Surfacing

I go to sleep lately thinking about work. 

This is how preoccupied I am. I couldn't even let my mind cuddle in the arms of dreams. The habit shows my obsession. Given a responsibility, I tend to make it a calling. I wage a holy war when my heart embraces a task. It has always been my nature - to go beyond the extra mile to honor a word. Sometimes at the cost of my own well-being. 

The life-alteration campaign began a week before the rains peppered the sky with drops of water. The director got a word that we were being commissioned to do the necessary "additions" to a dating website and make it look more "active" in the eyes of its users. This website is quite notorious for making a name. "Life is short," its tagline says. "Go out and play."

While I don't agree with its principle, the project's essence lies in its potential to become our bread and butter. As the director explains, we have to "pad it" with "characters" before we start blurring the lines of "fiction" and "reality." Hopefully our work won't end there. In the long run, he wants us to moderate the dating site, and perhaps even take a chunk of its customer service arm. 

"It can be a thriving ecosystem." I mused.

"And I can't let it not happen."

You see, business is bad lately. I might even say that this is the lowest we've ever dipped in the history of the company. The Patroness is not around to see it, and so is the other manager who sought greener pastures when her account took a beating as well. Thus I am left to work and answer directly to the boss. A far cry from being a rank-and-file foot soldier just seven years ago.

I share the vision of my superior so I took the project like my own child. I was given two colleagues to work with and a timeline that is quite beyond our human capacity to follow given the tasks that lay ahead.

But we have already accepted the challenge. My strategic and charming skills will be put to the test.

And we began working on the project like our lives depended on it. Morale was high and I kept telling my men that we are the "future of the company." But along the way, we were being dragged by revisions that could have been avoided had the boss assigned a more experienced task manager in place of me. I on the other hand complicated matters by adding layers of job assignment, others may find redundant.

Along the way, the process too maybe slowing us down.

I would like to think our hard work will pay off: That we will overcome the difficulties by sheer hard work and dedication. I don't mind getting four to six hours' worth of sleep and spend twelve hours in the office, absorbed in front of the desktop. As long as the director stays supportive, and my colleagues still driven to finish their daily tasks, the self-doubts and questions I feel within won't hinder my resolve to see this project through.  

As for me, the grind goes on with tons of client revisions putting us further behind schedule. The blog, and my active presence on Twitter will have to take a backseat and so is my need for social interaction. Sometimes I even have no time for myself. Unused to this kind of fast-paced life (where idle time really means wasted money) the sudden changes leave me dazed and unconscious of my own surroundings.

On top of this gargantuan undertaking, the base account still needs my attention. Even though the agents themselves can work independently, being attached to the three shifts mean having to manage the movement of agents when their officers-in-charge are enjoying their weekly break. 

Having my hands full, I would like to think that ours is a necessary arrangement, given the delicate situation of the company. Lack of resources keep us from expanding - while the arrival of a much bigger client - that demands new set of skills and manpower has already taken the director's focus on my project.  

Meanwhile the core business is still shrinking, leaving our agents - who have been with the company for years - contemplating their fate.

I go to sleep lately thinking about work. For when I see what's at stake and the uncertainty that lies ahead. I would like to finish my project and move on  - to a place - where I have no need to think of other people's  lives and future again.