Wednesday, December 7, 2011

On Gay Marriage Last Pt.

Previously on Souljacker

February 14, 2003

It was past 7 in the evening. Lovers were everywhere. Restaurants and hotels were fully booked for dates and other expressions of intimacy. While lonely singles banded together for group dates and bachelor parties. 

Meanwhile, there I was in Dapitan. The street was empty. There was a girl using the phone booth and she was crying while talking to someone on the other line. I can't remember why I'd be using the phone after her. All I know is that I just had a fight, and had this urging to let go once the boyfriend call it quits. 

I won't run after him.

"You know what, I'm willing to give up everything. I'm willing to shell out so you can make both ends meet. Because you are my partner. Pero tama ka, break na tayo." I cleared my throat before pressing the button to send the reply.

Barely four months after meeting the stranger, my first man to man relationship had ended. 

The split was welcomed with more jubilation than grief. My friends were behind me, (they never liked him in the first place) I've suffered for far too long that I was already plotting my exit. During the first two months, a day won't last without him picking up a fight. He would accuse me of cheating - even when I report to him at 6 in the morning and before I go to sleep at night. I even used our landline to assure him I was already home. On weekdays, I had to pick him up at work - not because he wanted to, but to let him know how dead serious I was with the commitment. 

Because I was living a dream, at 21, while he dwelt on jadedness at 28.

The guy after him was no different. We lasted five years but all I remember now is how I kept my growing world hidden while our point of convergence straddled along the lines of personal convenience. He showed up only to use my computer for school, or he needed extra money to jack up his finances. 

There were good times. But these were buried under heaps of emotional baggage and dissolved under the bitter awakening of how tiny our relationship had become. The aftertaste served as the fuse that lead to the end of our relationship. Had you read my deleted blog, you would understand the struggle, and for this reason, I never saw a future - much less - a permanent union.

God knows I had loved those men. He knows how I had surrendered every inch of me not only for their happiness, but for mine as well. He knows how I tried to make the relationship work despite its slow crumble. While on television, on online forums and in the streets, gay people assert their right to marry. The debate went on in the halls of congress like a poorly-rated musical shown season after season.

The motion gets junk before its first reading simply because the bigots say gay marriage is an affront to the Almighty.

Did my maker say that?

I stand by my faith that not a single word is found in the Scriptures, where Christ condemned people like me to eternal damnation. I have never known Him forbidding a man to love another man when it is sincere, heartfelt and drawn out from selfless inspiration.

And I believe too that a covenant meant for life doesn't need a priest as a witness. Love is between two people. The less fanfare it has, the deeper the attachment is. I've heard stories of gay couples marrying in a Metropolitan Church complete with media coverage only to divorce a few years later. Besides, a commitment is a work in progress. The attachment wears off from time to time, so it must be renewed by new shared experiences, and sometimes, even common struggles.

There are moments when I still ask myself if I was meant to go through two failed relationships and six wasted years so I may become wiser with the present one. Surely the scars remain with the first, and I have been less susceptible to revolts, after waging a protracted rebellion in the time of the second lover. I have also ceased relying on forever and instead, have learned to place my faith in love at present. I guess these are their legacies.

As for gay marriage, the aspiration will be realized sooner than we think. There is no need to rush, or worse, display those trappings of travesty when a gay man wears a bridal gown during Pride events. Everything falls into place, including collective perception.

As for me, I can afford to wait, and surely JC too, as we are both partners whose union is shaped by age. And if the time comes we decide to live together. A government recognition and protection will do.

After all, I speak of our creator everytime his thoughts cross mine.

For we already share a journey.


blagadag said...

hmmmm. pakasal na kayo?

Leomer Apolonio said...

I'm really pessimistic as to how our government and the society in our country will accept gay marriages. It's gonna change a lot of statutes & I don't think bureaucracy can handle changes in public documents.

I'm in for gay marriages and I'm not gonna wait for the Philippines.

I love this line, "And I believe too that a covenant meant for life doesn't need a priest as a witness. Love is between two people..." I'm gonna be holding on to this, for sure.

red the mod said...

This begs the question; do two people in a loving, committed relationship need the affirmation and social recognition of marriage to confirm what they already know by themselves? Is marriage, in its traditionalist, religion-centric conception the superlative, absolute evidence of a cognizant acceptance of a union?

In the end, one cannot forcibly assess and define a unique relationship in terms of an obsolescent, albeit canonical, method of social (and more often, religious) contract. So why destine it into contestable waters?

I guess, deep down, people are still traditionalistic, if only that they wish to pigeonhole a beautiful relationship into something as archaic as marriage.

We cannot expect equality if we are so willing to subserviently undermine our diversity into the box of convention.

How about domestic partnership?

Besides, this country has far more pending problems, immediate and detrimental; oligarchy and poverty for example.

Kiks said...

You said your piece well enough. Well enough for me to end my haggard day with a smile and a growing thought that some people can still discern the more valuable from the less.

Gay marriage is the least of my worries in a country where poor people are still seen as the cause of massively awful poverty.

rudeboy said...

I'll third what red and Kiks had to say about the absurdity - and irony - of gay men fighting so hard for what is essentially a heteronormative concept.

And I agree with you regarding a covenant meant for life not needing a priest - or any other figure of organized religion - as a witness. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the beauty of a gay relationship is that our union does not hinge on the pressures of a social and legal contract. It hinges on our mutual commitment and decision to stay together, knowing that any of us can walk away without fear of legal, social, and moral repercussions.

Despite my own hard knocks, I'd pick a relationship held together by a mutual love any day over one that's merely held together by traditional social expectations.

Nate said...

@mugen: this is a good piece, kuya joms.. points have been presented well..

kayo na nila red, leo, kiks, at rudeboy ang mga opinionated!!


bien said...

Yeah it's actually hard to fight for a cause when there are more pressing matters than the legalization of gay marrIage like wala pa rin akong jowa for example. Divorce between husband and wife is quite messy, can u imagine how it would look like between 2 gay men. But it has its merits like insurance claims etc etc

Kiks said...

well, Bien, to retort, divorce is yet to be legalized in the philippines.

annulment is so expensive. kaya maraming karir ang mga hiwalay kahit legally married. hmph, as if napakarelihiyoso ng mga nasa Pilipinas... (nagalit?)

Caloy said...

It's really quite simple.If two people, regardless of gender, find that kind of connection it is nothing short of criminal and immoral to object to it. Love, and let the world love with you. It's about time, indeed.

Anonymous said...

I thought I would pass this post without leaving a short note, but I just cant.

I just finished reading a love story over someone else's blog which lead me to this blog and the story again punched me hard, no, harder this time because the story related all my hopes and dreams of one day I will find "him" and until that day come, I will always go home to an empty room at night, blankly staring at the ceiling.

To your post, I would like to have high hopes that one day, the government and all of the sectors of the society will finally embrace us and realize that we too are humans, we too deserves to love and be loved and in turn show our love to everyone...but you see public acceptance is least of what concerns me are lucky to have someone beside you while am god-damn pathetic hoping.

At the end of it all, I am hoping that one day, true love will meet me and then one day, society and all its forces will converge to hug each and everyone of us.