Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The Doppleganger

Coming from a movie hang out with an old friend, I decided to log in on Twitter to check my timeline. One of the conversations, which included my name, caught my attention. First reaction was disbelief, and then, as I begin to grapple other people's reaction, a sleigh of embarrassment restrained me from sending a reply.

The comparison of course, didn't convince me. Keahu Kahuanui is hot. My flabs have no match for his killer abs and pectorals. I could even while the days away gazing at his dreamy eyes and sexy dimples, or even distort reality by channeling his vibe on Teen Wolf and make it my own. In a sense, I was flattered, but lack of self esteem leaves me brushing off claims of similar features.

But then.

Crushed by my lack of direction; the struggles of taking selfies and not be horrified with the photos; the losing battle to slow down the advance of aging; the romantic void I shoved myself into; and the reluctance to get intimate - even with strangers - have already collected their toll. In secret, doubts have already misplaced my priorities, I no longer know what I truly want from life.

So this trivial association with a TV series character was a welcome and needed respite.

For even when downplaying the claims would become my public statement, it still feels good to be identified with someone you would actually like. Positive reinforcement might be a human need, but for someone who hardly speaks of his outer flaws, it shows, that beneath the stoic appearance lies the thirst for validation.

At the very least, no longer would I have to restore my self-worth in ways, that would lead me into lots of troubles.