Because you are the poetry that I am finding hard to compose...
- anonymous
---
Shrek 3 was hilarious from beginning to the end.
But the moment I stepped out of the theater, I felt a deep pang of emptiness stabbing my heart. When I tried to find its reasons, it turned out, it wasn't because of someone else. The emptiness was from me.
As usual, my companion was oblivious to my feelings. He was elsewhere, cheerfully checking out the guys wandering around the cinema area. I tried to look for him, but I decided that I'd be better off handling this feeling alone. In all the hang-outs I've been to lately, this one struck me deeply not because I found a perfect hang-out buddy, but because I felt an upheaval bound to be lost - after this TriNoma moment is finally over.
When he finally showed up, he appeared disappointed. When I asked him why, he told me that he wasn't checked out when he went to the bathroom. He blamed his zits for it, but I just told him that he's too brute-looking to be taken notice. I suggested that he should hang-out at G4M instead. After all, it is where his physical looks get the attention of excited bottoms.
Since it was nearing sunset when the movie had ended, we decided to take a stroll at the multi-level open air park. In fairness to its architects, the mini-jungle on the north side of TriNoma was something to behold. I should really congratulate Roy for a job well done. You see, he is part of the team who constructed the entire mall.
As we checked the newly-opened boutiques inside TriNoma, my companion said something. At first, he was hesitant to do so, but with much prodding and teasing, he eventually spilled the beans.
"I really had fun being with you," he told me, with his eyes hidden under his cap.
"Me too. I never felt so much freedom being with you pare. I hope we can do this more often."
"We will, that is, if we have the budget. But nevertheless, we will find time... to bond," he said.
"You know what, I really don't want this to end. For some reasons, I'd like to stay here a little longer but we both know we have to go home."
"Yeah," My companion took off his cap revealing his semikal hair.
"You said, you have been doing this all by yourself when you're in college right?"
"I do. Just to get in touch with myself. I am a solitary person - like you," I said.
"That's why we get along together. We are both meant for each other..."
"What did you say?" I asked him, with all my seriousness.
"Nothing, just joking," he answered defensively.
After that, there was silence between us again. I decided to call it a day, since I was getting tired already. We were about to part ways in front of SM North, when he insisted to accompany me home. I asked him what for. He didn't give any substantial reply.
Lali Puna's ethereal music played on my mp3 player while the FX we rode flew along Quezon Avenue going to Espana. The songs on my playlist were melancholic, distant and yet hauntingly peaceful reflecting the mood of the moment. If it was only possible to lean my back against my companion's chest, I would have done so just to capture the sense of tranquility as the sun continues to set in front of me.
The journey back home was uneventful at best - except that at least, I had someone with me. He may not be as talkative as Roy or some of my other friends, when we hang out together. But the guy I've been with today is someone closer to me more than anyone else.
"So we're finally home," he said.
"Yeah... I am home. Do you want to hang-out, I could sneak you in if you want," I offered to him.
"Thanks Joms, but its time for me to go. My objective for today was successful."
"So I was just your objective, is that what you mean?" I asked him while walking slowly towards the gate.
"Do you think it's the opposite? I was your objective pare."
"How come you are? I never thought of that," Puzzled with his reply, I decided to stop walking.
"We both know that I've been out of the picture ever since your 'big hit'. You know why? It's because I don't serve any purpose to you. I cannot be your tough side simply because your ghost - which has now spawned a monster continues to haunt you. This is a different case. You are not in a rebellion.
It took you weeks to slowly get out of your shell - and find strength to face him and your pain with all honesty and toughness I never imagined you have with you. You struggled, as your Mami A said lately. You may not win this struggle overnight but eventually you will - just like what you said to the guy who asked for your help to pull him up of his break-up early this month."
I was awestruck when he told me these things.
"You asked me out, not because you want me there - but because you wanted to integrate a part of yourself, that you thought you had already lost. You are me, and whatever we did at TriNoma was for you. May I ask, when was the last time you deliberately spent time with yourself at the mall?"
"I cannot remember. I hate going to the mall," I answered.
"You see? No wonder, you felt pain when you have realized that its all over - that all you had with you all along was an alter-ego, your other self."
"I know Darkstar, I know," I finally blurted out.
"But you know what, If you're just for real, I wouldn't have looked for someone else. You are my perfect companion."
"Of course, because you are me. And you know what Joms, so long as you won't look first into yourself instead of looking at someone else, you would always stumble whenever your emotions are vulnerable."
"I know, that's why I created you."
"But I'm not there all the time, remember?"
"Yeah... Darn, if only you're real."
"I will satisfy your deepest fantasies Joms. I'd tie you up and lick you from your butt all the way to your nape. hehe."
"Enough of that you horndog. I just wish nobody does that to me - for real."
"I know, it would be a gloomy monday for you tomorrow, but just for the sake of feeling good, always remember this date you had and always tell yourself that you're man enough to face him. Your stoned heart, will eventually catch you later."
"Thanks Darkstar."
After that, I imagined him walking in front to look at me - just like when I look at myself in the mirror brimming with confidence.
"Love yourself and you will love me. If I am for real and you're my buddy, I'd be the happiest man alive. Remember, I will always be with you."
And then he walked away, never looking back while the sun finally surrenders its last rays of sunlight and Darkstar's silhouette embraces the coming of the night.
- anonymous
---
Shrek 3 was hilarious from beginning to the end.
But the moment I stepped out of the theater, I felt a deep pang of emptiness stabbing my heart. When I tried to find its reasons, it turned out, it wasn't because of someone else. The emptiness was from me.
As usual, my companion was oblivious to my feelings. He was elsewhere, cheerfully checking out the guys wandering around the cinema area. I tried to look for him, but I decided that I'd be better off handling this feeling alone. In all the hang-outs I've been to lately, this one struck me deeply not because I found a perfect hang-out buddy, but because I felt an upheaval bound to be lost - after this TriNoma moment is finally over.
When he finally showed up, he appeared disappointed. When I asked him why, he told me that he wasn't checked out when he went to the bathroom. He blamed his zits for it, but I just told him that he's too brute-looking to be taken notice. I suggested that he should hang-out at G4M instead. After all, it is where his physical looks get the attention of excited bottoms.
Since it was nearing sunset when the movie had ended, we decided to take a stroll at the multi-level open air park. In fairness to its architects, the mini-jungle on the north side of TriNoma was something to behold. I should really congratulate Roy for a job well done. You see, he is part of the team who constructed the entire mall.
As we checked the newly-opened boutiques inside TriNoma, my companion said something. At first, he was hesitant to do so, but with much prodding and teasing, he eventually spilled the beans.
"I really had fun being with you," he told me, with his eyes hidden under his cap.
"Me too. I never felt so much freedom being with you pare. I hope we can do this more often."
"We will, that is, if we have the budget. But nevertheless, we will find time... to bond," he said.
"You know what, I really don't want this to end. For some reasons, I'd like to stay here a little longer but we both know we have to go home."
"Yeah," My companion took off his cap revealing his semikal hair.
"You said, you have been doing this all by yourself when you're in college right?"
"I do. Just to get in touch with myself. I am a solitary person - like you," I said.
"That's why we get along together. We are both meant for each other..."
"What did you say?" I asked him, with all my seriousness.
"Nothing, just joking," he answered defensively.
After that, there was silence between us again. I decided to call it a day, since I was getting tired already. We were about to part ways in front of SM North, when he insisted to accompany me home. I asked him what for. He didn't give any substantial reply.
Lali Puna's ethereal music played on my mp3 player while the FX we rode flew along Quezon Avenue going to Espana. The songs on my playlist were melancholic, distant and yet hauntingly peaceful reflecting the mood of the moment. If it was only possible to lean my back against my companion's chest, I would have done so just to capture the sense of tranquility as the sun continues to set in front of me.
The journey back home was uneventful at best - except that at least, I had someone with me. He may not be as talkative as Roy or some of my other friends, when we hang out together. But the guy I've been with today is someone closer to me more than anyone else.
"So we're finally home," he said.
"Yeah... I am home. Do you want to hang-out, I could sneak you in if you want," I offered to him.
"Thanks Joms, but its time for me to go. My objective for today was successful."
"So I was just your objective, is that what you mean?" I asked him while walking slowly towards the gate.
"Do you think it's the opposite? I was your objective pare."
"How come you are? I never thought of that," Puzzled with his reply, I decided to stop walking.
"We both know that I've been out of the picture ever since your 'big hit'. You know why? It's because I don't serve any purpose to you. I cannot be your tough side simply because your ghost - which has now spawned a monster continues to haunt you. This is a different case. You are not in a rebellion.
It took you weeks to slowly get out of your shell - and find strength to face him and your pain with all honesty and toughness I never imagined you have with you. You struggled, as your Mami A said lately. You may not win this struggle overnight but eventually you will - just like what you said to the guy who asked for your help to pull him up of his break-up early this month."
I was awestruck when he told me these things.
"You asked me out, not because you want me there - but because you wanted to integrate a part of yourself, that you thought you had already lost. You are me, and whatever we did at TriNoma was for you. May I ask, when was the last time you deliberately spent time with yourself at the mall?"
"I cannot remember. I hate going to the mall," I answered.
"You see? No wonder, you felt pain when you have realized that its all over - that all you had with you all along was an alter-ego, your other self."
"I know Darkstar, I know," I finally blurted out.
"But you know what, If you're just for real, I wouldn't have looked for someone else. You are my perfect companion."
"Of course, because you are me. And you know what Joms, so long as you won't look first into yourself instead of looking at someone else, you would always stumble whenever your emotions are vulnerable."
"I know, that's why I created you."
"But I'm not there all the time, remember?"
"Yeah... Darn, if only you're real."
"I will satisfy your deepest fantasies Joms. I'd tie you up and lick you from your butt all the way to your nape. hehe."
"Enough of that you horndog. I just wish nobody does that to me - for real."
"I know, it would be a gloomy monday for you tomorrow, but just for the sake of feeling good, always remember this date you had and always tell yourself that you're man enough to face him. Your stoned heart, will eventually catch you later."
"Thanks Darkstar."
After that, I imagined him walking in front to look at me - just like when I look at myself in the mirror brimming with confidence.
"Love yourself and you will love me. If I am for real and you're my buddy, I'd be the happiest man alive. Remember, I will always be with you."
And then he walked away, never looking back while the sun finally surrenders its last rays of sunlight and Darkstar's silhouette embraces the coming of the night.
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