squarely and embrace some difficult things as they were. Nevertheless, without the trials and tribulations that came that year, I will not be as strong and resilient as I am today.
But enough of the introduction and let's get down to the history. These are the entries that I consider the turning points of my life in the year of our lord, 2005.
First Quarter: Into The Real Sad World (January - February)Barbecue Stick - An Odder friend reveals that ex-buddy has been flirting and courting Mugen's tropa behind his back. What started as the first conflict of the year was a secret discovered between the ex and one of Mugen's closest Odder brother.
Dream On Bebeh - If elected to become the President of the Republic, this will be Mugen's platform of governance; An insight into Joms' political and social views.
Port Of Call - Mugen's thoughts of resigning from his internet research job; a quiet afternoon daydreaming of working in the financial hub of Makati.
Father and Son - An entry about Mugen's cold and bitter meeting with his father... alive.
Dear Combatron - Combatron is a cultural icon that still attracts considerable attention with Mugen's generation. This tribute to the cyborg robot tells of how such comic strip shaped Joms' pre-adolescent and adolescent years.
Traditions - Mugen attends a birthday celebration of a very close tropa in Pampanga. The event is one of the time-honored traditions of his barkada that they celebrate up to the present.
In Silence -
"It was noon when we received the call," Mugen begins. This entry ushers an age which will change Joms' view of life and its meaning forever.
Premonitions and Hauntings;
Saan Tayo Magsisimula - An entry about some missed hints that gave a forewarning of an impending passing; a recount of the weeks after the death of Mugen's father.
From Ground Zero - Mugen spends an entire night to think and decide the fate of his father's assets; he ends the entry assuming full responsibility and control over his dad's unfinished businesses.
The Long Goodbye - After staying for six months in the Internet Research company, Mugen was forced to resign in order to assume leadership of his worst nightmare.
Second Quarter: The Last Struggle At El Toro (March - June)Dead Star's Light - Mugen begins his job as the boss of his dad's Publishing Company. What was left of it completely disheartened him.
Another Shot of Dreaming... I Was Straight - Attending the baptism of Ice Rose's son somehow made Mugen realize that he is not completely gay after all.
The Real Masters - A tribute to the employees who continues to report to the Publishing House despite the financial troubles it was facing. Mugen was humbled by the sacrifices made by the workers in order for the business to operate despite the odds against them.
Friendly Skies;
Long Dry Spell;
Take A Final Bow - Anecdotes on how to run a bankrupt company; the swirling financial troubles that continue to threaten the company's daily operation; and the big slump that lead to the Publishing House's final descent towards closing shop.
Ang Convergys, Bow;
Simula At Huli - Tales of Mugen's affair with Convergys. It began with a recount of a failed interview the previous year, which Mugen successfully passed a year later. The story arc ends with his enrollment in an English Refresher Course sponsored by the call center.
Grieve I,
2 and
3 - Financial troubles in the publishing company seriously rocked Mugen's bank deposits. These three short entries reveal his frustration with the ongoing financial struggles of the company and his desire to become free from the chains of running a publishing house in tatters.
Twilight Of The Emerald Sun - Close to the brink of bankrupcy, an old friend of Mugen's father comes to the rescue, taking advantage of the financially dead Publishing Company.
Kwentong Malars - After one entire summer dodging bullets, machetes and every pointed objects hurled at Mugen in his management job, he returns to Malate to seek refuge.
Pains Of Adaption 2;
The Day I Spoke American; - Mugen begins his English Refresher Course sponsored by Convergys. In a time of great uncertainty, it was, the closest thing he achieved to having a so-called life. At the same time, this was his closest proximity to reaching his dream of working in a prestigious call center company.
Line That Separates The Shadows From The Light - The last day of training is just around the corner. Finally, after exerting so much effort to learn the "American" way of speaking the language, Mugen finally sees his future career at Convergys.
The Return Of The "Live Show" - Meanwhile, the Publishing Company resumes operation with a new leader at the helm; Mugen turns his back to the very same company which compelled him to take up Journalism as a major back in college.
Lovingly Yours;
Confessions Of The Real Model;
Office Chorvanelles - While waiting for Convergys' final confirmation of Mugen's employment, a start-up company offered him a job as a professional internet chatter. In an act deemed of desperation, he accepted the position the day it was offered to him. Years later, he would look back at these beginnings and remember that this company was responsible for giving his life back.
Dry Run - Major rift begins to appear between Mugen and his significant other. Darkstar emerges from the repressed and frustrated subconsciousness of Joms.
The Night I Stood Up To Be Counted - Mugen's dad supported Fernando Poe Jr. during the last presidential elections. When his widow, Susan Roces started speaking against GMA, Joms immediately threw his support behind this fierce and sharp-tongued lady.
BED Full Of Surprises - A narrative entry about Mugen's clubbing experience in BED; meeting different people who somehow, was part of his PLU life and their revelation of their experiences at BED.
Porn Story - Mugen has been a notorious porn collector since college. This entry serves as a backgrounder on how Mugen accidentally discovered the proliferating Porn CD trade in the bosom of Manila.
Ang Lalaki At Ang Ulan - A good and very detailed account of how Mugen met Phanks and how a mere one-night stand caused by a pesky rain lead to their relationship.
The Pink Coalition I,
II,
III,
Last - The first grand eye-ball of PLU bloggers in Malate; Mugen meets the great Badinggerzie for the first time.
Sebo - A story of a PExer who falls in love with a underage callboy related by Mugen in this entry.
Black Friday - A prelude to Darkstar's imminent arrival; Mugen starts flirting with boys again in the dance floor.
Welcum Darkstar - It was imminent from the very start, Darkstar, Joms' alter-ego makes a debut in his blog.
Nang Dahil Sa YM/Si Boy Astig;
End Of Fairytale - With Darkstar on the loose, his first target was an old friend who sent an IM message to Joms' Yahoo Messenger out of the blue. What started as a mere harmless flirting lead to a meet up between the two. Boy Astig's presence was meant to be a distraction to Joms' troubled relationship with Phanks. Unfortunately, anticipation breeds expectations and the very high expectations on Joms' part killed the excitement of their first meet up.
Waps - Meng-meng held the Outsiders together when he was still in Manila. He was the center of the group for he was able to connect with everyone, no matter their personality or attitude is. This intimate entry serves as an account of how Omeng was able to touch Mugen's life.
Legend Of Stormeekid - During Mugen's first eye-ball explorations, he met a guy in MIRc, which he toured around Malate and Libis. His chat handle then was Stormeekid and true to his namesake, their meet up was drenched in freezing rain.
Gerumatori I and
II - Gerumatori was a prominent figure in Pinoy Exchange. He was popular not only because of his young age, but also because of his maturity and open mindedness when sharing his views about gay-oriented topics. For his eighteenth birthday, Mugen decides to treat him out and tour him around Malate. Gerumatori is one of the youngest PLU guys he met so far.
Seventeen Again - Each and everyone of us had our turbulent periods during our teenage angst-ridden years. Fortunately for Mugen, he was able to write his thoughts and feelings during one of his most serious panic attacks. In this entry, Mugen replies to his younger self. After all, the contains of the letter written by Joms when he was seventeen years old was meant for an older him, whom he hoped had successfully endured that phase in his life.
Dreams Of Being A Gym Bunny (Again) - Why is the gym bunny so elusive to Joms? In this entry, Mugen attempts to achieve his objective of becoming fit again by working out in a gym across the University of the East. Unfortunately, he quitted a month later after he felt some misleading improvements in his body.
Nang Si Darkstar Ay Biglang Libugin - A quick good look at Joms' perversity in the office.
Prelude To Emancipation - A very personal afterthought of Mugen's growing frustration with his buddy.
Emancipation Act - Frustration, hopelessness and lack of appreciation breeds hatred and rebellion. For the first time in many years, the self-control of Joms has been broken. He unleashes the full might of Darkstar in one evening.
Drawing The Final Line;
Phankspace Realignment - The first rebellion begins. With Joms tired of his relationship, he decides to call it quits with his buddy. However, after some considerations, he realizes that he is not yet ready for independence. A brief 30 minutes of break off ensued, after which he decided to call a truce with his boyfriend.
Chronicles Of A Madre De Familia I and
II - A pleasant two-part entry revealing Joms' domesticated and home-oriented side.
Just Like You Fuck Back (Getting Back At Someone Who Ditched You Before) - During his first call center job-hunting stint, Mugen applied at West Contact with high hopes that he would be hired after being referred to the final interview. However, his interviewers flunked him during that final interview. To get back at West, he applied again for another position many years later. Armed with confidence and knowledge of the subject this time, he was offered the job immediately. Rather than accept it, he refused the offer as a payback to the rejection he received from those who interviewed him during his previous application.
The Memory Of Trees - Considered to be the defining point in Joms' association with Ice Rose after college, their late-afternoon hang-out at Baywalk cemented their friendship even deeper.
Moksha - Gerumatori claims that this entry was disturbing. Nevertheless, Mugen reveals his philosophical views about life after death and his firm belief in reincarnation.
Once Upon A Time, There Was A Tomorrow Parts I,
II III,
IV V - Once upon a time, Joms was straight. He had a girlfriend, which unfortunately he didn't take seriously. After so many years of regret; of keeping all the words left unsaid, a single day activity between exes opened the prospects of talking about their failed relationship. This five-part entry became a testament that closure can be achieved among two former lovers.
Rica Paralejo - Before Mugen became a respected pioneer in his company, he received some nasty verbal abuses from his former supervisor. This angst-ridden entry epitomizes Joms' struggle to fit in to his company. It also reveals how his Mami Athena shielded him from further conflict with his power-tripping immediate officer.
Minsan May Isang Halamanan I and
II - Joms once had a green thumb. He was an avid gardener in his last year of elementary. This post brings back an undeniable part of his childhood. The two-part entry reveals how his interest in gardening really kicked off.
Paps - Even the strongest and most stable of relationships has its weakness. A turbulent period in Papu's relationship prompted Mugen to organize an Odder-wide support to the person considered to be the father of the group.
Sophomore Dreams - A senti overnight with someone very close to him in a scenic overlooking cityscape of Manila was Mugen's fantasy when he was still in college. This entry reveals Joms' hidden attachment to his sophomore college bestfriend.
Countdown To Termination - Even from the beginning, Mugen has always been a delinquent employee. After failing to wake up one morning, his furious boss called him from the United States only to tell him that his days in the company were numbered. Failure to perform ones responsibilities has its consequences, this is one lesson Mugen learned from his very dangerous conflict with his boss.
Stand Alone Complex;
Notes From The Grand Emissario - To make up from his shortcomings, Mugen launched a PR campaign to appease his angry boss. When this attempt failed, he launched a hastily organized job hunting expedition in order to prepare himself from a certain doom.
The War Ends - It must have been Mugen's fate to be spared from the wrath of his furious boss. After proving himself loyal to the company, and with his Mami Athena's prodding with the boss to reconsider Mugen's tenure, the boss, when he returned to the country eventually gave Joms a reprieve. This was the last time his certainty with the company was seriously threatened by his delinquency.
Cold Water - Phanks has his own dark side too. Unfortunately, he was careless enough to accidentally reveal his dark side to Joms. For once, Joms realizes the futility of their relationship. In just one night, he prepared himself for the inevitable - the break-up of their two-year old relationship.
Phankspace Realignment Pt. 2 - A very violent confrontation between Joms and Phanks would actually become the savior of their tattered relationship. Giving each other a second chance, this would be the last time their relationship would be gravely threatened by a serious conflict.
Fourth Quarter: Calmness Of A Stillwater (October - December)Beacon Of The Outsiders - Mugen's first and longest group, the Outsiders was formed in Quatro Bar along Timog Avenue. It used to be their watering hole, but they later realized that they had outgrown the place after staying there for several years. This entry is dedicated to that bar, which was never visited again by the the Outsiders after this post was written.
Pallas - Every great friendship is tested by a conflict. Roy and Joms had a
tampuhan long before they became bestfriends; Even Joms' solid alliance with Athena was once challenged by a certain misunderstanding he was responsible for escalating in the first place. However, with Joms' humility and total sincerity to his Mami Athena, the conflict was abated less than a day after it erupted.
The Great Saturday Dating Story - Three guys, three dating stories, one Saturday evening. This entry gives a picture of how PLUs do dating, and how similar their dating habits are with the straight couples.
Freaaky - Mugen continues his job-hunting expedition. This time, he stumbles upon a company in Makati that provides content material for a website that promotes hardcore pornography. If hired by that company, his job is to write reviews about the hottest and most popular porn dvds and websites available in the market. Imagine him watching porn movies eight hours every day.
No Ordinary Morning - Mugen's company begins expanding; His big boss requested him to do double-shifts to compensate with the increasing workload; Mugen follows and did what the boss asked him. With his objective complete, not only did he get closer with the boss, he also earned his trust and confidence that became the basis for Mugen's stay in the company for the years got come.
Paradigm Shift - A siblings freedom means Mugens complete and utter domestication. An entry about his sister's association with the "tibaks" and Joms' realization that he could not sustain his night-out activities anymore.
Homage - Like Combatron, there is another superhero that heavily influenced Mugen's life and way of thinking during his pre-adolescent years. The name of the superhero, which was imported from Japan is Ultraman. During Mugen's tour of Quiapo one afternoon. He discovered a re-imagined Ultraman DVD. He then decided to write a tribute entry after watching the film, which left him completely nostalgic.
Darkstar Meets Creator - Two hours before Mugen tasted his first sexual experience with another guy, he met a chatter who claimed that after his first sex, he went on a rampage and made sure that his full week was booked with SEBs. This claims inspired Joms and by the time he had consumed his first kill, he tried to do the same feat only to fail completely. Two years after this meeting between the rookie and pro happened, fate let Mugen meet the old chatter again in MIrc. Armed with experience, he was able to acknowledge and somehow thank the guy who was responsible for molding his lusty side.
Evicted - Club BED had a major interior overhaul. However, instead of getting a favorable feedback from its most loyal customers, it became a source of anxiety and alienation particularly for those who have been there, when BED's customer base was just growing. Mugen didn't like the new idea. The overhaul convinced him to finally check out the other bar, which is now growing in popularity along Makati Avenue.
Cool - Inspired by his recent closure with his ex-girlfriend. Mugen reaches out to his ex-boyfriend to finally have a closure on whatever remnants of relationship they had before.
Summit - A straight colleague validates Mugen's claim of masculinity; A very personal entry revealing Joms' desire to maintain a straight image despite his homosexual affiliation.
Pilgrimage At Government I and
II - Mugen finally visits Club Government for the very first time.
#41 - The last of Mugen's job hunting expeditions. After turning down the offer of this company, he finally realizes that in order to move up in the career ladder, one must put emphasis on the time and loyalty one has with the company he belongs to.
Queen For A Night I and
II - BED finally completes its expansion. Since Mugen has ties with the owners and their associates, he was invited to the soft opening of the place he considers his home.
Si Psychotic Friend - His nickname Alpaca given by Mami Athena leaves an impression of his meekness and solitary nature. Like Joms' he is also one of the pioneers of the company. However, his isolation prevents anyone from getting close to him. But, when his father died and Joms attended the funeral alone, their one-on-one senti-talk opened the doors for Alpaca's revelation of his life story only him and Mami Athena knows in the company.
Opening Salvo - Inspired by Coffeebean's style of writing, Mugen recounts his day of Christmas Shopping in Divisoria.
Jagrata - State Of Waking Consciousness; Mugen summarizes the essence of being a homosexual in this simple yet very philosophical blog entry.
When Fate Decides To Play - Everything under the sun is based on luck, fortune and predestination. Fate plays a significant role as well in the lives of men. This entry reveals how Mugen's simple yet very vital business transaction in Makati depended on the metaphysical forces that challenged his faith that day.
Twelfth Hour - "Life is good and there is a reason to celebrate;" Joms looks back at all the events that happened to his life a year before.
The Outsiders’ Christmas Party: Afterglow,
Euphoria,
Infinity - Considered to be one of the biggest Christmas Party celebrations of the Outsiders, this entry shows how time and age bonds a group of men together. Despite the changing times and social connections, Joms still considers the remnants of this group as the core of his social circle.
