Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Dog Days

To be rewarded with weekend rest days should be a cause for celebration. The last time I had my Sundays for leisure was ages ago, and to secure that one day, I had to make sacrifices and spend years having separated days off at work.

But the expected switch was met with ambivalence, if not downright dismay. It is because it was announced by the director during the end of my work week, and that I have to spend seven days toiling for the company before I could enjoy my break.

The issue however is not really the rest days. It is the tidal shift that threatens to overwhelm me with work thoughts outside of the office. It would have been a crescendo in my dull and sometimes poignant life. The company had found a new client, with ways of doing business that is different from what we perform.

If our agents were trained to think green - with lust. Now, they have to think green - with the planet in mind.

My heart was ready to give in, and given my accomplishments, I was tasked once again to lead the project.

A voice inside me says that this is what I wanted: To lead and nurture a team in behalf of the company. I had my baptism of fire before the monsoon rains came, and even though it was a short unforgotten stint, I delivered - despite having limited resources, experience and time.

This new back-office work is as promising as the last one. It spreads out so fast, that the client wants us to fill 10 seats by the end of the month. It would make the company grow double in size. The project would require hiring new people, training them in ways that I was forced to learn in two days. It would put me at the head of the operations - running the show in partnership with the director. The scope of the project leaves me gasping for air, than when I look at it from a distance, I could see an entire floor becoming my workplace.

But the sudden abruptness caught us off guard. Instead of doing Beta-Testing and documenting how the web interface works, the client demands measured output. Instead of preparing training materials, we are scrambling to have those empty seats taken without poring over the applicants' previous work. The lack of readiness on top of a circus of processes, website bugs and once again - limited resources had almost diminished my resolve. If not for the thought that no one could overturn heaven and hell, like I do whenever I want to make things work, I would have declined the challenge and stay within my comfort zone instead.

The tasks at hand pile up as personal doubts manage to crawl in, even as I revise this blog entry. Given my lukewarm reception to the project, my capacity to make plans and make them work has still not diminished. These pent-up feelings however will linger on for sometime. Even when summer in my profession is fast approaching.

For after all is said and done, and our first real deliverables get the commendation of the client, I know within that winter has yet to thaw my disposition. Sullen and disheartened with other things that remain unsaid, I still have to push myself - to the wall if necessary - despite the arctic spell.