Maybe it's the cold, damp weather.
Maybe it's my life spiraling down the drain. God knows that the only thing that's constant in my day to day existence is sleep and work. After gym, I arrive home past midnight. I spend my waking hours watching recycled cartoons on Nickolodeon until I fall asleep at around 5 am. I wake up at around 1 pm only to prepare for work. The cycle continues until it comes to a point where I feel like not doing anything at all. I feel utterly useless.
Maybe it's because of my nasty hypochondria attack. After reading some text about illnesses last week, I suddenly felt strange about my body. I feel sick. It feels like something is eating me from inside. I feel weak, unable to move in the afternoon and uninterested to go on with life. I thought of consulting the doctors, but I realized that I don't know what to tell them. What if these strange feelings are just imagined? What if my head is just playing tricks on me?
My sister will have a Colonoscopy test on Monday. It means that her large intestines will be probed for possible problems such as polyps growth. Like me, she is also suffering from a hypochondria attack. She complains that her bowel is laced with spots of blood, but what's strange is that she is not feeling anything in her tummy. The doctors said that she has a history of amoebiasis and maybe it is what's triggering her "imagined" blood stains. Like me, her assumptions were simply based from what she had read from the internet. However, her diagnostics were more plausible. She sought attention and now she is getting it from professionals. As for me, I still see everything as mere imagination. These delusions; these fears sometimes lead me to think that
Maybe i'm slowly dying.
But knowing that there are people who depend on me, it is my sworn obligation to fight for life. I have to get over my hypochondria. I have to cast out everything that I feel strange in my body. Even if I sometimes feel weak to my bones, I have to pretend that everything is fine. The mind can ease burdens, especially in matters concerning the body. That's what Gripen and I had agreed before. Now that I am harboring these anxious thoughts, my last line of defense is to detoxify myself and pump as much vitamins and nutrients inside my body.
I have to embrace alternative medicine for a change.
When the thought of illness peeks unexpectedly, one would realize the value of life and positive well-being. In my case, I found out how much I am unprepared to face a possibility of death that even the inclinations of reincarnation, which I fervently wished for my afterlife did not cross my head.
Perhaps the only time I would really embrace the thought of passing; the only moment I would be happy to accept my afterlife is when my duties to my family ends. I do not see any use for my body anyway, so I guess death is just a formality; that my life, whether it will end in a tragedy or glory had met its objective.
I am uninterested and indifferent in everything. That's what my mind tells me. If there's a choice between lying in bed all day and night and trying to continue my daily activities like a zombie, I would rather choose to be bedridden. It feels like my energy is being sucked all the time. However it doesn't mean the end of things. Even if I feel that I'm counting mere weeks or months when I'm suffering from my most dreaded fears, the desire to be alive still persists.
Life is strongest when one feels that it is threatened be taken away.
Maybe it's my life spiraling down the drain. God knows that the only thing that's constant in my day to day existence is sleep and work. After gym, I arrive home past midnight. I spend my waking hours watching recycled cartoons on Nickolodeon until I fall asleep at around 5 am. I wake up at around 1 pm only to prepare for work. The cycle continues until it comes to a point where I feel like not doing anything at all. I feel utterly useless.
Maybe it's because of my nasty hypochondria attack. After reading some text about illnesses last week, I suddenly felt strange about my body. I feel sick. It feels like something is eating me from inside. I feel weak, unable to move in the afternoon and uninterested to go on with life. I thought of consulting the doctors, but I realized that I don't know what to tell them. What if these strange feelings are just imagined? What if my head is just playing tricks on me?
My sister will have a Colonoscopy test on Monday. It means that her large intestines will be probed for possible problems such as polyps growth. Like me, she is also suffering from a hypochondria attack. She complains that her bowel is laced with spots of blood, but what's strange is that she is not feeling anything in her tummy. The doctors said that she has a history of amoebiasis and maybe it is what's triggering her "imagined" blood stains. Like me, her assumptions were simply based from what she had read from the internet. However, her diagnostics were more plausible. She sought attention and now she is getting it from professionals. As for me, I still see everything as mere imagination. These delusions; these fears sometimes lead me to think that
Maybe i'm slowly dying.
But knowing that there are people who depend on me, it is my sworn obligation to fight for life. I have to get over my hypochondria. I have to cast out everything that I feel strange in my body. Even if I sometimes feel weak to my bones, I have to pretend that everything is fine. The mind can ease burdens, especially in matters concerning the body. That's what Gripen and I had agreed before. Now that I am harboring these anxious thoughts, my last line of defense is to detoxify myself and pump as much vitamins and nutrients inside my body.
I have to embrace alternative medicine for a change.
When the thought of illness peeks unexpectedly, one would realize the value of life and positive well-being. In my case, I found out how much I am unprepared to face a possibility of death that even the inclinations of reincarnation, which I fervently wished for my afterlife did not cross my head.
Perhaps the only time I would really embrace the thought of passing; the only moment I would be happy to accept my afterlife is when my duties to my family ends. I do not see any use for my body anyway, so I guess death is just a formality; that my life, whether it will end in a tragedy or glory had met its objective.
I am uninterested and indifferent in everything. That's what my mind tells me. If there's a choice between lying in bed all day and night and trying to continue my daily activities like a zombie, I would rather choose to be bedridden. It feels like my energy is being sucked all the time. However it doesn't mean the end of things. Even if I feel that I'm counting mere weeks or months when I'm suffering from my most dreaded fears, the desire to be alive still persists.
Life is strongest when one feels that it is threatened be taken away.
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