Orbiter Decloaked

When you start getting an average of
10 messages a day from other people telling
you how cool and funny your profile is.

And you begin to believe what they told you
and start seeing them as pawns
to your caprylic heart.

When you begin to veer away from reality
and instead start believing and living the
character you have created in that website just to get
more attention you wanted.

And when far more superior (cute) guys
begins to make a pass at you, showing their
most mouth-watering pics simply because they
find you equally cool, and perhaps even goodlooking.



A day will come and you would realize
that though everything represents the
real you, words that made life to your character
might already be deceiving others.

It's easy to become someone else and be consistent with your personality
but deep down you know, it's just a small fragment of the real you.

Behind the confidence, the mystery guy behind
the "white ninja suit," and the perpetual adoration
you get everytime you post some tongue-and-cheek
comments in the forums.

Yeah, you may appear cool to others
but in reality, you know,
everything is just a lie.

Wake up and
lay low.

How Do You Keep A Nightmare At Bay (Frozen Aize Remix)

"Punta ka dito sa place ko, fuck ka namin ng kasama ko kahit buong araw pa," was his catchphrase that left me defenseless. Out of extreme restlessness and boredom, I went to his place later that day and got the challenge I've been dying to have for so many years after I tried hooking up with guys. His talent is extremely unimaginable - it still sends shivers throughout my spine whenever I remember how we did it in the bathroom, in the shower. The second player, did not participate out of lack of interest perhaps... but many many years after it happened, I still wonder how kinky it could have been if I fought two top guys that afternoon in bed.

I remember him, tall and slim. I could still close my eyes and imagine how fiery and intense his small eyes was, and how he caressed my legs that triggered my inner demons to respond to his advances. He was aggressive for his young age; in the way he soaped my warm body, in the way he bit my lips when we torridly kissed one another, in the way he sucked my man-nipples and licked my armpits, his every move shows how advanced his techniques were in the art of pleasure.

He even rimmed my ass which made me groan so loud, I thought the sounds and cusses I made would tempt his housemate to join us. Finally, using his impressively massive manhood, the extreme pain and pleasure I got from his forceful thrusts made me realize how fulfilling the bottom role is. I matched his dominance with my submission and in the end, our masculinity overpowered both of us. It was a Yin-Yang moment that I still fantasize until now.

---

He promised me that there would be a second confrontation. Apparently, he was satisfied with the perfomance I gave him that he looked forward to have more. But in a lifestyle where sex is dispensable, one's performance is as good as his last - unless bonding ties could be established while copulating. Weeks, months and years have passed but there was no word from him. There were times he would make his presence felt and still, the horny episodes I had with him sends shivers throughout my nerves. My Darkstar side longs for him but I tend to overpower this desire with all the restraint I could give, in order to avoid a pre-emptive strike with the guy.

For he is a kind of war that I am afraid I could not resist fighting.

And so one lonely night, I decided to erase his number once and for all. I was already on the verge of settling down then and declare my self-imposed domestication to my partner. But despite the stillness, there are parts of me that longs for him.

"Just another round to please my inner monstrosity. This time I will show you how ferocious I really am." Says in my thoughts. But opportunity is against me, I am aware of that. This time, there will be an overwhelming sense of guilt that may snap anytime once I fall into his temptation again.

In time, sugarcoated dreams begins to enshroud his memory. The only remaining traces of him briefly re-emerges whenever I am in a state of desperate need to address my heat. However, life has its own way of getting back at you just when you have almost flushed all thoughts of seeing him again someday.

This evening, I discovered his nasty presence in G4M, for he sent me this cryptic message that awakened the dark carnal memories again.

"my name is aize you can reach me at 0915... i would be more than happy to cum with you in most of the time "

Please, after so many years of deep sleep, may you never bring the lusty nightmares back.

Kilig Tu Da Bones

Question: Paano mag react si Mugen kapag may nakipag trade ng password sa kanya sa G4M na included ang xxx pics?*

a. mag-sign of the cross, sabay dasal ng act of contrition, tapos ban sa kausap nito for being notty.

b. deadma. parang walang nakitang malaking tite.

c. sa sobrang excitement, kailangan mag emergency break para makahinga ng malalim at makapagyosi. Pag balik sa workstation, pretend to be cool habang nakikipag usap sa ka chat habang umiiwas sa mga tempting na sexual comments. **

d. mag-tanong kung may place ang kausap.

---

* "Ang alam ko lang, simula nung nagbago ako ng pics sa private folder ko, parang biglang bumenta ata ako. Napaka-ironic na sitwasyon naman nito, considering ambaba ng self confidence ko nitong mga nakaraang linggo."

ah basta... ang mahalaga, iwas maging notty. Tapos. " - Mugen to Pulsar

** "Paano ba lumandi sa mga SMK? Sasabihan mo silang trip mo sila? Sasabihin mong nalilibugan ka sa pic nila? I think not. Ano pa ang kaibahan mo sa mga desperado na alang inatupag kundi magpaobvious na trip nila yung kausap nila. You will just make a testament na inferior ka sa kanila pag ginawa mo yun kasi ikaw ang naghahanap. Sabi ni Darkstar, indirect flirting daw, tipong in between the lines ang tama para mukha ka pa ring astigin at proud sa looks mo. Hayaan daw ang kausap ang magbigay ng motibo. Sabagay, tayo ang defense. Mas mabuti pang maging goodie-goodie type tayo, tutal yun rin ang demand natin sa gustong makipag-usap sa atin eh. Ibigay na natin sa iba ang landian lalo na't wala naman talaga tayong laban talaga. " - Mugen to Pulsar

Communication Gap - Kiddie Talk

ndi.. marunong aq mgcontrol.. natuto xe q sa kapatid q pagdating sa drinking.. yosi, me lng mg-isa.. nilabas q lng sa frends q na marunong aq.. aun.. - Bantay Bata

---

Minsan talaga mapapakamot ka na lang ng ulo kapag nakikipag kwentuhan sa mga bata (16-20 years old) sa G4M. Paano ba naman, siguro masyadong nakasanayan na nila ang textspeak, hindi na nila kayang i-distinguish kung paano ang tamang pakikipag-usap sa mga matatandang katulad ko. Pangalawang beses na ito simula last year noong may inampon akong tsikiting sa website na iyon. Ganoon rin, sumakit muna ang ulo ko bago ako naka-adjust sa way ng pakikipagusap sa kanila.

But what if, mag kiddie talk rin ako for a change? Sasakit rin kaya ang ulo ng mga tao magdedecipher ng sinabi ko?

Masubukan nga...

---

ndi q lumabas ngaun sa haus xe tamad q labas ng pera. (ang hirap ha.) kYa tUlOy nAtUlOg nA LaNg Q Sa BaHay. haLoS 10 hoURs rIn q s qoMpuTer Xe nAmaN aLA q MaGawA. K Na tOh tUtaL mAy PaSok nA naMaN q bUkaS sA wOrK.

---

Matapos i-attempt ang aking sariling version ng kiddietalk, narealize ko na it takes a lot of skill to master the language. I should admire those kids for having their own way of communicating with one another ha. Ewan ko lang kung ano ang comment ng mga teachers nila na kasing edad ko.

Tanda ko tuloy, noong time namin, ang alam ko lang na salitang kalye eh "Jologs." Noon, basta sabihan kang jologs, kulang na lang eh batukan mo ang nagsabi non kasi alam mong sinabihan ka niya ng baduy to the lowest level. Ngayon, sabihan mo ng jologs ang isang tao, most likely di pa niya ito magegets.

Totoo ngang language is evolving. Sad to say, a generation below mine is far different from us already. Ten years from now, ano na kaya ang kalagayan ng kultura ng Pinas o kaya ng Mundo? Kapag nakipag-usap kaya ako sa mas bata sa akin, magkakaintindihan pa kaya kami?

O lalong sasakit lang ang ulo ko kaka-attempt mag reach out sa kanila?

ewn q lng.

Some PLU Things You Will Only Learn From Wikipedia

The earliest gay icon was St. Sebastian. The combination of his strong, shirtless physique, the symbolism of the arrows penetrating his body, and the look on his face of rapturous pain have intrigued artists both gay and straight for centuries; and began the first explicitly gay cult in the 19th century. Richard A. Kaye wrote, "contemporary gay men have seen in Sebastian at once a stunning advertisement for homosexual desire (indeed, a homoerotic ideal), and a prototypical portrait of tortured closet case". Due to St. Sebastian's status as gay icon, Tennesse Williams chose to use that name for the martyred character Sebastian in his play, Suddenly Last Summer.

---

Alan Mathison Turing, (June 23 1912 – June 7, 1954), was an English mathematician, logician, and cryptographer.

Turing is often considered to be the father of modern computer science. Turing provided an influential formalisation of the concept of the algorith and computation with the Turing Machine, formulating the now widely accepted "Turing" version of the Church-Turing Thesis, namely that any practical computing model has either the equivalent or a subset of the capabilities of a Turing machine.

---

Turing was a homosexual during a period when homosexual acts were illegal and homosexuality was regarded as a mental illness. In 1952, Arnold Murray, a 19-year-old recent acquaintance of his helped an accomplice to break into Turing's house, and Turing went to the police to report the crime. As a result of the police investigation, Turing acknowledged a sexual relationship with Murray, and they were charged with gross indecency under Section 11 of the Criminal Law Amendment Act of 1885. Turing was unrepentant and was convicted. He was given the choice between imprisonment and probation, conditional on him undergoing hormonal treatment designed to reduce libido. In order to avoid going to jail, he accepted the oestrogen hormone injections, which lasted for a year, with side effects including the development of breasts. His conviction led to a removal of his security clearance and prevented him from continuing consultancy for GCHQ on cryptographic matters.

In 1954, he died of cyanide poisoning, apparently from a cyanide-laced apple he left half-eaten. The apple itself was never tested for contamination with cyanide, and cyanide poisoning as a cause of death was established by a post-mortem. Most believe that his death was intentional, and the death was ruled a suicide. His mother, however, strenuously argued that the ingestion was accidental due to his careless storage of laboratory chemicals. Friends of his have said that Turing may have killed himself in this ambiguous way quite deliberately, to give his mother some plausible deniability. The possibility of assassination has also been suggested: Turing's homosexuality would then have been perceived as a security risk.

---

Lines For J

A carefree
and very educational
tour of FEATI;
A relaxed
walk in Ayala
with someone
whom you've known
since the dawn of
your PLUhood
but have never met before;
A nostalgic dinner
with a friend in UP,
after a long, stressful
day in school;

These moments
with different individuals only
tells that beyond the impersonal
and often pretentious eyeballs
that are prevailing nowadays,
there is still some little room
to enjoy a meaningful and simple
meets
without the pressures
and expectations that often
complicates PLU meetings.

Like jumping on fallen leaves on a windy sunset,
and long, memorable strolls in a dirt
road on a moonless night,
and like a long slow drive towards
a dream destination - perhaps in a backwater beach
or some mountain resort with a good view of the city,

Meetings
when done unarmed of instincts
gives results that could be cherished
and remembered for a lifetime.

Thanks for letting me remember.

Puyat

Close your eyes
I’m at your side
Tomorrow’s gonna be just fine

- Callalily, Take My Hand

---

Ang buddy ay nagpaalam, babalik daw siya ng office ng alas-diyes ng gabi dahil may itetest daw silang bagong system para sa orientation ngayong araw. Ok lang naman sa akin, problema ko lang naman ang kanyang pag-uwi ng hatinggabi. Nagsimula ng alas-onse ang marathon: Kahit antok na antok na sinigurado kong tatawag ako kada oras. Ala-Una, Alas Dos, Alas Tres. Sa pagitan ng bawat idlip, tutunog ang alarm ng aking cellphone upang siya ay tawagan masigurado lang na ok lang siya. Paano'y hindi natuloy ang plano niyang umuwi ng hatinggabi. Mukhang matagal at mabusisi ang testing na ginagawa sa kanilang opisina. Sa totoo, maari ko naman siyang hayaan na lang. Ngunit kapag naiisip ko ang kanyang pag-uwi, sumasagi sa isip ko na maari ko siyang kumbinsihin na magtaxi na lang at umuwi na lang sa amin para sa kanyang kaligtasan. Sa aking panaginip, nakikita ko siyang nakasakay ng Jeep byaheng monumento, lulungo lungo at nasa bingit na ng antok. Sa aking panaginip nakikita ko ang mga masasamang elemento na maaring magtangka sa kanya: Marami ang pwedeng mangyari sa loob ng isang magdamag. Umabot ang Alas Kwatro, patuloy pa rin ang pag-alarm ng relo ko. Mag-aalas sinko na nang ipaalam niya sa akin na nasa opisina pa rin siya't antok na antok, kahit paano'y naging kampante na ako.

"Magpaumaga ka na diyan. At least maari na akong makatulog ng diretso."

Alas Nuwebe na ng sumunod kong minulat ang aking mga mata. Alas siyete na ng sila ay matapos. Minsan nga naman, ang obligasyon ng kapartner, kahit sarili mong kapakanan iyong isusuko, masigurado lang ang safety ng iyong mahal.

*yawn*

Jomanian Directive (Last Part)

It is already past 1 am. The room is dark and very sensually stimulating. The TV series he is watching before I arrived is QAF Season One. I wouldn't mind having a DVD marathon with him, for I haven't seen much of the series before.

In between small conversations, I gazed at his face to familiarize myself with how he looks like. Does he really resemble the guy I saw on his pic, who, during our first private message exchanges even showed me his cock pic without me asking for it? Would I be comfortable introducing him to my friends, after I claimed to them that he is an art film afficionado too?

Will I, after gazing at his face for very long, would still be willing to see him again? Will our first meet up pave the way for a good friendship or would it spell the end of our three-month old acquaintanship?

That night was our make - or - break factor.

---

As promised, he showed me his collection of art films. It was interesting, but comparing his collection to what Dodong has, I think his fleet of DVDs is terribly insignificant to what Dodong's has amassed so far. My host told me that during his free time, he could spend an entire day rummaging art film DVDs in a mall somewhere in Makati. I suggested that he should check Quiapo instead for better choices. But he simply brushed my suggestion, telling me that he had some bad experience in that place before. He was trapped inside one of the stalls during a police raid.

I skimmed at the titles, which are actually unfamiliar to me. They were indeed Art Films. Yet at the back of my mind, I was really looking for some ART films that could excite my senses. Perhaps he might have deliberately included a couple of them hoping it would catch my attention as I checked his collection out. Sadly there were none. He is probably a good guy deep down after all.

So I just decided to choose for a classic anime film instead to watch. If I'm not mistaken, it was a Ghibli Film back from the late 90's. He gave me a bottle of San Mig Light just as the opening credits began to roll. I settled myself in one corner of the couch while he sat beside me.

Around 20 minutes into the film, he stood up and went to the mirror. I followed his movement until he just stood there, looking at himself. He asked my permission if he could take off his pants so he could be more comfortable with his boxers. I told him to go on, since its his territory in the first place. So he slowly took it off and after he have hanged his pants behind the door, he also took off his shirt exposing his naked upper body to me.

In such very heated situations, I would have stand up, approach him and make my move. Or, I would tell him to sit beside me naked and get on with our carnal business. After all, I heard him moan several times while I was making myself comfortable in the couch. There were many queues that I could take advantage of since we introduced ourselves back in Edsa, but sticking to my own directive, I just allowed things pass as he changed into a more comfortable clothing in front of me. The anime I was watching also eased the tension and the temptation I felt at that moment. Forcing my mind to think what a straight would do helped me gain control of the situation .

---

The movie lasted for two hours and for most of the film's showing, I glanced at him doodling with his mobile phone instead of watching the movie with me. Apparently, he is becoming bored and restless but since I projected a no-care serious attitude, his hesitation to make some moves have probably spared me. There is also a possibility that he didn't like me at all and that he's just waiting for the film to end so I could leave. Either way, I won't know the truth since distance and formality overruled my approach.

When the anime film has ended. He was already terribly sleepy and all hopes for a possible hook up diminished as he yawned in front of me. I, on the other hand felt sleepy as well after consuming two bottles of beer while watching the DVD. If ever there are remants of feeling being bitin inside me, the required energy to go elsewhere is not enough to sustain my restlessness.

So I went home feeling relieved and quite happy on how events have turned out. Plus, I get to see a movie at someone's place, so I think the invitation is not really bad if you see it in a behaved guy's point of view.

Days after, there are times I would wonder what if I adopted a more aggressive behavior during the time I stayed in his place, would things turned out differently? Would he acted differently if I asked him if I could sleep over? Would I be turned down and thrown out of the pad in a shameful manner if I took advantage of his vulnerability while he was changing clothes? I could clearly see the signs that he is interested in something else, but I might also interpret it in a wrongful way. Perhaps he just didnt like me at all, or he just sees me as a friend.

But you know what, if there is something I would get, just in case I called my nottier side to assist me,

That would be seeing a "seven-incher snake" he claims to pet in one of the forums in G4M.

However, I believe that conclusion is at hand. I don't really have plans to see him real soon since we just basically didn't click. Several days have passed, three parts of an entry had already been completed in remembrance of our moment.

But still, there's no word from him yet.

Perhaps our meet up is meant to end this way and all that I could do now is close this episode and move on to write another story. Moral lesson learned: Next time I meet a newfound friend, choose a neutral territory.

Jomanian Directive (Second Part)

I immediately left Government the moment I confirmed to his invitation to hang out in his place. While the cab speeds toward the backstreets of Mandaluyong, I am already bracing myself for everything that could happen if things become very relaxed between us.

It is cold and cloudy when I arrived at Wendy's Boni Avenue corner Edsa. He told me to wait for him there since his place is just nearby. As I waited for him, different scenarios ranging from the very distant and formal to the most kinky and intimate formed inside my mind. There were scenes involving two very drunk guys making out, there was also a scene where I would just get away and avert "tension" by pretending to be a screaming effem and use gayspeak so long as I am in his place. I could also adopt a very formal and serious demeanor just to imply to him that my business is simply to have a drinking session and nothing more.

He arrived 20 minutes after I reached the place of meet up.

---

The journey from Edsa to his place already shows how he wishes to get chummies with me. While at the tricycle he keeps on thanking me for accepting his invitation to go to his place. He even showed his gratitude by snuggling the side of his face on my back. For the past three months that we've been exchanging messages before our fated meet up, I have always assumed that he's a masculine person. I even called him twice just to assess if my impressions are correct.

However, as the final hour of the meet up came, I felt that his relaxed state changed him significantly. Instead of being formal and masculine, like what he showed me during our conversations before, I felt a slight tinge of campiness in his voice. His actions and facial expressions also showed how wrong I was with my assumptions. This slight change of personality disappointed me a little when we finally saw each other. It appears that I have already formed my expectations even before I could finally grasp his entire personality.

So despite his obvious touchy moves and over-enthusiastic approach towards me, I decided to be formal and serious with my approach. After all, when we exchanged SMS messages, we're always formal to one another. Mabuti na yung ganito, at least he would have a hard time breaking my defenses if his objectives are the ones that I've been expecting all along.

---

"Di bale, bahala na." I said to myself as I entered the gate where his tiny studio-type apartment is located. Climbing the stairs and into the long, narrow unlit corridor that leads to a small door at the end, the brief uneventful walk reminds me of the handful of places I have been to before. It's like everytime I go to an unfamiliar territory with an unfamiliar person, my mind tells me that the sole purpose of my presence would be to wage "war." Years after I exchanged my former life to a more settled one, the notion of Homecourt Advantage* hasn't left my thoughts yet.

This is why, one of the reasons for accepting his invitation is to prove that the homecourt advantage principle doesn't apply all the time. Despite my preparations for a possible sexual showdown when things begin to loosen up between us, I still hope to emerge out of his place unscathed.

He opens the door of his room and the first thing that greeted me is the strong scent of damp air circulating inside his small nook. His room is so tiny that only a sofa bed, a ten-inch television set and a closet could fit inside. In fact, looking at my own room while writing this entry, I think mine is bigger than his entire pad. However, in fairness to its size, his home's location is an ideal for an artist like him. Far way from the hustle and bustle of the main road, I am certain that blissfulness is what compels him to stay there despite how cramp the place is.

He chose not to turn on the main lights when we settled down. Instead, we chilled out with only the lampshade to illuminate us and swing our mood. In turns out that before I arrived, he was having a DVD Marathon of Queer As Folk.

It's the season where the main story arc and subject of the story is all about man to man sex.

And we will watch the entire season just the two of us.

---

-tobecontinued-

*Homecourt Advantage - The PLU host has the right to do everything he wishes, even if it means doing something sexual to his PLU guest. A guest may turn down his advances, but it means leaving the place immediately, or much better, ignore his invitation in the first place if he's not open to possibilities.

Bunny Interludes Fifteen (Panic House Remix 1)

The efforts of ten months, gone in just the month of January.

Blame the holidays for it, but the long and slow move from my old gym in Recto to the much publicized Eclipse Gym that will open another branch somewhere in the east this mid-February earned me the horrible flabs I've been carrying on my sides again lately.

No wonder, I stopped being vain and uber-confident with myself.

I checked my weight this evening and its results scared the wits out of me. Ten pounds more and I'm back from square one - the weight I had last year. If I delay my workout until the gym in Shaw opens, I might lose everything by then.

So I have to make a move and I really need to move fast.

Thus, I declare a state of National Jubesity.

Starting tomorrow, I will cut my food intake by half - particularly the rice which is the bane of a Bunny Chaser's existence. Gone are the C2s and Nestea Ice Teas in the morning and I will revert back to the old and reliable H20s, which I hope would flush the glucose and fats out of my body. I would walk more and sit less from now on. My job requires an 8 hours of sitting everyday and if I would ignore the signs today, I might end up in a far worse condition compared to when I was just starting. As a last desperate resort, I will apply for membership in the Eclipse Gym in Manila, despite its distance from where I come from.

Hopefully, these moves will slow down the fat build-up and gradually recover everything that I have lost in the past month when I ceased working out. It may put a heavier strain on my body, but the urgency to keep what I have achieved last year is of utmost importance.

It's true that when one starts working out to develop his body, he will be forever a slave to it - or else, risk acquiring more of what he had hoped to eradicate. I am now a living example of this saying and as a result, I have to shape up more just to eradicate the stigma away from me.

Things will surely change come Monday.

I just hope that, like last year, my gamble will pay off again.

Jomanian Directive (First Part)

I often tell friends that once a stranger or an acquaintance invites you to his place, expect everything could happen especially if he lives alone or is left alone to take care of the house. Such approval is almost like an indirect willingness to hook-up with the host if time and opportunity permits. For strangeness encourages people to reveal their repressions and this often include their needs for intimacy particularly in a time of severe loneliness or extreme restlessness.

That is why I don't really accept invitations to hang out in someone's place, especially if I don't know the person really well. The risk of ending someplace is extremely big and I don't really intend for things like that to happen

Unless I am willing to give in to my demon's temptations.

---

I remember many years ago. Somebody from MIRc asked me to go to his place to talk. I didn't question his motives for I always thought that home invitations meant unrestricted conversations far away from the sensitive ears of the straight people around us. I was a relative newbie then, and unfortunately, I didn't learn from my previous bouts hanging out in somebody else's place months before this event happened.

The first time got me my first torrid kiss from a guy despite having a relationship with an opposite sex.

The second time was an invitation to hang out and have a drinking session in my place. I just barely discovered the pleasures of M2M sex then, but I wasn't consciously planning to do it when I invited the guy. Unfortunately I was so damn unaware that alcohol looses a person's inhibition - even if he's the most masculine guy you have met. He spent the night in my place because of intoxication... the outcome was a one night stand.

I had two previous experiences and still it never came to me that there are unspoken rules about hanging out and getting out untouched.

So the third time it happened, the guy who invited me to his place got my virginity... I left his place taking with me a bottom role for the rest of my PLU existence.

---

But despite it all, I never closed the possibility of having a harmless, friendly hang-out with a stranger who is hosting the place. After all, I could do the same thing provided that we are both clear of the rules set to make our hang-out less intrusive and more accomodating for the both of us. The last time I let someone in because of geographical circumstances, I told him to sleep in the sala rather than in my room.

And although I like the person, I decided to be consistent with the friendly, harmless, good big brother attitude that I showed to him the whole time we are together.

Image count big time and I don't intend to destroy it just to satisfy my needs. Besides, I swore to become his caretaker the whole time he's with me. I'd rather see him play with someone else after my responsibilities to him had ended.

---

I began exchanging private messages from someone in G4M last year. I found him quite sensible and interesting that's why I traded my number despite my reservations in doing so. He would invite me to his place for a drinking session once in a while, but I always declined his offer out of weariness.

His invitation would always remind me of the previous invitations I had which simply lead to hook-ups that eventually destroyed our friendship.

Months have passed and gradually we established ourselves as good acquaintances. He would send me text messages every afternoon to remind me to eat my lunch. I would do the same thing as a friendly gesture. From time to time, he would still ask me when we would meet up and in order to avoid putting him down, I kept on changing our meet-up plans in order to accomodate other priorities.

But, at the back of my mind, I am already willing to honor my promises of meeting him for a drinking session. His friendliness and gentle character encourages me to invite him to my friend's inuman session as well for I felt that he would relate to us. I begin to see him as a harmless guy who simply seeks companionship with other people.

Last Friday, after my pre-party anxieties and subsequent boredom in Government compelled me to seek other alternatives to have fun. Since he is still awake, I decided to forego my clubbing attempt and settle for a quiet drinking session instead - in his place.

Bahala na si Batman kung ano ang mangyari pagkatapos.

---

-tobecontinued-

In Transit

Pulsar: You deserve some break.

Mugen: You think so? I really don't want to go out tonight. But I guess I made up my mind this afternoon when I am quite certain that I feel rebellious about some things.

Pulsar: Yes, but I feel that you are afraid... afraid that you can't adopt to the crowd anymore.

Mugen: Of course you know that, after all you are my conscience remember?

Pulsar: I know that all your "clubbing" parties are half-hearted endeavors already. I don't know if you're aware that all the events you have attended lately don't have a gate charge.

Mugen: Yep, I just realized it tonight.

Pulsar: Well, I think its better this way, at least you don't have to spend too much for your nightlife activities.

Mugen: Yeah. But don't you think its quite awkward to go there alone? Before, it is cool to be alone - the chances of hook-ups are higher, there's no hassle when you make out with someone, and you can just be what you are without anyone harboring ill impressions about you. But now, It's different. The strangeness of everything discourages me sometimes.

Pulsar: It's because you rarely go out nowadays. If only you have company.

Mugen: Yeah, if only I could text someone to keep me company.

Pulsar: But won't it be a hassle? I've noticed lately that you just leave when you get bored with the scene.

Mugen: That's what concerns me. It feels like I'm trying to live a life I'm not really into nowadays.

Pulsar: You mean partying?

Mugen: Yep, I prefer a quiet drinking spree in someone's place rather than go out to a club or pub and mingle with a large group of people.

Pulsar: We always have a choice. Apparently, you have chosen the path towards isolation.

Mugen: I wonder, what are Darkstar's thoughts about my pre-party anxieties.

Pulsar: But he is not around. Remember you told everyone that you feel goodie-good lately.

Mugen: That's why there are no "wars" recently in Phankspace.

Pulsar: Well it's getting late already. Don't you have a party to attend.

Mugen: Thanks for reminding, I think this is enough reflection already.

Pulsar: You bet. Enjoy the night even if you are alone. Opportunities such as this one rarely gets to you nowadays.

Mugen: Thanks. Mugen out.

Hammertime

Minsan sa klase ni Propesora Wanda.

Propesora: Gud morning class. Our lesson por today is Gay Linggo. You have to come up with new terms to enrich our Gay Language especially da pa-mintas who don't want to use the Parlorista dialect for their own advantage. Wit ditey ang Malatespeak keri? You have to be creative becos this is a graded recitation. Ligwak ang shonga-shonga dito oki.

Pupils: Okay po!!!

Propesora: Now Mugen, Please stand up.

Mugen: Yes Propesora

Propesora: I want you to give a new term para sa act, when the sticky whitey fluid that explodes from your noches accidentally or deliberately hits your partner on the face.

Mugen: Ah.. eh... Orbital Bombardment po.

Propesora: Ay winner itey. Now use it in a sentence my dear pupil.

Mugen: Nagwalk out ang ka-SEB ni Macoy kagabi nang ito'y na-direct hit sa mata ng kanyang Orbital Bombardment.

Propesora: Very Gud answer. Totoo ba ito Macoy?

Macoy: Hehehehe.

Propesora: That's a very notty answer Macoy, for that, you get a point as well.

Macoy: Hehehehe.

Propesora: At dahil sa iyong bagong term Mugen. You get a 10 for recitation. In addition to dat, you can choose a classmate of yours who will recieve your Orbital Bombardment later after class.

Macoy: Propesora paano ako?

Propesora: Well, anong ginagawa ng CB sa Pasay hijo?

Macoy: Ah honga pala. I can choose from A-Z. Heheh

Propesora: That's all then. Class dismissed. Baboosh!

Ninja Mode

It was like facing a huge mirror in your living room.

The small door opens to a large room filled with around sixty computers. The sounds of keyboard tapping suggest that a lot of things are going on inside the room. Chat operators composed mostly of effeminate gays and ordinarly looking men are busy chatting with male clients from other countries. While a morena skinned lady with small eyes and a long black flowing hair complains to her supervisor about a chatmate who forces her to do sexual things which, in real life she would never dare to do. As I sit in one corner, waiting for my name to be called by the HR officer. The image around me reminds of a place I've been with for almost a year and a half already. It is the kind of scene that normally greets me whenever I arrive at work. However, in this case, as supervisors go around checking for workers who are unproductive and while bored applicants try to look at what the regulars are doing - hoping to get an idea about the mess they are about to enter, nobody knows that my presence there serves as an eye opener for my own company. For my job application's objective is not to move on, but to see what our possible rival is doing, which may actually threaten us in the coming days ahead.

The mission began last Sunday. Since the fear of not getting anything from the Sikyu Agency tempts me to look for a second job, I stumbled upon a job ad looking for seasoned chatters who are willing to chat with adult customers from other countries. Since my work involves entirely of chatting, I've realized how much I fit in for this job. Besides, the commission that I might possibly get from my sales is enough to make me march towards Pasig to check what the job is all about.

However, at the back of my mind, I know that such move would not only betray my company but also the people who I've been with all this time. Despite Mami Athena's initial assurance that their work is not related to what we are doing, I still have this idea that I might get something from them, particularly in areas of Human Resources and Training. I could also check at how their system works and their manpower strength compared to ours.

With the blessings of the upper management - namely the QA Department and HR, I embarked on my journey to spy another company. Of course, I made sure that the boss is aware of my movements so that he would not get surprised if things went wrong. As for my resume, I deliberately erased all my connections with my present company and the address and phone number I put there were not mine. Everything that was written there is just a fiction.

---

The queue was already long when I arrived.

HR explains that their internet connection is not yet in full capacity since the recent Taiwan Earthquake damaged the submarine communication cables where they are connected. Since it was already getting late in the afternoon, they asked us to take a break and return after 30 minutes so they could take theirs as well. Therefore, we ended up waiting for more than 3 hours before our papers could finally be processed.

When it was our turn to take the exams, the HR gave us an idea of what the company is all about. The speaker said that an introduction is essential because we are not there simply to chat with foreigners - we are about to sell a product abroad, which, I think is still illegal here in the country.

Based from her explanation, we need to adopt a female persona that we would use to search for dating sites and chatrooms where, our main objective is to befriend an unsuspecting chatter who needs to get off (jack off) at the very moment of our chat conversation. After some hot steamy conversation with the chatter, we have to invite him to join an exclusive website where he could see my character stripping in the webcam, which is obviously, performed by a real lady in the US for $30 or $40 dollars. For every closed transaction we do, we get a commission. I've heard that there is no basic pay so the job is pretty tough, if you're not familiar how to be ladylike and how to get a man horny in cyberspace.

That's why they prefer to employ gay people - for they are, according to experience are natural-born expert in such job.

---

The interview is very easy. There are no face to face question and answer portion with the interviewer and all you have to do is to sit in front of the computer to take an application exam, which a regular chatter would find effortless to do.

First an applicant must create a new yahoo messenger account using a female American name. After the applicant have completed this first step, he must look for an American picture in Google, preferably a celebrity which he would save in a folder and use as a picture of the fictional female character he created in YM.

This serves as the first part of the exam. The second part is easier if you're quite familiar with US geography and culture - which is actually the foundation of our "training" in my company. In this part of the exam, my aim is to give the HR a hard time matching my chatting skills. Unfortunately, the slowness of their internet connection prevented me from gauging their abilities since they could not prolong their chat session with the applicant. Nevertheless, I am impressed with the way they conduct their application procedures. If only we could have the same type of HR exam for our applicants, perhaps we could weed out those who are ineffective before they could settle down in our company. I'm sure Mami Athena supports this idea as well.

I passed both the exams and was scheduled for training several weeks from now. That same evening, I reported to the QA Department Head of my findings and how it could affect our company directly. The following morning, I went to the boss to explain to him all that I have gathered about the company. It turns out that he is familiar with them for he used to have operators who are now working for that company.

He told me that he is quite surprised at how swift my reaction was. As he explains, he is actually planning to send someone to check the company the day I submitted the job advertisement to his office. When Mami told him that I am already on my way there to observe the company, his initial reaction was if I'm leaving, which Mami vehemently said no.

As for my own reasons, I was actually (and deliberately) looking for a second job just in case things get worse in the Sikyu Agency. The plans of moving on is out of the question, especially now that I stand as the fourth pioneer of the company I'm working with. Perhaps out of boredom, and the itch to play IR-IRan (Investigative Reporter) for a day, I decided to go on my own and see what the rival company has, and adopt it when necessary.

So far, I think our system works perfectly.

I remembered several months ago. I shared my views with Mami about the need to establish a strong QA Department in the office. I told her my willingness to observe potential competitors in order for us to prepare, when the real rival arrives. The company I checked out, may be considered one, but so far, theirs is quite different from ours, unless we accept an account that seeks male internet chatters and convince them to watch our girl's private show in a premium website.

But considering how risky this account would be, I believe that my boss would not take such offer.

I have no plans of going back. So far, those whom I've reported to are satisfied with my findings (with the pictures I took to give them an idea of their working environment.) I still don't know if there are future implications of my actions, especially now that I made it known to everyone (who reads my blog) that I've done such an undercover activity. The dreams of having a second job may be over for now since I recieved my pay from the Sikyu Agency yesterday. But if ever I will take such decision seriously; if ever I will be pushed to the desperation of seeking such extra work in the first place, I will make sure that my company will never be left behind.

They have showed their patience and understanding too much, that I'm beginning to show some strong sense of ninjahood just to return the favor back.

Bantay Bata

One evening, Mugen decides to chat-ala Darkstar in G4M just to pass the time...

---

bantaybata: nice profyl.. wahahah

mugen: thanks kiddo.

bantaybata: kiddo tlga.. hahaha... aliw basahin.. btw, got face pic?

mugen: yep meron. heehee.

bantaybata: pasend... (mugen: bratty ha, pagtripan nga.)

mugen: what will i get in return?

bantaybata: ewan.. hahaha... may face pic nman aq sa profyl q.. eion.. its up to u if you'll send it or not..

mugen: you look cute, young, and fresh. hehehe. (mugen: i sense the spirit of darkstar emerging)

bantaybata: hahaha. tnx.. im just 16, that's why (mugen: please dial 168 for bantay bata.)

mugen: haha, lagot ako sa bantay bata pag ganun? nagpapaalaga ka ba totoy? Hehe.

bantaybata: hahaha... pede...

mugen: hmm. interesting. may mga namit ka na ba dito sa g4m?

bantaybata: yup.. 2 p nga lng eh..face pic..

mugen: kulet mo naman. iniinterview pa kita eh. mawawala ang thrill kapag nakita mo kaagad mukha ko.

bantaybata: bkit..? gusto mo ym n lng tau? tagal xeng proseso pag dto

mugen: wala akong ym dito sa bahay ko eh. gaano katanda ang mga namit mo?

bantaybata: 26, and 19 (mugen: siraulong 26 yun ah! cradle snatcher!!)

mugen: hahaha sino si 26? was it a friendly meet up?

bantaybata: yup... EB lng tlga.. Bsta, g4m member un.. hehehe, cute kso ndi nkkipagrel.. sayang..

mugen: hehe, shempre luko luko yung mga matatanda dito. usually papakita lang nila sayo yung pet nila. hehehe. (mugen: darkstar, bad yan... bad boy!!)

bantaybata: heeheh.. maayos nman ung nmit q.. alam lumugar.. hahaha

mugen: gud answer. for that, here's my pic bro.

---

I thought the chat would end there. Knowing how swift transactions are made in that website, it's either I passed or failed in the eyes of that kid. However, adopting a confident attitude in such setting has its advantage. The person Mugen is chatting with is just a teenager, who is also a bottom. A guy who has a "psychological" background like Bantaybata might probably be looking for someone stronger - A sort of big brother Mugen still subconsciously seek, if they think in the same way.

The chat would have ended, if the kid decided not to exchange messages anymore. But after several minutes of silence, my speculations were all correct. Not only his messages began to pop again, he had complimentary words ready to catch Mugen's waning attention.

---

BantayBata: ok.. tnx... hahaha.. gusto q ung caption* nung pic.. hahaha...

Mugen: nakalimutan ko na kung ano yung caption ko eh. pasensya na, ulyanin na kasi ang mga 25 years old ngayon eh.

BantayBata: hahaha.. aus lng un.. pati din mga 16 y/o// haha.. btw, lapit na q out.. have globe?

Mugen: hawak ng gf ko yung phone ko for a week eh. Teka whats with my caption? (Mugen: Wow, this is fiction! I can't believe I still have some bisexual trappings in me! Haha)

BantayBata: la.. never mind.. hahaha.. my gf ka pla.. di mo nssabi.. hehehe..

Mugen: meron nga, may kabit naman na lesbian. Might as well raise a little kid instead. (Mugen: This statement my dear readers is what you call Magical Realism)

BantayBata: hahaha.. ganun.. grabe..

Mugen: Thats life. You know what, I think that you're mature for your age. Keep it up, malayo mararating mo. :P

---

The conversation went on for a few more exchanges. But I feel that the more I prolong the chat, the more I feel that both of us are hitting on each other. The problem is, he is the one giving the motives. Restlessness and boredom, on the other hand tempts me to respond in a flirty manner. After all, there's no greater fun in the world than to know that you made someone excited just by teasing him with erotic-induced words.

When I was 21, the best tease one could say to me is "I'm gonna #^$!^ you day and night!" Trust me, it could force me out of the house at the middle of the night and into the place of the one who said it.

Perhaps, that's what I miss sometimes - the feeling of being teased and the feeling of being the kid again. At 25, it's awkward to act in such way unless a 30 or a 28 year old would be the one to tell you that. (Some did attempt, but the more I get older, the more I restrain myself.) If there is any good conclusion to this brief chat I had with the kid, it is that I felt I just talked with my younger self this evening. In the way he answered my question and reservedly flirted at me, in the way he loved being the one protected and enjoyed being called the "kiddo,"

I just heard myself saying, "I wish you were there... when I was twenty one ".

---

Mugen: we could still see here. Bookmark kita para lagi akong nakamonitor sayo. Are you the eldest?

BantayBata: youngest... alagang alaga...

Mugen: ganun ba? Thats great. Im happy for you kiddo.

BantayBata: kiddo.. wahahaa...

Mugen: you like it huh?

BantayBata: yup.. hehehe.. aliw... *wink

Mugen: I would have loved it if someone called me that when I was 21. Dito na lang muna ok? I'll catch up with you next time. Be good! Names Joms, Kiddo. Ingat ka.

---

*Wanna Sleep Wid Me? I Snore Loudly! - caption of my private pic.

Thirty Minutes

Patapos na ang shift pero hindi pa rin ako kumokota.
Paano petiks day na naman today. Wala gaanong messages
kaya wala gaanong trabaho. Grabe, ang bilis ng oras, parang
kanina lang ay 6:01 - ang oras ng time-in ko sa bundy clock.
Ngayon ay 1:23 na, thirty minutes na lang at uwian na.
So ano bang plano ko pag-uwi?
Matutulog? Kakain ng lunch/meryenda?
Magsi-Sims2? Maglalamyerda?
May lakad daw ang Odders sabi ni Roy. Pero tinatamad akong
lumabas. Masama pa ang pakiramdam ko para rumampage
kasama nila. Gusto kong magpagupit at magpaskin-head
ulit kaso nalalayuan ako sa barber shop. Gusto kong
paunlakan yung imbitasyon ni Yuan na mag-inuman sa
pad niya, kaso nagdadalawang isip ako't baka mauwi sa
kung saan ang tagayan pag may tinamaan na sa amin.
So anong plano ko pagkatapos ng shift?
Magyoyosi habang nakikitambay sa mga katrabaho?
Sasabayan si Telang Bayawak pauwi para naka-koche ako
hanggang sa may Shaw? Mamamakla kasama ng mga Diyosa
dito sa morning shift - malabo naman yun, aantukin lang ako -
baka pagkamalan pa akong straight ng mga booking nila.
Heto ang mahirap ng walang gagawin at ayaw may gawin.
Maari akong maglamyerda kung gugustuhin ko, pero wala naman
akong kasama. Gusto ko man tumambay sa may bahay ng may
bahay kaso wala namang nag-aaya. Mag-malling man ako, ngunit
pag inisip kong hindi sigurado ang pera ko galing sikyu agency
sa Lunes, madedepress lang ako.
Mabuti sigurong umuwi na lang ako ng bahay
at maglock ng kwarto upang makatulog ng naka-hubad.
Minsan tinatanong ko sa sarili ko kung naghahanap ba ako
ng kalayaan o pwersado akong maging taong bahay dahil sa
sitwasyon ko. May thirty minutes pa para may
magtext sa akin at mag-aya ng lakad. Pero hangga't mabigat
ang pakiramdam ko, mabuti sigurong
itulog ko na lang ang pagkabagot kong
ito.

At least, masaya na naman si Mama
menos gastos pa ako.

The Forum Post That Changed Jomanian Space... Forever

Nagsimula sa ritwal na pagsusunog ng daliri habang pinapatibay ang persona ni Darkstar sa aking sarili upang kalabanin ang tendencies ng pagkabading. Ngunit lahat ng ito ay nabalewala nang nagsimula akong sumimple sa pagbili ng m2m porns sa Quiapo at Carriedo. Nang nakasanayan ang pamimiling ito, unti-unti kong natanggap ang aking bisexuality kahit ako pa ay may girlfriend. Hanggang sa nadiskubre ko ang PEx at isinigaw ko sa buong cyberworld ang aking dual preference. Matapos ang labing limang araw, nakipag eye-ball rin ako sa grupo ng mga effems at lesbians na naging katropa ko sa online forum na iyon, na nauwi naman sa isang torrid kissing scene sa isa sa na meet up ko ilang araw matapos itong makabonding sa eyeball. Dumaan pa ang ilang buwan at nadiskubre ko ang paraan ng paggamit ng gaydar. Naging at home na rin akong tumambay sa Malate ng hindi nagtatakip ng mukha sa tuwing papasok ng Ladida at nagculminate ang lahat nang ma-meet ko ang kauna-unahang lalaking pumasa sa standard ko ng pagiging "discreet" PLU.

Si Jollieboie.

And the rest is history.
Five years na pala ang nakakaraan.
parang kailan lang ang lahat.

Tensionado

They say malas comes in three's. I remember that saying after my grandmother was rushed in the hospital a year ago. Much as I would like to ignore such folklore, after all that have happened today, I think there is a connection as to why all of a sudden, a string of unfortunate events had fallen upon us today.

I woke up late this morning, eager to spend my day off in a good mood. However, when I went to my mom's room to check her out, she appears extremely unsettled and distraught. At first she complained about her body pains. At sixty, it's quite normal for a person to experience such uncomfortability. But later I found out that it's just not the body pains troubling her. Also this morning, she recieved a text message from one of our employees in the Sikyu Agency. The employee, which is the finance manager informed her that they are having some troubles with the cash flow. Apparently, our biggest client failed to settle its dues, which then snowballed into a much bigger problem which is our inability to pay the employee's salary that would amount to close to a million bucks. That's a big problem indeed, especially when the creditors are also stretched and are unable to lend us more money to help in the cashflow.

Being a mere employee in an outsourcing company, I could not offer much except perhaps, my silence. I could raise a tiny fraction of their requirements using my own money. But really, I would not risk losing all my savings. I've learned my lessons before in the publishing, where my entire fortune was swallowed by the company in just a single day. Mom said the same thing. We will not exert our efforts seeking more creditors lest we might end owing more people money.

We waited the entire day for updates. But we never heard anything from them. Hopefully, they found a way to address their concerns without bothering us on issues we are almost certainly ineffective.

---

The desperation had an effect on me. In between naps, (which I find to be a good excuse to run away from problems) I was contemplating on getting an extra job. Having a morning shift work is an advantage especially if the job I would take starts later in the afternoon. But my mom doesn't approve of my plans. She said that the closer I push myself to the brink of exhaustion, the greater its toll on my body.

So after a brief, non-confrontational argument with her, I retreated back to my room and played Sims 2 all day. In between playing different families, I lied in bed to take some rest. However, the beauty sleep backfired on me. When I woke up to catch the evening news, I was heaving with fever and suffers from a massive headache. Imagine, all I did the whole day is to sleep and this is what I get?

Life's unfair sometimes no?

---

At around 8 pm, my sister told us that she's done with her school activities. In my family, the only persons who have exclusive access to the car is my mom and her. Even if she devotes most of her time plotting with her militant friends, at home she's the princess. Despite her strong opposition to being picked up by the driver, in the end she doesn't have a choice. She gets home with the sundo, escort included.

While I was in the middle of my shower, the phone rang. It was from my sister and she told my mom that the car overheated and was stuck at the middle of the road. It's been a while since we encounted such problem. In such cases, our biggest fear is to get noticed by the roving tow truck that picks your broken car and dumps it in an impound somewhere near the former Smokey Mountain dumpsite in Tondo.

The last time it happened, hell broke loose at home. My mom was frantically calling everyone to secure the car since the impounders also took the car keys. Dad was still alive then and with one sway of his hand, a barrage of reporters stormed the impound and with their overwhelming influence, we got the car in no time.

But things are different today.

As my mom begins her silent meditation (in the middle of watching her favorite telenovelas) I monitored the situation almost every 10 minutes. I forgot how many calls I've made just to contact our driver to instruct her as to what to do while inching their way towards home, but absolutely, it would reflect on my phone bill which normally reaches 2K in a month.

In one of our phone conversations, she told me that a tow truck noticed them. Immediately panic sets in while pretending to calmly reporting the developments to my mother. My mom, being the strong woman that she is, tried to brush things off and encouraged me to make some plans instead. But I'm sure that she's as tensed as I am, the slight raising of her voice tells how troubled she was.

At that moment of helplessness, my thoughts began to wander in the direction of Mami Athena's. Her coolness and strength in most dire situations is what I was trying to adapt in case another hell breaks lose tonight. Good thing, my next phone patch to the driver left me with some positive news. She told me that they are still inching their way home. It seems like the maid's loud shrieking voice turned away the incoming impounders.

Five minutes... ten minutes... into timelessness, I found myself smoking two sticks of cigarette while waiting for them to arrive. I just can't help but worry too much - especially since I told them to follow my instructions to avoid the main roads going home. The decent conversation I had with an arch-enemy neighbor proved to be a relief in such occassion I needed someone to talk to. In my heart, I wished that I have an older brother who could at least cheer me up and tell me that things will be fine - even if it's fucked up in reality.

One last call, one last prayer given to the Almighty and I finally saw the car crossing the main intersection. "Finally they have arrived safe." I told myself. The car stopped and its passengers - my sister and the maid immediately rushed inside the house. The last person to get out was the driver, who kept on mumbling "Thank you po," perhaps for having a safe and very tense journey going home.

We tried to restart the engines after the mechanic had arrived. But it wouldn't start no matter how the driver turns on the key. It seems like they were just allowed to go home and that's all the car could offer. Tomorrow they would check as to why the car suddenly overheated that its radiator started to boil. For now, we are all relieved that everyone arrived home safe and secure.

And I just hope that the three malas for today is enough to bring a better luck for us tomorrow.

A Yakult Question

Now that I've spent a significant portion of my free time watching Japanese porn flicks, I ask myself this important question:

Which is better to watch,

a. a smooth slim toned chinito moaning quietly while being rammed by another asian with a tiny member, its length too insignificant to measure?

or

b. a european/latino hunk having a 9-incher between his legs punishing a twink who can barely keep up with the slow deep thrust the hunk make?

The answer will be revealed the next time I refleet my collection courtesy of the Quiapo HPA (Hardcore Porn Alley).

The Artist's Signature

He always believed that he could never write as good as his peers. He just felt that he is incapable. Good writers, which he encounters from time to time simply dampened his spirits. But his gentle conscience encouraged him to write still and write as if it was just a mere hobby and not for reasons to impress everyone or get an acceptable grade. After all, his objectives for taking such huge project a year ago is not to show off, but to develop his known talent for making things immortal.

Two weeks ago, this student was in a panic mode after realizing that he had never done anything yet for his first big project for an advanced non-fiction class. Prior to his attempt to begin writing for his desired subject, the moderator asked him to change his initial plans of going to a gay bathouse to write everything he would see there, in a creative non-fiction way of course. Instead, he was asked to write something about his job, which the student half-heartedly accepted believing that it would create a conflict of interest between his livelihood and his academics.

Nevertheless, he followed what his heart never wished to go and still, came out with a relatively praiseworthy essay that was workshopped this afternoon. A classmate who works in a magazine said that with little refinement - particularly in the areas of grammar, it would be an excellent publishable material. Others approved that the student ended it with a very human touch, considering how artificial and decieving the contents of his essay was.

There were others whose essay were also workshopped this afternoon. But the student felt relieved knowing that his work stood out despite its shortcomings. "It wasn't really bad, as I thought it would be," the student said.

The coming weeks would be full of essay jobs which the student, still is unable to grasp. There would be fiction essays, opinion essays, autobiographies and many others, which are areas he is not familiar of. But his first major victory for this year - against his own detracting self, proves that even without his full confidence and spirit driving his work, his capabilities as a writer endures.

So thus begin another year nurturing his artist's side.

Mary Palmer

Kung ako ay may sperm bank na kasinlaki ng plastic container ng Yakult, siguradong ngayon ay paubos na ang mga nilalaman nito.

Paano ba naman, simula nang maka-acquire ako ng bagong "epektos" courtesy ng aking kapatid na si Garppp, halos every five hours ata ako kung maglabas ng "sama ng loob" sa aking kwarto. Hindi ko alam na ganoon pala katindi ang hots ko sa mga Hapones na sa tuwing mababakante ang isipan ko ngayong araw, lagi itong nakatuon sa aking mga napanood sa dalawang DVD disk na ibi-nurn niya sa akin noong Biyernes ng gabi.

---

Ngunit bago ito nangyri, mayroong mga string of events kung bakit naglead sa ganito ang aking trip. Kung dati-rati ay puro Eastern Europeans ang aking mga hinahanap-hanap, ngayon naman ay slim-toned na maaangas na Japanese na ang aking pinupuntirya.

Kasi naman, nothing beats a moreno and a chinito. At dati-rati pa naman, simula bata pa ako ay laging malambot na ang puso ko sa mga gwapitong mga bida sa anime. At take note, mas maikli ang buhok, mas trip ko. Ewan ko ba kung bakit may mga iba na ang taste eh yung mahahaba ang buhok na katulad ng sa F4 dati.

---

Nagsimula ang lahat noon isang buwan. May pinakitang bagong anime sa akin si Garppp na ang title ay Ouran High School Host Club. Ito ay tungkol sa isang grupo ng mga nagagandahang mga lalaki na ang tanging trabaho ay maging entertainer at host ng mga mayayamang estudyanteng babae sa kanilang exclusive school na pinapasukan. Kung tutuusin, simple lang naman ang plot. Every episode, nagbabago sila ng theme or social event upang lalong maengganyo ang mga estudyante makipaglandian sa kanila. Ang selling point nga lang ng mga lalaking ito ay ang pagdedemonstrate ng kanilang "boy-love" sa bawat isa. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung bakit patok na patok sa mga haponesa ang landian ng kapwa lalaki.

Kasabay nito ang unti-unti ko ring pagka-hook up sa isa pang anime sa Animax na ang title ay God Save Our King? Ito naman ay tungkol sa isang 15 year old boy next-door type na binatilyo na napunta sa ibang mundo kung saan ang mga lalaki ay naiinlove sa kapwa lalaki at ang mga babae ay almost considered na "extra" lang. Anyway ang selling point naman nitong anime na ito ay ang kanyang mga makikisig (at medyo effeminate) na mga heneral na laging nakapalibot sa kanya sa tuwing may gagawin siyang mga adventures. Palibhasa'y siya daw ang bagong hirang na Demon King kaya naman big time siya sa mundong ito.

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Sapat na itong pampalipas oras sa akin upang talikuran ko ang pag-gym. Masaya na akong laging nasusundan ang mga Anime ko tuwing hapon. Ngunit nang ibalita sa akin ni Garppp ang bago niyang m2m collection na galing sa isang kaibigan niya, nagbago ang lahat sa akin.

Sa kanyang kwento, ang lahat daw ng bida ay mga SMK. Meaning ito ay mga slim-toned na moreno at balbas sarado na mga hapones. Sa ating kultura, malaki ang pogi points ng mga ganitong klaseng PLU. Isipin mo na lang na sila sila ang nagbabanatan sa kama/bathtub.

Noong una namin itong napanood ng isa pa naming kaibigan na tatawagin na lang natin sa pangalang Zech, kulang na lang magwalk out kami ng pad ni Garppp upang bumili ng blank DVD disk sa katabi nitong mall.

Inabot rin ng ilang oras upang ma-burn ang dalawa sa apat na disk na kanyang ipinangako sa amin. Sinamantala na namin ang pagkakataon upang makipag-inuman at makapag-update sa mga buhay-buhay ng bawat isa - lalo na sa buhay ni Zech, na isang taon mahigit na namin hindi nakakasama.

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Dahil masyado na akong ginagabi at kinailangan ng magpahinga ng aming host, nagpasya na akong ipagpaliban ang pagbuburn ng natitira pang movie clips sa mga susunod na inuman. Upang mapanood ang lahat ng nilalaman ng mga DVDs na nasa akin, kinailangan ko pang bumili ng software sa Quiapo para maginstall ng Real Media Player sa aking computer.

Kahapon ng hapon ang showdown ay nagsimula sa harap ng aking monitor: Ahh singkit na mga mata... morenong mga kutis... shet, ang kinis nung gym toned niyang katawan, kelan kaya ako magkakaroon ng ganon ka-flat na abs? parang anime na anime talaga! Yun nga lang hindi kalakihan ang mga... tapos yung iba gumagamit pa ng mga toys, na sa totoo lang nakakaturn off talaga. Sabi sa akin ni Garppp, meron mga actors na mahahaba ang buhok, at para sa aming conveniece, sadya niyang dinelete ang mga video files na ganun ang tema.

Sa totoo lang, habang pinapanood ko ang mga banatang gaya noon, nagdedebate sa isip ko kung maipagpapalit ko ba ang mga Eastern Europeans sa mga Japanese. Tinatanong ko sa aking sarili kung masasatisfy ba ako sa mga "average" compared sa mga "dambuhalang" nakikita ko sa Bel Ami.

Sabagay, temporary lang naman ang lahat ng ito. Matapos ang ilang play back; matapos ang ilang ocassional raids sa Quiapo upang ipagpatuloy ang pagho-hoard ng mga Japanese porn flicks na makikita ko doon; at matapos ang di mabibilang na pagtatapon at pagpapahid ng... sa kung saan. Magsasawa rin ako't babalik ako sa aking nakagisnan.

Pero habang ito ang aking current fave of the moment. Hahayaan kong ang aking kamanyakan ang magdala sa akin.

Bahala na kung ano ang sumakit sa akin pagkatapos.

Unfinished Business (Not So Notty Remix)

Minsan, may mga taong dumarating sa buhay natin na gustong gusto natin.

Subalit dahil sa wrong timing, ang mga plano natin para sa taong ito ay hindi nabubuo, gaano man natin naisin na magkaroon ng katuluyan ang mga balak natin sa kanya.

At sa pagdaan ng panahon, matabunan man ito ng sangkatutak na iba pang mga balaking nagkaroon katuparan na - sa ibang tao, sa ating subconcious ay naiisip pa rin natin ang mga what-if's kung sakaling nag-iba ang ikot ng mundo at ang mga una nating hangad ang siyang nagkaroon ng kabuuan sa halip na ang nahuli.

Gaya na lang ng kwento namin ni Alpha Q limang taon na ang nakakaraan. Sakali mang naging mas aggresibo ako noong panahon namin, maaring nag-iba ang takbo ng buhay para sa akin ngayon.

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Dalawang buwan pa lang ang nakakalipas simula ng magsimula akong mag-chat sa MIRc noon. Hindi ko pa alam ang #Salsalan at tanging palipasang oras ko lang ay sa #Mansociety at #Bi-Manila sa DalNet.

Dahil kailangang screened ka muna ng mga operators ng #Mansociety bago ka nila tanggapin, outsider ang tingin nila sa akin noon. Wala rin naman akong makausap na matino dahil lahat sila, puro batian at landian ang ginagawa sa mga kakilala na nila. Sa #Bi Manila naman, puro mga effems ang nagkwekwentuhan. Gusto ko man makarelate sa kanila, ngunit, paano ako makikisalamuha kung ang tanging alam lang nilang pag-usapan ay mga topic tungkol kay Mariah at Regine Velasquez at Dawson's Creek na sikat na sikat noong mga panahong iyon.

Aalis na sana ako nang biglang may nag-mack sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung paano ang naging introduction namin sa isa't-isa, pero sigurado kong hindi ito nagsimula sa "Hi" at "ASL." Nagkakwentuhan yata kami tungkol sa aming mga music taste na Alternative at kung paano namin binabalanse ang buhay "bi" namin sa paligid ng mga straight na tropa na ang alam lang na pumapatol sa kapwa lalaki ay yung mga effems at parlorista.

Engineering student siya noon na graduating, La Sallista at sa tono pa lang ng salitype niya, ramdam mo ang pagiging tigasin niya. Dahil pareho kaming bente uno, kaagad kaming nag-click . Sabi nga niya, para lang siyang nakikipag-usap sa katropa.

Natapos ang chat namin sa pamamagitan ng pagpapalit ng cellphone numbers. Simula noon, hindi ko na siya ulit nakita sa #Bi-Manila.

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Lumipas ang mga linggo, ang isang forwarded text message ay naging susi para kami ay maging textmates. Sa dami na ng pinag-usapan namin, hindi ko na matandaan kung saan kami nakarating.

Nang umabot kami sa usapang sex, sabi niya marami na siyang karanasan. Naroon na nagbabasa lang siya ng libro sa National Bookstore, eh nalalandi na siya. Naroon ring marami siyang naka-fling sa edad niyang yun na puro matatanda sa kanya. Ako naman, nanlalaki ang mata sa mga kwento niya. Parang tingin ko ba, sobrang late na ako sa aking exploration sa edad kong iyon.

Kaya naamin ko sa kanya na wala pa akong experience... sa kapwa lalaki. Nasabi niya tuloy sa akin pagkatapos noon na,

"Gusto mo akong magturo sa iyo paano makipagsex?"

Sa gulat at pangilag ko, bigla akong kumabig ng topic. Hindi ata ako sanay ng ganun ka-confrontational na usapan. Ramdam ko ang biglang pag-init ng dugo ko matapos noon. Sa aking imahinasyon, naiisip ko ang isang maangas na lalaki na kasing tangkad ko na nagwowork-out sa gym. Hindi ko alam kung ramdam niya ang aking pag-atras, ngunit sa kabila noon nakipagkasundo akong makipag-meet up sa kanya para ilibot niya ako sa loob ng kanyang paaralan.

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Matapos ang ilang linggo, nakita ko siyang nakatayo sa harap ko sa McDonald's Vito Cruz at nakangiti sa akin.

Natuloy rin ang eyeball namin.

Sa totoo, sa sobrang balingkinitan ng katawan niya noon, parang gusto ko na siyang tanggalan ng damit noong mga oras na iyon. Habang nag-uusap kami, kahit hindi ako makatingin ng diretso sa kanyang mga singkit na mata, inaantay ko siyang maging naughty sa akin.

Hindi kasi ako marunong gumawa ng first move.

Lumipas ang dalawang oras at puro kwentuhan lang ang aming napagusapan. Nasira pa ito nang biglang kinailangan akong bumalik sa opisina ng aking tatay dahil sa namuong problema noong araw na iyon. Naging magtextmate pa kami ng ilang mga linggo ngunit wala na ang landian na ginawa namin noong mga simulang araw namin.

At nagkita pa kami matapos ang ilang buwan upang ikwento sa kanya ang mga naging sarili kong adventures, masabi ko lang sa kanya na kaya kong siyang tapatan.

Na kaya ko siyang tapatan kung pagbibigyan lang niya ako.

Lumipas pa ang mga buwan at ako'y naging batang Mint na. Kung nakita lang niya ako noong ako'y nakikipagtapatan sa mga PLU na ilang taon ang tanda sa akin, maaring binawi niya yung una niyang kataga na siya ang magtuturo sa akin.

Paminsan-minsan, nakakarinig ako ng balita sa kanya. Mayroong nagsabing naging kaklase niya ito noong high-school, mayroon din na nagsabi na notorious daw ito sa pagkakaroon ng malaking kargada at pagiging top. (tsk.) Ang bawat kwento nila ay nagpapaalala sa akin ng kung ano ang maaring mga nangyari, kung sakaling... naging agresibo ako noon.

Sa totoo, hindi ko siya aatrasan - kahit na sa totoo, wala akong laban sa mga naging experience niya. At kapag iniisip ko kung bakit hindi ako maka-move on sa thought na kung sakaling nag-iba ang takbo ng mga bagay bagay, tinatanong ko ang aking sarili kung ito ba'y dahil sa libog lang o dahil alam kong may iniwan akong laban na maari sanang naging maganda ang kinahantungan.

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Limang taon ang lumipas, naging kaibigan ko lahat ang mga taong may piece of information na patungkol sa kanya. Minsan, naghahanap pa rin ako ng Alpha Q sa MIRc at G4M sa pagbabaka-sakaling naliligaw pa siya doon at tumatambay.

Pero sa dinami-dami ng ginamit kong paraan para hanapin lang siyang muli, isa lang pala ang makakapinpoint ng kanyang whereabouts ngayong kami'y tumanda na.

Bago naputol ang aming pagiging magtextmates, nagsend siya ng mass message para magbalita ng pagbabago ng kanyang number. Kasama doon ang kanyang pangalan at apelyedo. Itong apelyedong ito ang pinanghawakan ko sa mahabang panahong hinahanap ko siya para kamustahin.

Ilang araw bago mag Disyembre ngayong taon, sinubukan kong i-research sa friendster ang kanyang pangalan. Gamit hindi ang kanyang palayaw, nakita ko ang kanyang profile sa website na iyon.

At sa pagmamadali, nakalimutan ko mag-send ng introductory message. Kaagad agad akong nagrequest upang mai-add siya sa aking mga list of friends.

Ilang araw ang lumipas, nalaman kong tinanggap niya ang request ko - Natandaan man niya ako o hindi.

Natapos rin ang aking paghahanap... ngunit ang business

ay unfinished pa rin.

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-tobecontinued-

Affected

They changed my off from Sunday to Friday.
it means all my day offs would fall on a weekday.
I could have defended my position with a thousand and
one reasons but...

If it's the higher powers who asked me
to make this supreme sacrifice, what could I do but follow.
I just wished that they have told me of this decision
later, when the shift is about to end.

Nawalan tuloy ako ng gana magtrabaho.

Speed Almost Killed The Pussycat

We're doing a 120 in a two-lane street called Marcos in San Juan. There were no humps or traffic lights to slow us down. Then a Ford F150 came out of nowhere. The driver forcefully stepped on his breaks, hoping that he would avoid an impending collision with the pick-up. I thought we were both goners. Fortunately, the vehicle stopped inches away from the truck. The lull and exhiliration I felt from the speed was suddenly stolen from me and replaced by an eerie emptiness of a near-accident experience, just blocks away from the company I have work with for the past 1 and a half years.

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Since New Year, I have never arrived in the office from a tricycle. Perhaps, I got hook up with the idea of taking the cab instead because the FX'es were hard to find in the morning. Besides, I noticed that most of my colleagues ride the cab going to work. Considering that I signicantly earn more from them, I realized that I should not torment myself from waiting for a traditional ride when cabs are more available and easier to hail from where I come from.

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This near-collision moment anyway, has given me a good lesson about taxis. One of these lessons is to tell the driver to slow down, especially on such backwater street like Marcos. I should also remind myself from now on how expensive it is to take a cab since I don't earn that much - even if I earning more than my colleagues. If the driver failed to step on the breaks in that intersection, and collided with the F150 at that speed, I don't 'm not really sure if I'm conscious right now.

And maybe I should take this as a good opportunity to thank Someone. Lately, I feel that I'm ignoring all the good things He had done to me.

Macoy was right when he said that life is too short...

Maybe I should accelerate my efforts in achieving the things I have set forth before everything is too late.

Nicole

"What do you want us to do, kneel before Nicole and Ursua? (Her lawyer) Do you want us to serenade her every night?"

- Secretary Raul Gonzales, Department of Justice

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Ever since, I've never been a fan of Nicole. Yeah, she was raped and all but like what I've said to my sister and mother who staunchly defended her "Sino ba namang tangang babae ang magpapaiwan sa grupo ng mga kano na hindi naman niya ganun kakilala?" And now she's crying rape for that?

As far as I know, when a girl joins a company of strangers for a drinking binge, she's ready for everything that could happen - even a gangbang with her drinking partners. Alam naman natin how people lose control when in the influence of alcohol diba? In her case, she was "gangbanged" by American soldiers who thought she was a "game girl."

Eventually her plight was caught up by the media, with the help of the NGO's and Women Support Group. Fine, at least there's a new story arc in the karnabal - like story that is the Philippine current events. The rape case in fact, became a national sensation that for a time, the media ignored Cha-Cha just to focus on Nicole's developing story.

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During the ongoing trial, I already hinted that the Americans were willing to settle the damages in favor of Nicole. But the stupid girl ignored it for the sake of remaining in the media spotlight. Dun pa lang, sinabi ko na sa sarili ko na "tangang babae talaga ito." How can she never realized that this would be a very long and exhausting legal battle, especially in this country where everything could be bought by money.

Pero fine sige, it seems like there are people who are willing to side with her for one reason or another. Slowly, she's winning the battle not only in the country's legal system but also in the court of public opinion. In fact, when the Makati RTC declared Smith guilty, I myself could not believe that there is still justice and righteousness in this world. I thought that as you grow older, you must embrace a cynical point of view in order to adopt to the realities you have to face as you grow older.

Consequently, Daniel Smith was jailed - of course, with priviledges courtesy of the US Embassy. But I know that things have never settled down. I know that the United States, being a bully nation would never let their citizens be humiliated especially by a Third World country like ours. Kung ang China nga, nagwala na at lahat noong pinasabog ng America yung embassy nila sa Belgrade, Serbia eh dinedma lang at hindi pa humingi ng apology, sa atin pa kaya?

And while the media focused their attention elsewhere, things were already being prepared for the eventual transfer of Smith to US Custody. The signs were already there - the cancellation of the Balikatan Military Exercises, Threats of losing the most-favored trading partner status of the Philippines, and so on. Sa bandang huli, they may even threaten us by encouraging all US outsourcing clients to move to India instead just to cripple whatever national pride we have.

I can't believe that we are willing to surrender all of this for the sake of a single, stubborn girl like Nicole.

Kaya ako, I support the government's stand on this issue. I agree with the President's decision to capitulate to US demands this early because we all know, we don't have anything to stand up against America's might. We are the underdogs and will remain underdogs as long as we don't cultivate our resources ourselves. What's the sense of pride and idealism if it can't feed you or it will just leave you miserable in the end?

If Nicole was found dead and mutilated in some talahiban near Subic, absolutely my stand will be different. There is a universal difference between being brutally murdered and gang-banged due to the apparent willingness of the girl to "get closer to the stranger." Yun talaga, lalaban ako in the side of Nicole's family but for this?

They say, it's better to favor the side of the many rather than the side of the few. In this case, not only our relationship with the US is at stake but I believe that millions of local jobs that are heavily depended on lazy and exploitative Americans who can't do the jobs themselves is at risk of being taken away from us.

I know, I'm alone with this stand and what I said in this entry is subject to a lot of controversy. Don't get me wrong, I believe that Daniel Smith is guilty and he deserves to be punished. But when you see how people in power turns everything into a circus act, you can't help but take the most convenient way out. Nicole, will have a very long battle ahead. She might even be ignored by everyone if her gamble fails. For the sake of getting this out of my thoughts and to serve as a voice to those who silently disagree with how this issue is being turned into a media frenzy and obvious political manouverings, I wrote this twisted entry about my view of the issue. This post stands as defiance to those who believe that Nicole's issue should serve as an excuse for going out in the streets and protesting against the government for their handling of her case.

What If

Alyssa Alano becomes a Call Center Tech Support and Jimmy Santos is her Sup (Supervisor)?

ALYSSA: "Tsenk you for calling Vell Comfuterz, dzis iz Alyzza how may I helf you?"

CUSTOMER: "I'd like to report this laptop I bought from you guys a month ago. I cant seem to install any software on it. It could be a hardware problem but I want to check it up with you guys."

ALYSSA: "Perz of all ser, I am a girl, okay? You keep on telling me you guyz but as you can see, I'm a girl. And I'm only one so I am not a flural ok? Avowt your frovlem with your laftof, what kind of sopweyr are you installing? Because if it was a hardweyr frovlem you will not call us but just bring your laftof to the hardweyr in your neyvorhud."

CUSTOMER: "Good god! I don't believe this! Are you for real? Can I talk to your supervisor?"

ALYSSA: (Flattered) "Oh velive it! I'm for real! Touch me o...I'm real! I'm not a flashtick I'm a human plesh! But if you want to talk to my sufervisor, it's okay, I'll foot him in the fone..."

JIMMY SANTOS: "Helloooo there every all! What seems to be the problem solving of the top of your lap?"

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Espetial tenks to Papichulo168 of Pinoyexchange.com for making my first morning of 2007 a hilarious one!