Some things never change.
Like when I spend more for the people I care, than for my own needs; Like when I desire to love more, than be loved by someone I don't feel; Like keeping this blog, without ever telling publicly its existence. Ideas and habits may be glossed over by fanciful trends, but when stripped down, the essence remains; like the need to express this carnal yearnings - even at the cost of doing it with someone, whose shadow you will never see again.
Just like last night.
The skirmish ended long before I was able to absorb what had taken place. It was a war I never really intended but did it anyway out of restlessness; At two in the morning, I found myself walking the empty road of our neighborhood, with my phone in my right hand, to check if there are new SMS coming from the stranger, and to access Google Maps in case I get lost in the maze of streets. There he was, wearing a yellow shirt standing outside a darkened apartment. His sight long familiar, for I have been doing the act long before the need to chose my debauched battles.
The method of distraction was already pre-arranged, in a Social Dating App* very similar to the Blue Planet. A head, with the possibility of getting impaled.* In return, all I asked was a tender kiss, and perhaps a cuddle. And if I'd push the envelope farther, maybe even a feeling of not being an object of someone's promiscuous needs.
But who am I kidding? I'm horny, and that's all.
No hesitations, just a sudden veer from the straight path. And off I went to the black hole, together with the guy.
To be in touch with that repressed humanity.
To let go finally, and accept; the verve of February is over.
*The gates held firm. No battering ram tried to force it open.
*Save for the 30 minute blowjob, I got my kiss, a hug, and my precum left a taste on his mouth.
*Like it has always been, the app has been erased. A repeat performance not forthcoming.