Thursday, October 25, 2012

Shades of Lust

I was waiting for a new-found friend to go online - there - when a kid sent me a private message.

"Where in Santa Mesa?"

A polite question required a polite answer.

"Near Altura. Ikaw?"

He gave his location and because of the affable tone of our exchange, the conversation went on. We traded face pictures, asked what we're doing on Romeo's World (said I was listening to my mp3s at the moment) and when he dropped the "H" word, a grin on my face tells we're approaching a steep slope.

Because I find his pictures attractive.

"Up for some rough action?'

"Define rough action?" I asked, sheepishly.

"Kantot halimaw? Haha sorry to use such term."

His suggestion presented a huge dilemma. I may not be under a lustful spell yet, but the images wrapped inside those two delicious words were not easy to block. In my head flashed various scenes of perversion and I have no means to mount a defense. He stays near my place, and he lives alone. I could say yes to his invitation, and get the deed done without hesitation. After all, I may have tons of sugarcoated reasons for my return to PR. But it all boils down to that one truth I no longer deny.


But to do so would mean giving up on so many things - a chance to make friends, no matter how impossible it is to find one - there; a chance at letting a new person come into my life - for even when the odds against him are so high, a mindless fuck on a rainy evening will impale my desire to embrace commitment. And finally, a resounding yes means returning home limping, for I have once again sunk back to the pit. I have already roused my other self, whose claim to fame in the past aside from teasing everyone is surviving the places I find myself in.

Like Planet Romeo.

Feeling the rush of blood on my disko stik, I let him do the talking. While I self indulged my way to finding a one-sided settlement.

"Masarap yun. You kiss pare?"

"Not much, do you?"

"Turns me on actually. Malaki ba yan?"

"5'6 - 6" lang, proportion with length."

"It's been a while since I did this."

"Honga, so anong plano mo, are you open to 3way?"

"3sum? So what will be our arrangement?"

The last time I found myself there, I was offered the same kinky proposal: a three-way match I've been chasing: a role I have been lusting for a long, long time. Wimp as I am, retreating just when the other party decides to seal the deal has always been my answer.

I'm holding back, still. And I don't know the reasons why.

"Yung barkada ko top rin, he's looking for someone we could fuck. I'm good with sucking."

"He's with you?" A soft whimper could be heard across my room.

"Yup, kasama ko siya right now. game ka? medyo XL siya."

By then, my right hand had found a crafty resolution. There's no need to set free my raging demons to meet the horny bastards.

Using a dirty rug, I wiped the evidence between the gaps of my fingers. Their up-sells no longer matter. Challenged but undefeated. Sensual, yet still in control. Relieved that my carnal meltdown didn't happen, I logged out of Planet Romeo, assured that the dance of the scorpions will end without me picking up a fight.