Saturday, May 31, 2014

A Posthaste Reverie

Previously: Chasing Hours

Twice, there was an attempt to walk away from the project. The first was during the on-boarding process. I was the last among my batch to review the training materials for reasons of incompetence. The second was on the last leg of the training. The exercise required doing actual work, which I stalled for a day and a half thanks to laziness. If not for my superior, who kept track of my very slow progress, I would have slinked away and ditched the home-based job.

There was no commitment at the beginning. I was preoccupied with the new assignment at the office. I no longer know how to set some time for freelance work. Besides, there was already a sense of contentment when I made the cut. That it was enough. And when I learned that it takes some time to actually learn the job, and that writing summaries would take much of my time, I was in for a quick retreat. 

I was willing to start over and bid for easier jobs on Elance.

For some reasons, I was able to pull myself together and actually write for my freelance work. Blame that overwhelming pressure as the culprit. As thoughts of extra income stirred me to spend, I became determined to make money through the only choice I have. I would write for the raket at work - sometimes even when the boss was around; at home - when not in slumber; I even squeezed doing freelancing instead of working out at the gym.

It was hard work.

And I paid the price.

It became a source of malaise. I was down with a flu for a week and yet I went on writing between the self-imposed breaks. It sowed discord between my manager and a staffing agency at Odesk, when I learned that my earnings were coursed through a third party without my knowledge. As a result, my work was unpaid for weeks because of the delay in refunds. And when I asked the company - the provider of the sideline I do today - if they accept subcontractor arrangements, I was confronted by the same manager to demand explanation.

Because all I wanted really is to bring some of my colleagues at the office aboard.

All of these happened in the course of a single month: A midsummer, when I let the days roll by without having a recollection of how the hours were spent; a moment, when my very identity was consumed by my single-minded desperation to earn. There were times it felt I was selling my soul for material comforts, but then, given the need to spur my cash reserves, I had to force myself to believe that therein lies my sweet spot.   

That no matter the sacrifices, the chance to a better future is laid upon me.

It's been a month since I halfheartedly decided to rely on Raket Science to keep my finances afloat, and despite the setbacks and the heartaches - the guilt of giving up so much just for this one shot to a bountiful life, I would have to say my choice has paid off.

I've already recovered the savings I had lost.


No comments: