Four minus ER
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Before there was bitterness, my relationship with father was cordial at best. We had our ups and downs but you know what, until the very end before I finally decided to abandon him, I was his only backer at home. Before this confrontation, I tried my best to have an open mind to the painful reality he showed to me after he revealed that he had another child with another woman aside from his official "mistress." I closed my eyes to the fact that he have done a lot of hurtful things behind my mother's back simply because of a compromise I had with him:
"So long as you support us financially, I will never stab your back... kapit sa patalim ika nga."
And kapit sa patalim I did. You know what, I even established warm relationships with his mistresses in order to avoid complicating things. And mother never knew that, except when everything was revealed by my father's sister weeks after his death. The revelations - particularly the part when his sister told mom that I let dad get away with everything simply because he was supporting us, almost tore our mother-son relationship apart, if not for the massive problems he left after he passed away, I might have been disowned by my mm.
His behind the scene activities is also one of the strongest reasons why I turned homo - just to get back at what he had done. The plan was a success. In just eight months after I decided to let lose my repressions and tendencies, the transformation was already complete. Tanda ko pa nun, I was grining when he asked me kelan ko balak magasawa. In my mind I was saying back. "not in this lifetime."
But these things are behind now. Especially after he made his presence felt yesterday in my slumber.
In line with the recent events, I will turn my back to everything that is PLU in order to try to piece back the missing pieces that used to be the cornerstone of our good father-son relationship. Hopefully, such little rememberings would ease the emptiness, I am beginning to feel right now.
Hopefully, after recounting all the memories - good and bad, bitter and sweet prior to his death, I may finally find a closure to once was our bitter and heartless conflict.
In my dreams, the look on his face tells me that he is at peace now. Perhaps its time I finally have my own.
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* My Dear Diary, I'd Like You To Know That... is the title of my father's diary. Only the title page was turned over to me by my mother, but looking at how revealing my entries are, I am sure his journal revealed things about himself as well. If online blogs were invented during his time, probably he created one just like mine.
And since he was a better writer than me, I am very sure that his entries are far more juicier than what I have produced so far.
---
Before there was bitterness, my relationship with father was cordial at best. We had our ups and downs but you know what, until the very end before I finally decided to abandon him, I was his only backer at home. Before this confrontation, I tried my best to have an open mind to the painful reality he showed to me after he revealed that he had another child with another woman aside from his official "mistress." I closed my eyes to the fact that he have done a lot of hurtful things behind my mother's back simply because of a compromise I had with him:
"So long as you support us financially, I will never stab your back... kapit sa patalim ika nga."
And kapit sa patalim I did. You know what, I even established warm relationships with his mistresses in order to avoid complicating things. And mother never knew that, except when everything was revealed by my father's sister weeks after his death. The revelations - particularly the part when his sister told mom that I let dad get away with everything simply because he was supporting us, almost tore our mother-son relationship apart, if not for the massive problems he left after he passed away, I might have been disowned by my mm.
His behind the scene activities is also one of the strongest reasons why I turned homo - just to get back at what he had done. The plan was a success. In just eight months after I decided to let lose my repressions and tendencies, the transformation was already complete. Tanda ko pa nun, I was grining when he asked me kelan ko balak magasawa. In my mind I was saying back. "not in this lifetime."
But these things are behind now. Especially after he made his presence felt yesterday in my slumber.
In line with the recent events, I will turn my back to everything that is PLU in order to try to piece back the missing pieces that used to be the cornerstone of our good father-son relationship. Hopefully, such little rememberings would ease the emptiness, I am beginning to feel right now.
Hopefully, after recounting all the memories - good and bad, bitter and sweet prior to his death, I may finally find a closure to once was our bitter and heartless conflict.
In my dreams, the look on his face tells me that he is at peace now. Perhaps its time I finally have my own.
---
* My Dear Diary, I'd Like You To Know That... is the title of my father's diary. Only the title page was turned over to me by my mother, but looking at how revealing my entries are, I am sure his journal revealed things about himself as well. If online blogs were invented during his time, probably he created one just like mine.
And since he was a better writer than me, I am very sure that his entries are far more juicier than what I have produced so far.
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