Chill: Old Entries From The First Christmas Party

Those were the younger days. Good thing, I found this entries while salvaging what was left of our thread.

--

The first EVER - ODDMEN Awards... yes peeps, it is the first
ever ODDMEN Awards where we honor the best and the brightest among our ODD
peeps. We also recognize their achievements and valuable contributions not only
to the thread, but also to the entire ODDers community. So, without further ado
- here are the categories up for grabs in the first EVER (talagang may stress sa
EVER!) ODDMEN Awards:

1. Libre Ang Mangarap - Goodluck! Award-
this award is for the ODDMAN who wished he had an existent sex life going
on.

2. The Gen. Mc Arthur "I shall return!"
Award - for the ODDMAN who has been gone from PExing for more than 3
months but returned with a vengance!

3. The Sahara Desert - Diligan Mo Ako Award
- for the ODDMAN who has held on to his celebacy for the longest time
possible.

4. The Kris Aquino "Im sorry, Mom! I will survive
Chlamydia" Award (hope my spelling is right) - this award is for the
most dramatic ODDMAN based on his posts.

5. The Pare - SMK/Whammy Award - for the
most goodlooking ODDMAN, in honor of MRAVEL's crush - the sunsilk guy!

6. The Gandang Ricky Reyes Award - for the
most vain ODDMAN based on how he looks, wears his clothes and on the contents of
his vanity kit!

7. The Bellestar - Ocho-ocho Award - for the
best dancer the ODDMEN has ever seen. This would include how well he does the
ocho-ocho and other dance moves.

8. The Poster Boy Award - for the ODDMAN who
posts ever so diligently.

9. The Tin-tin-Echo Award - for the most
syrupy-sweet PExer couples of the thread. May include ODDMEN who doesnt have a
pexer for a mate.

10. The Popstar-Sarah Geronimo "Forever's not enough"
Award - for the most promising newbie. May or may not have
appeared/exposed himself to the ODDMEN at large.

11. The Winnie Cordero Award - for the best
single post an ODDMAN ever posted.

12. The Mahal Award - for the most lovable
ODDMAN. He may or may not look like Mahal of MTB...

13. The Quever Award - for the
lurker/indifferent PExer hanging arround our mighty thread..

14. The Wish Ko Lang ODDER Ako Award - guess
this doesnt need explanation...

15. O, Diva ?!?!? of the Year Award - goes
out to the most "fab" ODDMAN of the year. Diva attitude a pre-requisite...

16. The "Hi, Friendster!!!" Award - for the
most congenial ODDMAN. Criteria would include how many times he greets ODDMEN in
a day's worth of pex...

17. The Cinderella-12am na! Maganda ka pa ba?
Award - for the ODDMAN who usually leaves early during an ODD conngress
or he usually exits every gathering ahead of others.

18. The Mamili ka, Bakla ka o Shonga ka? "May Lord
Have Mercy!" Award - for the ODDMAN who is uaually out of his wits...or
in tagalog...laging wala sa tamang hulog....

19. The Share Ko Lang/Dove Moment Award -
for the most awespiring and inspiring single post of an ODDMAN.

20. The Suportahan Taka!/Dra. Margie Holmes
Award - for the best advice single post of an ODDMAN.and lastly, but
not the least....

21. The In Fairmart Cubao-Ibabaw Award - for
the best non-sensical post of an ODDMAN (gets nyo ba mechanics nitong last
award???) sa tagalog, yun bang mga post na wala lang, pero may dating...

Vote for one (1) ODDMAN/post for each category. the Top three
(3) finalists will be revealed on December 18. Awarding of the winners will be
at the ODDERS Christmas Party on the 20th. Deadline for submission of entries
will be on December 17, 2003 at exactly 11:59 pm, so post your entries at the
main, through PM or through the ODDERS yahoo groups now!

VOTE NOW! WHO KNOWS, THE LUCKY ODDMAN MIGHT BE YOU!!!!

PRIVY GARPPY FOR YER VOTES.

Infinity: The Outsiders Christmas Party (Finale)

There lies ethereal beauty in all things spoken directly from the heart.

Like all Christmas parties, ours had its own gift-giving portion. Unfortunately, not everyone joined the exchange gift. After all, the announcement and the ‘Bunutan’ system came too late for those who suddenly had a change of heart after a dozen new attendees confirmed their interest in joining the traditional exchange gift.

Unlike the previous year where everyone just gave their gifts to their ‘babies,’ this time the event was more solemn and emotional. Each of the participants who has a gift to their ‘baby’ would have to say something about the recipient of his gift.

While most testimonials were filled with humor, some where very personal and moving. There were things that happened that most of us were never really aware of. Yet for some reasons, an Odder was there to provide a helping hand. Arj’s speech was quite heartwarming about Papu. While most of us just thought that he was there to hang-out with our big guy, this big guy of ours was actually providing a sanctuary and cover for Arj as he faces his own issues, while at the same time this big guy was also licking his own wounds as well.

In Arj's speech, he said everything. All the time, I thought we were just providing support for Papu, when in fact it was Paps who enlightened him in the end.

Those were the months where everyone turned out to make their presence felt as some of the guys were having troubles about their own relationships.

Eventually, nobody among us lost their buddies in those turbulent times that affected a quarter of the Outsiders.

--

While the guys took their turns delivering their testimonials to their babies, I was secretly distributing my presence as well.

In my mind, my thoughts were full of joy, as the sacrifices of having to rampage Divisoria, Greenhills, Market Market and Cubao have finally come to an end. It may have been a gift-giving to someone, but for me it was really a labor of love.

As for my ‘baby,’ he is one of my fellow bRodder that I see everyday. But the thing is, we rarely talk about ourselves. Instead, there is this kind of bond and respect that is beyond words. He is my colleague and I made sure that everyone would hear how proud I am of his achievements at work.

After all, his outstanding performance meant that my boss would think of me as someone who can provide credible operators for the company.

--

After the gift giving was concluded, Arj and Nate proudly announced that we have collected so much fees and donations that we could rent the entire place until the bar’s closing.

Tuloy ang Ligaya ika nga… as the guys hugged one another for a great party and a magnificent year for the Outsiders. At this point, Phanks was already feeling comfortable with the guys who were around him. Roy even complained that my buddy kept on teasing him, since he was showing PDA with his ‘date’ that he met a week before.

As beer flowed from the buckets, the party was turning into another Self Destruct Night, devoid of any controversial moments that happened before. This time, it was just pure fun. While some clinged on to one another for balance, some contented themselves in singing alternative songs in the karaoke – using their husky and masculine voice. I was even joking to Nate about why in this year’s party, the guys suddenly acted very barako while singing when during the two parties before they were out-birit-ing one another.

Nate just smiled since he was puzzled as well to the change of attitude among the guys.

--

The entire celebration would never have been perfect if this one final act never happened.

As the boys continued to out-guy each other at the Karaoke, I placed an SMS message to Meng- Meng who was at that moment, probably having lunch in the other side of the globe.

“Waps I really wish u were here to celebrate the party with us, tawag ka pag may
time ka.”

It was the exact text message I sent him.

Fifteen minutes after my message was sent, a private number called me. There and then, I knew that he received my message and for the rest of his remaining credits, the guys took turns talking to our one and only Mravel22.

When my phone was returned to me, I got the chance to tell him about the success of our party. The turnout itself ensured that if ever he returns home, we could easily organize a welcome contingent in honor of him.

Of course, it was a deep emotional moment between the two of us. After all, we used to talk a lot about the survival of the Odders after he leaves for the US.

And in many cases, he used to tell me to accept the changes, especially during the most difficult times in our brotherhood’s history.

--

Too drunk and too dizzy to stand up on my own, I just settled in the arms of Phanks who was beginning to get senti as he consumed the last remaining bottles of beer on the table.

For the first time in many years, I got the opportunity to personally hear his feelings about our relationship and how I changed him to become the person he is today.

He also admitted to me that he was indeed being hinted by girls around him, what makes him stick to me is the fact that nobody ever came close to what I can provide him as his lover.

That our years of being together could never be unmatched by anyone who would come after me.

--

Despite my incapacity to talk back and respond to his mushy talks, I was very flattered with his words that I simply held his hands and hugged him tight.

As I was making PDA to my buddy, I realized that we have come a very long way as lovers. That same moment, we were once again with the guys who saw us started three years ago: Papu, who gave us moral support when I first got to introduce Phanks to him; and Arj, who I told about Phanks when I first had sex with him after I arrived at self-Garppp's destruction party that same evening.

The last time the four of us saw each other was during Papu’s elbow room birthday party two years ago.

--

This year’s party had its own set of firsts, as well as moments that would never happen in any event that we will hold in the future.

It was the first time for Keren, Lolo Van, Neutron P3, Keiya Tenpouyin aka Shaola and Papu to join our party. In Papu’s comment on my previous entry, he even said that it was the first time in his life to ever win a Byucon.

It was also the first time for Roy to bring a date in an Odders’ major gathering. I just hope that he would end up with the charming guy he introduced to every one of us that night.

It was also the first time that we had an attendee who is still a virgin when it comes to man to man affairs. I just hope that by next year, he would also have a date to bring as well.

Lastly, for most of us, this year’s party demonstrated how we have grown with the company of one another. I was even talking to Garppp and RC about the once upon a time eyeballs where I used to come in my college uniform. Four years after, everyone is talking about career advancement, relationship stability and common plans for the future.

--

I used to think that our group, the Outsiders has already been lost in history. The YG we managed that used to fill the inboxes of everyone’s email only comes to life in events like this. The massive thread that used to dominate Pinoyexchange has already been buried in pages.

And like what some of the guys claimed, we used to have monthly major gatherings, but now, even the quarterlies don’t even push through as well.

If not for the Makati Gerls, who often organizes movie contingents frequently, we could have drifted and eventually become lost in the world of the PLUs.

But the Christmas Party last Saturday changed our previous beliefs. It turns out, everyone still remembers… and in that brief moment of remembering, someone even put the word ‘Odders’ on the billiard table of the private room we were renting.

Indeed, the spirit of friendship is alive and kicking. For all the good and worst times we had, from the near break-up of the group to the oneness we demonstrated during some of the most trying times we have encountered.

The party shows that its not just a mere gathering anymore.

It has become a tradition of a family.

Euphoria: The Outsiders Christmas Party (Part II)

The program started with a prayer lead by our thread founder, Garpppy.

The prayer was relatively short, and it was about our hopes that whatever rifts and divisions we had this year would finally come to an end after the party. Garpppy also gave his intentions for our lasting friendship, and that, such bond and brotherhood we have would not break apart as time passes.

After the prayer, Arj introduced the MC for the evening. Since the Outsiders is a very diversified and talented group, the event planners never encountered any difficulties in choosing our Master of Ceremonies. It was our jolly and most creative brOdder, Carlo (Mango79) who was chosen to be the host for the party. His wits and punchlines, which remains unrivaled among us ensures that our night would be full of comedy, gayness and endless laughter.

---

The program was designed to have a full armada of icebreakers before our main event - which is the traditional gift-giving. As for the opening salvo, the emcee took out random strips of papers that contained the names of all the guests from an envelope.

My name was chosen so I had to join the game. As it turns out, XP, who had significantly lost weight after six months of extreme dieting was also included among the contestants.

As anticipated, our first game was a mini 'Beauty Pageant' contest.

The mechanics were very simple. Since it was just for fun, we just had to introduce ourselves like real beauty contestants do. And then after we have finished with our own introduction, we get to choose a number from among ourselves.

Since most of us players have never taken beauty pageants seriously like XP does, he had the edge and talent for this contest. In fact, he introduced himself as a Miss Philippines from an obscure year in which, he made sure that he did an introduction with much flair and diva-ish attitude than most of us could come up with.

Of course, XP was an instant crowd favorite. However, since the semi-finalists would be chosen based from the number they picked, there might be a big chance that despite XP's showmanship, he might not be chosen.

Luckily, his number was picked by the emcees. (which now includes Arj and Bench) Like the seven of us who also made it to the semifinals thanks to our lucky numbers, this time the real fun in the game begins.

The semi-finals was actually a question and answer talent portion.

And since this is one of the most favorite portion of gays who watch Beauty Pageants and then later imitates it, everyone's gay side came out.

Carlo, Arj and Bench proved to be masters at asking absurd beauty pageant questions such as "If time is gold, why is it not silver or bronze?" or "What is the essence of a woman when you're in Mahal's position?" Of course, the answers were mostly hilarious, especially with the witty questions. Some tried answering it seriously, while others, obviously buying some time to find a sane answer to such insane questions attempted to delay the judges by asking for 'swahili' and 'mandarin' interpreters.

After the semi-finals round, we were asked to choose a number again for ourselves.

At this point, RC arrived at the party and since he remains the one and only Sapa Queen* from last year, the judges immediately announced that the reigning Beauty Queen has just paraded on stage.

Eventually, despite the self-induced drama and excitement some of us demonstrated while waiting for our number to be called, it was Papu, who wasn't really paying attention to the mini-pageant and who had forgotten his number turned out to be the Beauty Queen.

Now I'm beginning to wonder whether this mini-pageant would be a reincarnation in next year's party.

---

The next game, in which Phanks participated was a modified charade.

Actually, I wasn't really paying attention to this contest so all I could remember is that a team must give subtle hints and trivia about the local celebrities they were describing and a 'bouncer' from the other team must guess who this celebrity is.

I think the winning team would be based from the number of celebrities their bouncer had guessed from the opposing team.

Like what I've said, I wasn't paying attention to this game so I had no idea who's team won.

Although I remembered later that night, Phanks was holding a bar of chocolate and was asking to put it inside his bag. Now I'm not really sure if it was just given to him by some of the guys or it was the prize for winning that contest.

---

The last game we had was called Diva-Diva-Ding. Probably you've got an idea what this game is all about.

However, the real twist and blatant rigging in this contest was that it seems like those who were chosen to play for this game were actually the least gifted... or should I say, the most untalented among us when it comes to singing.

And once again, for having a frog's voice... I was chosen to play for this event.

To make the game more exciting, the emcees picked three judges who would, like in TV shows, choose the better singer among the two contenders. I don't remember their criteria for judgement, but of course, the real 'market value of this contests is how 'bitchy' and brutally frank the judges would rate our performance and how 'creative' the performers were in singing notes reserved only for Mariah and other Divas as well.

The songs chosen to be played were Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, Bulaklak by Viva Hot Babes, Through the Rain by Mariah Carey, Stop by Spice Girls, and I Am What I Am by Gloria Gaynor. With the help of several bottoms up of Strong Ice, and a moral boost from the Bulaklak Boy himself: Roy, I got the confidence to sing Bulaklak by Viva Hot Babes against Nate, who was obviously nervous as I am.

At the beginning, our team was winning the game. But since it was already 'rigged' from the very start, the judges made sure that all of us would have a chance to sing. Eventually the other team won, and the prizes they recieved are gift packages courtesy of our fellow bRodder Keren (Kesibi) from Adidas.

---

Aside from this major ice-breakers, there were also mini-games and a special mention award in the program such as the awarding of the best get-up for the night, which was given to P3 (Pipay) for wearing a rather ordinary ensemble, as well as an auction game in which those of us who were given paper money would auction for secret items.

After all the prizes were given, we then proceeded to our main event which was the traditional gift giving. At this point, the mood became serious and nostalgic as every person who participated in the exchange gift would have to give a short testimonial to the person who would recieve their presents.

---

-tobecontinued-

*Sapa Queen - In the long history of the Outsiders, there was this very charming boy who became the source of every juicy tsismis surrounding the private lives of most our fellow brOdders. The chismisan we used to do was notoriously known as 'labahan sa sapa' this boy, which was the chief source of all hot news became the central figure of the 'labahan'... thus he became known as the Sapa Queen.

Unfortunately, he retired from the scene at the start of the year and until now, nobody among his former ka-labada can match his skills and his abilities in squeezing out the hottest news and intrigues surrounding the private lives of the Odders.

Afterglow: The Outsiders Christmas Party (Part I)

The amats I got from the party only proves how successful our Christmas Party was.

The weeks of planning, sending of invitation and the never-ending exchanges in the Outsiders Yahoo Groups bore fruits that no one among us really expected it would turnout.

Suffice to say, we were humbled by the party’s outcome. In all the long years we have been together, everyone remembered our most cherished memories and for that they came out to celebrate this timeless tradition with the rest of us.

This year’s party was the biggest and grandest celebration we ever had after Meng Meng left for the US.

--

My journey started way ahead than most of the guys in my group.

While the organizers were busy scouting for our party's venue, I was busy planning for my surprise to these guys who had made a very strong impact on my life this year. Like the years that came before, it has become my tradition to give presents/small tokens to these people I find very special and dear to me.

Their reaction to my gifts was really impressive. Not only did I surprise them last night, it turns out that most of my presents really flattered them in one way or another.

In my heart, I was thankful that despite all the stresses I received from looking for gifts to give them, my efforts were well appreciated.

Talk about saying ‘thank you’ louder than words could ever have said.

--

Phanks and I arrived late last night at Elbow Room.

Good thing, I have convinced my buddy to join the party since most of the guys were asking me all the time about him. Besides, its been years already since the last time we were seen attending such a major event. Although, I was ready to accept a rejection from him, Phanks' decision to be with me in this most sacred occassion really made this year's party more special to me.

When we got off from the taxi at Metrowalk, Papu was already there behind us. His immediate reaction was a comment about the big blue plastic bag I was carrying. I told him nothing about the gifts, which was quite obvious. Instead I just said that it was a 'surprise' for everyone.

Most of the guests were already there when we arrived.

Arj, who was the main organizer of the party was asking everyone to settle down as the party was about to start. Nate who was the one in-charge of the invitations, was at a corner with Stolich and his buddy listing and accounting all the contributions that came from the attendees.

While the rest of the guys, who mostly had ‘dates’ along were seated at the other side of the room.

The first thing I did after putting my things on the table was to go around hugging and acknowledging each and every one of them.

Phanks immediately settled in one of the available chairs near the Karaoke Booth. At first, he was extremely shy despite the attention he got from those who know him. After paying for my dues, (which cost P600 bucks) I started looking for attendees who were just about to arrive.

While looking for more familiar faces, I saw Kuya Zeki (Jagard) seated at one of the chairs near the door. He seems to be in a good mood already, after an initial misunderstanding almost ended up in a sour mood between him and one of the organizers. Henry (Econ Major), who was a no-show for all the contingents we had this year was also seated quietly near Zeki.

It appears that his change of life this year, made him more mature and serious than when I saw him a year ago. No more was the happy, and simple Henry I met last year, instead what I saw there was someone who was pragmatic and contemplating person I've never seen a year ago

--

When Garppy and Koppy, as well as Dennis Goonie and his Buddy arrived 30 minutes after we came, Arj finally announced that the short program was about to start.

Nate, who was visibly in high spirits from his table discreetly told me that we have collected dues more than what was initially projected during that evening.

We can extend our stay as long as we wanted.

I then jokingly told him that next year, when we hold a Christmas Party again; we could actually afford to place a reservation in a more expensive place. After all, what they had collected last night was the basic fee alone. If the more affluent among us had shelled more, we could literally order as much booze and food as we could take.

Talk about the power of the Pink Peso.

---

-tobecontinued-

Salamat

My mom was watching TV in my room while I was writing my last entry on my blog. At the strike of 12, Papu was the first one to greet me through SMS, followed by my college buddy Angelo and my soul mate, Biela.

Suddenly, the door opened. It was my sister and she was carrying a Tiramisu Cake she brought from Red Ribbon that evening. When my mom saw the cake and the candle, she started singing Happy Birthday. My sister joined her as well.

Midnight came and I celebrated my coming of age with my mother and sister.

It is a tradition we've been doing for the past three years already.

---

Morning came and I went to work late. Mami Athena, and the rest of my teamates greeted me as well. After I thanked them, I went to my workstation and started my work.

Mom called me in the afternoon. There was a state of panic at home after some policemen stormed our former publishing office and took everything that once belonged to our company. As it turned out, one of the creditors my father failed to pay several years ago took all the assets as a partial payment for the money my father owes him.

However, the problem was they never gave us notice of their impending strike.

Since we were simply powerless to resist such force, we just comforted ourselves by talking to our lawyer. One chilling note however is that they may sieze our shares in my father's other business. One nightmarish scenario we were very afraid to accept is that they may strike our very home as well and take everything it has. If that happens, we might loose everything this year.

My only real assurance right now is that I am relatively prepared for a six months dry spell if ever such worst scenario happens.

Too bad... my day would actually fall at the same date as my baptism of fire.

---

Afternoon came and I invited my aunt for a coffee which is my treat.

My aunt is considered the Alpha Female in the family, due to her strength, leadership and status in life. And in more than one occassion, our personalities closely resembles one another.

Like her, my main priority in life is security. Nothing scares me more than to wake up one day realizing that I am totally unprepared for any life-threatening emergency that may come my way.

In fact, I am willing to be stingy for the sake of ensuring myself of such security I was in need of. And that is the second thing I share in common with my aunt. Like her, I am the most kuripot among my cousins.

Ever since I had a fall-out with my dad years ago, she instantly became the person I looked up to. Whenever I am in trouble or confused over some decisions that involves financial security, or if ever I am in a dilemma and I needed a second opinion aside from my own mother, she would always be the first person I seek for enlightenment.

Instead of treating her for coffee, she invited me for a grand one on one dinner that evening.

Of course I was too embarassed to accept her invitation, but she insisted that its okay. After all, it was my birthday.

So I left home to meet her at PGH. We then proceeded to Malate to find a restaurant where we could have our dinner.

That evening, I had a sumptuous meal at Good Earth. I also got a good advise about what to do with regards to the looming problems we have on our business.

Before we parted, I told her that my reason for seeing her is to plot my direction with her guidance. Indirectly, I just openly told her how I looked up to her as my inspiration now, that I am already charting my own life.

She just smiled as she went inside her Revo. I hope she got my assurance that no matter what happens, I would look after her and her son, my cousin as we grow older.

---

When I got home, I had a Kodak-moment dinner with my family.

And for the first time, Phanks was seating with us on one table.

At some point, the scene was quite embarassing. The fact that phanks was there with my family and that he is the only person outside my family who was invited to my little dinner was something quite breathtaking, if not a good subject of speculation.

Probably, they actually know the things happening between us. It's just, we don't talk about it for the fear that might happen after the truth is revealed.

Phanks not only remembered my birthday. He also got to fulfill my birthday wish that is to sleep with him on the very day I was born... even though it meant that I would be doing his homework.

---

This is what I really wanted for my birthday. I wanted it as simple as it could be and as close to my loved ones as it gets. Despite the intitial jitters and fears of growing older, it turned out that my wish in mind was actually granted.

I had the most special birthday celebration in recent years... and I hope that it won't be the last.

Finally, I could move on, and restart my life as a twenty four.

Twelfth Hour

His year started still in shock after arriving from the hospital with the rest of his family. His mom had just got stitches from an accident that happened a couple of hours before he turned twenty three.

For the rest of December, his mood was extremely sour. He was bordering between pain and betrayal, his paranoia had created more monsters than he could ever handle. Eventually, he tried to normalize his life at the start of the New Year. He partially suceeded on it; at the same time, he was in the process of improving his relationship with his father.

A month has passed away at least somehow, he and his father's relationship improved a bit. Then one afternoon, while preparing to go to work after incurring tardiness that fateful day, his aunt called his mobile phone.

It was an emergency and it involves his father.

Less than two days, his father passed away and the rift between father and son never had a final closure. His father passed away from cerebral stroke.

Overnight, he became the boss once again. He had to leave the comfort and security of the company he is working with to take once again what his father left. Emotionally unprepared and still reeling from the trauma he got for staying in that same company several months before, in three bitter months, fatigue worn him down.

Penniless and depressed, he surrendered his battle halfway before his next birthday.

Luck came very soon, for opportunites came after him after he accepted the fact that he already lost. Soon, he found himself in another job, a relatively promising career he belongs to right now.

At the same time, a deal was forged between his family and the new masters of the business he once saw. It proved to be disastrous for in less than two months after the enterprise resumed once again, it fell on the ground, never to rise again.

By September the business he saw shortly after graduation until halfway before he became twenty four ceased to exist.

Another big blow to his seemingly tragic year.

October... November... and finally December came and things were relatively quiet in his space.

The vision of a family he was trying to build still remains, while his relationship with his lover proved to be stronger despite the temptations that almost took them apart.

And for all that roller coaster journey in twelve months, he got one victory from the entire experience.

Not only did he able to preserve his and his family's way of life, he was able to ensure almost a year of financial security, provided that things would relatively be easy as he turns another year.

His only wish is for his life is to gain more financial security while having a relatively blissful personal life... as he further prepares himself for unforseen events ahead.

For all the good and the bad times, the bitter and the sweet
despite the fears of having to turn another age once again.


Life is good and there is a reason to celebrate.


In the silence of phankspace.

Happy Birthday... Joms

Last Hurrah For 23

Barely 18 hours before 24, confusion reigns in my heart.

I have never been depressed or scared like this in more than several months. Suddenly, I was seeking any security blanket that I would find since I realize how near I am to becoming 24... I tried to tell myself that I would be okay, that what I am feeling now is just a phase.

But I am still scared, unready for what lies ahead of me.

To be honest with you, part of my fear is the memory of what happened last year. My mom said that I should forget about it since that traumatic experience leaves a bitter taste whenever I remember it. I hope such thing would never happen again, yet two days ago, my mother slipped in the bathroom and broke her ankle. Yesterday, her hips hit a steel part of her wheelchair. Last night, she began complaining that her hips hurt and she can't breathe normally.

Phanks on the other hand hardly talks to me after his family found out that her youngest sister (to whom I am semi-official) was pregnant. His world suddenly crumbled into pieces, he stopped going to work to focus his attention to his final requirements for school, and lastly I feel that I have taken a backseat in his life, while all these things happen around him.

Actually, my only wish on my birthday is for him to greet me first... or just even remember my birthday at least, but I'm not really sure if he would remember it at all.

Well, I have a response to that if ever that happens.

Last night, I had a major fight with my sister after she suddenly knocked on my door so hard while I was intensely watching Yuyu Hakusho. Out of shock, my defense reaction was I shouted at her. She shouted back, and before we knew it. Our mother was already throwing things in her room to protest our actions.

I was pissed off after it happened. Although, I did make peace with them after several minutes but my mood was already beginning to get sour.

And I felt more lonely than before.

---

Counting 17 hours before 24, I am still not sure how to mark my coming of a new age. In my mind, I am extremely uncomfortable knowing that more responsibilites and realities would come my way. In my heart I just want to shut myself from everyone. I want to be non-existent by tomorrow.

I don't know if this is a sign of the coming quarter life crisis, but as far as I know. I did only officially mark my age once in a span of seven years.

Oh well, I just hope everything would turn out okay.

After all, I am looking forward to a rebirth at 24.

Taming The Darkstar

If not for the thought of harvesting good karma, I would have unleashed Darkstar on and on whenever boredom and restlessness struck me. Once again, I got so very close this evening. I was just a street crossing away from the person who would become my newest captor. Good thing, I tend looked down on myself before someone else does. Whenever I think how ugly I am makes me loose all the confidence I would be needing in the face of certain temptation.

Talk about using psychology to control oneself.

Combine these two elements plus the fact that I relatively enjoy a stable relationship with phanks is enough to contain the very nature of Darkstar. After all, like what I've said to Mami several weeks ago.

I thrive in order. I grow with love.

Besides, sex is just sex

One solitary jack-off,

the libido is all gone.

When Fate Decides To Play

In the Beginning: I was delayed by around 2 hours before I got to leave home. The delay was because I had to ensure that I sent Phank's assignment to his email before lunchbreak - which took around several attempts after countless internet disconnections. Aside from that, the file was so big that it took forever before it was uploaded in my PC.

The delays meant that I may not finish all the objectives I set for yesterday. What's worse is that it seems like the universe was conspiring against me. I was short of failing my most important target if I didn't employ some strategic decisions before the great 3 malas happened.

---

Malas number 1: I was in a state of panic. The documents I was carrying must first be notarized before I could submit it. That morning I got a tip from my mom telling me that there is a Notary Public somewhere near our old neighborhood. I walked several blocks from home just to get there only to find out that their office moved out already.

I returned home since I knew a Notary Public a major road crossing away from home. When I got there. The person who was about to notarize my documents interrogated me about the technical aspects of the papers I was carrying. In the end, she declined to provide me her services since it needed my mom's presence because she said that it involves big money (which is untrue) and we are co-recipients to that inheritance. Such law-biding papers mean that if complications arise, she would be caught on it.

So I went to PUP to find my mom. Prior to that, she also gave me a tip that there is a notary public in her university. The walk alone from the main gate to the main building was already exhausting. What made my spirit sink even further was when I got there, the attending officer told me that the lawyer was unavailable.

I have to walk back again to the main gate and towards the main road which is almost like a kilometer in order for me to pursue my second objective.

---

My second objective was to get my bonus from my company. It was hassle-free activity, when I don't take into consideration the brewing issue between two of my colleagues. Definitely I have to take sides and I sided immediately with the one I honestly believe is right. However since one of those involved is a friend of my friend, which is also a friend of the other party involved, it means more complications to our controversy-riddled morning shift team.

Instead of heading to Megamall to encash my check, I decided to check out the Mandaluyong City Hall first in hopes of finding a Notary Public. At this point it was already raining and the documents I am carrying was inside a worn-out long brown envelope which was extremely vulnerable to water.

With luck, I found a nearby "mobile" Notary Public to which I showed my documents. Within seconds of browsing, the person who will be signing it charged me 100 pesos as a notarial fee. A relatively cheap fee compared to what I was assuming. Besides, the Notary Public didn't give me any hassles so in gratitude, I bought a long folder and a new brown envelope to replace the worn out one. I also put inside a separate yellow folder I stole from one of my mom's student requirment which had a plastic cover that contains the original legal papers needed to complete the necessary requirements for the claims.

Things were relatively easy after I have notarized the documents. I hailed a cab going to RCBC Plaza to encash my check since that branch is our company's main bank. To complete my second objective, I just have to cross Ayala to deposit my bonus in Banco De Oro across the street.

However, my next malas came while I was waiting for the stoplight in Ayala to turn red...

---

Malas Number 2: Water puddles has always been a pedestrian's worst enemy whenever it rains. As always, there is a rude and reckless driver who could easily destroy your day (and your get-up) with their arrogance.

As I was waiting for the stoplight to turn red in order to cross Ayala. An old stupid bus came too close to the spot where I was standing. Unfortunately, I didn't notice the huge water puddles in front of me.

Within split seconds, water had completely drenched me. The bus drove to the water puddle which created a massive splash. If not for the umbrella, which I used to dodge the dirty water that would be hitting the upper part of my body, I would have been a goner. A basang sisiw walking along Ayala...

However it didn't spared my pants, which was drenched by the water. The guy beside me had a more gruesome fate.

I left the bank on the other side shivering from the cold. Never did I felt so dirty in my whole life while walking along Ayala after that most tragic event.

---

Malas Number 3: The rains continued to fall as I walked along that street that leads to the Mile Long Centre. By this time, I was extremely exhausted and harrassed from all the bad luck and walking I have done so far.

In my lazyiness, instead of firmly holding the brown envelope with my hands, I simply clamped it in my armpits. I knew it would be risky since a false move of my arms would loosen my clamp of the envelope. But I never listened to my conscience, for I was thinking more of exhaustion.

Exactly while I was about to cross a puddle, my arms loosened its clamp. The envelope fell in the puddle and it instantly became wet and spongy. The people who saw it was in a complete shock while I immediately took it out of the puddle while cussing at nothingness. I was my death, I thought - a whole week of stressful effort going to and fro Makati just to complete the requirements would go in vain after all.

But with the right luck and forward thinking, I was saved from utter failure.

As it turns out, the folder with the plastic cover fell first before the folder I bought at the Notary Public in Mandaluyong which contains the main documents. The plastic cover not only protected its folder's contents but it also saved the folder on top of it that contains the documents that I was to submit.

While peeling the spongy wet brown folder, I felt very relieved of my decisions to replace the worn out brown envelope with a much more sturdier one. If it happened before I could do the replacements, then it would have been a complete disaster.

---

Eventually, I reached the office in one piece. I really ensured that no accidents would ever happen to me again while I was carrying the documents.

When I gave the document to the attendant, she initially asked me why I submitted only the photocopy of my father's death certificate when they actually required the original one. For a moment there, I thought they would deny my papers, especially when she asked me to wait as she verified the requirements with the higher authorities.

It seems like I might fail at the very end of my journey...

While waiting for her to return, I reflected on how fate and events played a major part on everything that happened that day. The three unlucky events humbled me, for I was reminded again of how things gone very badly could easily destroy every effort you made to achieve something.

Suddenly the thought of being bounded by some unspeakable powers higher than me woke up my consciousness.

It made me address that higher power to let me move on in peace...

After a few minutes, the lady returned. She was smiling at me, for I told her before she consulted the authorities how much hassle and bad luck I got just to submit those documents to them. She sat back on her chair then breathed for a moment before relaying me the news.

"All clear," she said. "The company accepted your papers."

"Finally, I am free." I said to myself. All those bumps I have encounted along the way suddenly became sweeter as I celebrated my victory that moment. As I left their office, I looked back at the nice lady, whom had assisted me for the most time I've been there. The PR, I've been doing ever since I conducted business with them worked very well.

One week more and my journey and business with them would finally be complete. And the 3 malas I had was replaced by good fortune for the rest of the day.

In The Beginning: The Outsiders Christmas Party

Arj have already confirmed the venue of our Christmas Party. Being the PR/Event Practitioner of the group, the responsibility of organizing this year's party and making it successful rests in his hands.

Nate, who recently became the nerve center of the entire Outsiders said that we would be expecting 30 attendees this year. It means we are just short of 10 people in order to complete our roster. To be honest, never such numbers appeared before. Bench was right, though we only hold major contingents every quarter, at least this Christmas Party is making waves and enchoes throughout the Yahoo Groups.

I remembered a time when everything is just starting to take shape three years ago. The Outsiders had just broken its ties with its main thread, the Alien Nation. It was a great risk for Garpppy for he is not surely aware of what the entire group would react to his declaration of independence.

After all, we have created the Outsiders to once and for all become united in diversity. Finally, we can be ourselves no matter how we act effeminate sometimes.

As far as I could remember, it was Meng Meng who started it all. He was the one who suggested it to everyone. At that time. Arj was just starting to pick up himself after moving out of his previous company. Bes Goonie was still a teacher in Benilde and Nathan was just starting to attend our contingents. Those were to good old days...

During that Christmas Party, we had an open forum. We talked about what we expect from the group and how would we like it to become part of our lives - no matter where we would be heading. It was there where the dreams of becoming a brotherhood had finally been realized.

And who would have thought that after 3 long years. We remain exclusive to one another.

From Roy's historic eyeball with Papu, where I tagged along still wearing my college uniform, and that one summer night I introduced Garpppy and Arj and later on, even Marvin to Papu to become the core of what would become the future Odders, indeed we have come a very long way.

The big leap from our first inuman session at Quattro where everyone who identified themselves as an Odder came; to our most memorable Montemar Beach Outing weeks before Meng Meng left for the US was breathtaking.

Sometimes, I really wish Meng-Meng was here. After all, we used to dream of this to happen... That despite the odds and speculations that we would eventually disintegrate, the seeds of friendship we planted a long time ago still grows and flourishes.

We remain strong and bonded as a group.

Maybe... the reason why I find our brotherhood very special and unique that I find it utterly irreplaceable once it is gone is because most of us found one another at a time when we were just beginning to explore ourselves.

our sexual preference.

And when you think of that reason alone... and realized how many PLU guys out there wishes to have the same degree of friendship we have makes you feel how special these people are in your life.

That traditions like this upcoming Christmas Party reminds you that such friendships are still there - despite the changes that continues to shape each and every one of us.

Return Of The Nightmare

śrī-bhagavān uvāca
kālo 'smi loka-kṣaya-kṛt pravṛddho
lokān samāhartum iha pravṛttaḥ
ṛte 'pi tvāḿ na bhaviṣyanti sarve
ye 'vasthitāḥ pratyanīkeṣu yodhāḥ

The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: Time I am, the great destroyer of the worlds, and I have come here to destroy all people. With the exception of you all the soldiers here on both sides will be slain.

- Bhagavad Gita

---

I am too scared to even express my own fear

Days of the Blood Moon

The air was relatively cold in a mountain pass somewhere between the borders of Maguindanao and Cotabato. A peaceful Tausug family has just completed their morning prayers when armed men suddenly appeared from nowhere and began ransacking their quiet home. It seems like they were hunting for something. A kind of monster they have unleashed in the first place.

After terrible shouting, screaming, gun-pointing and mind torturing interrogation, it ended up in another morning of frustrating house to house search, the men eventually left leaving everything in disarray. While the elders began picking up the pieces together, the children remained shocked and dazed as things returned to some sort of normality.

“These raids periodically happen so we should prepare” said the father. “After all, 'they' are hiding just around the corner.”

But the eldest kid rebutted, “When would they leave us in peace?” He asked. “Would that be after 'they' have left or after we have finally freed our homeland?”

---

Same thing happens in the heart of the capital.

It was a cloudy Tuesday morning. The Maguindanaos are busy selling their much prized DVDs imported from Malaysia and Indonesia in a strip known simply as Hidalgo. The sales were just starting to pick up after a boring Monday trading when all of a sudden; several trucks of SWAT appeared from every direction.

It was a raid and it was big one. The “watchmen” as they were called were overwhelmed by the massiveness of the operation. In fact, the moment they saw them coming, they immediately abandoned their posts to help their own families save what can be saved from the rampage.

Everything was taken away in a matter of seconds. Not even the hard-to-finds and collectibles were spared from such massive operation. Chaos ruled the streets while these small people were simply powerless to make a resistance. After all, what they were doing is illegal. Besides, it routinely happens anyway.

Too bad, the winds of WPD were blowing in their direction. Not even the tributes to the shit-gods they offer everyday ensured them of a better fate.

---

When I arrived there this afternoon to buy some blue porns from my favorite secret alley, everyone was in a gloomy mood.

It was like emptiness reincarnated in the streets: The stalls that lined the block from Jollibee to Hortaleza on the other side, and extending near the Golden Mosque where these people worship Allah were abandoned. I saw some ladies still in their traditional headress comforted themselves by sitting in groups and collectively staring at nothing perhaps trying to figure out how to pay off their debts or how to reclaim the losses they incurred from such raid.

While a few started to pick up the pieces, others decided to cease trading for the day. After all another raid may happen anytime. Lives would further be broken if they try to piece it up once again - like all of them living in a continious cycle of nightmare.

Inside my head, I cannot understand what is bad about buying pirated stuffs when you can't actually afford to buy or even find the original one? Is the government truly stupid and hypocrite that while encouraging these people to abandon terrorism, they are the very ones destroying their fragile lives just the same?

Beyond the empty stalls and broken lives, the great Golden Mosque of Quiapo stands proudly amidst the chaos reminding everyone...

Don’t try their patience.

--

Even in whispers, one can hear bombs exploding.

1979

Once upon a time, there were much more open spaces in the east and south of Manila. Cellphones were not yet invented. Computers have not entered the commercial market yet and money is still usually withdrawn on bank counters instead of ATMs.

Who would have thought that in 30 years, things would change drastically? Skyscrapers would eventually dominate the skyline, flyovers and LRTs would be built on roads once considered as mere alternative to the main thoroughfares of the time and cars would become more compact, slender and will have power steering abilities, unlike their counterparts which looks like mean lousy machines.

Look at how Manila looks like during the dawn of time - that is before Edsa People Power has become synonymous with government overthrow. Since I wasn't even concieved during this time, and my parents still lived their single lives, I find this moment quite pristine from what my eyes are seeing today.

Maybe someday, I should use my digicam to do the same thing - take pictures of places that will change decades from now. Places, we used to look down today might actually become the centerpiece of the future.

There are times I still imagine hows it really like living those times. Is it very different from today? Which is better, ours or theirs?

Anyway, enjoy the photos guys. Thanks Kugel for the link to that site.

Edsa Guadalupe 2

Somewhere where Glorietta/Landmark/Greenbelt stands now.

Edsa - Ortigas (somewhere between Robinsons Galle/Megamall stands today)

Makati

Edsa Guadalupe I

Dimasalang

Cubao

---

And I don’t even care to shake these zipper blues

And we don’t know

Just where our bones will rest

To dust I guess

Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below

- Smashing Pumpkins, 1979

Jagrata

To be born homosexual is a gift... for a homosexual continues to prove his worth to his detractors while living a life relatively hidden behind the shadows. His faith tells him that he is immoral while stereotyping made him look like a helpless, weak person who is usually a source of shame and comic relief to those who do not understand the life he is living.

But without homosexuals, enlightenment would take a slower pace. Being unique among His creations, homosexuals has a gift and talent for creativity, artistry and innovation that is usually unmatched by regular heterosexuals. His open mindedness and ability to embrace new things is a testament to his willingness to challenge established order.

His wars for acceptance and respect from everyone has continuously worked to his advantage: The more he is turned down, the more he fights back. The more he is denied his own existence, the more he proves his worth and right to exist.

Right now, his detractors may claim the victory. But how can a victory be completely achieved against something that has existed long before the minds of these people have thought of eradicating it? Have they ever realized that homosexuals have been there spreading enlightnement long before their religion started persecuting them? Is their religion perfect enough to have the right to pre-judge their existence?

And have they ever thought that homosexuals is part of evolution itself?

Slowly but surely, homosexuals are gaining the upper hand. They might not find universal acceptance in a generation or two, but the fact remains:

empowerment is at hand.

It doesn't matter whether a homosexual keeps his identity a secret or flaunt it like some people do. As long as he knows himself and never denying it; As long as he performs his human duties despite what others think about him;

And as long as he continues to harness his potentials and perfecting it, knowing that it would benefit not only himself and his loved ones but may also becomes a source empowerment to liberate and inspire those who are finding their way towards the fold.

Then he has done a great service for the pride.

He has already concieved his own self-awareness.

Jagrata - State of Waking Consciousness, Hinduism

Long Night... Long Day

Ako si Hindot, ang lalaking walang pahinga...

---

3:30 PM: Trippy arrives home from Divisoria. He immediately unpacks his stuff, labelled them for eventual gift wrapping. After things have been arranged according to his whims, he left once again to address his next objective.

4:30 PM: Trippy was waiting for a bus bound for Ayala. Against all odds, he was hoping that he could beat the deadline before Prudential Life's head office closing time.

5:00 PM: Buendia, near PNR Station, Trippy realizes that he couldn't make it due to the horrible traffic. Instead he got off from the bus he was riding, then he crossed the street to find a bus that will bring him back home.

Trippy was hoping that he could arrive on time for Yuyu Hakusho on Animax at 1800 GMT

6:10 PM: Trippy arrives home 5 minutes after Yuyu Hakusho's opening credits.

8:45 PM: Trippy leaves home to attend Andrea's annual birthday bash at Kitten's/Bat Cave Dapitan, UST.

9:05 PM: Trippy arrives at Kittens. Three of his former classmates were already there including the celebrant.

9:50 PM: Trippy assures Roy that even though he could not make it to the Ang Pagdadalaga Ni Maximo Oliveros contingent at Megamall, he would catch up with them after the movie.

10:15 PM: Hazel, the co-celebrant of Andrea arrives at Kittens.

10:30 PM: Papu announced that he could not make it at the drinking session after the movie contingent.

10:45 PM: Trippy has consumed two bottles of San Mig Light already... for free.

11:00 PM: Trippy had a long talk with Phanks, thus eventually diffusing the potential conflict between them.

11:15 PM: While drinking his third and last bottle of San Mig Light at Andrea's birthday party, he outed himself to two of his former classmates as well.

Quotable Quote from one of his former classmates who heard his revalation: "You're too straight acting to be gay."

11:25 PM: Trippy leaves for SM Megamall.

12:10 AM: Trippy arrives at St. Francis Square. He first went to his colleague's drinking spree at San Mig Bar to pay homage to Mami, before bringing her and Choirboy to Congo Grill to be introduced to Trippy's buddies.

The Odders were having a meeting to discuss their plans for the upcoming Christmas Party. Trippy arrives, introduced Mami and Choirboy to the group. Everyone's attention suddenly shifted to Choirboy, who instantly became an eyecandy to the "gerls"

It took another 30 minutes for everyone settled down to discuss once again their plans for the Christmas Party.

1:10 AM: Trippy, together with Roy went to San Mig Bar to have a chitchat with Mami and the rest of the group. Mami easily bonded with Roy. Roy, in a rare moment of straight actingness have successfully decieved everyone in the group.

The two boys left shortly after consuming their San Mig Light. By this time, Trippy was already under the influence of alcohol after taking 5 hits.

1:50 AM: The Odders have finally reached a consensus about the party. As they were about to pay the bill. Bes Goonie, who celebrated his birthday several weeks ago treated everyone that night.

At this point, Trippy had attended two different night outs in just one night. His biggest feat so far in several years.

2:10 AM: The Odders were walking along Julia Vargas Avenue when Trippy announced that he would drop by Government. Bench and Pao decided to join him.

2:25 AM: Trippy, Bench and Pao arrives at Government. They were greeted by a lone guy playing a violin ala Maksim at the ledge.

2:40 AM: The Party gains steam at Government. It was evident that Pao wasn't enjoying the scene. He complained at first that there are very few crowds that night. He then complained at the music the DJ played.

On the other hand, Trippy realizes for the first time that the reason why he got this sort of attachment at Government is because he was being reminded of his former nook Mint: The heavy bass, the Hard House songs being played, the green light darting everyone's sweaty bodies and the crowd itself which is rather composed of more straight acting men than effeminate crowds.

However, one thing Trippy observed that somehow made him think differently of the bar was that the crowd seems to disperse very early, compared to the Malate crowds that stays on the dance floor until morning. Pao also pointed out that the DJ last night plays a rather monotonous playlist. There seems to be no progress from one track to another.

4:10 AM: The three guys decides to leave Government and call it a night. Pao was dropped off at Shaw Boulevard, while Bench decided to stay and sleep over at Trippy's house.

4:30 AM: Bench and Trippy arrives home.

7:45 AM: Bench leaves Trippy's nook in order to catch up a Masterals Class in UP at 8

10:45 AM: Trippy was rudely awakened by a househelp. His mom was about to leave the house in order to meet a friend somewhere in Makati. Unfortunately, Trippy's mom doesn't know how to get to the place so she asked him for directions instead.

Unsure of his directions, Trippy decides to accompany her mom.

10:50 AM: Trippy leaves the house.

11:30 AM: Call it a miracle but Trippy easily found the place his mom was looking for thanks to his built-in GPS.

At the grounds were the meeting between Trippy's mom and her friend was held, there was a bazaar which sells stuffs from French Crepes to Antique Trinkets from the 1970's. Trippy was planning to buy some to give as gifts but unfortunately, there's wasn't an ATM around.

Trippy also discovers the headquarters of two Call Centers he heard before: Seattle Communications and Parlance. He wasn't impressed at their location at all.

1:05 PM: The meeting was concluded between Trippy's mother and her friend. In a show of gratitude, Trippy's mom volunteered their vehicle to be used for her friend's short "rounds"

2:05 PM: Trippy heads to Prudential Life Main Office somewhere near Rada St. Finally he was able to fill up the forms he would needed to close some business his father left with that company.

2:50 PM: Trippy leaves his last objective to watch the movie Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros at Robinson's Place alone.

3:30 PM: Trippy arrives at Robinson's Place Ermita only to find out that the movie he was planning to watch is not shown in that Mall.

Instead he decides to head off to his favorite Internet Cafe somewhere in Pedro Gil to write this entry in his blog. He intends to meet Phanks to settle some business before going home...

... that is, if there is no more objectives that will come up after they have finally met.

Opening Salvo (Cofibean Feeling Conyotix Remix)

Beat this mga Mareh!!

I went gaga kanina after writing my last entry. Kasi ba naman, its soo not me. Imagine, worrying about losing the spirit of Christmas. The hell, the Christmas Spirit i've been talking about is for kids right mga mareh? I mean, I should be acting like a 24 year old, even though I still have 13 days to claim that I am 23.

Eniweis, my Mama asked me to go to Makati today to address some business we have with this big insurance company. Si Daddy naman kasi was too good to leave us with massive inheritance after he died. So, don't be surprised if by next year, I'll be talking about buying a condo at the Fort ha! And besides, our old Tamaraw needs to be replaced na. I think I'll tell Mama to buy us a Maybach if we ever get invited by its distributor.

Volvo is so jologs na kasi eh.

---

I was about to leave home when my tibak sister started to nag to me in front of our yaya. She was complaining about why nobody woke her up when in fact everyone WAS waking her up. Stupid talaga mga mareh.

I was soo in the mood to leave the house na, and there she was, making dakdak at me. She even told me na wag na daw akong uuwi ng bahay. As if naman. Maasar lang ako, I'll use my credit card to sleep na lang in Sogo if I want eh.

So there I was waiting for a ride going west while puffing my favorite Malboro Green. Suddenly I remembered an advice from a customer service officer with whom I talked before about how haggard it is to be their office at that time of the day.

Immediately, I took out my planner, changed some schedules for this long day and then I hailed an FX going to Divisoria...

Kasi naman mga mareh, no matter how I deny it. I'm still attracted to bargains no. Even if it's infested with the maralitas and all the bad elements that comes with them.

Kaya hayun, I found myself walking that stupid strip of Recto going to Tutuban Center to withdraw some money from my ATM. Badtrip kasi eh, when would those Chinese Aliens in that place learn how to operate a credit card machine para naman hindi na ako make pila with all those loosers who are afraid to put all their money in their wallets no?

Chos! I'm one of those loosers nga pala. Lol

---

After I withdraw some not-so-big-cash naman from my bank, I was about to enter Tutuban Center when a better idea came into my mind.

I suddenly remembered how loka I got when I discovered this oh-so-kadiri mall somewhere inside the dirtiest part of Divisoria.

Kasi naman noh, before you get there you have to make pasok pa to this series of alleyways that leads to the mall. Imagine the horror making contact with those maralitas who shop there and those who ply their wares. Malay ko ba, some of them might even make tastas of my Jansport bag na.

Buti sana if they are so gwapo. I might even give them a cutesy remark for making pansin of me.

I entered this small street called Tabora. The whole area is known for its paper crafts and things like that. In fairness mga mareh, I saw some drag costumes there. I'm sure my closet transvestite friends (if there's any) would make tili if I tell them this good news.

Honga pala, my theme this year is the bigger the better. Wala lang, suddenly I realized that no matter how chipangga your gift is, the moment the reciever realizes that he got a massive gift, mareremember ka niya until next year.

Ganun naman talaga diba? Jusku, those who gave me bigger gifts last year will recieve a much larger gift this Christmas.

Hindi ko na nga lang sasabihin kung san ko nabili yun.

Kaya ikaw Mami, quiet ka lang jan ha.

---

Finally, I reached my destination.

Right in front of me was the massive, fire-hazard and overly kadiri place known as Divisoria Mall.

Grabe, pagpasok mo pa lang sa entrance, nakakahilo na ang amoy ng maralitang nagkalat all over the place. Good thing, the Chinese aliens who also infest the insides of the mall knows good hygiene or else, I'll make himatay na talaga right there pa lang sa entrance.

In fairness naman, the maralitas are very nice to me. Imagine, I got there in the first place with my Jansport bag never suffering from any laslas.

As if naman they would get something from there noh. Not even my stupid phone is worth the effort of a holdupper.

One thing I hate about Divisoria Mall is that their pasilyos are very very narrow. I bet, if some stupid tindero there make benta glasswares, ay nako wala pang 3 seconds lugi na siya kasi nabasag na ng mga dumadaan yung binebenta niya.

Besides, if that old decrypt building burns. There's no chance talaga for you to make it safe outside. Hay naku, not only will you be burned beyond recognition, even your ashed remains will fuse on the walls. That's how fire hazard the place is.

Pero like what I've said mga mareh, those things they sell there were waaaay beyond the limits of your ordinary tiangge. In fact, I guess all those things the tianggero sells came there in the first place nga eh.

Not even Greenhills can face that fact. The Moros there were once again beaten by the crafty Chinese.

Like they've always did since time immemorial.

Grabe I'm so racist na talaga.

Kaya hayun, I felt the world was at my feet. I imagine other seasoned conyo bargain hunters bowing before my discovery.

Yun nga lang...

After One Hour..

Haggard na akey.

Panu ba naman, I've been so gaga over the things that I find that I realized that my big blue supot is already at its maximum capacity. Grabe talaga, I looked like a Santa Claus while making singet to the maralitas who passes in front of me.

In the end, I was the one who quitted. Told myself that I don't deserve such haggardness in the first place. If I was this really conyo in the first place like Cofibean is, I should have at least booked a flight going to Hong Kong to find some cheap bargains there.

---

In the end though, I was so happy with my achievements.

Imagine, for 2 kyawsoses (thousand), I bought a Samurai for our Admin Manager at the security agency. I even bought a ceramic tea set for my auntie for 200 bucks. As in, andami ko talagang nabili that I even promised myself to return there next time with XP. Para naman makabili ulit ako ng mga thingies that I will give this Christmas and the most wonderful price possible.

My mama always scolds me for having a massive Christmas List every year. Three years ago, I gave around 40 gifts alone for our staffs from the Publishing and Security Agency. Wala pa dun yung sa mga classmates and relatives and also family members ko ha. This year, I am expecting to give around that same number of gifts to friends alone. Sa Odders pa lang, it would number around 30 na.

Anyways the reason for the seemingly uncomprehendable gift giving attitude is that for a change, I would be the one giving to those who have positively affected my life noh. For all the good and kind things they have done, it's time naman for me to remember them.

Forget about not recieving anything in return. In the first place, you give things without expecting anything back. Besides, I'm sure that God will be the one who will make up for it. So sa akin, keri lang, as long as I know that I made a person happy. Happy na rin akey.

Year by year, I complain about how chaka naman not to feel the Christmas Spirit I've been enjoying when I was still a spoiled brat.

You know what, after walking from Divisoria to Binondo after I got out of the Mall, then riding a crappy jeep from Binondo to Escolta, and then riding again a crappy jeep from Escolta to Sta. Cruz, and then taking a freaking stupid and god-forsaken shor jeepney trip from Sta. Cruz to Avenida only to realize that my only option at all is to take a final jeep ride going home, and not taking a cab from Binondo going home as I initially planned, I found out that the real spirit in Christmas is by giving... and giving... and more giving - to show that you appreciated the people who became part of your life throughout the year no matter how hard or blissful it is. Giving gifts is like thanking them for making your life more meaningful and special by being there in the first place.

I guess I still have the spirit within.

and it only took an afternoon chaka shopping galore at Divisoria Mall to reclaim it once again.

Heavy

I really hate it when I feel empty all of a sudden.

Imagine, the morning was great, the air is very cold and the fact that December has finally arrived should have a positive impact on me.

But come December 2, and I am here sulking at home... with no plans of doing anything today.

---

As promised by my mother, she would tell the househelp to erect the Christmast Tree by the end of November in hopes of encouraging the Christmas spirit at home.

Now that its already standing, we still can't feel that Christmas is around the corner. Maybe I should blame it for the lack of Christmas Lights, or maybe because of my age. But sometimes, I really do miss the days when I still see Christmas from a kid's eyes.

Whenever I get to remember those days when I would just sit beside the tree the whole evening and think of good things and nostalgic memories until I feel good makes me wonder why all of a sudden, it doesn't feel like that anymore.

The Christmas List is already prepared... and like in all other years ever since I got work, it numbers around a hundred. With that kind of list, I should have been hunting for bargains already. I should have shifted from being a stingy person to being a splurger.

Anyway, its just December 2. Let's see what will happen in the next few weeks.

---

The mess made by Happee Girl has produced massive conflicts and controversies in the office.

Her irresponsible actions had successfully broken some budding friendships... yet it created new ones as well.

It appears that Happee Girl and her pseudo boyfriend have different versions of the story. While the boyfriend denied everything he said to the girl. Happee Girl insisted that she was telling the truth. Thus creating confusion to those who got involved in the whole mess as well.

You see, it would have been better if they just kept their mess to themselves. But telling Mami that some of the operators don't like her at all because of her free-spirit personality is rather a very serious offense.

Especially if its untrue.

And that allegation alone drove me to the battle front. Never been I've been this crafty and devious in my entire career life.

Forget about Karma and everything. I just felt betrayed by making me believe in their fictional story.

---

And you know what's more painful?

It's that you may never know the truth about what they said. It's like you are suddenly plucked from you peaceful existence to protect someone you really care about.

Then at the middle of it, you don't know who you're really fighting with.

You see, the problem lies with the girl. If she didn't chickened out during the big confrontation between Mami and her pseudo boyfriend last monday, if she defended herself in front of those who were involved, then everyone wouldn't be dragged into this.

We would have returned to our normal lives and forgetting everything that has ever happened.

But the conflict became bigger and nastier when to our surprise, a third wheel appeared in the scene.

Let's call this guy Oz. We used to hang out with this guy, treating him as one of our own. During the issue between Happee Girl and her pseudo-bf, Oz claimed that he feels hatred for this girl for telling everyone that he is madly in-love with her.

Oz even told us some nice story about how this girl treated her when they are together.

To our surprise, after the pseudo bf confirmed that everything is already over between him and the girl (which the boy vehemently denied initially) Oz appeared on the scene, now defending the girl and claiming that she was just misunderstood.

Imagine our surprise when we heard that remark from him.

In the process, we felt betrayed even more. Some guys in the other shift even began calling Oz no balls for suddenly shifting sides.

We tried our best to downplay his betrayal by keeping quiet about it. But everytime he macks us on our MSNs, we are just being reminded over and over again that sometimes, mere infatuation can break friendships.

It appears that Oz took advantage of the whole scene, now that pseudo-bf is not there anymore.

Now, who would get mad at that?

---

I just sincerely hope that things around the office would simmer very soon... before the boss arrives from his business trip.

I hope nobody would ever get involved again in the continuing saga of the girl who cried wolf.

As for us... we would try to keep everything under wraps. After all, my thoughts are with Mami. As long as she feel hurt, then my pain and hatred remains.

I would keep a cold front towards them - especially the girl and the third wheel.

While I would watch my back from the pseudo-bf.

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Now that I have already vented this out.

I can finally focus my attention to the potentially serious tampuhan I have with phanks...