I arrived early that afternoon and the editors, who always came later during the day were still out of sight. The previous night's editing work were still scattered on their respective desks and to pass time while waiting for them to arrive, I decided to read the complimentary magazines and books sent to them by publishers and writers from different publications in the country.
One such book I immediately noticed was this comic book written by some unfamiliar Filipino graphic artist who was just starting his career in graphic publishing. The book had a yellow and black hard cover. The front page shows an image of two guys. The first one appears to be confused - probably with his feelings toward the other guy on the backdrop. I never thought such book would become an eye opener. It never came into my mind that such object would trigger something hiding inside me.
Entitled "One Night In Purgatory." The book is about two childhood best friends who became separated after one of them confesses to the other that he is gay. The other guy, despite being supportive to his bestfriend, eventually sought his own direction that lead to both of them parting ways. One night, two years after their separation, they managed to see one another and catch up with each other's lives. The meet up became a confrontation that eventually lead to forgiveness, understanding, acceptance and love.
Yes, both of them made love in the end. The guy who appeared straight during the early part of the comic turns out to be someone who is hiding from his own closet. It is his gay bestfriend who gave him the final wake-up call.
The comic book I have read immediately engulfed my thoughts. For the first time, I realized that it is possible to be a homosexual without acting effeminate or campy. Soon after, I began buying m2m porns in Quiapo. Forget about what others or myself would think about me; what is important is that I am slowly taking myself out of the closet where a part of me was hiding all along.
It was the summer of 2001. By all accounts, I was straight, a virgin and a torpe when it comes to courting girls. I never had any relationships yet, and the stirrings of same-sex inclination, although, present in my thoughts remained under control.
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I saw myself in a posh little bar in Makati with friends I have just met in PEx several weeks before. Since I was just a newbie who is still in my school uniform at 11 in the evening, I became an instant outcast. Another attendee was quietly seated beside me. He appears to be observing our happy acquaintances and found great pleasure simply by watching them. He was distant but approacheable, calm but somehow intense. It turns out that he is the founder of the biggest group among the conglomerations of folks who showed up in that little party.
Since both of us had nothing to do but stare and watch people have fun, I decided to approach him and formally introduce myself as a newbie from the "bi" group. I have already forgotten how the introduction went, but one thing I would never forget was when I asked him if he was a bisexual too, in which he answered "for convenience sake, I tell them I am gay."
Our conversation was fun and inspiring. We talked about his passion for comic books, his interest in science fiction... and the reason why he created a thread for "straight-natured gay guy." If I'm not mistaken, he was the one who gave me some primers about gay lifestyle long before I met Papu. However, since I had a slight bias for out-gays back then, I didn't listen to his advice at first.
It will take me several more years before I could fully grasp what he told me that night.
The month was late February. It was almost a year after I stumbled upon his book stacked among the periodicals in one of the shelves behind the Lifestyle Editors' desk. I was still technically a straight, a virgin in PLU affairs, had a girlfriend but decided to officially accept my "bisexual" preference almost a month before in a local online forum I discoved while soul searching on the internet.
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-tobecontinued-
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