Saturday, February 23, 2013

Return To The Fold




"May sasabihin ako sa iyo." My mom confessed one night as we were about to climb the stairs. "Nabasa ng kapatid mo yung blog mo."  

"Alam niya na ikaw ang nagpahiram ng pera." 

"Ah ganun ba?" I tried to hide the dread by pretending to be unaffected.

I knew that sooner or later, my online journal will be discovered. I have been bold in posting pictures of my nephews, and revealing in telling stories about home. I regard such change as part of growing up. For no longer I write about my sexual preference, or the gay lifestyle I have to live with.

I now write as an ordinary person.



My mother didn't bother to probe deeper into the scandalous entries I have published, and my sister never raised the topic of revelation at all - even when we argue about how she runs her life. I have no idea how many pages she was able to read, but certain my feelings are, that she learned what needs to be known.

For this reason, I had to shut down my blog, change its url, and allowed a select few to have access to it. Mostly those who bothered to ask about my sudden demise. Because even when I hardly spoke of ill feelings toward my family, having your mind and heart exposed is like walking naked around the house.

The blog is, by all accounts, my memoir.

But to abandon it and its voluminous work is like a death sentence. For many untold days, the blog was my only confidant. Just a click of its pages will reveal the past I hardly spoke to everyone. It is a slice of collective history of events and people - with me as the narrator.

And while the distillation of stories, and the change of medium has left many nuances of my life unwritten, I still believe that I weave words for tomorrow; that should my breathing get permanently stolen by some cosmic instruction, there are footprints for loved ones to trace behind.



And though I may have lost clout with the sudden change of portal. This decision, I will not regret. But to stay hidden and let the words wilt without being read, is a great disservice to those who still find faith in sentences. Words are meant to be shared, especially when penned for others to learn. This is my little contribution to the great human experience. 

Blogging maybe a dying craft. But as one of those who found voice - a corner of expression in the anonymity of the web, I refuse to disappear without putting my epilogue.

Today is the eve of my beginnings, and to remember that 23-year old boy who thought of putting into digital pages the annals of his mind, allow me to raise my pen - in his memory - by walking back into the light to share our journey.

May those who would bother to read, pick a gem or two from the stories of our time.




After Eden


Prologue 
2004-2009



11 comments:

Garpppy Garp said...

Awwww.... I cannot imagine how I would feel if any of my relatives read my blog. Que horror.

♔ıǝɹɯɐı♔ said...

Me too. I'm even diverting my friends' attention from my blog. KKLK

Hustin said...

Ay kaya pla nabago name mo noon, di ko naman naitanong kung bakit. Kaya I don't let my relatives use my laptop with erasing the history first hehe

bien said...

iskeyri!!!

Cheers to 9 years of blogging.
Must be one of a kind experience reading a poem written for you, lalo na coming from your mother.

rudeboy said...

Ah, this clarifies much.

I'd been wondering who owned L'Heure Bleue.

Keep writing, Joms.

Mugen said...

Ruddie:

I will try my best, Ruddie. :) Thanks and sorry for the sudden absence.

Bien:

Napangiti ako after reading the poem (previous blog). What my mom hoped for me, did come true. Hehe.

Hustin:

Nakakainis nga eh. Hindi ko siguro na-delete sa history. Hays.

Mugen said...

Rei:

I'll disappear once again after the commemoration is over. Pero I won't hide this blog anymore. :)

Garppp:

Tanggap ko na. hehe. As long as I'm not badmouthing anyone, I guess they have no reason to question my writings.

MkSurf8 said...

keep writing joms! though i've stopped posting entries in my own blog, i'm still lurking somewhere somehow.

cheers!

JM said...

MkSurf8

Wow, you still read pala. I'm deeply honored. Naalala ko, isa ka sa pinaka-active bloggers dito. :)

red the mod said...

Write, for as long as you can, as passionately as you believe, and as truthfully as you feel.

JohnM said...

I was saddened too when you had to close your blog. You're the only active blogger I know. Heck I still found it again. LOL.
BTW, I heard you're back on the blue planet? LOL