Friday, July 31, 2009

Dear CubaoBoy

Kamusta ka na parekoy?

Sana by the time you get to read this entry, you have once again made a comeback in the dating scene. As the final days of the month unfolds, I cannot help but look back at the shared fates we had.

You see, I was charmed too by someone I met early this month. We got acquainted in an online forum because of our passion for crunching iron plates and lifting Olympic bars. The random exchange of private messages lead to yahoo conversations and the yahoo conversations eventually ended up with a drinking spree one rainy Wednesday night.

The rest was history. He was the guy I referred to in the entry Dreamscape. He was the one I walked hand in hand across the Fort and stole kisses whenever we stopped over unlit street corners. More than his good looks and his stocky built, what attracted me to him was his attitude. Yes, it was his tough, confident and authoritative personality that turned me on. He was manly enough to subvert my own masculinity, and with his values focused on the importance of family and simple living, what more can I ask? For a brief moment, I thought I stumbled upon my long lost partner.

But life has its way of twisting things around just when you thought that the searching is over. Like you, Knox Galen did his everyday text greetings to the prospect just to let him know how interested he was. He did send his "good afternoons," "ingat ka pre" "I'm home" and "Sleep tight" messages for one week. The prospect was polite enough to respond in kind but you know in the tone and delivery of his replies that it wasn't as encouraging as his kisses were on our first night.

I wasn't born yesterday. I know when the attraction is truly mutual or when the prospect is a fence-sitter and just waiting for a better catch. In my case, I cannot remember him ever mentioning my name nor recall a time when he sent a message first - except when we both find ourselves online.

I waited for a week for us to get closer but the more I pushed myself in, the more he drifted away. Knox Galen is not dense. He can read between the lines and from the looks of it, things are not going anywhere. Much as he would like Serendra Boy to pop his Cherry, he let others break the two-month cycle by engaging in a three-way act.

It was his ticket to freedom - or so he thought it was.


A week passed with no words between us. It was my thought that he found a new prospect and so I decided to call it quits. There were no hard feelings, I swear, for I learned soon enough that we never had anything in common beyond our family values:

  • He is into animals while I would most likely throw them out of the house.
  • He follows CSI and The Practice while I keep a tab on Animax, CNN and National Geographic Channel.
  • He worships Federer, Nadal and Roddick while I sing praises to Goo Goo Dolls, Dishwalla and Collective Soul.
  • He stays at home all the time, while I tend to wanderlust everywhere and expand my circle of allegiances.

These differences should have put me off but for some absurd reasons, I simply can't. Is it because his heart remains elusive that's why he still poses up a challenge? Is it because he keeps me guessing as to how he feels and that is why I keep on waiting?

Or maybe, it is with the connection...

I don't know.

One thing is sure dude, things between us is not yet over.

Four days ago, he sent a message on my Windows Live asking how I was. I told him I was busy and that's the reason for the scarcity of text messages. From there, things went on a rebound. I thought the date will push through last Tuesday but he called it off at the last minute. It was a disappointment but I respected his family obligations. The next day, I sent him my morning greetings to express my attachment despite of him ditching me a day earlier. He responded by keeping me company over MSN the whole shift. Things were looking great and I was almost on the verge of scrapping this entry as my month-ender.

I thought that the intensity of his feelings were equal as mine.

The truth however was far from what I believe.

The Prospect Known As Serendra says:
may lakad kase ako ng gabi sa megamol
kung pede ka.. kita tayo after lunch
lapit ka ba sa shaw?

Knox Galen says:
text text tayo
along shaw lang work ko

The Prospect Known As Serendra says:
san ka nakatira? sta mesa ba?

Knox Galen says:
santa mesa

The Prospect Known As Serendra says:
open pa tin ba yung invitation mo sa akin na pumunta sa bahay nyo?

The offer was very tempting and I wouldn't pass a good screw if it was from him. But knowing it would be time-bound and being aware at how some men would just vanish out of thin air after getting what they want, I decided to search within myself the very thing that I really wanted right now.


My exposure to the internet and among the gay circles has expanded my ways of getting laid. These choices present an efficient, unsophisticated and shallow path to get my fix.

But it was with Serendra Boy that I am willing to entrust my future. Had he asked for a sleep over instead, I will be less weary of his motives and more receptive of his presence.

At least pare, mayayakap ko siya, makukumutan, at mababantayan hanggang umaga. Umeskapo man siya at hindi na magpakita kailanman, kamapante ako na hindi niya ako makakalimutan.

But for a quickie?

I woke up this morning already prepared for the intercourse that would happen between us. I even ignored my raging hard-on to save for the multiple orgasms that would allow to explode across my room. I sent him my morning greetings and made sure he gets the impression of my excitement. I also made arrangements to convey my most unfortunate announcement to colleagues of being unavailable for work.

The bed was set ready and so was the condom. At the twelfth hour, I delivered the bomb that would shatter all his beliefs (had he known the real depth of my attraction) about my willingness to be his bed mate.


"Gudpm. I can't meet you today. Pinapasok ako sa work eh. Pasensya na."


The Jomanian Holiday had pushed through and I found myself among the rolling hills and valleys of Cavite this afternoon. I had a great time watching the sun set over the People's Park in the Sky and had a blissful joyride over the back roads of Amadeo and Dasmarinas while Tori Amos' and Howie Day's songs played on the stereo.

The soul-searching had worked. Not only did it spare me from another invitation which I secretly planned should Serendra Boy backed out again, I also learned that by not giving in too much to the desire of the other, we become a challenge which the other finds difficult to resist. Maybe, the reason he came back is because he felt I was slipping away. The truth is I was and was ready to move on should he continue to ignore me until the final day of the month comes.

I do not know pare where things would lead to or if he would talk to me again after I butchered his mood. I am not expecting either since his month is finally over. Funny isn't? It's like they come and go and it doesn't matter anymore if they bid farewell or not. And this habit of getting involved with different men month after month makes me wonder the sincerity of my longings. What I know is that I am tired of being left out and that the heavy baggage that continues to burden me will linger for sometime.

Unless one teaches me the patience of truly realizing love.

Please accept my deepest gratitude for the courage of writing your Misery entry. In truth, I would never learn that rejections are universal and that my experience is just a patch among the tapestry of stories from broken people like us. May you find the romance you are searching and may it be lasting.

Hanggang sa muli.

Yours in spirit,

Knox Galen


To a trusted friend who restored my sanity, I owe you the world. Sa muling pilgrimage sa mga ulap. Salamat

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


There are some games that you play with your lips; some, you play with your prick; but when you expose your heart in the open field, the game becomes a little different.

At the back of your head, you feel that you've already lost - long before the battle has begun.


The Prospect Known As Serendra says:
may lakad kase ako ng gabi sa megamol
kung pede ka.. kita tayo after lunch
lapit ka ba sa shaw?

Knox Galen says:
text text tayo
along shaw lang work ko

The Prospect Known As Serendra says:
san ka nakatira? sta mesa ba?

Knox Galen says:
santa mesa

The Prospect Known As Serendra says:
open pa tin ba yung invitation mo sa akin na pumunta sa bahay nyo?

Knox Galen says:
oo naman

The Prospect Known As Serendra says:

Knox Galen says:
kelan mo plano?

The Prospect Known As Serendra says:
kung pede ka ng afternoon tomorrow , sabihan mo lang ako. i just need to be at sm megamall by 6:30pm

Knox Galen says:

The Prospect Known As Serendra says:
malapit lang ba bahay nyo sa shaw?


A part of me wanted to back-off, a part wanted to give it a shot, and a part insist that I should enjoy the ride and see where it would lead to. But with all the flashbacks of being abandoned after a tryst running inside my head, I can't help but hold back and consider my moves very carefully.

"Admit it, you like him more than just an object." A voice inside my head said.

"Yes... But the thing is, where would this lead to? I don't even know what his thoughts are about me."

"Then why do you have to worry?"

"Because I already wagered my heart. I don't want this to end up with him telling me its all just for fun."

"A friend told me I'm already battle-scarred, the other one thought I am already jaded."

"But showing this side tells otherwise. I won't declare a work holiday just to see him."

"Would he give in if he doesn't like you as well? Would he?"

"It is as if you don't know them. Most boys see sex as sex and nothing more."

"But you see it that way as well right?"

"At least I cut my ties immediately after I got what I want. I don't try to be human when its all about us getting laid."

"Then who's more cruel now?"

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Waps 3/G4M GEB (Last Part)

"I find it strange sometimes, that when I think of entering a relationship, the first thing I have in mind are the encantos."

- Me to Centurion, IM Conversation

To look back at our past, the first thing I would remember is the never-ending Friday nights at Quatro. That's where our brotherhood was forged right? Whenever I remember the dreamy freezing nights guzzling our beer out there, it's like things never really changed. I don't go to Timog anymore, but still nothing compares to the freedom I felt when we were there celebrating whatever ties we had as a group.

That's what I am beginning to feel this evening. In their company, I felt so at home.

The comedians were absolutely fantastic on stage. The "divas" who performed reminded each and every one of us of a neighbor-thread in G4M that promotes and showcases the best of being transvestites. In fact, this group held a GEB last week, only to be boycotted by the very core of their thread. Nagtampo tuloy yung madir-maderan nila. It was a laugh-trip Waps, especially when I mentioned that the boycott caused a tampuhan among them. And to think they fashioned themselves as the main characters in Encantadia (a fantaserye in GMA 7 last year) To compare theirs to the surprise GEB we had tonight,

At least yung sa amin, walang plano-plano, hindi pa na-boycott. Hehe.

I forgot how many bottles of beer I downed tonight. I don't even know how many trips I did just to take a leak in the bathroom. In between breaks, there were laughter. There was less talk because we were constantly distracted by the performer's punchlines. However I guess, the meet-up planted the seeds of brotherhood among those who showed up.

It was a success, and there's no contention about that.

Alam mo ba waps, most of them had never felt how to have a PLU group before. When I say PLU group, you know, the kind of friendship and brotherhood we had in the Outsiders. Too bad, some of us lost it along the way. But don't worry, the core you left remains intact and I guess it would remain so for as long as I have strong connections with the people you have left. Roy is still there, as well as Papu, Garppp, Goonie and Nathan. I think we can be considered a core already. I've been tagging Roy to every group I am associated with. After all, we've been partners from the very beginning - even before we have met you. Pangako ko nga, isasama ko siya once this new group I belong to forges strong ties with one another.

Sana nga, it could happen.

I still have to reach out to the rest of them since my inter-personal ties are only limited to the leader and Tagay. The host is cool, as well as our other companion who I guess, epitomizes the other guy who has good looks, nice body and masculine demeanor all of us are dreaming of having. The future remains unforeseeable, but in a such a small world like ours, interpersonal contact is bound to happen sooner or later. Who would have thought that in my semi-wild presence in G4M this past few months, I would end up finding a company which will somehow restore order back to me.

By the way, Arj is on a rampage. I wish we could help, but he seems so isolated right now. I will tell you everything when we get to talk in YM soon.

Remember Waps, I still remember the past. And our lessons, which I still treasure today passes on to every group that I am associated with. You are a fine example of what a very good PLU friend is and if you were here right now, I guess, the Outsiders won't disintegrate as it did.

Looking back, I still remember how I met you on a rainy evening of August four years ago. I just came from a funeral - my Lolo's funeral feeling down and desolate. Bes Goonie and the rest were at Starbucks Rob Place and you were there, just smiling back at us. You were just in a corner there, observing our activities.

Who would have thought that many months later, you would become our center. The only person who connects to everyone who finds a home in the group called Odders.

That past would never happen again, but the friendship and reaching out you shared with us, is what I tell to my friends in PEx and my new group in G4M. [The pex group had their anniversary last Saturday. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to attend.]

Until we meet again wapo.

Thanks for the memories.

Yours truly,

Knox Galen

Waps 3/G4M GEB (First Part)

Ganito kami nagsimula at kung hindi dahil sa biglaang tagpuang iyon, wala kami ngayon.

June 28, 2007

Dear Meng-meng,

You always tell me that everything changes. Yeah, for three years, I did ignore your statement hoping that things would remain the same. Unfortunately, it all fell apart this year. Things really change. As a matter of fact, I can feel that the changes are happening really fast, I don't even know how to cope up with it.

You taught me that there is unity in diversity. There is, and for the past three years, my life revolved around the different facets of being a PLU - from the effems to the closets and to the ultra-masculines. This past few months alone, I've been associated with the most masculine of our brethren; the types you would outrightly consider SMK* in our native language.

I woke up this evening, thinking what tribute entry to write about you. I've talked about the past. I talked about the future, and I'm considering talking about the present Outsiders, when I saw two text messages on my phone when I picked it up. It was an invitation and guess where it came from.

Lately, I've been involved with some guys from Guys4Men who doesn't prefer posting their face-pics on their profile. If you were here, I guess, you would consider it a trend nowadays. Paano ba naman kasi, pag katawan mo ang nakalagay sa profile, mas mukha kang paminta. You know the drift. I think it's working for those men and guess what, they are indeed masculines in person.

Our friend Roy can attest to that.

They invited me to a suprise grand eye ball this evening in Araneta. Inuman daw sa Clownz. I know the place as a Comedy Bar and since I don't have any plans this evening, I immediately told my mom that I would have to report for work because of an "emergency conference call." Haha, nagbago na ako ng excuse ngayon waps. Kung nung time natin eh "poetry reading" ang best reason ko para magpagabi, this time it involves work na.

Except that my agenda is really socializing with other people rather than my boss and my colleagues.

Anyway, I got up, took a bath and rode the Purple Line LRT going to Gateway. If you don't know these places, sorry ka na lang. Things happened so fast, Manila is quite different now. I was the last one to arrive and when I saw them, they were chilling outside the bar waiting for me.

Infairness, they were all masculines. I should thank Tagay-Mo-Par for mentioning to me his newfound group during our "inuman moments" at a fraternity-dominated hang-out place near Adamson. I would like to mention their G4 nicknames here, but since I don't know if the meeting was a secret gathering, maybe I should let them spill the beans first.

As the story goes, one of the core members of this group just arrived from abroad. He is working in a Cruising Ship and as a treat to his newfound "brothers," he invited the group for a night out. Actually, I don't belong to the core. But since I have strong ties with their leader, (I act as his secret adviser) I was catapulted into their circle overnight.

Ironically, Clownz was celebrating their fourth anniversary today. So imagine the entrance our host paid for the four of us - 400 pesos each. Pucha, It's been a long time since I had a treat like that. Astig nga eh! It reminds me of my meet up with Macoy last summer and the treat he gave us at Starbucks.

Anyway, Tagay was there too. And like he had always been, he still beams with confidence and charm when I saw him. Don't get me wrong, the "poison" he gave me last time was already gone. Luckily, nothing happened between us. That is why the friendship was saved. They're a fun bunch. The host reminds me of... well, he's a unique case. He said he has a family - wife and kids, and yet still, there is a side of him that desires to explore the life we live in.

Huli man daw siya, he still wants to have a taste of what's it like

to live a life of a PLU.


*SMK - Saktan Mo Ako. A term for non-straight guys who looks so barako
*Outsiders - My other PLU group.

Monday, July 27, 2009


I remember everything as it happened eight long years ago.

It was the middle of February. The nation was in high spirits as the last of the Senate telenovela of that season was about to end. The corrupt leader was close to being implicated as more evidence revealed that his hands were tainted by the money trail that all trace back to him. Finally, the rotten carcass whose alias was Jose Velarde is about to be identified. The Senate demanded to open the sealed envelope and the decision was put into vote.

The allies stood by their master as the opposition and the people tried to force the truth. The allies won, to the jeers of everyone. Who would have thought that a mass walk out would lead to a revolution? A lady senator, unaware of the sentiment of the people shamelessly Salsa-ed in front of the camera. While a distinguished lawmaker shed tears, which won the sympathy of the nation. Her sobs ignited the fire that was already burning in the hearts of many. At 3 in the morning the following day, I sneaked out of the house for a storm was already gathering strength. People from all walks of life - all those - whose sensibilities were trampled by the debauchery at the senate converged at where freedom was found ten years earlier. They wanted their voices to be heard. They wanted the whole world to know that nobody slept while the country was being pillaged by the few.

It took five days of continuous storm surge before the leader stepped down and for change to happen. I bore witness to history as it unfolded right before my eyes. I stood for what was right and at a very young age, my belief was the shift of power will bring a new dawn to these once sunless lands.

But I was wrong.

very wrong at my perception.

Had I known that everything will turn out worse; had I known that the one who will replace the corrupted will rise to become the demon spawn herself; had I known that the powers bestowed will be used against those who granted her the presidency,

I would have never showed up and be one with the nation during Edsa Dos.


Today marks the last State of the Nation address of the President of the Republic. No words would lift herself from the slump she is now in.

No swan song nor dramatic entrance would ever change how the nation and history will judge her twisted legacy.

I may not be the most vocal opponent of those in power, but as someone who sees and feels the pulse of the nation. What I look forward to and hopefully see in the coming years

is change.

Sobra na. Tama na. Palitan na.

Sunday, July 26, 2009


The body has reached its limit. Not even the iron bar lifting at the gym could reverse the effects of exhaustion it now suffers. A runny nose, a persistent cough, a heavy chug on the chest, a feverish skin - these signs of bodily breakdown reveal my mortality.

And to deny these organic malfunctions might result to a much-dreaded chemical intervention.

Though it seem very strange to find myself anchored on a good Saturday night, pushing myself to the edge could backfire in the days to come. The strobe lights, the bass sound, and the make-out moments on the darkest corner of the dance floor could wait until next week.

Urgency requires that I gather strength and recover.

For disability is a price I could not afford.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Usapang Console Games

Limang taon matapos ang panahon ng Batibot sa Channel 4; Dalawang taon bago ipalabas ang Ultraman sa Channel 2; Apat na taon bago nagkaroon ng Simpsons sa Channel 9 at Pitong taon bago kami kabitan ng Skycable sa bahay ay namulat ako sa aliw na dala ng Family Computer. Ang pinsan ko ang may sala. Grade Two ako noon. Palibhasa ay nag-iisang anak kaya't nang payagan akong magstay-over sa kanila ng mga magulang ko, buong pagmamalaking pinakita nito sa akin ang kanyang bagong-bagong Nintendo.

Doon nagsimula ang aking kaadikan sa computer. Mula Mario 1 hanggang Mario 3; pagkatapos naman noon ay Sega hanggang sa bilhan siya ng Super Nes ay lagi akong napapauwi sa kanilang bahay tuwing weekends. Dumating ang panahon na sa sobrang pagkahilig ko sa libangang ito ay halos hindi na ako umuuwi ng bahay tuwing bakasyon. Dito nagsimulang ma-badtrip ang aking tatay at dahil nga mas madalas ako sa bahay ng aking pinsan ay muntikan na akong mapalayas ng aming bahay. Natigil lang ang lahat nang magpasya ang aking tiyahin (na nanay ng aking pinsan) na bilhan ako ng sariling Family Computer.

Subalit hindi doon natatapos ang aking kaadikan. First Year High School nang ipasa ng aking pinsan ang kanyang Sega. Dahil doon ay hindi ko na-outgrow ang aking interest sa computer games, bagkus ay nag-evolve pa ito. Ngayong ako ay matanda na, PC games na ang aking libangan.

Bilang pagbabalik-tanaw sa simula ng aking pagiging techie, narito ang limang video games na naging bahagi ng kabataan ko:

Bubble Bubble (Taito, 1986)

Dalawang dragon na bumubuga ng soap bubbles sa halip na apoy upang ikulong ang mga kalaban nila sabay papuputukin. May kalabang balyena na kapag malapit na mag times-up ay nagiging higit na agresibo at nanghahabol sayo. May higanteng big boss na kulay green ang hood. Masasabi kong isa ito sa mga unang games na nalaro ko sa family computer.

Contra (Konami, 1988)

Up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A. Ang sinumang hindi gumamit ng daya upang matapos ang larong ito ay tunay na genius. Ang Contra ay tungkol sa dalawang commando na ang misyon ay i-infiltrate ang isang isla na pinamumugaran ng mga aliens. Kasama sa arsenal ng mga bida ang iba't ibang klase ng sandata na matatagpuan sa mga power-ups.

Isa ito sa pinakabayolenteng video game na aking nalaro. At ang katapusan kung saan matapos mo matalo ang final boss na hawig doon sa movie na Alien, ang buong isla na inumpisahan mo sa Level I ay magseself-destruct na tila ito'y hindi nag-eexist sa mapa.

Super Mario 3 (Nintendo, 1990)

Isang classic na masasabing epitome pagdating sa graphics ng Nintendo Family Computer. Malalim ang story line. Ang bawat levels ay divided into "worlds" at ang mga big boss ay matatagpuan sa mga air ships. Sino ang hindi makakalimot sa mga kalabang pagong na may pakpak; ang mga pipes na magdadala sa iyo sa mga sub-levels at ang mapa ng bawat worlds kung saan kailangang daanan ang bawat stages bago marating ang kastilyo ng regent na misyon mong iligtas?

Ito ang kauna-unahang laro na ginamitan ko ng strategy bago matapos.ang final stage. Oras ng Christian Formation Program sa school noon. Bagot at inaantok sa discussion ng teacher, pinagplanuhan kong mabuti kung ilang warp whistles, power ups at magic clouds ang kailangan bago maabot ang World 8. Ito ang mala-impyernong mundo ni King Coopa.

Hindi ko man matandaan kung saang mga stages matatagpuan ang mga items na aking kailangan pero alam ko kung saang mga worlds ko ginamit ang tatlong warp whistles upang marating ang huling level - Worlds 3 at 5 yun. Salamat sa shortcut, malaki ang natipid kong oras sa hindi pagdaan sa Worlds 3, 4, 6 at 7.

Dalawang linggo matapos kong gamitin ang aking strategy, natalo ko si King Coopa at na-rescue si Princess Toadstool sa kanyang kastilyo.

Aerobiz Supersonic (Koei, 1994)

Kung sa Super Mario 3 ako natutong mag-strategize upang matalo ang final boss, sa Aerobiz Supersonic naman una akong nagkaroon ng concept ng pagiging tycoon. Ang larong ito ang maituturing na precursor ng lahat ng "tycoon" games na sumikat sa PC.

Madali lang naman ang concept ng laro. Ang goal ay magtayo ng isang Airline at panatilihing profitable ang operations nito. Palibhasa ay kabilang ang Manila sa mga hubs na maari mong gawing base kaya't nagkaroon ng nationalistic appeal sa akin ang video game. Ang expansion ay nakakamit sa pamamagitan ng pagbubukas ng iba't ibang ruta (gaya ng Tokyo, Sydney at Los Angeles, kung mayroong budget ang kumpanya para dito) at pagbili ng iba't ibang model ng eroplano na maglilipad ng iyong mga pasahero.

Mayroon ring mga historical at hypothetical events (gaya ng unification ng East at West Germany o kaya naman ay Olympics sa Brazil) na nagbibigay ng depth at challenge sa mga manlalaro.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Sega, 1992)

Kung si Super Mario ang standard bearer ng Nintendo, si Sonic naman ang mukha ng Sega. Sa graphics pa lang ay tiyak na ang pagiging classic nito pagdating ng araw. Sa mga hindi nakakaalam, si Sonic ay isang hedgehog na hawig sa mga porcupine. Gamit ang bilis sa pagtakbo at matutulis na spikes sa kanyang likod, ginagawa niyang bola ang sarili para hatawin ang mga robot na kalaban. Ang mga robot niyang kalaban ay pinapaandar ng mga hayop na bihag ni Dr. Robotnik. Sa bawat pagtugis ni Sonic sa mga robot na ito ay katumbas ang kalayaan ng kanyang mga kaibigan.

Naibigan ko ang Sonic 2 sapagkat sa unang pagkakataon ay nagkaroon siya ng sidekick. Palibhasa ay one player lang ang Sonic 1 kaya't nang dumating si Tails ay nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na makasabayan sa paglalaro ang aking pinsan. Maraming oras rin kaming ginugol matapos lang ang bawat zones nito. Nang minsan pa nga ay inabot kami ng Bagong Taon sa paglalaro habang lahat ng aming mga pinsan ay nakapalibot at nanonood. Minsan naman ay sinasabihan rin namin silang magdasal huwag lang mamatay ang aming bida tuwing umaabot ito final stage.

Ang kabataan nga naman.

Pinili ko ang Sonic 2 bilang aking pinakapaboritong video game hindi lang dahil sa mga alaalang iniwan nito kung hindi dahil sa cinematic ending na siyang nagbibigay kabuluhan sa lahat ng sakripisyo at oras na nasayang masilayan lang ang makabagbag-damdaming katapusan nito.

Sonic defeats Dr. Robotnic for the last time and as his nemesis' Death Egg Fortress explodes above the planet's atmosphere, he jumps for his life uncertain if someone will catch him . In the newly-liberated grounds of Angel Island , Tails and the freed animals witnessed the explosion. This urged Tails to start the engine of his biplane for a daring rescue to save his friend.

As the instrumental song nears the end, we see Sonic floating in the sky. The clouds clearly visible, we see Tails' biplane emerging from below. His timely arrival saves his comrade from crashing to the ground. The final scenes show the two of them returning to the island and into the waiting animals eager to celebrate their freedom after being Robotnik's slaves.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


You remember how it feels like after being intoxicated in its smoke: The coldness of your skin permeating through your bones; the slowness of your vision as your eyes desperately tries to focus itself on an object; the barely audible voices of those around you. Slurred, and yet fairly recognizable, they spoke of you being "sabog" in your joint. Everything around you grinds to a halt, and you, being enslaved to some unfamiliar euphoric sensations encase yourself in an invisible box. Impregnable, and yet, nearly addictive, the feeling is almost like being drawn to a dark and foreboding world where the only way out is through the passage of sleep.

It was past midnight of last year. You sat in a table with two of your closest friends. The captain pulled out a cellophane bag she got out of nowhere. You recognized its contents as something dark and shredded. Its moss-like texture assured you that its organic. She pinched a few shreds of the substance and sprinkled it over a flimsy paper. Rolling the paper, you have this idea that it will be smoked.

The stick was lighted and then passed from mouth to mouth. Shots were given and you swallowed the smoke with one gulp. Within minutes, you can already feel its effects. Everything appears veeerrrry, veeeeeerry sloooooowww, while those around you busied themselves with anything that would hold their self-awareness. Your breathe becomes shallow. Unaware of where you hand lands, you gobble anything that remains of your pulutan. The captain flirted with the girl who was flirting your friend over his phone. While you being left with nothing else to trip and nothing else to stuff in your mouth decides to go home and call it a night.


OAKLAND, California (CNN) -- Oakland's bid to become the first U.S. city to tax proceeds on medical marijuana passed Tuesday by a landslide vote.
About 80 percent of people voting in the Oakland election approved the new medical marijuana tax.

About 80 percent of people voting in the Oakland election approved the new medical marijuana tax.

About 80 percent of voters chose to impose the tax on Oakland's medical marijuana facilities, according to the Alameda County Registrar of Voters.

Some celebrated the news at Oaksterdam University by hand-rolling large marijuana cigarettes or stuffing cannabis into pipes. The school trains students for work in the medical marijuana industry.

- CNN: Oakland, California Passes Landmark Marijuana Tax

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

We Came In Peace

"As I take man's last step from the surface, back home for some time to come — but we believe not too long into the future — I'd like to just [say] what I believe history will record — that America's challenge of today has forged man's destiny of tomorrow. And, as we leave the Moon at Taurus-Littrow, we leave as we came and, God willing, as we shall return, with peace and hope for all mankind. Godspeed the crew of Apollo 17."
– Eugene A. Cernan, Apollo 17 Commander. Last man to walk on the moon, December 14, 1972.

"The Falcon is ready for its final descent commander. What are your orders?"

"Keep the module steady. The Lunar gravitational pull might be weak but we cannot afford to have a rough landing." Commander Miral sternly warns. "This is humanity's closest attempt to return here."

"Loud and clear. We are now approaching the far side, expect a communications blackout for a few minutes."

"God speed and see you when your lander emerges from the other side."

The Via Mare orbits high above the celestial surface. Cramped and hastily assembled from spare parts not used by earlier missions, it is where Miral juggles her time assuring the worried engineers at Kourou that everything is going smoothly while giving step-by-step instructions to her men. Fifteen Billion souls are watching this historic event from their laptops, transmitter radios, widescreens and even from their videophones.

"We have emerged from the abyss, what are your next orders commander."

"Execute the aerobreak maneuver at 40,000 feet. If all goes according to calculations, your landing site is just several degrees latitude higher than of Apollo 11's."

It's been almost 70 years after Neil Armstrong set foot on this barren world. Plans were announced to return but a series of economic meltdown and tragic accidents almost had the project shelved. The United States sent its astronauts first - only to die from radiation poisoning as their orbiter passed though the Van Allen Belt. The Russian capsule collided with a runaway satellite resulting to a hull breach that killed its Cosmonauts. The Indians and the Chinese had blueprints but because of domestic opposition (due to the Pan-Asian Financial Crisis of 2015) they had to give up their ambition and sit on the table together with ten other nations and superstates who would pool their resources for this project.

"Humanity is destined to live among the stars and if we will merely stay here on this earth and not dare tread the heavens like our forefathers did, what a great shame to that invisible hand who shaped our evolution.

Shall we allow ourselves to become less of what we used to be?"

The rousing speech from Stavopoullos Maroussi, the President of the European Union stirred debates across the planet. A few weeks after it was delivered, a global poll revealed a close tie between those who are supporting the project and those who would like to spend the money on green technologies instead. It was only when the megacorporations spoke of their decision to share the bill that the moon landing became a reality.

"The Falcon has reached its 40,000 feet mark. Initiating aerobreaks now."

The dodecahedron-shaped lander suddenly inflates with five gigantic balloons emerging from its corners. Hurling at close to the speed of sound, it made touchdown near the Sea of Tranquility and bounced almost forty times before it made a full stop within visual range of the first human-carrier landing site on the moon.

By stroke of luck, the miscalculations from the planet's most powerful computers almost destroyed the relics of the past - particularly the Eagle Module. The apparent miscalculation however, would be debated by software engineers, mathematicians, conspiracy theorists and physicist for years to come because not one of them could explain as to how the computers came up with a trajectory that would ensure that the global spacefarers' first contact with its past would be its most selfless memento to another world:

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Boying Opaw

Your flesh is a relic,
A mere vessel.
Hand over your flesh.
And a new world awaits you.


Back in the old days, you were the one who part worlds behind after every first contact.

Let me return the favor and keep my word by leaving a pulsar in your passage to the stars.


It must have been the intensity of our affection that is the bane of our failed romantic pursuits. For no matter how we try to put into words the misfortunes of our heart, we are still able to get even with the guys whom we desire.

The past two nights of wild (and costly) abandon have proven that it takes some courage to attract the presence of another. We may not belong to the "league of selected few," but with the right attitude and pheromone-driven projection, the chance of conquering our ideal market remains infallible.

There is nothing to prove and nothing to grieve anymore. We have been redeemed.

It is now time to turn around, learn and leave our ruthlessness behind.

The Diva
O-Bar, Malate

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Astral Connection

Now that we remember well and remember most clearly: It is when we grasp someone's hand and hold it tight is the only time we surrender ourselves for something that is most intimate.

It is the only time we openly expresses our affection.

Kisses can always be given without any feelings, but it is when we connect with the hands is the moment we are secured the most.


"Next time na pigain mo ang etits ko, sisikmuraan kita."

"Sorry na."

A few minutes later, the dance partner excused himself to go to the bathroom.


"Are you a bottom?"

"Why" the guy asked grinning.

"Coz I am always the top. Never will I become a bottom."

Surprised at what his next dance partner had revealed. He grabbed the guy's shirt and dragged him towards the darkest spot on the dance floor.

While making out, the dance partner asked if he wanted to sleep over.

"Sorry, I have work today. Next time perhaps?"

"Umalis ka na." His dance partner commanded

"Why? I'm still drinking your beer?"

"May pasok ka pa diba?"

Smiling, he drunk the bottle's remaining content in one gulp. With a final kiss planted on the cheek of the dance partner, he walked away from their spot and into the exit without turning back to look at his abandoned prospect.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Dark Hours

A Repost
April 13, 2008


At past 2 in the morning, a white cab speeds along the lonely stretch of MacArthur Hi-way. Its destination brings its passenger far away from home and much closer to the unknown. It was a last minute decision; a call he has made in order to calm his heart and hold his soul in place. A few hours earlier, the passenger's lover called. He asked for support - to buy medicines for his mind mediated malady. Fearing the worse, the person on the phone agrees to the lover's request. His dedication unquestionable, he even made an hour-long post-midnight trip to fulfill his promise a night earlier than the lover had expected.

Inside the cab, the passenger exhorts muted prayers while his fingers run across every bead of his candy-blue plastic rosary. Huge, sixteen-wheeler trucks run past his vehicle; a motorcycle swerves in front of the cab; the driver droops close to slumber while trying to keep his taxi on the right lane of the road.

Between love and fear; in his bitterness and cynicism, all the boy could ever mutter to the world was...

Every act of sacrifice has its corresponding reward.

Thursday, July 16, 2009


"Bakit naman?! Ikaw pa? I took your advice to the core and I'm glad I did: Fencer and I are very, very good friends. Siguro, he just doesn't want to label it romantic, but I couldn't be happier."

"Ako I learned to backdown kasi napapansin ko sa kanya when I was in my usual stiff self. Sabi mo nga, take my time. Three days kong tiniis na di tinawagan at tinext then on the 4th day nagbago ako ng tactic."

"I played by ear kung ano gusto niya which is to just be calm, relax and breezy. I have learned to wait, to listen to him, to be coboy; to eat sa mga kanto, to appreciate his likes, ganun."

"Nung Monday pinakilala niya ako sa anak niya. Pumunta kami sa Makati Cinema Square kasi bumili ako ng cd. Dinala ko sila sa Booksale. Looking at a hindsight, nakita kong bumili ng playboy. Hehehehe."


Let us go back to my friend's dilemma which I wrote in the entry "Carrot and Stick" last month. For those of you who remembers, my friend fell for a gym-buddy whose real sexuality remains at large. My friend doesn't know whether the guy is straight or gay, and despite his open expression of romantic feelings, this guy still sticks to his company.

One downside of their closeness is that my friend saw his continued presence as a green light to pursue his gym buddy. Who wouldn't fall for his trap - the guy would insist that they eat lunch together, or accompany him in his workout most of the time. Smitten by his charms, my friend would follow him without raising any question.

The cycle went on until complacency brood between them. I cannot recall what triggered his attachment but confusion began to shake my friend's perception of their friendship. I told him some guys would like to be chased until the pursuer breaks off. Depending on how prolonged their carrot-and-stick or cat-and-mouse game lasts, sometimes, the one being chased becomes alarmed when the pursuer stops chasing.

The friend followed my advice. He stops chasing. The guy becomes alarmed. He was never prepared to lose a companion. Their relationship was overhauled. Friendship overwhelmed my friend's romantic attraction. In return, the gym buddy opens up to my friend and allows him to enter his world. The last time I've heard, he's already the guardian of his gym buddy's son who is studying in Ateneo.

Do I sense a happy ending?

My wish is for theirs to be a lifetime bond.

And so one good outcome smiles at someone while one hopeful romantic is beset by tragedy. In my circle alone, I've heard a friend break up with his partner of six months only to patch their broken bond two days ago; another friend, who became entangled in a three-way relationship last month decides to call it quits despite his wish to find a happier resolution to their doomed union; while another friend, who claims to be a late-bloomer suddenly wishes to be in a relationship. I told him to remember the failings of those around him so he would slow down a little in his quest to find the one.

Let us see in the future blog entries how each of their stories end.

Ascension Journals: Parallel Lives

May 13, 2001
1:40 am

Natapos muli ang araw ko. Marahil, masuwerte pa rin ako na tuloy-tuloy ang operasyon ng [publishing house]

Tanghali na ako nagising at sa unang pagkakataon ay kumain ako dito sa opisina. Buong tanghali ay inayos namin ang inner office ni dad. Hapon na kami natapos.

Nagbigay ng press statement ang ka-brod ni dad na si Paul. Ngunit hindi pumayag ang managing editor na si Sir Arnold na ilabas ang dala niya. Alam kasi naming dalawa na hindi mananalo ang kandidato sa eleksyon.

Mukhang sinasabotahe ang pamumuno ko. Ibinalita sa akin ni Jude (isang subordinate) na dalawang mouse ang binalak putulin ng salarin. Nagtagumpay siya sa isa. Pag nagtuloy-tuloy ito, magiging challenge ito para sa akin. Ano kaya ang gagawin ko?

Apat na gabi na wala si Dad. Ramdam ko na rin ang pangungulila. Wala akong mapagkatiwalaan. Napaparanoid na ako.

Sana kayanin ko pa, kahit alam kong sa ayaw ko't sa gusto, uupo ako rito. Sabi nila, masyado raw akong maluwag, sa akin balewala yun hangga't natatapos ang trabaho.

Miss ko na ang kabataan ko. Nananalangin ako na bukas sana ay smooth pa rin ang trabaho.

Maraming araw pa at kailangan ko pa magpakatatag. Dad, agahan mo sana ang pagbalik.


It was the summer of 2001 when dad thought of spending a vacation in Europe with his business partner. Being the inheritor, I was asked to manage the day to day operations of our Publishing Company. I was 19 years old then and fresh from my on-the-job-training at Manila Times as their lifestyle writer.

The change from the laid-back bliss of the lifestyle page to the center-of-intrigue and deceptive news writing of the Publishing Company revealed my unpreparedness for a future I was groomed to take. At an early age, I was pitted against my dad's business partner - who was also his mistress and the great dame of all his employees. To them, I was merely a pretender who they had no choice but to obey or heads will roll when I tell the king of their disobedience.

Eight years later, in a company that isn't mine but bore witness to its growth, the boss expressed his dissatisfaction for the first time after catching a subordinate playing online games at a time her focus should be at work. Today could have been my best run (after being able to effectively spread out the center's unusual volume of work to all my colleagues) but due to the online games incident, I went home exhausted and disappointed.

Tomorrow seems a good day to take a break.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Ménage à Trois

The level of sexual activity among the three members may vary greatly. Some threesomes may involve one who has a voyeur role, sometimes the invited member is there for enhancing the experience which does not involve having intercourse with the couple role (this is sometimes referred to as soft-swinging); other threesomes may involve some same sex contact, while others may actively involve all three members. Some people have made the argument that if the act does not involve sexual involvement between all three members that it is not a threesome at all and could be more accurately called a double team. This would be when two members of the threesome engage with one person but not actually with each other.

Some rules the uninstructed should keep in mind when engaging himself in a threesome act.

1. A role must be set before joining the act. A top is the top and a bottom is the bottom. Versatiles do not count for there are chances when the versa will compete against the bottom for the top's attention.

Especially when the top proves far more interesting than the person he is set to fuck.

2. Learn well and do remember that one has a very likely chance to be left out when the two members find liking each other. A threesome is a cruel game and should be exercised only by those who have the guts to accept his hierarchy in the group.

Or when the three find intense attraction among themselves.

3. Humility doesn't count when mood and drive are at stake. If the host gets to be the one who is left out, do remember that he will keep grudges against you no matter how cordial you have become to him.

After all, not only did you steal his partner. You even rejected the role he was expecting of you.

4. Engaging the members in subject not relating to sex (like cussing and moaning) during the act kills the mood completely. They don't want to hear what your suggestions are about how to firm up one's biceps nor your reasons for not performing well in the threesome they were serious about.

5. No matter how much effort you put to pretend liking both your partners, birdie will always speak the truth. If it doesn't stay firm when poking it on someone, you know what it means.

6. Threesome is a game that must never be taken seriously. There will always be losers and winners.

And it will be far better for you when you end the game in a draw.

7. Always use protection (even when the sadistic top insists that you do it bareback) and no call back after the act is over.


Pressing the reset button
one thing is for sure.
We do not deserve to be taken seriously
nor one should never listen when we
speak our thoughts of
settling down with the one.

Tonight, I set myself free.

Sunday, July 12, 2009


My entry for this evening is about fighter planes.

They say that for an archipelago like the Philippines, the only way we can able to defend ourselves from foreign invasions is to have a strong air force. Having a strong air force means we could slow down enemy advances before they could make landfall. Since we cannot count on our navy to protect our waters, having an effective air support would at least, in theory, dent the enemy.

During the early sixties, the country could boast having the most advanced fighter squadrons in the whole of South East Asia. In fact, the Indonesians used to train their pilots here upon forming their own air forces.

Now things have changed.

From having supersonic aircraft like this:

Northrop F5
(Retired, 2005)

The entire Philippines is defended by feeble machines like this:

OV10 Bronco
(Donated by the Thai Air Force, 2003)

Only to suffer a tragic fate less than three years after its handover.

Clark Air Base, 2006

Military apparatus say that the country do not require advanced aircraft such as those found elsewhere, for our threats come from within and not from beyond our shores. The hinterlands are overrun with bandits (rebels) and such warfare require a different military doctrine, which means procuring machines like these:

Bell UH-1 Iroquois

Bell 412

C-130 Hercules

But what if they keep on falling off the ground, is there any sense of adding these flying coffins to our hukbo?

I say having a strong military not only deters hostile forces, it gives an impression that our government is never a push-over among diplomatic circles. Knowing that we are at par with our neighbors when it comes to military technology, it becomes a source of national pride.

I remember during the centennial independence celebration in Luneta over a decade ago, a squadron of F5s flypast the parade grounds which was followed by cheers from those who witnessed their barely above-ground passing. Though I maybe a teenager then, my heart spoke of confidence with the government. Coinciding those years, now I believe that we were in a far stable state then than we are today.

I know others would ask why procure such machines when half of the population dies of hunger and sickness. Should we focus our efforts in building our countryside infrastructure and providing better medical care instead of wasting our national budget on these machines? Don't frown, for it is exactly the same argument I have as to why we should keep these thoughts of armament building safely tucked behind our consciousness.

Mikoyan MiG-29

AH-64 Apache

Because as long as these procurements would benefit the pockets of a few; and as long as we don't truly understand the depth and meaning of the word "nationalism;" and as long as the stale, corrupt government of the present remains,

There is no use dreaming of pride-stirring military flypasts.

Until we are finally at peace with ourselves, and have learned to take pride and dignity of our nation,

defending our airspace should be the least of our concern.

For Gripen

Friday, July 10, 2009


"Lakas ng ulan. Ingat ka diyan."

Learning from past affairs, I doubt if such text was intended for one person or was it a general message to everyone. Habits tell that I only send text messages directed to a specific person as a gesture of sincerity. I include names to further this aim. To receive one, without my name makes me weary of the message. It puts me in a position to reply in a carefully worded manner.

But what the heck. I am an open city after all.

"Haha sarap maligo sa ulan. Mdyo ambon pa lang dito. Malamig. Sana kayakap kita. :)"

Five minutes and still counting,

I haven't received a reply.


PS: Shortly before publishing this entry. He did reply. It goes something like this.

"Oo nga malamig. Sarap may katabi." Too much caution and neutrality in its tone, I wonder if I should read it between the lines.

Open City

In war, in the event of the imminent capture of a city, the government/military structure of the nation that controls the city will sometimes declare it an open city, thus announcing that they have abandoned all defensive efforts. The attacking armies of the opposing military will then be expected not to bomb or otherwise attack the city, but simply march in. The concept aims at protecting the historic landmarks and civilians who remain from an unnecessary battle.


How do one protect himself from the pressures of attachment? Does he need to openly tell the other of his romantic desires? Does he have to assert himself and make sure the other knows of his undying presence? Does he need to fling himself in some other guy's arms to lessen the intensity of being attracted to just one? Does he have to engage in bed-hopping, hoping that one of his partners would turn out to be a fine distraction?

There are many ways of self-preservation, but the choices doesn't guarantee of any peace.

Thus, we explore the possibilities of protecting ourselves by declaring me an open city. In this way, we can continue expressing our affection without complicating our intentions with direct attachments. We shall speak of our longings until the other retreats from our presence; We shall spare ourselves from appeasing someone, for our goal will never be to get accepted.

It will be the other who would recognize us in their own manner.

Whoever acknowledges us will be the one we shall faithfully protect. There will be no expectations, nor us imposing our will.

Any military force could station themselves in our citadel.

While we entrust our heart in places beyond reach.


Habang nag-iinuman, naikuwento ko sa aking kasama ang tungkol sa crossing the line. Isang torrid kiss lang ang kailangan para tuluyan akong bumagsak sa isang tao. Sa mga pagkakataong nangyayari ito, madalas ay kasabay noon ang pagbubukas ko ng puso.

Hindi ko ugali ang manguna at dahil wala sa diskarte ko ang gumawa ng first move, hinayaan kong mga mata ng aking kainuman ang siyang mang-akit upang sarili ay isuko. Sa banyo sa loob ng Serenda, nagkasabay kaming umihi. Mga mata namin ay nagtama matapos maghugas ng kamay.

Dinaan sa pasimpleng ngiti.

At dahan-dahang paglalapit ng katawan.

Hindi ko namalayan magkalapat na pala ang aming mga labi.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Patty

A romantic engagement is like frying a beef patty. The box where it came from includes an image of the prepared dish. Garnished, it would seat on top of the plate surrounded by diced carrots, green peas and mashed potatoes - which often comes with the box. The image teases the senses. It conjures thoughts of the tender, juicy patty slowly dissolving in your mouth.

Being a slave to your hunger, you pick up the box, rip its contents and slide the patty on a frying pan. It doesn't matter whether you know how to cook or not, you just want to see the patty on a plate. Impatience, would leave you cooking the patty on high heat. You even forget to saute the cooking oil first before sliding the patty in.

As a result, the patty gets burned on the outside and yet remains uncooked on the inside. With its taste so disgusting, one makes a dash towards the nearest toilet just to dump the portions already chewed. Then comes the epiphany. The cook realizes that everything was done too fast, the final dish turns out to be inedible.


There are those who would cook the patty in low heat. Granted that the cook never forgets to saute the cooking oil, the flame would let the patty simmer, its flavors settle, and the hard slab of meat dissolves into a tender juicy piece of art. It takes patience and culinary maturity to achieve this kind of creation, and the final dish, appears far better than what the image on the box would suggest.


Looking back at what had happened last night, it seems that I burned a patty once again. Putting the stove on high heat, I fried the slab of meat in a very rushed manner that I overlooked what dish I have in mind.

I woke up early this morning wondering whether what happened was really a dream, a botchered booty call, or a mutual likeness that I have to allow to simmer or abandon in the days to come.

No wonder, they never let me cook at home.

For not only I burn the dish I am cooking.

I never learn from it.


2 in the morning.

And we wake up seeing myself walking the entire stretch of Global City, with a stranger I just met. The clouds heaved with rain drops, but the firm grip of his hand on mine makes me feel sheltered. The taste of his nicotine-flavored kiss inside the bathroom of Serendra lingered on my mouth. It is a dream I know, a delusion, not of the ordinary.

And I invoke the name of the Great Maker that hopefully;


This is it.

May this unexpected newcomer end the age of the Black Sun and bring healing to our brokenness once and for all.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


Dala ng walang magawa, naisipan kong magpatianod sa chatrooms ngayong hapon. Ugali ko na ang ganitong diskarte sa tuwing ako ay libog at naghahanap ng pamatay oras.

Maraming tao ang makakasalamuha mo roon. Lahat ay iisa lang ang pakay. May mga ilan na naghahanap ng "seryosong" relasyon, subalit ang unang hihingin sa iyo ay ang iyong face-pic. Yung iba naman, diretsahan kung mag-advertisement. Sex kung sex. Mas demanding kapag ang binata ay may sarili niyang place.

Mabagal ang takbo ng oras. Mismong ako ay di-sigurado kung ang pakay ko ba ay sex, o sadyang nagpopower tripping lang. Isa sa mga nakilala ko kanina ay isang chatter na ang pangalan ay susumoko. Ang gandang chat handle! Bagay na bagay sa channel na kanyang pinasukan.

Sa aming pag-uusap, nalaman ko na seryoso magpa-suck itong si susumoko. Kahit ako ay pilit niyang ineenganyo na bumigay sa kanyang imbitasyon. Nang hiritan ko siya na dapat may kissing kung pagbigyan ko ang kanyang hiling, tumiklop ang binata. Doon natapos ang aming maikling landian sa private chat.

Bumalik ako sa main channel upang maghanap ng sinuman na malapit sa aking kinalalagyan. Mayroong mga naghangad na ako ay tagpuin, subalit sadyang hindi buo ang aking kalibugan upang puntahan ang kanilang lugar. Lubos akong naging mapili sa dahilang hindi ko talaga ma-gets at sa direksyon ng aking mga pakikipag-usap, malamang-lamang na wala akong mapala.

Habang nag-aabang ng bagong dating, napansin ko na nag-advertise sa main channel si susumoko.

"susumoko: <---------- 26 years old, 5'6, lean. yung trip akong susuhin, i-mack lang ako."

Nakalimutan ko na ang kanyang mga eksaktong sinabi, subalit dahil naramdaman ko ang "manly" factor ng bagsak ng kanyang salita, alam kong bebenta ito. Nakaisip ako ng magandang ideya. Mula sa chat handle na blacksaturn, pinalitan ko ito malapit sa pangalan ni susumoko.

"Suckmoko: -----------------> pa suck ako tol. basta may place 5'9 moreno muscular chinito"

Gusto ko pa sana idagdag ang mga salitang astig, barako, brusko at basagulero. Ewan ko lang kung hindi bumaha ang mga imbitasyon sa akin.

Subalit sadyang malibog yata ang mga chatters ngayong hapon. Sa dalawang beses kong paggamit ng ad na iyon sa main channel (ang una kong advertisment ay "ust-espana anyone") mabilis pa sa alas-kuwatro ang pasok ng mga imbitasyon sa akin.

"Ganito pala ang hot dito sa chatroom." Bulong ko sa sarili.

Iba't iba ang mga imbitasyon at private message na aking natanggap. Marami ang nanghihingi ng litrato. Ang ilan, dedma na sa litrato, place na kaagad ang offer. Doon ko narealize na it takes an attitude to get noticed. Maangas ka, Aggresibo ka, kababaliwan ka ng lahat. Pati si susumoko na ninakaw ko lang ang ideya ay hindi napigilan mag-mack sa akin. Kung puwede daw ba na magtsupaan kami one time. Sa loob loob ko, "bumigay ka na pare."

Isang sabi ko lang ng "oo" at tiyak na sa kama ng iba ang aking bagsak. Ang mga hindi lang yata bumigay ay yung mga top na singtaas ng PBCom Tower ang ihi, o yung talagang hustler na sa chatting at alam na istir lang ang aking ginagawa. Hindi ko alam kung higit na magiging mabenta ang aking advertisement kung sinamahan ko pa ito ng litrato, ngunit kung ilalagay ko ang aking sarili sa sitwasyon ng nagmamack, sa tono pa lang ng salita ni suckmoko at sa kanyang projection ay tiyak na makikipagkumpitensya rin ako para sa kanyang atensyon.


Men like us needed someone who would appear tougher and more confident than what we could ever be.


"Dito ako sa Bambang. Motel tayo. Sagot ko." Hirit ng isa sa aking mga kausap.

"Ano tol. Kahit sa sinehan lang. Preview sa maaring mangyari sa ating dalawa. Hehe" Hirit naman sa akin ni susumoko.

"Punta ka ng GMA. Gawin natin sa CR." Hirit pa ng isa. Sinumang makakapansin sa ngisi sa aking mukha ay makakaramdam ng yabang.

"Sige motel tayo. Punta ako sa iyo."

"Number mo parekoy?"Bato ko ulit kay susumoko na nasa kabilang window.


"0918xxxxxxx" Binigay ko ito sa lalaking nag-aaya magmotel.

"Salamat. Kitain kita sa Bambang Station. Alam mo yun diba?"


"Ano pangalan mo tsong." Muli kong tanong kay susumoko, na sa mga oras na iyon ay nangungulit na sa aking number.

"Zandro." Mabilis niyang sagot sa akin. Ito rin ang pangalan na binigay ko sa tiga Bambang.

"Log out na ako." Ready na sa aksyon si Bambang Boy.

"Ayos tol. Binugaw na kita."


"Abangan mo na lang text ng ka-sex mo." Sagot ko kay susumoko.

Hindi pa man siya nakakareply, nagpasya na akong maglog-out sa MIRc. Hindi man nauwi sa sex ang aking pagchachat. Higit naman akong nalinawan at naaliw sa ugali ng mga tao roon.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Eye On The Tiger (Episode Seven)

[19:51] eltigre: hahaha prang firstday of school

[19:51] knox galen: hehehe

[19:51] knox galen: ang baon ha

[19:51] knox galen: wag kakalimutan

[19:52] eltigre: baon hahahaha

[20:15] eltigre: alis na ako muggs c u if i get there

[20:15] knox galen: ingat

[20:15] knox galen: baka maligaw ka

[20:15] knox galen: eh hindi ka pa makauwi

[20:15] eltigre: :))

[20:15] eltigre: baka kamo mabahag buntot ko

[20:16] knox galen: haha

[20:16] knox galen: dare!

[20:16] eltigre: shit

[20:16] eltigre: kung di sa eclipse san ako mag gygym ayoko na dun talga

[20:16] knox galen: fitness first?

[20:16] knox galen: hahahaha

[20:17] eltigre: eeeeee

[20:17] eltigre: mas lalo

[20:17] knox galen: :D

[20:17] knox galen: go tiger

[20:17] eltigre: ok c u hahahah amdami ba tao pag ganito oras

[20:17] knox galen: pakita mong taob kaming mga tiga eclipse sa bagsik mo

[20:17] knox galen: medyo

[20:17] knox galen: hindi ko sure

[20:17] eltigre: hahahaha

[20:17] eltigre: baliw

[20:17] knox galen: pero andun naman ako eh

[20:18] eltigre: hahaha

[20:18] eltigre: hindi na kita intayin no

[20:18] knox galen: text mo nga lang ako

[20:18] knox galen: pakita ako dun

[20:18] eltigre: nakakhiya

[20:18] knox galen: OA

[20:18] knox galen: magkalimutan na

[20:18] eltigre: ok lang kaya ko to makikita mo na alng ako nag bibihat

[20:18] eltigre: bubuhat

[20:18] eltigre: hahahahahah

[20:18] knox galen: magkalimutan na tayo

[20:18] eltigre: talgang stock holder ka dun no

[20:18] knox galen: pag hindi ako nagintroduce sayo dun

[20:19] eltigre: langya

[20:19] eltigre: seryoso

[20:19] eltigre: ?

[20:19] eltigre: seryoso ba yan

[20:19] knox galen: JOWK

[20:19] eltigre: kilala kabang si muggs dun?

[20:19] knox galen: hindi.

[20:19] eltigre: J

[20:19] eltigre: manalo

[20:19] knox galen: yup

[20:19] eltigre: ok

[20:19] eltigre: intayin kita pero wag kana pumunta pag dating ko kaya ko to

[20:19] eltigre: first day of school talga

[20:19] eltigre: byers

[20:19] knox galen: magtext ka pa rin

[20:20] eltigre: ok sir

[20:20] knox galen: :D

[20:20] eltigre: hahaha talgang kailangan i text ko

[20:20] eltigre: ok bago ako umakyat tetext kita

[20:20] knox galen: sige.


Six months of uninterrupted yahoo conversations, punctuated by some occasional flare-ups and mood swings, which almost lead to a fall-out a few weeks earlier after blocking his access to my account and we're back to our warmest receptions once again.

The issue was overlooked without acknowledging each others fault and the grumpy behavior which he showed was quickly forgotten - in recognition of the bond that forged this friendship. Our passion lies with iron plates, and in the course of this association with anything that is about bodybuilding, we realize each other's potential by challenging one to outdo the gains of the other.

In many ways, it could have been a mutual admiration pact.

Tonight, the online acquaintance status gives way to a more personal contact. Negotiations over membership fees and dungeon amenities a few days earlier resulted to a gym transfer which will be signed into a contract an hour from now.

El Tigre will become a gym buddy.

It will only be a matter of time before the two of us finally gets to meet.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

The Convocation

Naroon ako sa iyong graduation. Huwag mo nang ipaalam sa akin ang mga detalye sapagkat makukuha ko rin iyon sa pamamagitan ng aking mga koneksyon.

- Fullmetal Dreams | Ending Song


"Are you one of the ushers sir?"

"Yes, why?"

"Can you give this to him?" The usher reads the name of the person to whom the card was addressed.

His name booms across the plenary hall - before the usher was able to finish reading the envelope.

"Siya po ba?" The usher points at the guy emerging from the steps.

"Yup. Siya nga."

"Subukan ko po ha."

"Please... Kailangan ko na pumasok sa work eh. Hindi ko na ito maiaabot mamaya."

The usher walked away leaving my feet firmly stuck a few steps away from the graduates' row. My eyes were glued at the person parading across the stage. The sway of his hand exudes confidence. His gaze, almost jubilant. Alone and proud, he approached the dean to receive his degree. Four years of a shared journey and it all comes to this.


Time flies without calling much attention. The last time I recall, he was merely aspiring to get a university degree. Twice he told me he wasn't satisfied with a technical certificate. Graduating from a fly-by-night school will never get him anywhere. His dreams were lofty, but ambition will exact a heavy price. I presented him with several gloomy situations, which all were ignored. He pushed forward with his aspirations and the next thing I knew, he was about to enroll in this university along Taft through a scholarship grant.

I didn't expect him to make it but the winds of good fortune seem to be blowing his sails.

The moment he stepped inside the university, my resources became his. Guilt ridden at how less I thought of his potentials, I made a decision to share the burden and help him in ways I could: The doors of my room flung open when he needed a place to do research. We would do his projects together, often making huge contributions at how he should analyze the situations being presented on the manuals. When he was short on cash to print a report, I let him draw on my savings.

I would even make long trips just to deliver the money to him.

In return, he never drifted far from his objectives. He would show me string after string of high marks as a reminder that our project is doing well. The sacrifice was well worth it, even when I felt taken for granted many times. It was sad however because now that I see it at a hindsight, our entire relationship was driven by his quest for a diploma. Thoughts of running away and reclaiming my freedom was suppressed for a long time by the constant presence of his paper works in my room.

The cycle would have went on, until I realized one day that our relationship had become too one-sided.

So I bolted out from the union nine months before his convocation was set.


The dean extends his hand to congratulate the young man. His recognition came with a parchment, whose rough surface bears the young man's name and the degree he now claims.

I showed up this morning to honor a promise and fulfill a request he bequeathed on a personal letter a few months ago. The objective wasn't really to have a dialogue or embrace the thought of reconciliation. It was more of a cordial send off party; to partake on an event that could have been revered in another way .

The usher could be seen from a distance carrying the card on his way to the young man. Instead of delivering it personally, he tapped a colleague's shoulder to pass the card forward. As the small white envelope exchanges hands, I knew that finality was at hand. The thread that binds us together is now gone and the memories of four years I have been his sidekick (or accomplice) would be ours to remember.

In secret.

Despite my blurry vision, I saw him getting the package. As for whom it came from, it does not matter.

I was already out of sight the moment his hand had firmly clasped my card.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Waiting For Dracula

Lagi kitang iniintay mag text back sa pag-asang baka isang madaling araw, maisipan mong humiga sa tabi ko at hayaang ang mahigpit kong yakap ang pumawi ng mga takot at pangamba mo sa mundo.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Galen says:

pahiram si zeki
magshoshopping ako
kelangan ko ng props
para sa mga boys


basta i shopping mo sya hehe

Galen says:



bilhan mo ng damit diaper gatas wahaha

Galen says:

yung mga boys ko ang bibili ng toys sa kanya
TOYS bibilhin namin
ikaw ang diapers saka gatas



Galen says:



anong toys naman yan

Galen says:

so siya pahinga ka na
kung ano pulutin niya sa toy kingdom


corny naman

Zeki is the two year old son of a female colleague who would pluck me out from my workstation for a cigarette break. Downstairs, she would rant about how hard it is to raise a kid by herself. An alpha female in her own right, it pains me to see her struggle to keep her family afloat. Parenthood has its ups and downs, and sometimes, when left alone to reminisce the days when I could really have my own kid, it makes me wonder, really,

How it feels like to be a parent.


History now sees it as a faint ripple in a distant pond of memory, of that late evening spent in a friend’s living room a few blocks away from my work place. Over a couple of bottles of beer, we quietly rejoiced over my new found freedom. Five years of enduring a train of abuses and inequalities, and now it was all over. That evening, I penned the words of my secession and sent it using a colleague's cell phone. My friend who lives nearby was the first to hear the news and a toast was made under a dim light coming from a lampshade not far from our table.

I compared my situation to an upstart nation, whose founding fathers have recently put into paper its desire to chart its own destiny. The mother country, receiving the declaration would have been traumatized to make a response. Nevertheless, preparations are being made to reclaim a breakaway territory. Expeditionary forces would soon arrive after the celebrations and no matter how the nation readies itself from such an onslaught, the struggle to move on will take a long time before a conclusion will be made.

We still remember the first time my lips spoke the words "I am single." It did put a genuine smile on my face. Such words overwhelmed me that my bones were shaking every time I am being reminded of my liberty. But in the course of time, such words became too heavy to carry on my back. Freedom has a price which I am not ready to hold on my own. Thus, the string of boys became my story. Affair after an affair, a potential union going down the drain, a one night stand surrendered believing it would lead to attachment, a recurring tragedy which in the end made me weary of my own singlehood. We used to believe that I deserve someone better, but in the end we are beginning to see that the person who deserves me more is none other

but me.

So we learned to stop seeking and let the boys run wild beyond my nation's borders. Others, whose unions I have witnessed a few months back have now been torn apart. There is only bitterness, if not for some speck of light that such brokenness would lead to a more cordial approach. There are still unions, whose binding thread remains straggling against the impossible odds. In this kind of relationship, it seems one is bound to be the subject of another. There is no perfect union like all of us have dreamed of in the beginning.

We realize that maybe, the love story we desire only exist in the realms of imagination. That is why we called for a retreat and a pause for all the searching in hopes that such break would make us see the worth of our hard earned sovereignty...

Make no mistake, I still aspire of ending up with someone in the future. The daydreams hold sway when I published an epilogue to immortalize the defeat my own scorpions last month. However, actions reveal that my longings merely stand on shallow grounds; that my desire lies in the thrill of falling in love but not with the settlement that should come with it.

No one, who wishes to secure a new lover would give up his time building up his physique instead of reaffirming a shaky bond. The gym is a temple of fitness but it is also a barracks for those preparing to engage a possession war with an other. The club nights continue, despite the prodding of friends to remain seated on the bar stool as we down buckets of San Miguel Light every weekends. The weekly pilgrimage to the dance floor allows us to choose different unions with fellow seekers. Only our firm resolve to move as far away from the cravings of the flesh separates us from being used as a booty call after the party is over.

Finally, our priorities over work, over family, and over friends leave us no time to engage ourselves in soulmate searching. Until someone stumbles on our field - who shares the same mind, same interests and same values shall we truly learn to give up our sovereignty over a union with someone who rightfully deserves us.

The month of June had left us in peace.

After we decided to abstain from all matters of the heart.

And with this, we open the new month looking back at how it was on the eve of our freedom. For in these recollections shall we learn the very reasons why we should remain free and why we should not let singlehood burden us with loneliness.

I am my own life.

We shall never submit ourselves to abuses and demands from anyone again.