Out Of The Hermitage (Casual)

A text message:


Good morning papi!!

Gandang umaga. Kaka-send ko lang ng DM (Direct Message) sa iyo. Hehe.

Hehe!! I want to have sex with you pre...

Not today paps. I'm off to work. Next time.

Gusto u rin ba na makipag-sex sa akin? Or ako lang nakakaramdam nito?



---

Ignore, your consciousness tells. But how will you overturn instinct when you have suppressed your need for so long? "I'm just human," you say. 

I won't contest your claim. 

You are not beholden, as far as we know. No more considerations, for you have declared yourself open. You can tell everyone the joys of having your own space, and distance; of celebrating solitude and raising walls.

They would just nod in approval, to keep tabs with your trivial life. 

But at the end of the day, you can't deny that longing to feel the presence of another. 

To make you feel good. 

Needed.

But you say it's better when that person is a stranger. "It is easy to get out," is your excuse.

"No commitments."

Pero bakit ganun?

Plans have already been set. You don't even have issues checking in a motel like he proposed. In fact, you can even ignore his invitation, and could have gone across the street this evening. There was someone in your past tempting a repeat performance. Tinulugan mo lang for reasons we couldn't spell. (FYI. Of all the Wechat and Viber messages you got this evening, only one stirred you from your nap. An indication of connection maybe?)  We could even talk about that other tryst of yours. Yung twice mo pinuntahan sa apartment niya to have your pole sucked. After the second time, you disappeared. He didn't look for you so it's quits.

There is no chemistry to begin with.

Pero bakit nga ganun?

You have already donned your battle gear, and recognized the casual arrangements. You have set aside that aspiration to settle down and embraced the principles of "play as you go." You have all the options to choose who to sleep with. 

To pretend to have affections.

But when the sexual encounters become inevitable and the prospects of returning home losing something confronts you. 

Something within would like to back out. To remind you that you have not been consumed yet despite inching closer to that condition.

Parang na-guilty naman ako dun sa sinabi u na libog lang talaga... Coffee na lang muna tau para makapag-kwentuhan... Hehe!!

2h

Kasi naman 3 hours lang eh. Okay lang sa akin. Sana. Pero alam mo bro, hindi lang sex hangad ko sa iyo. Gusto talaga kita maging kaibigan.

"Is it still possible to walk away without incident?" You mused.

"Even saved, maybe?"

The coming days will tell.