Relapse

"It was the first time I sang that song in a KTV." I told Garppp during Fox's surprise birthday party.

"It was a song he recorded." I said, without looking at the ex who was catching up with a common friend across the table. I forgot to say to my confidant that I keep the music file, still. 

"It was his first song to me."

The ex was invited at the party upon my request. The celebrant was our "surrogate father" and as the organizer, I find it appropriate to have his presence. The message was relayed to my best friend, who didn't show up because of another reunion. While the ex's presence no longer affects me the way it did the first time. There remains burning embers of the fire we once had - despite claims of dousing every memory associated with him with ice water.

The union was deep and there is no way I can easily emancipate myself from history.

With that, I think I will kick the bucket a little farther to make sure the memory could hurt me no more. And to let new memories take root, hopefully replacing what I still treasure within.