Saturday, February 3, 2007

Dream Journals Eight

Dear Dad,

The last time you appeared to me, we were both sleeping in one bed. Then you woke up, got up and without even speaking you straightened the sheets before you left. When I told this to everyone, they said that finally, our hostile relations are already thawing up for you never straightened bedsheets in your entire life.

Almost two years had passed and then suddenly we met again. This time, I was browsing some Chinese novels in a bookstore. As I gently unwrapped one book in order to see its contents, I noticed you walking in one of the aisles. You were wearing a big grey collared shirt, your pants I could not remember. You're just standing there looking at me.

Without saying any word, I approached you and hugged you very tight. It was a long, longing hug that I've been missing to give since you've gone. And we had a talk, which I could not remember anymore. Perhaps, there were things you wanted to clear up, and I am certain we had an understanding. You may have some messages to everyone, but unfortunately, I am too overwhelmed by my regrets - of the years I showed you arrogance that I forgot to remember them upon my awakening.

However, those things don't matter anymore for I believe that I have conveyed to you my innermost feelings before you departed in my dreams. When I woke up this morning, I could still remember your very warm smile when we saw each other and how you told me never to tell anyone that we met before you left.

I could shut my mouth about the whole affair, if not for the emptiness I am feeling right now.

But you know what, the moment I finally saw that familiar face of yours after two years of absence, the moment I almost run towards you just to give you a hug I've been longing to give, and the moment I remember that warmest smile of yours even beyond my dream.

I know, all the bitter things between us are finally over.

Because I woke up crying... for the first time since you passed away.





We remember your Second Death Anniversary Dad.

I love you very much.


---

Gone
(s)He's gone
How do you feel about it?
That's what I thought
You're real done up about it

- Rachiel Yamagata, Worn Me Down

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