Drive

A cousin walks on stage to receive a gold medal. He is in elementary, and the school recognizes, not only his talent but also his hard work. It's no mean feat to keep your grades above ninety. While spending your free time honing other skills with extra-curricular activities. He must have been driven. His parent must have promised him a generous reward.

Year after year, his name would be called. And his proud mother would walk on stage along with him. He would receive the medal, and she - the future matriarch of the entire clan - would put it around his neck. I would watch the spectacle from my seat, together with another cousin who always join us. Our minds, heeding more to the demands of our tummy than the shimmering metal on my cousin's chest.

But the thunderous applause, and cheers from the audience as my cousin walks across the aisle would interrupt my survival instincts. At the back of my head, I would remember what my elders always say, 

"Why can't you be like him?"

"When will you change your ways?" 

As much as people hushed their voices, comparisons reach my ears.

I would remember his recognition day while trying to lift a 140 lbs barbell for my bench press. Not because of the occasion, but for the incentives my cousin gets for his academic performance. Toys, video game cartridges - everything he wants - he gets as long as he did well in school. At a young age, he learned that every hard work has a corresponding value. 

He began setting goals.

Goals. It's no secret that I have none. Three months have passed and not a single one went beyond the blueprint. I've lost too much drive that I'd prefer spending my rest days locked in my room - playing sims. I used to have plans. My head is full of ideas. But sad to say, I'm only good with concepts. They hardly ever work.

And so I remembered my cousin's recognition day and the Favorite Aunt's method of keeping him motivated. Rewards - gave him something to look forward and so year after year, he went home with medals to remind him of his destined path. 

They say its hard to teach an old dog new tricks. And while I don't see myself as an old dog yet, (I prefer to be a cat) I acknowledge this on-going flux that keeps me, well, in a state of disarray. Much as I would like to move mountains - and spark a revolution that would turn my life around, I can only make small changes, that hopefully, would encourage me accomplish more.

A beginner's pabaon perhaps - or maybe, a rewards system that would keep me driven.

"Coach, is it possible to lose 10 lbs in one month?" I asked Coach Leo.

"10 lbs kamo? Madali lang yun." My eyes glimmered with excitement. "Basta consistent ka lang."

I don't know if I could accomplish a goal. But just this once, only to show I can keep my words and deliver. 

I will hit 165 lbs, and get back in shape and when the weighting scale tells me I'm back to my ideal weight, I will reward myself with this:

Sixth Generation Nano

And replace my Sun Wukong avatar with a new picture of me.