Memory these days leans toward telling an incomplete story. The success of the purging affords erasure of milestones, that if not for the old journal, the narrative is gone forever.
Seven years and the world has changed. Nobody would ever get to stay at home for that span of time, and domestic conditions at present would not afford it. Unless the Other earns the full trust of the matriarch, or I out myself and introduce the boyfriend to loved ones.
Until I take a leap of faith, all I have is a tale; a history, that once, a boy was able to stay at home and became part of the family in a simulated live-in arrangement that has now kept its distance from my aspirations.
Days have gone by but still, he remains in my mind whenever I lie in bed.
For six days, my world became his. He had become an occupant of my sanctuary, the place I hide myself whenever I get into trouble or whenever something scares me to death.
And whenever I realize every morning that he is already gone, I cannot help but feel empty. It's like a half of you has been taken away after waking up from a good and memorable dream about someone very close to your heart.
It was a mere 6-day dry run but I have discovered a lot about him and myself. There are things that I thought we were not compatible, but it seems like after almost three years, I kept on discovering hidden things about him that complements me.
It began last Valentines Day. I thought he forgot that special occasion since he was more preoccupied with his self-created illness than me. At its worst, I almost exchanged him for a moment's intimacy with someone else. I even betted that there's an 85% chance I'd do an SEB that evening. But I held on, hoping he would eventually realize what he missed. I held to the remaining 15% chance I'd keep myself for him, knowing he might surprise me with another of his dramatic text when evening comes.
And he did shortly before dinner.
He complained that his siblings doesn't realize that he was sick. That he was recuperating from a trangkaso he had a week before. They kept on asking him to do some favors, which they can do themselves. When I called him, Phanks was crying. He told me that he wanted to leave his apartment and stay with me until his anger had subsided.
And even though I am not sure what my mother and sister would say when they find out the partner would be staying with us, I nevertheless told him to pack up for I would be meeting him that evening.
In the end, my Valentines Day wasn't that disappointing as I previously anticipated.
I can see the worry on my mom's face when she saw him, especially when she found out that the partner brought a lot of things.
But being a good host, she just ignored her thoughts. Besides, my sister would be gone for two weeks so its easy to make an excuse that the partner would be staying in to keep us company.
However, for some reasons, my buddy told my mom that he just had a trangkaso, which worried my mom even more. That evening mother asked me not to let him sleep in my bed.
Which of course, I ignored.
For two days, Phanks never left my room except to eat or go to the bathroom. But he assured me that after he regained more of his strength he would go back to school.
The maids were quite nice to him as well. They never complained whenever he wore my shirt or tops, or whether he wore my shorts or used my towel. While at work, I called home to check whether my guest had eaten his breakfast or he skipped it out of shyness.
He became part of the house and everyone became used to him.
While at work, he enjoyed the perks I was enjoying at home.
My TV was at his disposal, even my porn CDs which I kept away from him whenever he visits. In his stay, I discovered that we have the same passion for watching Discovery Channel and National Geographic. He loves nature and animals. Because of him, I voted for Keanna Reeves to stay in Big Brother's House.
And since we stayed in the same room, we can make love anytime we wanted. However since our schedules conflicted all the time, its either we slept or one of us is out of the house. Either way, we were one and everyone supported us - indirectly. Even my mom started to be concerned about him during his stay at home.
He left while I was still at work.
But before he stepped out of the house, he personally paid a courtesy call to my mom, thanking her for all the kindness and warmness she showed to him. My mom in return told me what happened, and in her eyes I saw an approval from her.
I know, she might have an idea about us. The mere fact a bi friend of mine is a classmate of my sister somehow gives them a thought about the people I am hanging around with. Besides, except for some of the girls that have been linked to me way back in college, I have never introduced a girl friend in the family.
It would take some time before the partner would return home. I, for one realized that I cannot compromise my independence for a very long time. At the same time, I know that I cannot control him that much anymore.
In his stay, I've felt how he sleeps more soundly and securely beside me. The whole time he was there, I never heard him complain about his hypochondriac tendencies. He was well taken care of, perhaps if he stayed a bit longer, we might even add some fats to his skinny body.
Six days is such a short time to know a lover better.
But in those six days, between heaven and hell of being with him and sometimes hating him at the same time...
I found my own relationship's perfection.
It was one of those moments nobody would ever rival in this lifetime.
February 20, 2006