Daydream Recalibration

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

– Lao Tzu

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The afternoon rains must have been a curse. I was all dressed up and excited for the first day of classes and when I arrived there, all that is waiting for me is a handful of students inside a small classroom and a teacher's table that is empty. Indeed, it must be the local academic culture that is at work here. I should have known better that during the first day of school, professors rarely comes to see the students.

After all these years of slave work, I have now casted my eyes in some academic pursuits - which I never dreamed of doing in my life. Ask me what my plans are last year and I would tell you that enrolling in a graduate school is the least of my priorities.

Until this afternoon, I still cannot believe that I have actually made it; That my name is already on their official lists of students, and that despite all the doubts on me throughout the years, I ended up getting the same spot everyone in the family tries to get. As Papu puts it, probably being in the creative writing is my calling.

So what now?

Honestly, I haven't figured out what to do now that the school season has begun. I'm not going to have this impression that Creative Writing is all about writing all throughout. Probably there would be something more... hopefully I would learn more.

And in the years beyond, I would aim to have that sweet spot in an advertising or PR company who would take me. I would perhaps write feature stories for a Sunday paper or some start-up magazine, which would eventually become big someday. I might become an instructor or a professor back in UST now that I have secured an opportunity to be part of the graduate school program.

The dreams and possibilities are endless, so as the failures and disillusionments. If all goes well according to plan, I might actually achieve my three aims this year: To loose a considerable amount of weight, to have some side projects that would benefit me someday, and to find a new career that would provide me with bigger and promising opportunities.

Because you know why, for some reasons I feel that 24 would be my last chance to make things happen according to my plans. I have sacrificed so many years abandoning my previous dreams and if I can't hold on to my promise this year, I'm afraid that all my promises after would end up in vain. I might actually spend a life wasted if I don't change my act now.

That's why I haven't surrendered my gym yet. And it is also the reason why I'm trying to improve my work in the office... and if I would find a strong drive to do good this first semester, probably those promises as well would be a good motivation.

In the end, all I am asking is a life full of sense of everything.

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Yet, on the other hand, I know... I am afraid I could not have it all. Somewhere, I would have to choose what's the most important for me.

And if God would ask me what do I really aspire in my life at the moment,

I would simply answer,

To make my mom feel complete.

And let her live a life she truly deserves.

After all, it is what's my life is all about. She may often tell us that her reason for living and achieving everything is because of us.

She might not notice... but she is my reason for living a sane life as well.

Whatever comes after is beyond daydream,

at most I might consider it an aimless, nightmarish chaos.