The Pride Offensive

The day my team leader tagged me
with an ncns (no-call, no show) mark,
I resolved to go online despite her disappointments
and helped the team with work
in the comforts of my own home.
Such initiative earned me an extra income apart
from my daily pay, which I had to give up
because of my absence.

The following two days, I made sure that
I won't incur any tardiness at work. I succeeded.
And the fruits of my determination is a
no-reaction from the boss so far.
Ten more days of regular routine
and I could get away
with my recent bout of laziness.
They might consider my fall-back as an isolated case.

Since the Big Hit, I've been more determined
to make my gym activities work for me.
I promised myself that even if some people
think of me as a faggot, I'd show
them that I could be more masculine than any of my critics.
I will train myself to become stronger, fitter and healthier
than most guys in the shift,

While maintaining a distance from everyone that doesn't
concern me at work.

If there is a cope-up mechanism that had an unexpected
appearance when being faced by an earth-shaking problem,
I tend to embrace isolation and distance, basically from everyone.
Since day one, I avoided speaking anything
about my issues - except in my personal journals.
I tend to face my own conflicts alone, avoiding to involve
anyone with my rants and frustrations.

I endured sadness with solitude.
And now that I'm beginning to
retake a slice of my old life back,
despite the continuous emotional reminders that I receive,
it is in solitude that I find comfort and reason to fight back.

This month,
I faced a pincer attack on three fronts from life.
The first one involved two friends
and was fought with utter silence.
The second one was about a beloved aunt
who is fighting for dear life right now.
I faced her reality with love, compassion
and gratitude to the things she shared to me.
And the last, involved a very close person.
My bout with him is still waiting for vindication.
Since it involved my very deep and guarded emotions
It is the most difficult attack I have faced so far.

But behind those difficult struggles,
there are things that will remind
me that victory, no matter how deceivingly
hidden it was, remains a victory.
Before the month ends
and the monsoon season officially begins,

I will reveal the string of masqueraded triumphs
that came out of these painful life-fate episodes.