Sunday, February 24, 2013


"I find you cute." 

A faint smile creased across my face after making a remark about his rugged looks. He was standing in front of me, next to the sink as we both took turns drinking a glass of water. He wore a neon blue cycling shorts and a grey muscle shirt, while I was wearing my casual night-out attire. I just came from a drinking binge with friends. My head was still woozy.

As to how I found myself there - in a loft - somewhere in Espana was neither planned or intentional. The host, who is about the same age as me (as his profile said) caught me off guard. I have secretly installed an app on my phone allowing me access to the blue planet

It's just a matter of time before I give in to my needs.

"Kung na late lang ng 2 minutes ang reply mo sa text ko," I confessed while holding his hand. "Wala ako sa tabi mo." I was telling him that once I get inside the house at that ungodly hour, no one, not even my boner can force me to sneak out. He kissed me before I was able to finish my sentence.

As I was browsing his profile a few steps outside the driveway earlier, there was something catchy about him that caught my attention. His pictures don't even say a lot  (his main display and only picture shows his hand resting on his thigh. Not even his torso is exposed). Maybe it was his honest evaluation of himself ("I'm just a simple guy with a crazy elusive ambition of meeting new acquaintance") or the manliness of his voice (I called his number to make it known that he was dealing with an equally straight-acting guy.) Whatever ease of ties came out of that two-minute phone call, one thing is for sure - there is an attraction we cannot deny. When he offered his place for a sleep over, I was half-certain to give in. 

What made the deed possible was the fateful appearance of a taxi cab in front of me.

It has been ages since I hooked up with anyone, and to find myself returning to the battlefield brought memories I no longer wish to recall. God knows how I pushed the envelope and tossed the dice like I don't need tomorrow. I played the game knowing I'd go home losing. It is always the heart that takes the blow every time I sleep with strangers. Maybe because unlike the Persian queen, whose head is always at the mercy of her king, I have no king to offer my head. There would be no One Thousand and One Night of storytelling for him to know it's not the expression of lust I desire,

It is the hope of finding someone (catching me in my wobbly footing) who I might find a lasting connection.

As the cab speeds toward our destination, my body jerks uncontrollably like it knew my peace will be shaken; like a cacophony of different emotions, I felt the pangs of dread, the bite of thrill, the slice of guilt and the empty truth of knowing I'd go home somewhat changed. Half-wishing to be stood by at a bend; to go home without seeing the face of the ka-meet up, was something I'd have as a consolation. "At least I might get a reminder that this is no longer my game," I said. But at the back of my head, a snub will only embolden me to claw deeper. It happened before. I only returned to the blue planet in search of another playmate.

"Sabihin mo sa guard kay Marc." He instructed after I called his number. He didn't reply to my text messages when I arrived at our meeting place.

Five flights of stairs and a turn to a corner. I found his door number and I knew there was no turning back. Closing my eyes for that one last hope - one last prayer that I'd at least leave his lair painfully content, I took off my mask and disarmed my defenses.

"Nagpapakatao lang." With a deep breath, I waited for someone to open the door.

Minutes later, I found myself in his bed narrating my tales with his arms wrapped around me.

It will be just for a night.


Anonymous said...

The excitement of "SEB".


Seth said...

this too shall pass and soon you'd be back to your old romantic self

ash said...

was it worth it? hehe

Raymond said...