Monday, November 10, 2014

Back To Zero

Dear Mugen from 2009,

My apologies for getting in touch, now, just when you have probably thought I have figured things out. I may no longer share your need for affirmation. But you and I cannot escape our fate. Years into the future, I would still lose my battles. I would be crushed from within; hurt in ways you may have easily deflected. The difference now is that I refused to see the writings on the wall. Unlike with you and Phanks, you engineered the dissolution. 

You mounted a rebellion.

I am writing to you to find solace. No. I am seeking resolution. You were a tough kid, with a mind set for tomorrow. Five years after publishing this entry and you will get acquainted with a Mugen who is set to settle down. Time is running out. I no longer have the strength to play around and explore like you did in many, horrible ways the future me would find it difficult to confess. 

I remember, you had a goal before: To be able to pull out the shard lodged within your heart in a matter of days. Did you achieve your target? Did you ever run away and never look back? Tell me how because I need insights.

My mind tells me to flee, yet my feet remain stuck, until perhaps, I find out the depth of his lies.

Allow me to end this log as spontaneous as it came when I screen shot that entry you had many summers ago. Of course, I knew what happened next, how it took you another year before you let someone breach those walls. 

And to be honest, this is what I am terrified of.

Knowing how we've cradled that solitude long enough to find joys in being alone.

There are reasons to believe that I may never seek this road called love again.

I will tell you what happened in time. For now, let me mourn our loss.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hugs Kuya